When did people start saying that they need to "feel seen"? I don't remember that from the period when I was growing up — the 1950s and 60s. Was there something else that we said that meant "feel seen"? Or is the desire to "feel seen" something new and perhaps transitory?
I did a "deep search" on Grok looking for the origin of the phrase and the closest thing I found to an answer was that it became a common phrase in the last 15 years, perhaps connected with social media. For example: "21 Painfully Relatable Memes That'll Make You Feel Seen" (Cheezburger).
The user’s observation that "I need to feel seen" strikes them as "beta" reflects a specific cultural lens, particularly within internet slang where "beta" is used pejoratively to describe behavior seen as weak, submissive, or overly sensitive, especially in contrast to "alpha" traits like dominance or stoicism. This perception is rooted in certain societal norms around masculinity, particularly in online spaces where traditional masculine ideals are valorized.
IN THE COMMENTS: Kirk Parker said: "The first recorded usage is in Genesis 16:13." I look it up: "She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me,' for she said, 'I have now seen the One who sees me.'" "She" = the slave Hagar, mother of Ishmael.
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It's supposed to be a rush for new strippers.
Is "feel seen" similar to awareness of the notoriouse "male gaze"?
I'd never heard the expression "feel seen" until this morning.
Per AI it means "To "feel seen" means to have one's identity, emotions, needs, and presence fully recognized and understood by others".
Hmmm, it seems to me if you want your identity, emotions, needs, and presence fully recognized and understood by others, you have to earn it. None of that is forthcoming just because you're in the room.
At any age.
Do real people, ever say "feel seen"?
It sounds like Grok attended a modern university.
@Wilbur, my take is similar to AI's. "Being seen" is usually a demand for other people to share in the speaker's delusions, also used to celebrate finding a group that will.
The only time I long to feel seen is when riding a motorcycle. The rest of the time I long to live as a ninja, never seen, always feared.
Only God makes me feel seen.
Hillary claimed she could “see” us.
It loses track of the way seeing works. It does not start from the eye and proceed to the woman gazed upon (the Greek theory of sight). It starts from the woman and radiates in all directions, and may or may not be picked up by a male eye. It's her fault for radiating it.
The first recorded usage is in Genesis 16:13
You need to "hold space" to "feel seen".
I don't know. I remember when I scored a 100 on the state Regents Exam in algebra, and it made my mother proud. But as one of six boys and even more kids, moments when your mother notices you might have been less common for me than for many of you. I know some guys who seem to have bathed in their mother's attention from birth, licked like a new kitten with mother love, so maybe people shouldn't generalize their personal experiences too heavily, but that moment came to mind for me instantly when I read the question. It doesn't make me feel overly beta at being 14 or 15 and making my mom proud.
Bloch, Prayer the side-boob question. Did the soloist feel seen and then discover that she had been seen on reviewing it.
Part of the more general soloist boob presentation choice problem. Nothing else to look at for an extended period, what to do about breasts.
"Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?"
Every adult who subscribed to the notion that children should be seen and not heard. Perhaps what the question's really going after is a list of adults who didn't condescend.
Happy Mother's Day to the host and the Moms in the comments.
Oh. It took me a minute to wonder why the NYT would write this.
It's Mother's Day bullshit. A "holiday" only slightly less stupid than Father's Day.
"I don't remember that from the period when I was growing up — the 1950s and 60s." Of course, not, we were still sane in those decades.
Classic victimology. Not only am I treated cruelly or whatever, but I'm not even seen. Indifference can hurt more than hate, and the guilt is very widespread. Most of us are indifferent to most people, most of the time. The world must change to make this otherwise. Open borders is apparently a start.
🚨
US stock market is closed today in observance of Mother's Day.
Best wishes to all who observe.
(Opens this evening though in observance of Monday). 😉
Seems like the need to feel seen, using that phrase or not , drove a massive amount of boomer culture.
Rebelling against the cookie cutter pst war suburbs and perceived conformity of their parents generations.
The driving need for many to be seen on the Scene. But of course iike many attempts to be seen it results in just other forms of conformity.
What i like about Jesus in the Gospels is that he teuly saw people and they responded to being seen in thay way. Sadly, despite the call for this to continue in yhe church, everyone filled with the Holy Spirit and given distinct contributing spiritual gifts for the community, the church reverts to anonymizong conformity. This is a key aspect of Luhmans system theory.
The systems promise meaning but only are about self perpetuating, yet there's a human drive to be seen as a contributing self. In the past as Tevye reminded each person had a role in their social world, but now our societies tend toward mostly anonymizing bureaucracy not social contribution. So we feel less meaningful but more busy.
It's the opposite of wanting to fly under the radar, likely attributed to the self-esteem hogwash that boomers imposed on their millennial children in the 90s.
Note that the question is intended to be asked OF your mother, not for your mother to ask you.
In the spirit of RHHardin's comments, the most opportune method of observing breasts in public without getting busted was being a full service gas station attendant at a high-end brand located in North Hollywood near the Burbank television studios.
Robby Levine made me feel seen. Whenever he'd come around, he'd point at me and said "look at this asshole!"
Bojack Horseman's most profound moment was when his dying mother said "I see you."
https://www.tiktok.com/@bjckhm/video/7345979214073466154
In the 70s people wanted to be or feel validated. As time went on, they got the same satisfaction from just having their parking validated.
Hillary Clinton's tearful "See me" rant a few years back, may have brought "to feel seen" into wider usage. "To be seen" has a lot to do with identity politics and the feeling that some groups are "invisible."
At the Democratic National Convention, disability activist Anastasia Somoza told enthusiastic audience members that “in a country where 56 million people so often feel invisible, Hillary Clinton sees me. She sees me as a strong woman, a young professional, a hard worker, and the proud daughter of immigrants.”
Annals of things I'm asking Grok: "Should we be afraid of Alpha Althouse?"
Growing up I avoided attention.
"Note that the question is intended to be asked OF your mother, not for your mother to ask you."
Growing up, being seen by my mother was to be avoided. We didn't feel things back then.
I feeled seen by my mother when I brought my girlfriend home from college. I quickly realized my mistake. Mom was very fond of her, but we didn't end up together. For decades, Mom wondered how I screwed that up.
If I ask that to my mother she would probably cuss me out for asking her a disrespectful question.
It started with Tommy.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Kf-D-LJ-5YA&t=2s&pp=2AECkAIB
JSM
I feel less and less seen the more people say “No worries” instead of “You’re welcome.”
Personally, I have a strong desire to NOT be seen.
Recently, I gave an Uber ride to a stripper, I just didn’t know it until we got to her destination. So, all along, an hour drive from Athens to ATL, she’s FaceTiming a friend in English, until she switches to Spanish to tell him I had made a good impression on her and that she was giving me a tip because I was “viejito”. Her friend suggested she ask me “where I was from” and back in English, she did and I told her I was from the DR. In my Dashcam clip you can see her open mouth expression like in the ticktocks. Her friend on on the phone, with a gay sounding voice, started laughing out loud. She tells me she realized I understood what she had said and I reassured her that she meant well. Which she in fact did imho.
After I dropped her off at the strip club, I made a realization myself that maybe she had made an identification with me. Look at this “viejito”, doing a hustle like her but unlike me, she would not be able to do it until she herself was “viejita”. Boxers and strippers don't have an old timers day.
It may sound like she pitied me but maybe not. Maybe she was just honoring that I, like her, was doing what we had to do to make an honest day pay. In AA, they say “It’s all about perspective”.
I'm with Kate@825 on the inanity of Mother's and Father's Days. Completely inorganic commercial ventures, instituted to enrich America's great retail establishments and restaurants.
That said, it's my birthday (72) and my mother died in May, 2018, so I'll indulge some memories.
Late in life, as the sexual abuse of children by adults emerged into public discussion, she told me and my brothers that she felt that her family physician had taken liberties with her when she was being seen in his examination room when she was going through puberty. She regretted not complaining to her own mother (also a widow with four children) or to 'the authorities.'
I told her that she and her mother would have been destroyed if they had raised a ruckus. The good doctor's golf and church buddies would have seen to that.
For much of my youth, being "seen" by my mother was to be avoided. It often involved rule breaking or dangerous activities (sadly, "Chicks dig scars" didn't hold true for me).
Today's youth seem to revel in sketchy activities, broadcasting them then attacking any that question their wisdom.
There was an old saying that “children should be seen not heard.”
I’d rather be heard not seen. That’s why I comment here.
"When did people start saying that they need to 'feel seen'?" "I don't feel seen!" is used by modern wives as a justification for boinking a coworker. It translates into English as "I'm not the center of attention!"
When did people start saying that they need to "feel seen"?
Ugh! I keep running across this phrase. Mostly from women. A new way to say "I don't get enough attention."
JAORE said...
“For much of my youth, being "seen" by my mother was to be avoided. It often involved rule breaking or dangerous activities…”
Ditto. “Being seen” was usually followed immediately by being smacked down (usually figuratively) by an authority figure.
Monty Python actually taught us how not to be seen.
Don't get me started on the phrase "aftercare"! For those who have never heard it - it's the new word for cuddling after sex.
If my kids were to ask me, "Who made you feel seen when you were growing up?" I would have told them not who, but what. It was my palomino horse Goldie. I wasn't in the popular cliques in high school. I had nothing in common with the city kids. But I could ride my horse in parades and in town, along the highway, all over the place. Not many kids at that time had horses, much less know how to ride one. People notice a slim girl with long brown hair riding a beautiful horse.
"I need to feel seen" strikes me as such a beta thing to say.“
Yes. “Hold my beer and watch this!” is much more alpha and effective.
I’d like to BREAK MY SILENCE about feeling seen.
I've always been visible. And audible.
Judges 5:7, Deborah rose up "a mother in Israel", kicked some butts, brought wicked mafia thugs down, gave a little hope to mothers everywhere. She could have used the fancy title "judge," aka hero, but "mother" was enough. What a "mother."
I grew up in an Italian household, the only girl. The only time I felt seen was when I got my period, and my mother yelled at me for it.
Bygones, because I grew up. That's what you're supposed to do. Life is hard. I miss her every day. I'd give an arm to talk to her one more time.
I don't pity these narcissists. They give women a bad name. Please don't associate us with them.
All this, of course, started with Free To Be You and Me. How many psyches did that album destroy?
"Feel seen" deserves the most-feminine-short-phrase award. I'd rather be understood.
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