"... that people stop her on the street to remark on it. She has a beauty born of episodes of sorrow intermingled with joy. I have watched her transformation for decades. Her brown eyes are the picture of profound thought, an important idea given form. Her skin, still smooth. Only the lines on the neck betray her age, like delicate narrow paths cut into a desert. I have seen women who have feared these changes and had lots of work done to their faces, whose expressions are frozen in a strange perpetual surprise. I always wondered where their wrinkles went. To a firmament of parts, where old beauty might have reigned but is now a house of discards?"
Writes Roger Rosenblatt, in
"My Wife Is 85. She Takes My Breath Away" (NYT)(gift link, so you can read the whole essay).
I'm blogging this as a companion to
yesterday's post about Megan McArdle's bemoaning faces ruined by plastic surgery.
Is
Rosenblatt's writing bad? Can you understand "a firmament of parts, where old beauty might have reigned but is now a house of discards"? I don't know, but I'm just hoping it's helpful to hear from an old man who sincerely believes his old wife is beautiful.
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41 comments:
Well, my wife is only 64. But since I am 79, she is and always will be that beautiful young woman I met all those years ago.
People would stop my late wife in the street to tell her she was beautiful, up until she died aged 77. No work done, grey hair, very little makeup. This happened wherever we went. It was handy for getting a good table at restaurants.
"where old beauty might have reigned but is now a house of discards"
Yes, that's a little difficult; but it's but more memorable than just writing that they sacrifice their beauty in a failed attempt for prettiness.
So men are supposed to be absolutely loyal to their wives.
Women are supposed to go live their best life kissing dozens of men on the couch.
Got it NYTs.
"They got smarts
They got parts
They got my heart"
- George Thorogood & The Destroyers "I Really Like Girls"
Who wants to lie forever...
"To me, fair friend, you never can be old
For you are as when first your eye I eyed..."
A few weeks ago I was stretched out on the couch, loafing, my newly-washed hair draped over the cushions behind me. My husband walked in the door and exclaimed, first thing-"Your hair is GLORIOUS!"
I am well past 60. I don't deserve him.
Yes, there really is such a thing as "beautiful, old, girls". Part 3 is the secret ingredient to the formula.
...said Rosenblatt, picking his teeth with moxie using a bone from one of the Times' younger lifestyle editors.
But beware Rita Dove, a truly great poet certainly, but one who publicly abused her half-white infant daughter by writing with contempt for the infant's half-white vagina while changing her diaper. She seethes with hate. Katherine Graham shy? Like a conniving ferret. Any woman who could live with Alan Alda would be the one hiding under a desk. Bad examples.
I want to hear more about Rosenblatt's wife. As usual, he misses the point. Nicely put, but he's always been a second-rate, lazy name-dropper.
I'm just going to assume it's the kind of appreciation of elderly beauty that doesn't give Mr. Rosenblatt a rock-hard boner.
I wouldn’t throw her out of bed for eating Balance of Nature.
My right-wing wife: I think I’ll keep her.
Sure, but can she make great sandwich? Girls are for more than just looking at.
Its nice he still loves his wife. He just forgot to add: "To me, ..." because nobody, man or woman, is physically "Lovelier than ever" at 85 or even 55.
We grow old and our bodies age. Just accept it and move on.
One of the wonderful things about being a straight male that they don't tell you when you're young. Is that for every decade you age the number of attractive women that you see around town doubles. By the time you reach your '60s you're at risk from whiplash.
And I really despise this absurd "People think X is unattractive but its really beautiful" nonsense. No, a 300 lbs woman is not attractive. No, a man with a face of Bill Maher or Howard Stern is not attractive. Gray Hair can be attractive if done right.
"A Firmament of Parts" would make a good masthead motto. CC, JSM
"Her brown eyes are the picture of profound thought, an important idea given form."
Meaningless word salad.
My lovely wife is 75. She takes MY breath away all the time. Beautiful? Yes. But smart, strong, independent (sometimes frustratingly independent. The mother of our son.
A lucky, lucky man lives in her world.
I just recalled a "Hi and Lois" cartoon from years ago. Lois came out of the shower. Hi gave a wolf whistle. She said, "Yeah, yeah. You've seen me like this a thousand times. He responded, "I've seen a thousand sunsets".
It happens. I know.
The writing is a bit over the top. but the sentiment is appreciated.
Takes his breath away. My first wife did that. With a pillow.
"Today, at 85, [my wife] is lovelier than ever. Her lustrous white hair is so stunning..."
Obviously, "thick, lustrous hair is very important" to him.
Howard said...
One of the wonderful things about being a straight male that they don't tell you when you're young. Is that for every decade you age the number of attractive women that you see around town doubles. By the time you reach your '60s you're at risk from whiplash.
At this point all that is really necessary is for them to not be fat.
At ~20% body fat almost any woman is attractive.
"At this point all that is really necessary is for them to not be fat."
That really is it, at any age. It's a shame how much work, time, and money some women put into makeup, nails, hair, and clothes, when all they really need is to save some money on food. This is especially true of black women I see who are obsessed with this stuff while carrying an extra 100 pounds. Most men never even notice what you spend hundreds of dollars and all day creating. I have never noticed a woman's nails except when they are ridiculous. Hair looks sexiest when it's natural and barely styled at all, and clothes should look like they are easy to remove, rather me needing to ask Grok how to get her out of that.
I would be interested to hear what women think men waste time and money on in the area of attracting. What do we miss about the whole thing?
There is nothing wrong with a "lived in" look as your wife ages. My wife was conventionally attractive as a young woman--not a head turner, but attractive. At 83 her mind and spirit--which is what really attracted me as a young man--is still there, albeit seasoned with age. Probably the same is true of me--after sixty plus years of a happy marriage.
I want to read the counterpoint article, about the guy who tells his 85 yo wife she is ugly as hell.
Say what you will, but I know what the guy is talking about.
“ I don't know, but I'm just hoping it's helpful to hear from an old man who sincerely believes his old wife is beautiful.”
There are many kinds of beauty. There’s the kind that Sydney Sweeney has, and there’s the kind that’s in the eye of the beholder. Both are great.
So NYT shows us a long shot photo of her back rather than a close up of that which RR was telling us about. Great journalism.
That's how I feel about my wife. But to be honest, she's now 67 and the beauty is beginning to fade.
Yes, it is a beautiful sentiment. But I find it annoying. Probably because it still focuses on Physical appearance. I don't love my wife because she's physically beautiful. She's over 50. I love her because she's her. If she was disfigured in an accident I would still love her. Its her I love, not her body.
Rosenblatt should be talking about his wife as a soulmate. A woman he's loved for years and raised children with. He's not 19 anymore and neither is she.
Stendhal explained a long time ago why some men find their elderly wives beautiful --- and why there are men (not yet commenting here) who experience the opposite emotion. In regard to persons and objects, Stendhal believed that "Beauty is that which promises happiness."
"Today, at [7]5, [Ann] is lovelier than ever. Her lustrous white hair is so stunning... that people stop her on the street to remark on it. She has a beauty born of episodes of sorrow intermingled with joy. I have watched her transformation for decades. Her [blue] eyes are the picture of profound thought, an important idea given form.”
His most recent play, performed at the Bay Street Theater in Sag Harbor (2019), was “Lives in the Basement, Does Nothing,” a musical monologue on the art of writing, for which he sang and played piano.
At least the title may be accurate. A Timesman's got to do something now that Time has come to a stop, but his wife's face is remarkably unlined, from what photos show.
Just say she has a good personality, we can guess the rest
Uxoriousness on stilts.
New motto!
When people would remark on my late wife's beauty, it amused me to say that actually she was much nicer than she looked.
I want to add, with all sincerity, at 26 my wife is more beautiful than ever. But you do you.
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