Here's today's "garner," in a question from the NYT "Ethicist" column:
A few years ago, a close cisgender male friend in a heterosexual marriage began identifying as queer. All of his romantic experiences have been with women. Through therapy, however, he concluded that gender wouldn’t have mattered in choosing a partner when he was single. He’s happily married and is monogamous with his wife. Still, he’s altered his presentation — fashion, hair, piercings, slang — to align with queer culture, and he openly identifies as part of the queer community and attends queer events. It feels as if my friend is attempting to garner the benefits and cultural cachet of being queer while also living a heteronormative life. Is this permissible authentic expression, or is it cultural appropriation?
What benefits and cachet have you garnered recently?
Not only do I get to use my "garner (the word!)" tag — I have tags for "cultural appropriation" and "heteronormativity." That feels like some kind of tag jackpot. Unfortunately, I don't have a tag for "queer." And I'm not making one. Not today.
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59 (na) komento:
answer to question.
NO.
The friend needs to garner a few hours of conversation with a psychiatrist.
I would ask the question-poser to enumerate all the benefits one garners by shrouding oneself in the 'cultural cachet' of being queer. BOGO Coffee at Panera Bread? Is that on the list?
I just need to know whether we call it Gayface or Queerface. There must be a face involved, and it must be buried in someone's ass.
Holy carp! this person. I garnered one more reason I don’t go to parties…
"Is this permissible authentic expression...."
Ha Ha ! Ha Ha Ha Ha !
I remember in the early days of this stuff, guys would say "I'm a trans lesbian" as a joke. Of course, the queer community always seems to take jokes seriously.
On the other hand, is there something wrong now about being heteronormative and supporting the trans community? That's not allowed in the queer community? Bold strategy, let's see how to plays out.
Also on the dementia question, yeah it is wrong to dump your husband in a memory care unit and move to Europe. As the married spouse, you are still next of kin and are still responsible for the decision making on his health. Since you don't want to live up to your vows, divorce him so at least he gets half of the assets for his care.
Which word is more jarringly funny? 'Authentic'? 'Permissible' ?
New information comes out everyday showing numerous global institutions have been captured by the alphabet mafia largely because they 'promote from within'. Maybe it's a smart career move.
Married straight dude goes through mid-life crisis. News at 11.
It would kill them to write "get" wouldn't it. It would funny if the writers do use "get" but the editors change it to be more posh.
What does queer even mean?
“he’s altered his presentation — fashion, hair, piercings, slang — to align with queer culture”
So he’s wearing a nice scarf, like Sir Ian McKellan?
Or he’s found a great excuse to wear assless chaps to work?
Do you have a tag for Real Life South Park Episodes?
JSM
Aggie- 8:57
I think "permissible" - is funny.
The left-cult / fake counter culture are naturally drawn to authoritarian permission structures.
Peachy said, "What does queer even mean?"
Depends. What day is it?
Whenever I start feeling slightly hopeful for our country AA comes along with one of these post that reminds me we're doomed.
Maybe it's time to drop the euphemisms. The question asker assumes that Queer means homosexual, but I've been assured by academics that Queer is broader than that and discussions like about a Queer perspective are more about taking an outsider or subverting the status quo approach to a topic. Which says to me Queer is a word that was once meant as a euphemism for homosexuality but then took on airs now that homosexuality is mainstream. So that no one knows what it means precisely, making it mean whatever the speaker and audience wants. In that sense, the heterosexual friend is Queering queerness, disrupting the assumption that one has to be homosexual, and pushing back against limiting that word to a requiring same sex sexual activity.
We need to reset the English language on this topic. Does the friend want his friend to be homosexual or is he narrowing queerness to a fixed behavioral standard, the very thing the word is purported to resist? This all should garner more attention and grant money by enterprising sociologists.
That is hilarious. The funniest part was I could interpret the quoted first sentence right away. My horizons are broadening!
It sounds like your friend phases. This, too, shall pass.
How retro, a post about the edginess of queer culture! I am taken back to the 1970s, when "identifying" as gay wasn't a choice one made but acceptance of an inherent & unchanging natural state, because homosexuality was NOT a choice, but something you were born being, and "coming out" meant you were "identified" as gay by those you told, rather than some internal decision, because again, homosexuality was NOT a choice. Is it now? Or still not?
@Paddy O, the euphemisms are entirely the point. They get to control what the words mean, and what they mean changes depending on how logically cornered and intellectually defeated they feel. Whoops....time to create a term for a new orientation I just made up!
Thus lgbtlmnop+qi$r777abdcdef was born.
I have to wonder if the correspondent is really "asking for a friend."
mikee said, "Is it now? Or still not?"
Depends. What day is it?
With so many serious ethical issues, this “Ethicist” manages to focus on unserious ones. Is that ethical?
With so many serious ethical issues, this “Ethicist” manages to focus on unserious ones. Is that ethical?
So he is living a life of imposing heterosexuality on others through the imposition of norms?
They make up these words, but they don't really know what they mean or how to properly use them, and when you see their own words used incorrectly by them, it just says "this person is a sloppy thinker" to me. "Garner" is just that extra garnish of haplessness of the writer on that sentence.
Yes - and whatever the meaning of "queer" - it will garner VICTIM status.
Being a victim is the garnet encrusted crown jewel of prizes.
I know some very passive aggressive types who love to use whatever leftist permission structure/hive-mind-narrative BS that comes down the sewer pipe. this person "they-them"ed their 6 year old daughter.
“ The friend needs to garner a few hours of conversation with a psychiatrist.”
I think he already did. That’s what got him there.
"Through therapy, however..."
What "benefits?" What "cultural cachet?" That is, other than virtue signaling? Otherwise, his new friends are likely to label him as a "breeder" behind his back.
Permissible. The letter writer is looking for another sin in the cult of woke. What are the consequences of it not being permissible?
"The words mean what they say they mean because it's Thursday and they use them the way they do because SHuT uP bIgoT!"
I think that there is an element of trying to destroy people's faith in their own power of reason behind the misuse of these words. It's like when they say "white supremacy" instead of "white supremacism," they mean two different things but they use them like they are perfect synonyms. It's just sloppy thinking, maybe, or maybe it's the imposition of sloppy thinking on the rest of us.
I like to think that the friend in the second letter is just doing this to tick off his wife, and we all owe him our support.
These questions can only come from an isolated bubble disconnected from the real world. It will only get worse. Idle hands are the devil's workshop.
@Jaq, for a deeper understanding of just how completely divorced from linear, rational and objective thought these people are, I recommend highly reading about the Zizian transgender death cult. There are several sites (https://archive.is/K80nw) (https://www.wired.com/story/delirious-violent-impossible-true-story-zizians/) that are covering these psychos in depth, and you will very quickly realize that the entire edifice of how homos and the homo-adjacent use language is simply manipulative.
These people are emotionally stunted, narcissistic children. All of them.
"What benefits and cachet have you garnered recently?"
Retirement benefits, and Social Security, mostly. And the cachet of an old retired dude.
Do you have a tag for "friends who believe their friend when their friend says they are monogamous when in fact, obviously, their friend is not actually monogamous."
" It feels as if my friend is attempting to garner the benefits and cultural cachet of being queer " But, I thought they were all being oppressed by a white supremacist hetero-normative society?
Sounds like the friend won't give a free blowjob.
I wonder what his wife thinks about it.
If you want to go against the grain - act edgy and different - let your freak flag fly.
If your true intentions are a demand for attention and respect- you are doing it wrong.
I cannot imagine being a person whose reaction to the events he described is to say to himself, "I ought to write a letter about this to that wise ethicist at the New York Times".
We now have parts of society that are predominantly LGBTQ+, or at least very close to it: neighborhoods, academic departments, art and fashion businesses, sports teams, and of course bars. In such environments wouldn't being heterosexual qualify as being strange, different, diverse, and "queer"?
Do you have a tag for "friends who believe their friend when their friend says they are monogamous when in fact, obviously, their friend is not actually monogamous."
Right now, @HarrySisson might be a good tag for sex deceivers.
This seems to be a common experience of entertainment moguls like David Geffen or Clive Davis or Barry Diller. What do you get the man who has everything? A toy boy. It's either that or a new, female chassis.
@Lazarus, if you're Jeff Bezos, you can have both at the same time...
My favorite garner is Julia
garner and foster. Yuck.
I am mildly curious as to the alteration of piercings.
I'm interested in the idea that this is "cultural appropriation". Is "dressing gay" a cultural thing?
As mikee said above, I'm old enough to remember when being gay was an inherent characteristic, not something you chose to be. Actually you don't have to be that old - Lady Gaga released "Born This Way" in 2011.
PerthJim said, "I'm interested in the idea that this is "cultural appropriation". Is "dressing gay" a cultural thing?"
Let's ask twinkfluencer Harry Sisson, he 'culturally appropriates' gayness so well girls are oblivious to his love for tits.
My life is a sham...I've been doing it wrong this whole time.
That entire paragraph you posted should be pulled and sent to the Smithsonian as an example of what happened to Western Culture.
"Somewhere along the way, there was a breakdown. And...then this happened."
I don't get the concern with "garner." It's usually used correctly, to imply a certain amount of work directed toward getting.
If you garnered an STD, that would be a misuse.
List 5 things you garnered last week.
Ricky Gervais recently explained that queer was now a work for a straight man who wants some attention. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FgEIBcJl5DQ
Reminds me of the movie Stripes.
- Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?
- John: You mean, like, flaming, or...
- Recruiter: Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.
- Russell: No, we're not homosexual, but we are willing to learn.
- John: Yeah, would they send us someplace special?
Now the writer knows how the girls in the locker room feel when one of the guys tries to get in.
If queers have more fun, don’t be surprised at more queers supporting Trump and telling funny jokes, that make fun of queers … and women and blacks and retarded folk and disabled folk and mentally disturbed folk like, trans and queer folk.
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