25 मई 2025

"A social media trend has men surprising their friends with a call before bed. It has led to a lot of laughs, but also some deeper connections."

I'm reading "Men Are Calling Other Men to Say Good Night, and the Results Are Amazing" (NYT).

Calling, not texting. I'm thinking the only reason to make a phone call is to have something to video for social media. A phone call. Just to say good night?

Now, I'm going to read this article, but my presumption is that the NYT is involved in 2 things. First, it's what I've been collecting for many years under my tag "MSM reports what's in social media." What's happening in social media is considered news, partly because it kind of is and partly because the newspaper wants to seem decently hip to various trends. Second, I think the NYT has framed men as a problem. They're not thriving, they're not aspiring. We need to figure out what's wrong with them, maybe even empathize with them, because, after all, we do need them to function.

All right. I've read the article. It's written by a woman, Gina Cherelus, and "All of the men interviewed for this article said their female partners encouraged them to make the call."

Notice how that sentence injects the information that these men are (supposedly) not gay. They all have "female partners." But the main information is that it was the woman's idea. She was entertained by seeing him take on the challenge of looking emotionally vulnerable, and she wanted to post this on social media. What an adorably domesticated boyfriend she has! 

We're told "The simple act of watching a man expressing that he platonically cares about another man has fascinated social media users, with the videos stacking up thousands of views." Oh! "Platonically." Thanks for assuring us again that the men are not gay. Why is that so important to the NYT writer? I'm getting a whiff of homophobia. First, you open up the topic of men's emotional openness toward other men, but then you instruct us on how to take it: It's so cute, so entertaining to women, and absolutely not about anything that could be interpreted as sexuality. 

Look at this passage:

Kassadi Lavrinovich, a 25-year-old lawyer living in Knoxville, Tenn., likes to curate a saved folder on TikTok of videos for her husband, Michael Lavrinovich, who does not use the app. While scrolling through clips, they came across a few of the good night videos and he thought it would be great to try it with his friends. 

Here's the video this couple made, with the man doing the phone calls — essentially prank calls — and the woman silently guffawing. 

“Good night baby, I love you,” his first friend responded in jest before genuinely asking if he was all right and if his wife was with him. 

Another asked if he was joking and shared that he couldn’t remember the last time someone said good night to him.“Was I just on your mind after a long day?” he continued.

“You’re always on my mind,” Mr. Lavrinovich replied, holding back his laughter.

“I expected it to be hilarious, because my friends are hilarious, but I did not expect it to be as sweet as it was,” he said in a phone interview. “I call my friends all the time, I have never called them to say good night, so the first friend, it was a very sweet moment when he asked if I was OK.” 

Making up for the brevity in her husband’s response, or in her words, “selling it short,” Ms. Lavrinovich added that the calls led to deeper conversations and connections between her husband and his friends....

Yeah, he was selling her social media gimmick short. This vulnerable man is even more vulnerable than he's displaying himself to be. The woman thinks this man, who already called his friends "all the time," had, with her prompting, in the name of social media, arrived at a new "deeper" level with those friends. I wonder if the man ever admitted to the friends that his "good night" call wasn't about his relationship to them but something his wife made him do... do for TikTok. Would that take the friendship to a "deeper" level? What's on that deeper level? The opinion that your wife is shallow and manipulative and you can take your social media antics elsewhere? 

70 टिप्‍पणियां:

FormerLawClerk ने कहा…

Having read a lot of the NY Times, my presumption is that the NYT is wildly gay and they'll always try to frame men as being wildly gay also.

They'll do this by having women write stories about what men are doing and how we need to fix them.

And lastly, the NY Times will write about what's going on in social media because they can do that without ever leaving their newsroom cocoon. They can just scroll through Reddit and Tik-Tok all day, and steal the content produced by others there.

rhhardin ने कहा…

The reason that the right is polite to the left is that the right is bemused and entertained by what the left has just said. The right treats the left like women, in short. Willing to humor them but also willing to share the joke with other men. Hence the right wing channels that opened up to oppose the left, NR, Limbaugh, etc.

Crazy is just one of the things you have to accept if you're going to get laid.

rehajm ने कहा…

Text from my shooting buddy: Patrick Swayze died. Call me if you need to talk

RMc ने कहा…

Second, I think the NYT is has framed men as a problem.

For NYT readers, there are two problems for men: there's way too many of them, and not near enough.

Eric the Fruit Bat ने कहा…

I had no idea that women call other women to say good night.

Kate ने कहा…

"... the first friend, it was a very sweet moment when he asked if I was OK."

That is the only genuine reaction. A friend calls you out of the blue before bed, you want to know if they're ill or suicidal.

Peachy ने कहा…

they have results?

Jaq ने कहा…

You know what leads to deeper connections between men? Three or four hours on the golf course. Golf is like hunting, the you see the little flag slightly luffing in a gentle breeze, 400 yards or so away, it's like the twitching tail of an antelope on a distant mound, and you join together with your friends to see who can slay it first. It's primal. If a guy has something real he wants to talk about, he will without prying.

Heartless Aztec ने कहा…

Metro-Urban bullshit from callers to NYT writers. If any of my friends called me to wish me goodnight at 9pm I would fully revenge myself by calling them when I wake up at 4am to wish them a fucking good morning. And double darts for the NYT for reporting this stupidness.

Randomizer ने कहा…

"All of the men interviewed for this article said their female partners encouraged them to make the call."

This seems like a creepy manipulation by women to interfere in the friendships of their men. Sure, encourage your guy to call his mother, or to call a friend if he's got a troubling problem to resolve. This seems to be more about the women, then the men.

When the NYT covers a social media trend, it's to amplify and encourage the trend.

Ann Althouse ने कहा…

To call someone at YOUR bedtime is to make an obtuse presumption about what they might be doing at the time. What are the chances the other person is on the same place in his nighttime activities as you are? He might already be asleep. He might be engaged in intimacy with a human being who is there with him. He might be trying to wind down and dealing with insomnia. He might be impaired by alcohol or sleeping pills. Who are you to just burst in on his late night? And to do it because your wife egged you on and/or because you want to manufacture a TikTok video?!

Larry J ने कहा…

What's happening in social media is considered news because it’s the laziest way for a reporter to write a story. Simply go to Reddit, X, or TicToc and write a few paragraphs and screenshots while copying (often without attribution) what’s posted. It beats actually having to work for a living.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against laziness. Larry’s Second Law is “Laziness is the foundation of efficiency.” Mining social media for news is much easier than actually researching something newsworthy, such as the obvious mental decline of Joe Biden even before the 2020 election.

Ann Althouse ने कहा…

" If any of my friends called me to wish me goodnight at 9pm I would fully revenge myself by calling them when I wake up at 4am to wish them a fucking good morning."

LOL. That's exactly my timeline too. 9 to 4.

Just figure out who among your friends is in the delightful 9-to-4 club and greet the sunrise.

planetgeo ने कहा…

NYT women (which includes the NYT men) imagine themselves among actual men as though they are Diane Fossey among the mountain gorillas, observing their primitive ways and even learning to communicate with them in their intricate combination of grunts and shrugs. We are so blessed.

Jamie ने कहा…

My husband is slightly affected by the "if I don't post it, it didn't happen" thing; he can't go to a new place without taking a selfie, preferably a couple-selfie or family-selfie. He gets it from his mom, who had this attitude way back in the days of film, and he doesn't actually post anything, just puts together a photo book for ourselves and or parents at the end of each year. I'm glad to have him doing it, as the book used to be my job.

But while I might urge him to call a friend whom I know is going through something, two things: 1. He's typically already been in touch with said friend in his own way and in his own time, and - to the extent that this isn't a mutual friend, only a him friend - it's none of my business, and 2. the line about the domesticated boyfriend is SPOT-FRICKING-ON - what kind of women are these?

Joe Bar ने कहा…

This shit is GAY.

RCOCEAN II ने कहा…

It's be interesting to do an sociologoical analysis of the legal profession and see how their social/political/personal views compare to the average American, especially the average Republican. Not just interesting, but important since we've decided to let Federal Judges rule the country.

Aggie ने कहा…

I've been on call for too many years to look favorably on a ringing phone at night.

Temujin ने कहा…

It is not the generation that's going to be storming the beaches at Normandy.
More like the generation that storms the beach at Rehoboth if their Airbnb is available.

Jamie ने कहा…

I do remember one story my husband told me from when he was a high school senior: a girl who liked him had come over to his house to "cut his hair" while his mom was at work, a task that for some reason required her to strip naked and put on his mom's slinky robe (ok, don't get me started on any part of that). It soon became clear that she had a different agenda and his hair wasn't getting cut. Just as things were getting good, his best friend called (landline, of course) and killed the mood entirely.

So, the next time he knew his friend was having his girlfriend over during a parental absence, my husband actually went to his house, waited an appropriate amount of time, and then let himself in - "Helloooo? Rob?" Because vengeance was sweet.

RCOCEAN II ने कहा…

I'm always curious as to how the "average people" quoted in the NYTs/WaPo get quoted. Does the editor know these people? Does the reporter? Did the the reporter go to the editors and say "Hey, i got a good idea for a story, our chick audience will lap it up?"

The media makes choices when they quote average people or put them on TV. For example, a local Grocery store closed in my area due to health reasons. The local TV channel had snippets from 3 "average shoppers". All 3 were white. Yet, I'd estimate 2/3 of the people who go to the store are Asian, Indian, and Hispanic.

narciso ने कहा…

average people they know, what are the odds,

Howard ने कहा…

Male relationships are about doing things together. You know, like hunting fishing 4-wheeling boating mountain biking. In addition, doing major projects like building things with lumber and concrete, chainsawing, shade tree auto mechanics, etc.

Notice I didn't mention golf, which is for pussies.

Howard ने कहा…

The moral of this NYT article is that men will bend over backwards and play a trained monkey to get laid

Iman ने कहा…

Ambiguously GAY.

Iman ने कहा…

Howard said...
“The moral of this NYT article is that men will bend over backwards and play a trained monkey to get laid.”

and with that, Howard bent over forwards and got…

Peachy ने कहा…

Have a friend
calls me up
Says Hello
Then hangs up
He must of read my mind.

Iman ने कहा…

…played, slayed and filleted.

Jimmy ने कहा…

Gina Cherelus is who and what you would expect from the NYT.
Examining and trying to explain, to her DEI circle of friends, what makes men , men. Like most things NYT, it gets it wrong, on purpose. The narrative is much more important than the facts.

Marty ने कहा…

As a gay man I can assure us all this shit is NOT gay.

Jaq ने कहा…

Lol, Peachy

Jaq ने कहा…

"As a gay man I can assure us all this shit is NOT gay."

Gay men don't need to humor crazy to get some. I am kind of envious sometimes.

Jaq ने कहा…

"which is for pussies."

Wow, this is the second time today I have been called a pussy, first it was for using a MacBook, now for playing golf. I hope one of my friends calls me at bedtime so I can air and share my hurt!

Jamie ने कहा…

As a gay man I can assure us all this shit is NOT gay.

Is the word our resident straight gentlemen are looking for "whipped"?

cf ने कहा…

Heartless Aztec for the win.

Heartless Aztec ने कहा…

@RCOCEAN II - Greg Packer has been quoted thousands of times by NYC magazines and Newspapers. There are others. My TV exec friend told me thain the olden days his reporters had rolodexes filled with names of people to call to get a print worthy or camera worthy quote.

FormerLawClerk ने कहा…

"To call someone at YOUR bedtime is to make an obtuse presumption about what they might be doing at the time."

Nobody is doing this. Some chick got her testosterone-challenged roommate to try this one time and wrote about it on Reddit and then the NY Times "journalist" thinks that's news.

Ben Rhodes was right about these people.

narciso ने कहा…

no he was overestimating them

Peachy ने कहा…

I have a gay male friend from high school... and we have a telepathic relationship.
I'm not talking mind reading - no. simply we know when the other is thinking about the other. It's very strange...energy. but we've both experienced it at the same time for decades.
I'll think "Hi Steven" - and he'll ping me.

Chick ने कहा…

Does drunk texting count?

Charlie ने कहा…

Yes, totally not gay.

RNB ने कहा…

Let me translate from the NYTese: "A social media trend..." equals "Three of my friends were talking about..."

n.n ने कहा…

Transphobic gaiety.

Mary Beth ने कहा…

“Man you’re calling the wrong number, these freak hours.”

That was after the first guy they talked about called at (or after) 11pm(!). When I was growing up, it was generally understood that you don't call anyone after 9pm.

I keep my phone on Do-Not-Disturb. It only rings for my family, my boss, and a couple of close friends. Any friend calling and interrupting my "me time" would be removed from the list that rings through.

All of the men making the calls in this article live in one-party consent states, and I assume the first two were calling local friends. The last one lives in a one-party state, but was calling a friend in WA, which is 2-party. (And he did so to show it to his long distance girlfriend of 2 weeks.)

I would question whether I want to maintain a friendship with someone who recorded me without my knowledge. I'm in KY, a one-party consent state, so it would be legal, but I don't think it's ethical.

John J ने कहा…

Put an end to this with one simple trick...
OK, Honey
(Dial last girl I dated before my wife.)
Hello. Carol Ann?
End of call
End of problem

Jersey Fled ने कहा…

This is just sick.

Jupiter ने कहा…

"What's happening in social media is considered news, partly because it kind of is and partly because the newspaper wants to seem decently hip to various trends."
You're over-thinking it. People who work for newspapers have to write about something. After they have been at it for a while, they become so desperate that they will write about anything.

hombre ने कहा…

NYT is a perfect tabloid for progressive nut jobs who feed it.

JaimeRoberto ने कहा…

Why do all these homosexuals keep calling me after 9?

Wince ने कहा…

This sounds like the plot of the underrated movie “I Love You, Man.”

Narr ने कहा…

My friends know I'm not likely to pick up, so they never call.

I and three high school chums had a zoom meeting a few weeks ago, and plan to make it a habit--maybe twice a year.

rehajm ने कहा…

…admissibly gay, like when the wife uses it as evidence in your divorce proceedings…

rehajm ने कहा…

Who are these people that pick up the phone?

gspencer ने कहा…

A male calling another male to wish the latter Good Night?

"Not that there's anything wrong with that!"

What? There's plenty wrong with that.

"Bruce, we have too many pooftahs around here."

"Right, mate."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bNBy1D1Y0h4

RCOCEAN II ने कहा…

Why do all these homosexuals keep calling me after 9?

LOL

Iman ने कहा…

Hello, it’s me
I’ve thought about this for a long, long time
Maybe I think too much ‘bout what I’ll say
There's something here that seems excessively gay
Maybe it’s cool cuz we’re both past our prime

h/t Todd Rundgren

loudogblog ने कहा…

Alice: Hi, Margie!

Margie: Hi, Alice!
What's the story, morning glory?

Alice: What's the word, humming bird?
Have you heard about Hugo and Kim?

Heartless Aztec ने कहा…

@Althouse - while you're hiking around Lake Mendota at dawn, Im often in the ocean watching the sun break over the waves I trying to catch. I often compare your sunrise pics with mine from over the Atlantic...
"Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky
With one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea
Circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate
Driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow"

Jim at ने कहा…

Men Are Calling Other Men to Say Good Night, and the Results Are Amazing

Yeah. No.

Mason G ने कहा…

"Making up for the brevity in her husband’s response..."

Why is brevity something that needs to be "made up for"?

n.n ने कहा…

Parental surrogate? A safety blanket.

Craig Mc ने कहा…

Men will do almost anything to keep the peace at home.

Mason G ने कहा…

"Men will do almost anything to keep the peace at home."

I watched a video of a group of men and women having a discussion. One of the men said he didn't want to be challenged by his wife. One of the women eagerly responded that meant he wasn't an alpha, since he couldn't handle challenges. He replied that handling challenges had nothing to do with it- the issue was that he didn't want to come home to challenges and wanted his wife to be his peace.

Justabill ने कहा…

Creepiness factor aside, I have no idea what time my friends go to bed. And then there’s the time zone thing. Going to pass on this one, thanks.

Mason G ने कहा…

My personal rule is: Aside from family, no calls before 11AM or after 8PM, based on the time zone of the person I'm calling.

Sometimes, I'm up after midnight (when I was younger, I'd be up until 2 or 3AM). If anybody called me then, I'd wonder what was wrong with them.

JIM ने कहा…

There's no trend like that, driven by social media or wives. There is however a trend of journalists who fabricate stories and trends.

Bunkypotatohead ने कहा…

The writer has set herself up as the black Carrie Bradshaw. How original.

Rusty ने कहा…

Jaq @ 8:00 AM
Just remember. Golf is for guys that don't know how to shoot or cast a fly.

mikee ने कहा…

Regular calls to the elderly and infirm and mentally disturbed and needy has always been a thing to do. This article therefore frames all men as belonging among one of more of those categories. Regular calls to people you like has also always been a thing to do. No disparagement of an entire gender required, and I hope the NYT eventually learns this, but I am not holding my breath waiting for them to call me and admit it.

mikee ने कहा…

Posted comment destroyed by inadvertent subject/verb case errors. I hang my head in shame and hope Sister Mary John is dead and so never sees that I did this. And that Sister Mary Camilla is also dead, but because she was a real hardass.

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