It's interesting that she's only talking about preserving her own temper, not contemplating whether the child might be better off if the parent — much of the time — just showed — or told — the child what to do. I haven't looked into the credo of "gentle parenting," but I don't see why gentleness involves making the child the decision-maker. And I don't see why telling the child what to do — getting ready for school and so forth — is being "pretty blunt." I think it can be more gentle than confronting the child with one choice after another, especially if you are concocting choices for the sake of enacting the concept of gentleness. And I think young parents may not realize how influential they are to their children. You don't need to explain and justify and elicit informed consent for everything. A lot of good can be accomplished simply by telling children this is what we do.
२७ मार्च, २०२३
"One of the main tenets of gentle parenting is choice. Rather than saying no, you try and offer alternatives..."
"... to empower your child to participate in decision making. The other night my son asked for ice cream after dinner and I obliged but he didn’t like the flavor so I let him know there was another one I could get him. He promptly let me know that one wasn’t good either and because he’s so used to options, started asking what else was in stock. I had to laugh, hearing my own mom’s voice in my head bluntly stating that this isn’t a grocery store.
It’s inevitable that this all-in method breeds feelings of resentment, not necessarily against my kids but against this philosophy that more often than not feels designed to constrain and shame parents, moms in particular.... In our quest to do better by our kids, are we making things worse?
So in the spirit of my promise to myself to fill my tank first, I’m going for an adapted model, a kind of 'gentler parenting' that takes into account my humanity as well as my kids'. Just the other day, I was pretty blunt with my kids about getting to school on time...."
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७८ टिप्पण्या:
It's interesting that she's only talking about preserving her own temper, not contemplating whether the child might be better off if the parent — much of the time — just showed — or told — the child what to do. I haven't looked into the credo of "gentle parenting," but I don't see why gentleness involves making the child the decision-maker. And I don't see why telling the child what to do — getting ready for school and so forth — is being "pretty blunt."
Two very effective lines raising my daughter and son:
"Which part of 'no' do you not understand?"
"Hunger is an option."
The rise of divorces and single parents likely brought an end to the old-timey Mother's standard disciplinary phrase: "Wait until your father gets home."
Symbiosis. We need symbiosis to function at our best.
my baby cried, and hollered for ice cream...
So, i gave it to him...
But, he didn't like that flavor...
So, i offered him Another flavor..
And, he didn't like That one either..
I was glad because making my baby be SO SPOILED, that he WON'T be able to exist without me, is my goal in life
I HATE my children, am have been doing EVERY THING i can to Ruin them.
Stay tuned, for our Next Episode: My 12 year old is Stealing for me, to buy fentanyl
Serious (non snarky) Question:
When her son is 21 (Almost wrote 'when he grows up'; but realized That was speculation without reason)..
And he wanted to have sex with a partner; When the partner says, "NO".. Will he understand the word?
Or will he ask what else is in stock?
People work better with direction than they do with options. Though we love to be free and think we need to be free, most people in today's world are afraid of freedom and prefer their gummint tell them what to do and take care of them. Not directing your kid is setting him or her or him, then her or her then, him, or Zir up for a tough time as a young person, let alone as an adult.
Kids have more wants than knowledge. Adults, theoretically have figured out that you can't always get what you wa-hant. Well, some of them. It's a lesson that needs to be passed onto kids, sooner rather than later.
"to empower your child to participate in decision making."
This kind of parenting is what's responsible for the trans movement. No, they're children, and you can count yourself among the lucky if they're managing to make effective and responsible choices by the time they're 18. You're a huge outlier if they manage that by the age of majority, and you should be thanking the lord constantly if you're this lucky.
Children crave guidance. Bad things happen when they don't receive it. And especially when it's not consistent. Consistency = stability.
Not much real parenting going on there.
My stepkids would coerce my wife (at the time) to have other choices for dinner. (whine: "I don't like chicken cacciatore!") The very idea that I would, in the 60s, ever even DARE to ask my mother for another choice, is silly and laughed at by my peers. We are talking about the 60s here, in my case. My mother did make some concessions and adjustments in dinner preparations for me, her oldest and favorite child LOLz: I have never, to this day, liked red kidney beans. After picking them out of my chili and pushing them aside, my mom came up with an idea that worked for both of us. As many do (including me), you don't add any already-cooked beans to the chili at the start, after the browning of the meat and onions/peppers and adding of the spices and herbs. You let the chili simmer first for, say, 20 minutes for the flavors to marry and then add the beans and continue cooking. So my mom would put a bowl of beanless chili aside for me and then add the beans to the remaining portion for everyone else. It wasn't a big concession, but she made it a win-win situation. She was the best IMO!
MarcusB. THEOLDMAN
" In our quest to do better* by our kids, are we making things worse? "
Warmer.... warmer....
A few sentences later:
Nope, ice cold.
* Better apparently means create little Eloi.
"Just the other day, I was pretty blunt with my kids about getting to school on time...."
If you're sending your kids to the public schools, it really doesn't matter what else you're doing. By the time they are in their teens, they will hate you, and they will be fucked up assholes. Have fun.
My daughter tried that crap, no one was allowed to say "no" to her three and four year old children. Several years later if they misbehaved she would tell them to go to time out until they could act like human beings. Not very gentle. Ha, time changes things.
Children are born as barbarians and need to be civilized by their parents.
We gave our children options but it was often of the kind, "You don't have to get up now if you don't want to; you can get up in ten minutes." Ten minutes later: "This is what you chose."
Screw around and find out is the rule. Only a fool argues/quarrels with his child or wife. Say it once and only once. Keep it concise and clear for everyone’s domestic peace and tranquility.
Agree with the choice thing to avoid sounding like a dictator, but I'd keep it binary. "Do you want the red one or the blue one?"
Yeah, only two choices. Because in the end you're a parent and you're in charge.
When my son was 11, he was listening to thrash metal and other hard stuff. I said he was too young for that, hid his cassettes and replaced them with some Chuck Berry, Beatles and Motown. Always felt kinda bad about that, so when he turned 21 and was away at college, I sent him his forbidden tapes. He laughed.
Most-often heard expression from their mom and me while our two sons were growing up: "Because I said so."
This is why college students today have temper tantrums when they don't get their way.
Husband!
"The sweat drips off my forehead, prickles of anxiety coursing through my body, as I ask my husband if the 5-year-old’s lunch has been made while digging through a mountain of discarded clothes for socks and gloves that match."
Never parent in a way that you will hate your child or yourself.
Blogger Temujin said...
People work better with direction than they do with options
This is true even of adults. Decision Theory predicts this and experience in medicine confirms it. If patients are given a choice of medications for a simple condition like arthritis of the knee, they are less likely to fill the prescription than if only one choice is recommended. There was an article in New England Journal a few years ago confirming this.
Children are NOT prepared for choices in anything important.
I was just talking to my daughter about this. She’s friends w/a couple of boys(20ish) and they were w/raised gently.
They both joined the Army after graduation.
How funny is that? Good fences make good neighbors.
Boundaries.
Choice??
My way, or the hi-way!! My kids turned out alright.
A lot of good can be accomplished simply by telling children this is what we do."
But it might hurt their feelings!
A lot of the way people (parents, teacher's groups) seem to be dealing with kids these days seems to come from resentment they had toward their own parents as kids. Or resentment they imagine other people had.
I didn't like being told no. So no saying no anymore. I didn't like having decisions being made for me. So now kids make all the decisions.
My friend Billy had trouble coming out to his parents as gay. So parents must be left out of this loop and friendly teachers should be their guides.
She's not doing it right.
You say, "We have chocolate ice cream or vanilla. Which would you like?" If the kid says, "I want strawberry," you say, "I wish we had strawberry but we don't. Chocolate, vanilla, or no ice cream. Those are the choices. Which would you like?"
???? Do these progressives not know that it is the 21st Century, not the 1970s?
All this "gentle parenting" sounds like Ned Flanders parents.
https://youtu.be/lOTyUfOHgas
Without accountability there is no responsibility. Choice with responsibility form the foundation of liberty.
Sometimes I offer my child a choice, sometimes I don't. It depends on the circumstances.
My version of gentle parenting is I try not to be a "do as I say, not as I do" parent and I explain the thinking behind my decisions, so hopefully she'll see they aren't gratuitous and will be willing to accept them even when she doesn't like them.
You can also say, "If you really like strawberry we can put it on the shopping list for next time. Should we do that?"
It's not that hard to let kids choose within boundaries the parent sets.
You give your kids a choice?
As a gentle parent myself, WAY too many so-called “gentle” parents are in actuality “permissive” parents. I did not read the entire article, but in the example above, I don’t understand why the mother didn’t offer different flavor options to start with. Even if the kid picked a flavor she thought he might not like, she easily could have let him try a spoonful first before making him commit to a full bowl. Of course, if the kid did originally pick that flavor himself, then there was no need for her to cater to his flighty tongue. As I said, I’m a gentle parent, but in that situation I still would have told my kid, “Sorry bud, it’s the flavor you picked. I’m not a short order cook.”
Also, I certainly hope she doesn’t say yes every single time her kid asks for ice cream. It IS okay to say no as a gentle parent. In our house, the word “no,” is almost always followed by, “but here is what you CAN have.”
This is only somewhat related to gentle parenting, but it’s something that stuck with me - I used to work at Disney for over a decade. We were often told that when spieling to guests, we were supposed to tell them what they can or should do, NOT what they can’t do. Or phrase things positively instead of negatively. Things like, “remain seated” instead of “don’t stand up.” Or “The park is open until…” instead of “The park closes at….” That’s how I try to parent. I focus on what the kids CAN or SHOULD do. Usually. I mean, obviously, sometimes you have to tell kids “no, you can’t do that.” But…not nearly as often as people think. Often, the, “no, but here are other options….” Is all it takes to avoid a meltdown.
Only a fool argues/quarrels with his child or wife. Say it once and only once.
The first part I get completely. The second part, as to the wife, uh....nah.
- Krumhorn
Options... My father always gave us two choices for dinner:
Take it, or leave it.
You the man, DanTheMan’s dad!
Spaz Pelosi has all the ice creams.
Embrace the power of "and." An adult can offer a child a choice AND still have firm boundaries. Sometimes there is no choice to be made and the adult can make that clear. Or the dialogue can look like this: If you would like a snack, we have X crackers and Y kind of fruit. Kid doesn't have to have a snack at all (choice) and if they want one, they can have X cracker (choice) or Y fruit (choice) or both cracker and fruit (choice). So that's four choices the child can make, all of them reasonable, and none of them will turn the adult into a dancing bear.
There are ALWAYS options..
option a: demand blueberry ice cream, and receive blueberry ice cream
option b: demand blueberry ice cream, and receive spanking
The child decides which fork of the path.. The parent decides where that path leads.
If screaming and whining leads to blueberry ice cream.. Get used to screaming and whining
If you subsidize something you will get more of it
ps. I could REALLY go, for a huckleberry milkshake right about now
WAAAAA!!! WHAAA!!!!!! WHAAA!!!! WAAA!!!
Remember, if you have only two choices, and you take away one of them....
....you are left with zero choices.
Rainbow Star!
Biden After 6 Dead in School Shooting: Came Down Because I Heard There was Chocolate Chip Ice Cream
You know how grounded you are?
"I used to have three theories on raising children. Now I have three children and no theories." - 1940s joke
Take it, or leave it.
Take it or wait with it. Waste not, want not, everything was offered with good reasons and good intentions.
"Education, Appreciation, Patience, and Productivity" are the four pillars of a quality life.
As several other commenters have pointed out, it's good to give kids limited choices - which pajamas are you wearing out of the ones in your drawer, which of the 2 ice cream flavors that we have would you like, are you playing soccer or fall baseball this year, which 4 friends are you inviting to your birthday sleepover, etc. Parents DO have to teach kids to make decisions and then live with those decisions, so age-appropriate and limited choices can be good.
When my older son was a freshman in HS, he wanted to quit football and focus on rugby. I thought this was a lousy idea but my husband and I decided that it was more important that he figure out what to do on his own and then live with it. So he quit football ... and was "most improved" rugby player in his sophomore year, and one of only 3 "Spartans" in the team's 10 year history as a senior (given to those who didn't die on the field but not for lack of trying). Watching him play those 3 years, seeing him get that award - and knowing it was 100% his decision to focus on rugby and to work as hard as he did - those are some good parenting moments.
Only a fool argues/quarrels with his child or wife. Say it once and only once.
Essential Development Theory (EDT) guides parenting of the child. Essential Life Theory (ELT) guides a relationship with your spouse.
I have always felt that we lost a lot when people left the farm for the city and kids no longer had to participate in the daily chores that keep a farm running. There is nothing we can do to replace that loss, but a glimpse of the discipline that is applied by the forces of nature ( now parents) would not hurt. Our kids are not our friends, they are individuals who need guidance and discipline to learn the hard ways of the world - of course that guidance should be tempered with love and patience, but it needs to be guidance not indulgence.
"you try and offer alternatives"
So first you try -- what do you try? Author doesn't tell us. Just leaves it there. You try.
And you also offer alternatives. So whenever you decide you've done all the trying you are going to do, you then offer alternatives.
The timing of this perplexes me. Not sure how the child would react, but it probably has less patience than an adult such as I possess.
Perhaps this author should simply try to offer alternatives. That way he could accomplish both things, the trying and the offering, and it sounds potentially much less time-consuming.
She's definitely doing it wrong. Gentle parenting is telling the three year old to sit at the table for dinner, and when the child screams "NO!", asking if they want this side of the booster seat up, or should we flip it over?
Gentle parenting is when getting ready to leave, you ask the child if they want mom to help them put their shoes on or do they want to do it themselves?
It's about heading off a battle of wills by allowing the child some control. It works, but what she's doing doesn't work.
Enigma said...
"The rise of divorces and single parents likely brought an end to the old-timey Mother's standard disciplinary phrase: "Wait until your father gets home."
-------
I agree. My father was a WWII army infantry soldier. When my brothers and I would do something incredibly stupid, like playing war with our BB guns and shooting BB's at each other, my father would take us to the basement, take off his leather belt, and whack us on the ass several times. It hurt like hell. But it worked. Next time we misbehaved around Mom, and Dad was away, all she had to say was "Wait until your father gets home." That was enough for us to stop what we were doing.
There are more similarities in raising kids and training puppies than many people want to acknowledge.
@Meade: Only a fool argues/quarrels with his child or wife. Say it once and only once.
May the Crane of Random Feminine Mercy (your protective icon, I believe) gently pick up all your pieces after Ann sees that one, Dude.
>>You the man, DanTheMan’s dad!
He was.
But to be fair, sometimes we had other choices... such as "Like it or lump it." :)
I'm probably one of the only commenter who has younger kids. I've never done this. It sounds insane.
#NoJudgment #NoLabels #NoResponsibility in the modern model of governance, and parenting, too?
@natatomic -- *thumbs up*
It's about heading off a battle of wills by allowing the child some control.
Exactly. It's useful with toddlers who have just learned the word, "no" and want to say it to any request you make. So, instead of telling them to put on the red shirt, or asking if they want to wear their red shirt, you ask if they want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt. You have control, they have the illusion of some control.
If a parent caters to their child's whims so much that the parent occasionally resents the child (for behavior the parent is teaching/reinforcing), how will strangers feel about the child? What the author is doing sounds like a way to raise an dislikeable child.
You know how grounded you are?
Well, he will grounded at age 20 after being convicted of a murder with a hammer.
Growing up, I always got the choice between "this or nothing".
I'm a Boomer, and my parents would have guffawed at Gentle Parenting of their four sons, especially my widowed mother, who could not intimidate the way dad could before he died.
My wife was Gentle Parented by her father, being the only girl after boys and the youngest for eight years, and was pretty cooperative and well-behaved so didn't need much tough love.
We were much gentler with our son than we might have been, but then he was a better kid than I was, for sure.
"I think young parents may not realize how influential they are to their children." Is this something new? Seems like a logical progression from my generation's failure in raising the generation now known as "boomers". Ensuing generations continued these failures but it remains whether the progression was arithmetic or geometric.
My mother always gave us a choice at dinner: take it out leave it.
You say, "We have chocolate ice cream or vanilla. Which would you like?" If the kid says, "I want strawberry," you say, "I wish we had strawberry but we don't. Chocolate, vanilla, or no ice cream. Those are the choices. Which would you like?"
We'd leave out the bolded part.
Our schtick was no more than two choices from the age of like 2 1/2 to like 5, and only on important things like two flavors of ice cream - and for getting dressed for school, whatever. Our youngest had his pre-K school picture taken dressed as Indiana Jones - a true resignation of who he was at the age of almost 5. Our daughter wore princess costumes to preschool fairly frequently, often with her favorite Halloween themed tights. Because it wasn't important.
Getting dressed for church - we'd give them a choice of appropriate clothes.
What's for dinner - no choices, though once I knew a child or children had tried but really hated a food, I might modify a recipe for the time being and reintroduce it later.
Whether to get in the car when we say or wear a bike helmet or not cross the street or go to the store when it was time - no choices.
We never spanked, we yelled seldom, we have reasons for safety rules, and we never used the "It's time to whatever, OK?" or "It's not nice to whatever, OK?" because it sounded too much like asking the child for permission. And we tried never to make any promise we weren't in full control of keeping.
Gentle Patenting = single women parents who have no other friends and desperately need to be friends with their kids.
OT:
People dead. Killed by transgender rage - and Biden wants to talk icecream
wow
https://twitter.com/CollinRugg/status/1640428884276686850
MFarmG- that and a praying family.
I sing in a senior choir- I sit behind a set of twins, almost 80yrs old. I love them.
It occurred to me, as I watch them pray together- that they were raised praying together. In French.
I really miss the old families and their values. As hard as I try to keep those habits and teach those values, this world is so different.
Have we forgotten the difference between a child able to make a decision and one who does not have the cognitive maturity to so do?
This was not intend as a swipe at Joe Biden.
"I have always felt that we lost a lot when people left the farm for the city and kids no longer had to participate in the daily chores that keep a farm running."
I didn't grow up on a farm but I (along with my brother and sister) was certainly expected to participate in daily chores. Actually, "expected" is probably not the right word as it suggests that there was an option when it came to participation.
Late 40's early 50's dinner time was family sit down. You ate what was served or you didn't BUT if you didn't you got no late-night snacks with dad watching YOU BET YOUR LIFE and you had to sit at table until dinner was over and then we were excused (to do dishes and clean up). Those were the options. That all changed when families stopped eating at table and both parents worked so we were taught to cook very early in life. Moms- BELL TELEPHONE OPERATOR (ONE RINGY DINGY) POPS- motorcycle cop riding a beautiful Indian and later a Detective. DRAGNET, (Badge 714, still play that number) BIG CITY, CAVALCADE OF STARS, all early HONEYMOONERS (before Joyce Meadows) all on the round screen TV. No such thing as easy parenting, time out, alternative choices etc. My children (nearing 60 and late 50's were parented pretty closely to my youth. WE are all fine! :)
I’m okay with giving kids choices while still being in charge. You tell the child “You can have x or y. Which would you like?” And you’re the one deciding what the choices are. If the kid doesn’t want either choice then too bad. Tell them, “ Those are the choices.” You can’t leave it wide open. That puts the child in charge and that’s never a good thing.
I’d ask my mom for something sweet before dinner and she’d tell me to eat an apple. There weren’t many choices in the 50s and 60s.
She's not doing it right.
You say, "We have chocolate ice cream or vanilla. Which would you like?" If the kid says, "I want strawberry," you say, "I wish we had strawberry but we don't. Chocolate, vanilla, or no ice cream. Those are the choices. Which would you like?"
Exactly! Same thing I just said. ^^^
That is how it’s done. You give them a choice so they feel like they are in charge but you’re in charge of their choices. Worked well with our daughter. She turned out great and is making big bucks while happily married(as much as anyone can be) and raising twin 2 year old boys.
I agree with all the commenters who said kids want guidance, not options. Options would actually make my kid more stressed.
I don't know how this parenting theory went so far off the rails. You're supposed to give options in situations where the kids can learn consequences. Good example from a friend at bedtime: In 15 minutes, I'm going to be in your room reading a story about trains (kid's favorite thing). If the kid gets ready for bed and joins her, win-win, bedtime battle solved. If he chooses to dink around for 15 minutes and then wants to stay up late to read the story, too bad. You made your choice, kid.
And public or private...... it sure sounds like this person did not set and enforce expectations about, of all things, being on time for school. I'm hoping "blunt" was a watered down version of yelling at them to get in the car NOW or I will pick out your clothes myself (rather than you having the option) for the rest of the week. Do the parenting. And not only will that teach the kid that some things are non-negotiable, it will help the teacher avoid the disruption of getting one kid ready for the day after all the other kids were on time
As poor as we were, my Mom always gave us two choices for dinner, take it or leave it.
"Whosoever spareth the rod, spoileth the child." Proverbs 13:24. Of course, today's lefty parents are so busy virtue signaling that they could care less about their children's development.
Growing up in the 50's there were never options for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.
There's always a Choice... uh, choice, some more final, more wicked than others. A twilight faith, ethical religion, and liberal ideology. Good luck with that model.
The affordable, available, taxable womb in the "kitchen".
It's interesting that she's only talking about preserving her own temper, not contemplating whether the child might be better off if the parent — much of the time — just showed — or told — the child what to do.
The Left believes it's ok for teachers to tell children what to do. but not parents. This mother is a victim of left wing ideology
I haven't looked into the credo of "gentle parenting," but I don't see why gentleness involves making the child the decision-maker.
Because if you allow parents to tell their children what to do, then you end up with "right wing evils" like a "parents' bill of rights" where the gov't is forcing instruments of the Left like schools to actually defer to the parents!
Can't have that!
So much better to have a world where ignorant children, guided by their left wing indoctrination in public schools, make all the decisions.
You know, like deciding that they're "trans" for the social credit, and getting chemically castrated with puberty blockers, without any input from their parents
And I don't see why telling the child what to do — getting ready for school and so forth — is being "pretty blunt."
Because it's the start of a slippery slope. First they tell you you have to go to school, then they tell you you can't take puberty blockers or change your sex, then they tell you you can't have an abortion!
We can't have that!
“Next time we misbehaved around Mom, and Dad was away, all she had to say was "Wait until your father gets home." That was enough for us to stop what we were doing.”
I think that it was when I was in Jr High when I discovered that this didn’t work, at least for me. My mother couldn’t keep her mad on that long, and with 5 sons, never remembered to tell my father of my alleged infractions. Or, maybe she was, by then, too intent on giving my father a pleasant welcome home and dinner, after a hard day at the office (esp stressful at the time because he became senior partner in his law firm, and was being undermined by the brother-in-law of the president of their biggest client). My partner though, thought things through more, and would either solve the problem herself to her satisfaction, or, on the rare times that she made that threat, carried through with it. She is famous for her saying that she said what she did, and did what she said, with the 4 kids she was raising. And she is right - it was a mistake on my mother’s part to make threats that she wasn’t going to carry through (though I expect that she did expect to, when she made the threat).
I would have loved to have raised kids with her, though the mother of my daughter was almost as good at it. When I posed the dilemma to her yesterday, she would said that she would have all so offered to swirl the two flavors together, and asked what the kid wanted next time, and had that available then. Treats weren’t a usual circumstance, so some catering to the kid was in order. Normal meals with the family were just that, and the kids got what everyone at the table got, and for the most part, were expected to eat it. Definitely no seconds before cleaning their plate beforehand. And similarly, on Sundays, when they typically got a treat, no treat until then either. Her daughter, the youngest of the four was just as stubborn, and ended up spending the night at the table on a couple of occasions, for her refusal to eat her meat. She has turned into a delight - most of the time, but on rare occasion, I get caught between the two of them, when her mother won’t take her calls. Both have the bad habit of calling back until you answer, and that can mean dozens of calls. The daughter now switches to calling me after a dozen unanswered calls to her mother. And I get caught between the two of them, because I don’t have either of their adamancy.
With that trait, she was a trial to her mother at times. She got “left” a couple of times. One time she wouldn’t leave the mall. Was having too much fun. So her mother gave her a hug goodbye, telling her to be careful, because she was small enough, and cute enough, that someone might just carry her off. And if that happened, her mother wanted one last hug. Then walked off. Just as she was losing sight of her mother, the daughter panicked, gave in, and came running and crying to her mother. And didn’t try that again. If that sounds cruel and calloused, it wasn’t. Her mother never let her out of sight, and would have been all mama bear if anyone tried anything with the daughter. Had to, one time when the daughter had a fit at the mall, when she wanted to be carried (she had an adoring aunt who did just that whenever they were together). One helpful bystander tried to pick the daughter up. My partner got in her face, and threatened to get the police involved for kidnapping. And she would have.
We always treated the kids like the self absorbed creatures they are. As such they were the happiest with clear simple procedures. Lots of things did not require thought. a look was sufficient to keep them in line. More than one of our friends warned we were taking the kid our of them. Breaking their free spirit. We always told them our kid was going to be their kid's boss.
That's what has happened.
Our kids have lots of friends, and raise their kids almost the same way.
The grand kids, have the same rules. Grandpa has an end table next to his chair. The grand kids learned that grandpas stuff could not be touched. No lectures, no explanation.
The fact is, kids feel secure and safe, with known, hard boundaries. They don't really like to make decisions. We gave are kids more options as they matured and able to handle the responsibility.
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