"Then, as you get closer, you realize something is wrong. Her face isn't moving naturally. It's part of it is frozen in place, and other parts are uncomfortably over-inflated. Then you look around and you realize, she's not the only one. It's like they all took the same picture to their plastic surgeon and said, I want that one.... It happens because they're optimizing for a screen instead of real life.... It's easy to fool yourself into thinking that videos and photos are somehow especially real because, after all, it's just a plain picture of what happened. But in fact, cameras can alter a perception of reality in dozens of ways.... You shouldn't chase screen beauty because even celebrities don't really look like that when they're walking around, and... you need to take away is how destructive it can be for people who attain it. I've had so many encounters with people who look amazing at first glance and uncanny once you've watched them talk a bit. Frankly, I don't want to be around those people because it's a little scary...."
Says Megan McArdle, who goes on to condemn open-floor plans, on
"Everyone wants to live like an influencer now," the new episode of her podcast "Reasonably Optimistic" (WaPo).
When people are talking face-to-face, how much are they thinking about the genuineness of each other's face? I'd say it's close to 100% of what we are doing and what we were born to do. It's only less than that if we're having trouble making eye contact or we're distracted or disgusted.
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62 comments:
From plastic surgery to floor plans? How does she manage that transition?
Megan McArdle's writing style does not grab me. i find it a bit off.
I have a few photos of myself saved with Snap chat over-lays. I look great- Not a wrinkle to be found - eyelashes a mile high and Disney character eyeballs. It's not me. It's AI me.
At some point we will all hide inside with our wrinkles and flaws... and send our younger AI bots out into the world on our behalf.
Photographs and videos are two-dimensional. It is the same as watching a golf course on television versus actually being there on the course itself- the difference is astonishing the first time you see it in real life.
My new home has an open floor plan- I like it but it takes some getting use to again (my home in CT had an open floor plan, too, but I moved in 2012).
Nothing gives away insecurity and desperation like a woman trying to stay young through artificial means. And yet I know lots of young women that are routinely getting fillers injected, boob jobs, so on - trying to optimize their already young and attractive features. Get comfortable with yourselves, ladies. Men that prioritize appearances over character are hollow themselves. Don't be hollow.
Our house, built six years ago, has an open floor plan. What is her problem with it? (Paywall stops me finding out for myself.)
Our youngest is 35. He says many women he know at his age and even much younger are already using Botox, fillers and even surgery to avoid looking "old".
Dear Lord, what will they look like at 45?
Women cannot win.
if they don't get cosmetic surgery - mocked for getting old.
If they do - mocked for looking like a duck-lipped, frozen-faced stepford wife.
Plus - some super-hero-men think it's a good idea to block women from voting.
Yes, this. I don't see it very often but it is really off-putting in person. Recently an out of town colleague came to the office and she just looks ... weird. It was kind of uncanny to talk to her and watch her face. Do all these women know that they look bad in person?
“ Our house, built six years ago, has an open floor plan. What is her problem with it?”
As with the plastic surgery faces, she thinks the design is about looking good in photographs not for real world use. She thinks it’s better to have rooms that can be closed off so that you’re not always seeing everything and you can have some messy places. Also she thinks open kitchens, despite their exhaust fans, are spraying oil all over everything. Basically she wants to contain the kitchen
My usual dental hygienist is in her 40s and naturally pretty, but over a few years her face has become mask-like.
It's a pretty mask, but a shame that she thinks it's necessary.
My understanding is that the open floor plan is a European import.
I don't care for it myself.
I've never liked open floor plans. I like intimate spaces. Hide and reveal. And with my multiple, ongoing projects I need the ability to hide messes.
And the thing about spraying oil everywhere is right. I've learned that from leaving my telescope set up while I work on it. The mirror collects the cooking vapors.
“From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.”
― Raymond Chandler, The High Window
"When people are talking face-to-face, how much are they thinking about the genuineness of each other's face? I'd say it's close to 100% of what we are doing and what we were born to do."
I literally never do this.
Unless something is widely out of place, I cannot recall thinking about someone's plastic surgery history.
Or, do you mean, "Is this person communicating with me in a genuine, true manner?"
the open concept - kitchen, dining + living all in one large room - is still popular. I think it is popular and will remain so because so much natural light is allowed to flow thru. The feeling is similar to entering a commercial or public space with tall ceilings and the ability to look around the corner. It feels good. It feels grand.
Some areas in the US are filled with bad American slap-up neighborhoods from circa 1950+/ closed-off depressing compartmentalized small rooms. Depressing layouts. Why so many of us remodel and remove non-load bearing walls. We desire light and open spaces. We want to see around the corner.
Some, like me, prefer a kitchen that is at least mildly closed off. I think some of the open floor plans will revert back, but in more thoughtful designs.
I like going to the corner to see around it.
We have a living space that is open plan, the kitchen and living area. The bedrooms are not. I find one of the most pleasing things about having doors, is looking through the open door from the open space, and seeing part of the bedroom. Such narrow views to bigger spaces within invite curiosity to imagine the rest of it.
Not entirely different to the subtleties of a nicely dressed woman. Part of that effect is spoiled by the literalness and frozen aspect of botox and fillers and 'enhancements'. You're seeing it there, but you cannot see underneath it and imagine what else is there.
--- who goes on to condemn open-floor plans
When I look on Zillow, houses with open-floor-plan designs are an immediate turn-off to me. Neither privacy nor cool intimate things nor multiple conversations can go on in those wide-open spaces where decor itself gets minimized. Sorry Peachy, but these look like yesterday to me. Mon gout.
Megyn Kelly, before she went off the rails, shared her opinions. She said she won't do botox or plastic surgery, but does do a litany of maintenance procedures. Lasers or abrasions or pealing something.
It's not may field, but it sounded like a good middle ground.
What i detest is the lack of individual creativity in design and architecture. Everything is so over-done/ copy-cat /trend rigid. The same layouts, the same colors.. ugh.
Kai - I'm not a fan of open concept great rooms. I'm merely stating what people like based on what is available on the market, and why. The open plan is still popular, because the closed off plans are so dreadful.
Luckily - open concept bedrooms never took off. lol.
My cousin lives in SoCal too, and she said it's even worse. All that plastic surgery, plus you don't know if they're trans or not. Everything is sort of unreal. We laugh about it but I know she's thinking of getting "work done" anyway. I moved to Montana 50 years ago because they let you get old here, and it wasn't weird to not be gay.
"From overdone plastic surgery to open-concept floor plans, we’re designing our lives to look good on camera instead of optimizing for what we need. Influencer culture — and our constant exposure to curated, edited and optimized images — has reshaped the way we see the world and ourselves. But chasing the perfect image can leave real life feeling strangely hollow. Host Megan McArdle .... "
Somebody help me out here. Is this Megan McArdle 3.0? 4.0? 5.3?
Speaking of making new images.
People dont want to look old and wrinkled. 20 Years ago, she'd be complaining they wore too much makeup. Yes, its nice to accept old age and move on, but lots of people are just too vain.
The Male version is hairplugs and the toupee.
“From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.”
"Tai: Do you think she's pretty?
Cher: No, she's a full-on Monet.
Tai: What's a monet?
Cher: It's like a painting, see? From far away, it's OK, but up close, it's a big old mess."
- Clueless, 1995
Glossy magazines filled with beautiful women who are already almost perfect - and even they are air-brushed.
This is the standard and has been for decades. One more reason to detest Anna Wintour.
We built our house 8 years ago with an open floor plan. It pushes us not to let messes build up.
It’s really not difficult to keep things clean and organized. You do it on a daily basis. When you expect company, it’s time for deep cleaning.
If you can’t keep your house clean and organized, what does that say about your mind?
Apologies to Jordan Peterson for stealing his idea.
Open concept houses have to be physically larger, because you need space, rather than walls, to separate yourself from others. They are a horror show for the easily distracted, too.
"If you can’t keep your house clean and organized…"
Oh, it's organized. Just a lot of balls in the air. Balls that can't be rushed, no matter how much I'd like to. To use one current example, understanding co vs contravariant vectors will come on its own schedule. You plant the seeds and wait for them to sprout. If I put all my notes away before it does, momentum is lost.
SNL's classic - "ooo she's a scud"
…what does that say about your mind?"
Per the above example, it says I'm not the smartest person on the planet. I made my peace with that a long time ago. And figured out how to deal with it.
I have a 1999 more-or-less McMansion with the kitchen and living area as one big room. I like it. If guests are over we can still visit while I'm cooking, plus I nearly always have the TV going in some fashion (generally streaming music) so I can listen and cook at the same time. It's got a separate large dining room, and the upstairs is all separate rooms.
I dislike the whole puffy-lips and cat-eyes look. Especially the former.
When SNL used to be funny....
Most excellent. Party on.
The whole skit is funny - but the 3:30+ fits the thread perfectly.
Open plan kitchen-dining-living room lets you watch the children while cooking. CC, JSM
I don't want to be around those people because it's a little scary...
…did anyone write ‘no big loss’ ? If not- No big loss…
I live a community with lots of high mileage second wives®️ but only a few have had lots of work and look scary. Of the ones who’ve aged naturally- or at least look like they have, most look ‘normal’. Some on team natural would benefit from some work…
It's not a competition. You like what you like.
It's better to be young and beautiful rather than old and ugly. I suppose there's a point to it when you can keep those looks for a few extra years. It's not forever, but what woman wouldn't want to look like Hedy Lemarr for two or three extra years. I guess it's hard to know when to stop, but it's definitely a worthwhile investment in the beginning.......It's poignant to observe that in twenty years time, there will be a huge number of women more attractive than Sydney Sweeney.
Men are goofy when young. usually aging is not a problem. Tho -that is not universally true.
Women flourish when young - but aging is often harsh and cruel. After menopause - it all goes to hell.
and? do what you want.
Evolution has polished our skills at spotting anomalies, breaks in a pattern, voids in data. Facial recognition and reading people is enormously important for survival and reproduction, our two most essential drives. That said my wife and I enjoy spotting the celebchicks who have obviously used the same surgeon. It was easier up close in SoCal but still worth a giggle occasionally as we watch TV.
Who needs jokes when you have real life.
Social media has not been good for a lot of people.
"It's better to be young and beautiful rather than old and ugly."
Some manage to age well and be old and beautiful. It helps to have good bones.
It helps to have good jeans.
Sweeny variety.
I have a cousin that, at age 21, looked exactly like our grandfather did at the same age. By age 61, grandpa looked quite different. At age 61, cousin still looked like grandpa at age 21, except for a few grey hairs. Ageless Mediterranean looks.
People who like to 'command a room' love, love open-floor plans. We hear the same well worn stories. Open-floor plans probably gives them a boost.
“ When people are talking face-to-face, how much are they thinking about the genuineness of each other's face? I'd say it's close to 100% of what we are doing and what we were born to do.”
We’re also born to deceive:
“The key to success is sincerity. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made. “—George Burns
And most of the $100 billion American women spend on cosmetics each year is to look younger than they actually are. And women have been doing that since we lived in caves.
On Floor Plans & Face Plans -
I'm big on "Go Big or Go Home. Size matters. Not Brute Sq Footage but functional room size. Open floor plans allow light, movement and gathering. They allow you to breathe.
I agree with the commenter/s noting that openess also encourages a modicum of tidiness. All but the most idle stoners will acknowlege this as a good thing.
Hallways connecting many areas and rooms are a WASTE of functional spsce. Litmus test: If you have to make more than two turns to reach any place in the house, it will eventually annoy you; perhaps greatly. My house (which isn't BAD bad) reguires four turns from the kitchen to reach either of two bathrooms on the same floor.
Floor plan isn't the only design that leads to a house becoming a home. It's OK if everyone has "their own thing" but, I believe it's best that there be a "Family Thing" that comes first.
Maybe, five nights a week, sit down to dinner together for one hour and talk about the day or whatever interests anyone. Families are damned expensive. If you're gonna have one, you might as well make the effort to get to know it and enjoy it.
Now FACES - Cosmetic surgery has many useful purposes. Start with "reconstruction" of birth defects, accidents and other disasters.
In the Truth & Beauty Dept.: what came first the "nose job" or the "boob job"? I understand both but the nose thing seems legit and the other is just kinda sad. I've known more than a few beautiful, sexy women that just "Had To" have one (a pair, actually!). Never seen (or felt) a pleasing one. Off-putting, really.
Puffy faces and fully inflated lips belong on an even lower level of Dante's Body Shaming Hell. It makes Mother Nature angry and she is not kind to these witless bitches.
Shall I mention liposuction? On the bright side maybe the mega-tonnage of fat excavated can be turned into jet fuel and lower our carbon footprints, or something. Supply of the basic material is beyond measure, so - "sustainable", right?
One other procedure that's become all the rage in the past couple decades is "westernizing" the eyes of young Asian women. I'd say the results are generally favorable and, in many cases, quite stunning. Last time I noticed, South Korea led the world in number of facial cosmetic surgeries.
Don't overlook that men are turning to facial work, in increasing number.. Can't say I haven't thought about it; went so far as getting an estimate.
At the ripe old age of 40, I had a small but featured role in a Movie (Japanese - Big Buget). Since I had several scenes that involved close-ups and speaking (shouting, really) I had to be made-up. A technicality, I thought, as I was pretty sure I was already just about perfect.. The revelation came when the make-up was removed. I was like, "HEY! Wait a minute, I want that back!).
BUT, in spite of being insufferably vain, I realize that the face I see is only a foot or two away, while shaving. I still look pretty damn good at a distance :-) Photographs can also be harsh in their uncompromising detail.
In a real life we are moving and talking and smiling (hopefully) and people notice the living us more than our outlines and details. As I'm getting to know people, most will get around to asking my age. I always say, "How old do you think I am?" So far, no one's got the decade right. Most common is something like, "I KNOW you're in your 50s - MAYBE 60, but you seem younger. You're kinda confusing."
We're all gonna make some bad choices. So, what? Remember what the Late, Almost Great, Ricky Nelson sang about The Garden Party -
"It's all right now
I learned my lesson well
You see, you can't please everyone
So you got to please yourself
Do what you can, when you can, if you can, within reason.
“Unless something is widely out of place, I cannot recall thinking about someone's plastic surgery history.
Or, do you mean, "Is this person communicating with me in a genuine, true manner?"”
I’m talking about the overall assessment of a person when you’re speaking to them face-to-face. Someone who has had plastic surgery might cause you to think there’s something off about this person — there’s something scary and false —- and that merges with whatever you think about the words that they’re saying or their expression — the feeling that you get from them. It wouldn’t be just specifically trying to guess what surgery they’ve had. I’m saying that when you’re talking to someone you’re thinking about whether you believe them, whether their words are valuable, whether they’re someone you want to know, whether you can trust them. You’re gathering information from the way they look
“ if they don't get cosmetic surgery - mocked for getting old.”
Really? They’re getting mocked? I’m 75 years old and I’ve never had any plastic surgery and I’ve never been mocked for getting old. Where is this reality you’re living in? People are allowed to get old and I think older women are treated kindly.
I pretty much agree with Megan on both points.
If you have seen Megan, you know she is smart.
Did not realize Megan started blogging in Nov 2001 with Live From The WTC.
I think more women (and men) are mocked for their fruitless efforts to look young than they are mocked for the fact that old happens.
The most ridiculous male dodge IMO is the dyed comb-over.
Sad.
Narr - I stopped coloring my hair around 50.
I am thinning up top, but still have solid coverage.
Wonder in 5 years if I will accept how ridiculous I look.
Aging, gotta love it.
How to not look old as you age: focus on maintaining a healthy lifestyle that includes regular physical activity, a balanced diet rich in fruits, vegetables, and whole grains, good sleep hygiene, have Italian ancestry, and get a portrait painted of yourself and stick it in the attic.
"...The most ridiculous male dodge IMO is the dyed comb-over...."
The most ridiculous one that I ever saw was a guy whose dyed comb-over was so thin, he had taken to dying his scalp as well, ugh. Hard to look at.
Scalp micropigmentation with a very short buzz cut of the remaining hair, variation on a theme.
"I think more women (and men) are mocked for their fruitless efforts to look young than they are mocked for the fact that old happens."
Yes, because it seems okay to hold people responsible for their own choices and also worth warning others away from this destructive behavior.
What I've experienced, when I was around 40 is the remark "You look tired." That is, they think they're commenting on something transitory. And the other thing is I could tell from the expression on a person's face — someone I hadn't seen in a while — that they were surprised by how I looked. I had dark red hair when I was young, but it looked dull as white hairs came in (before I took up coloring it). They didn't say anything, but I knew/"knew" they were thinking: Oh, no! What happened to your hair?! None of that constitutes mocking me for getting old.
Sometimes- especially in the morning- when I look in the mirror I get a micro-moment of startled shock. Who is that old man looking back at me?
It's normal, natural. Still, it shocks me from time to time. But I'd never consider surgery to cure my vanity. I suspect women feel it more and it's probably because so many of them think we all expect them to always look better than us. But I love to see a naturally pretty woman remain natural as she ages.
To me, that's beautiful. I tell that to my wife regularly. She laughs as she asks me to help color her hair in back.
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