Writes Jane Kamensky, in "'Fear of Flying' Is 50. What Happened to Its Dream of Freedom Through Sex?
With its feminist take on sexual pleasure, Erica Jong’s novel caused a sensation in 1973. But the revolution Jong promoted never came to pass" (NYT).
I'll just quote Bob Dylan:
Then she says, “You don’t read women authors, do you?”
Least that’s what I think I hear her say
“Well,” I say, “how would you know and what would it matter anyway?”
“Well,” she says, “you just don’t seem like you do!”
I said, “You’re way wrong”
She says, “Which ones have you read then?” I say, “I read Erica Jong!”
३३ टिप्पण्या:
Happiness is largely about comparison. If you were a peasant in Germany and came to the US and got a factory job and a wife and two kids in a one bedroom apartment, you were happy. If you grew up thinking the world owes you what you can dream, you won't.
I shared this very quote today by Bob Seger. And not in a favorable context!
I used her
She used me
But neither one cared
We were getting our share.
Read on a FB dating profile. The author was a woman.
"I can get dick anywhere. I'm looking for LTR, etc."
You are treading onto Re-Pete's ground here.
Feminism is about universal nagging.
Take today's men in women's sports. Men are bigger, faster, more powerful and smarter.
Do women knuckle down and compete?
No, they complain.
Wait. She's measuring the satisfaction of her orgasms against a character written by a man, someone who can never experience how a woman feels an orgasm.
Oh, honey.
Not 50 yet but getting there is When Harry Met Sally. As I recall Sally had something very similar to say.
"Sally: When Joe and I first started seeing each other, we wanted exactly the same thing. We wanted to live together, but we didn't want to get married because anytime anyone we knew got married, it ruined their relationship. They practically never had sex again. It's true, it's one of the secrets no one ever tells you. I would sit around with my girlfriends who have kids well, my one girlfriend who has kids, Alice, and she would complain about how she and Gary never did it anymore. She didn't even complain about it now that I think about it. She just said it matter-of-factly. She said they were up all night, they were both exhausted, the kids just took every sexual impulse out of them. And Joe and I used to talk about it and wed say we were so lucky to have this wonderful relationship, we can have sex on the kitchen floor and not worry about the kids walking in; we can fly off to Rome on a moments notice. And then one day I was taking Alice's little girl for the afternoon because I'd promised her I'd take her to the circus and we were in the cab playing "I Spy" I spy a mailbox, I spy a lamppost and she looked out the window and she saw this man and this woman and these two little kids, and the man had one of the kids on his shoulders and Alice's little girl said, "I spy a family," and I started to cry. You know, I just started crying. And I went home and I said, "The thing is, Joe, we never do fly off to Rome on a moments notice." And that kitchen floor? Not once. It's this very cold, hard Mexican ceramic tile. Anyway, we talked about it for a long time and I said, this is what I want, and he said, well, I don't, and I said well, I guess it's over, and he left. And the thing is, I feel fine. I am over him, I mean, I really am over him. That was it for him, that was the most he could give, and every time I think about it, I am more and more convinced that I did the right thing.
Harry: Boy you sound really healthy."
I thought her great epiphany was that she was seeking too much from sex, that no one could "complete" her, she had to do that herself. Self actualization and all that.
Anyway I don't think I've read any women authors since her era. I do like Mary McCarthy, Edna O'Brien, and Collette though.
Could it be that through literature and social media people have developed totally unrealistic expectations? The moon turns pale in books. Could it be that satisfaction (for men and women) comes through relationships? Or is that so last-millenium?
"I can get dick anywhere. I'm looking for LTR, etc."
Men fuck when they can
And marry who they want
Women fuck who they want
And marry who they can
I read this when it came out, in my teen years. Even then I found the character narcissistic to a highly destructive degree. Every other character is merely the backdrop to HER sex, HER desire, HER life. Incomplete, unpleasant, unsatisfactory sex with a number of men-not-her-husband and what does she learn? Why, nothing, nothing at all.
It’s the ultimate feminist novel: using and discarding those in your orbit for fleeting sexual escapades. And some call this “life”.
Shallow. Self-indulgent. Feminism aspired to equality, thinking it rapturous, freeing, glorious. Feminism grew out of fantasy and fell to earth when gravity forced it down.
I was escorting a professor of surgery around at the time that book was popular. His wife was reading it and called it, "My dirty book."
Courtly love lasted from "The Romance of the Rose" in the 14th century up until about the time Kathleen Kennedy started screwing around with Star Wars. The zipless fuck, by way of contrast, didn't even last a generation. The letters to the Times regarding this article ascribe the death of female sexual liberation to either Reagan or the coming of AIDS. Anyway, it never caught on the way courtly love did.....I read Fear of Flying back when. It was okay, but I didn't feel any need to read any of her other books. I wonder if she has many male fans.
Feminism with its perpetual grievance isn’t sexy at all. It’s hard to fantasize about Hillary or Liz Warren.
Men... Always answer the question "Which ones have your read then?" with:
"Identity by Nora Roberts. The way she handles multi-generational characters touches me. There are others but none are as insightful as Nora."
Shorter NYT: Where is the utopia we were promised?
Lather, rinse, repeat.
Nowadays for the young-uns is the era of zip fuck.
Grace Paley was okay.
Vicki Hearne but she was writing for men. Showing what women's point of view could do if women had a sense of humor.
Bob Dylan is apparently a biologist.
Does Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley make the cut?
The last female author I read was Barbara W. Tuchman.
And, since I used the word, when did "femaie" and "male" become nouns? When I see either used as a noun, my mind goes "(Male/Female) what?"
She lists all the things that are wildly different for women's sexuality since then, but says there was no revolution?
It sounds like she wanted a different revolution. Well don't we all, sister, don't we all. Somehow the revolution we thought we were going to get always turns into something else. It's called reality.
As I (very dimly) recall from a college course, the Greek gods had a debate on whether the male or female's orgasm was better. The only one who could answer the question was Tiresias (who had been turned female for a time as punishment for some kind of peeping tom offense against a goddess.) Tiresias said female, hands down.
Joe Bar:
And, since I used the word, when did "fema[i]e" and "male" become nouns?
Forever. Webster's again.
female n.
1. a person bearing two X chromosomes in the cell nuclei and normally having....
male n.
1. a person bearing an X and Y chromosome pair in the cell nuclei and normally having....
I read "Fear of Flying" when it came out. I was in college. I found the "zipless fuck" unappealing. It seemed like a male fantasy.
Read it when it came out. Had just graduated college. The only part that seemed interesting was when she talked about being an aspiring writer and seeing every published writer as some sort of demigod. The rest was typing.
Oligonicella,
I'll see your bet and raise you a thousand. My answer to that question? Flannery O'Connor. "A Good Man Is Hard To Find" beats these zipless fuckers by so many light years you can't even see them.
Plus her commentary on life and culture outside of her actual fiction is superb, too.
From the NYT, “ First, let’s look at the legend of Tiresias — the prophet who, as the result of an altercation with some magical snakes, was transformed into a woman for seven years. Some time later, Zeus and Hera asked Tiresias to settle a dispute over the question of who had more pleasure during sex. When Tiresias replied that sex was nine times better for women than men, Hera was so enraged that she blinded him.”
Trans English prof at Barnard College, “ As for me, I have almost 20 years of female orgasm under my belt now (since transition), and before that I had an equal number of years of having male ones. Without going into detail, I can attest that the experiences are distinct. Sometimes I think of it as the difference between Spanish and Italian. Sure, they’re similar. But jeez, che differenza!”
I shared this very quote today by Bob Seger. And not in a favorable context!
I used her
She used me
But neither one cared
We were getting our share.
All criticism is valid but, to me, that song covers a bit more of life's puzzle than those four lines.
Asking people what they feel about certain music speeds up the getting-to-know-you process, IMO. I've asked dozens of women if there was a Bob Seger song they related to more than the others. Every single one of them replied "Night Moves", without hesitation.
I read the book when it came out in 1973. The only things I recall are the phrase “zipless fuck,” and how boring the book was.
"Every other character is merely the backdrop to HER sex, HER desire, HER life."
Isn't this a good part of male sex, or at least male fantasy? Isn't this a woman wanting to do what she thinks men want to do?
In fact, isn't that much of the emotional energy behind feminism?: Men oppress women. Therefore, whatever men have must be better and women should do it too. Therefore, the zipless fuck. But also, be the CEO; be the general or the football coach. Don't ever worry about getting pregnant. And, do you really want to have a kid if the father won't put in the same amount of time and energy?
I recall the protagonist of FoF longing for a purely anonymous and physical act of sexual intercourse, stripped of all social and interpsersonal baggage, allowing her to enjoy the freedom of absolute enjoyment. Then when the opportunity arises, she violently rejects her potentially "zipless fuck."
What do women want? Something they will abjure when it is offered!
When do they want it? Never!
The novel "Wifey" of the same decade, on the other hand, begins with a housewife watching out her kitchen window as a biker dude masturbates. She counts the strokes he uses. Later she finds it odd that she did that, and off she goes into the story of her very banal sexual explorations....
Ah, the Senseless Seventies, when a young boy could read such "literature" and enjoy the titillation of the forbidden under the guise of art. And now I am being told that this pop lit is supposed to tell women something deeply true about themselves? Hah, pull the other one, it has bells on.
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