Today's the first day of the month, so I got a new infusion of gift links to hand out. That's the first one, an interesting read with charming drawings. You probably already know the things Finck seems to have realized, but she's under 40 and you're old, aren't you?
Pebrero 1, 2025
"Whereas the prince you married could not be forgiven for his traditionalist entitlement/The man on the rock in the fog might be kind."
I'm reading a long cartoon in the NYT by Liana Finck, "I Quit the Patriarchy and Rescued My Marriage."
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Interesting. She displays her unhappy marriage for the whole world to see and gets paid by the NYT.
Lady, try being single and see if that makes you any happier.
It must be hell to live on the East Coast and under the thumb of the patriarchy.
Happy I am not her husband.
I liked the essay, but to me naming things has always been the way to understand things, and nothing more, so I really can't relate to where she's coming from, so I'll just have to take her at her word.
I actually thought the overall message was relatively positive, even if it's something that should be obvious. But the art style is so bad a determined grade schooler could probably outshine it. I might, and I have zero artistic talent. What could explain a seemingly well-meaning non-entity getting space I. The NYT and New Yorker? Early life, earl- ah, there is is. Quelle surprise.
She's not marrying a prince, and he's not marrying a princess. If you believe in handmade tales then you should save yourself the "burden"... uh, burden, and abort NOW... I mean, now. Men and women are equal in rights and complementary in Nature. Reconcile.
Let me translate it for you, honey: based on your skills as a cartoonist, I'm guessing your husband makes more money than you do. Thus, you have to do more around the house. Unwritten, unspoken, but that's the rule.
She thought she married a nanny?
Gentlemen! Young gentlemen! Remember the hot/crazy/WRITER matrix.
Traditionalist entitlement: human rites are an ancient performance in progressive sects, and class-disordered ideologies are handled with liberal license? A toxic brew.
Ip Gessa Gul
Seems like she anticipates his failure because she anticipates he will not do things exactly the way she would want them done. That's why she's a "nag, shrew, harpy, henpecker," etc.
The old adage was "if you want it done 'right' [which I take to mean your way], do it yourself."
"... you're old, aren't you?"
Well, aren't you a little previous.
Did you read it? It does not sound like an unhappy marriage to me.
"Your truth/his truth." Bullshit psychobabble, in the face of the truth. Loved, of course, by couples/marriage therapists, 75% of whom are...women.
It's called reification. By giving a nuanced marital problem a name like Patriarch she made it seem more serious and intractable than it really was. So she chilled out with the framing as she calls it. Spouses should show mercy to each other IMO.
Besides, I never got this housework issue anyway. A man should be fixing the car, fixing the plumbing, mowing the lawn, and other such manly tasks. If he doesn't then shame on him.
I've been told that married women go through this kind of catharsis as they age. I know that my wife and I had a crisis about 18 years into our marriage. Much of the problem seemed to be about how my wife saw her life in comparison to others. I read later, that this is common. Luckily, we survived, with some hard work from both of us. I guess that is what the cartoon is about.
As a pragmatic sort, she lost me at "fairy tale".
I'm 31. To me, the most interesting thing about this is recognition of the limits of naming things. When I was in college, I had a minor epiphany that when people name things, they lose so much curiosity about them, when that should be just the start of your inquiries. I see this talked about shallowly, "don't put me in a box, etc." but I rarely see real reflection on the thought processes there.
I'm glad she has at least partly recovered from her shrewish was. Many don't.
"Something's wrong and you have to guess what it is." The woman's position.
A man's needs are simple, appreciation and sex. Don't be a bitch, is a good guideline. It has never worked.
No magic can turn a frog into a prince, if the frog has never been a prince. The frog in him will keep coming out. Leaping at flies etc. Stanley Cavell points out. He has the self-consciousness of a frog.
Right. Happy as clams. As long as he keeps his mouth shut.
"When the daycare calls unexpectedly" paired with a skull and bones? Awful choice of art for that panel. I thought their kid died at the day care, good Lord.
Also, I'm 38 and a half, thank you very much.
I like the cartoons. Men only have a certain degree of flexibility. You, the wife, can only change him to a certain degree. If you expect too much, you're just pounding your head against a wall. Men aren't women. And they never will be.
And most Men are also very bad at understanding what women need and desire. If you expect him to just "understand" you're pounding your head against a wall.
My wife is east asian (being deliberaretly (sic) vague), and roles are much more clear cut and standardized. My wife expects me to to do X and be Y, and not anything else. She doesn't expect to be a "Princess" or to "understand" her mysterious desires.
And that's why we're still married and will be forever (or until she divorces me).
Or kills me for the insurance money. Not that there's anything wrong about that.
I think this was overall a good message. She didn't leave! She quit nagging! I have had two unhappy marriages (one left and one literally went insane) and two happy marriages (one died). It is very important to focus on the good things about your spouse. You're not perfect and neither is he. Instead of keeping score, try to do nice things every day for your spouse. It is rewarding! Even if he doesn't always appreciate or notice. He probably does nice things that you don't notice too.
So she's married and working outside the home- shrugging off her responsibility to raise her children to people she really doesn't know.
And complaining when childcare calls she's the one who has to take off work...
It is entirely possible for one spouse to work and the other to take care of the house and children. But she'd b---h even more if it were her husband who volunteered to do that. She's then do everything possible to emasculate him. I've seen it.
My wife has been a full time housewife and mother since child #1 of 5 was born. 46 years of happy marriage now. She didn't fall for the line that a woman had to have a job and career to be successful. She's doing what she wants. Grandchild #12 was just born. Other grandmother is taking the first two weeks shift to help the new parents. Then my wife will go down to help as long as she's needed. Her brother refers to that as her abandoning me. I tell people she's getting even for WESPACS and deterrent patrols.
so happy that she remembered to include harridan
"She's a liberal arts graduate who sees men as an abstraction, rather than as individuals! He's a man-child with some trendy psychological problem that hinders him from caring for his home and his kid! Can they find love?"
Men think their wives will never change and they always do.
Women think that they can change their husbands, but they can't.
Do you want to be happy, or in control?
Would you rather be right, or loved?
Our generation had this explained to us in a song sung by a cute English guy:
"You once thought of me, as a white knight on a steed,
Now you know how happy I can be.
Oh our good times start and end
without dollar one to spend,
But how much baby do we really need." - Daydream Believer
Just for those who don't know, the man on the rock in the fog is the same guy "reframed" as Scott Adams would put it.
Yah, no shit…
Perhaps marriage isn't for her, or anyone marrying her.
What in earth does "naming things" mean?
A little of that faux-naif style of cartooning goes a very long way.
Let me just say thank you to all my younger readers. I know there are also younger readers. Sometimes it seems as though we’re all old, but it’s very nice that some of you are young.
In that spirit, the story motivated me to compose a short list of aphorisms for the younger reader, a la Nietzsche, or Confucius, or possibly Winnie the Pooh. But it was too much trouble, sorry. So y'all only get one.
"Raising children is really hard work, including physically. Why not start when you're 19 and full of energy, rather than leaving it till you're 35 and feel knackered most of the time ?"
So, shorter, unrealistic expectations. Get a grip toots. Life is real, not a fantastical childhood dream. Good grief.
So there are two princes? The fact this made me think of The Spin Doctors puts me as firmly middle age
Just go ahead now.
"When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years" - Mark Twain.
Expecting youth to listen to the old in matters of love or marriage is a waste of time. I couldn't stand 'old farts' giving me their so-called wisdom in my teens and twenties. I don't expect young people today to be any different.
Thus it is, thus it was, thus it always will be.
I've read pretty near every post since 2008/09-ish. I was struck last year to realize that's about half my life. Time can go slowly and then you look back and so much has passed.
“What in earth does "naming things" mean?”
In the wizard, mage genre of fiction, if you know the true name of something or someone you can speak it and have control over it. I assume it’s something like that.
Tolkien (not the commenter) knew that. LOTR is full of aliases and evasions.
Hubbs should consider quitting the marriage and saving the patriarchy.
It's zero outside, and the car battery should have been replaced (my failure) but I din't do it, so I had to go outside in the zero weather (not really that bad with no wind, but don't tell her that) to hook up to a trickle charger overnight, since it is going to go down to -15, maybe and I will be wanting the car in the morning. Oh yeah, and I split some kindling and started a fire in the fireplace. She is baking cookies. Life is good.
If your relationship is a "burden", abort. If it's a burden, you're doing it wrong. If you expect a handmade tale, people, men and women, are diverse as individuals, not Diverse in color blocs.
The uses of enchantment. I think Betelheim claimed that kissing the frog was a metaphor for oral sex. If you want a frog to become a Prince, you have to kiss the frog. Probably works for guys on rocks too. Anyway, it helps the guy to get off his rock so to speak.......Jules Feiffer will be a long time dying. I think the cartoon would have worked better with cute wood lawn animals. I like cartoons with cute wood lawn animals.
Stylistically, Finck is reminiscent of Jules Feiffer. Substantively, she comes across as someone who has arrived at wisdom belatedly, but at least she got there.
I'm still trying to recall how young i was the last time I jumped up and restarted a 45 every time it ended
It doesn't work very well online. It should either be rearranged to have less scrolling or be animated.
She has a word for his indifference to her priorities: Patriarchy. He no doubt has a word for her indifference to his priorities: Frigidity. Good luck with that bowl of cherries.
It shouldn't take much more than an hour to draw those scribbles. There should be plenty of time left to pick up the kid.
I thought that was grotesque misandry and complete disloyalty to her husband, aired publicly. He should leave her, and on the way out the door hand her an avocado plant for company. It has just that gross Seventies battle of the sexes stench to it.
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