Althouse: At the New Year's Café...

January 1, 2023

At the New Year's Café...

... you can walk way out onto the ice.

31 comments:

Lem the artificially intelligent said...: Dr. John Campbells Awakening: The End of evidence-based Medicine

The video chronicles how the good doctor started believing what we were told by health authorities, to his... descend? into "conspiracy theories territory, when what the health authorities were saying, and reported evidence stopped making sense.; 1/1/23, 8:00 PM
Lem the artificially intelligent said...: If a man really could become a woman…

link to Darkhorse podcast clip

One day Andrew Tate wakes up in a Romanian prison and he is now she.; 1/1/23, 8:19 PM
Big Mike said...: .. you can walk way out onto the ice.

No we can’t. According to Howard the Fool we’re all wildly overweight and would break right through.

Or perhaps he’s wrong.; 1/1/23, 8:40 PM
Lurker21 said...: ... you can also fall through and drown ...

Barbados wants reparations from Benedict Cumberbatch for the slaves his ancestors owned 200 years ago. Ben's mom feared something like this would happen and told him not to use the family name when he went into showbiz, but I guess he couldn't come up with anything more catchy than "Benedict Cumberbatch."; 1/1/23, 8:49 PM
Lem the artificially intelligent said...: You are the voice of a governmental department and you are testifying before Congress and you don’t know the answer to this question?

link to tell tale video

One day when we find out nothing is working, we’re also going to find out nothing has been working for a long while.; 1/1/23, 9:55 PM
Saint Croix said...: The first draft of my first pro-life book, I wanted to be anonymous. I called myself Anonymous Pro-Lifer. It was on my title page and everything.

Why did I want to be anonymous? Fear. I was terrified of my mean pro-life book. I don't even know if I should call it a "pro-life book." It's more anti-anti-anti-anti-anti-abortion. It's way more Johnny Rotten than Mother Theresa, let me put it that way. And I had a serious (and entirely rational) fear that I would never get laid again.

So I was going to be anonymous. If I had to yell at the universe to defend my cowardice, I would yell something like this. "Just like Publius! Publius was anonymous! They were anonymous as shit! You can be anonymous and still be moral and important and shit. I want to be pro-life and anonymous so I can still fuck girls. What's wrong with that, universe?! What's wrong with that?"

So that was my master plan. You can believe me or not when I insist I am a coward who loves orgasms and wants to fuck the ladies while trying to separate out my pro-life advocacy intellectually and hypocritically because I don't want to mess up my fucking orgasms.

Anyway, I was driving my car, happy with my anonymous shit, and I hear a little voice in my head that did not come from me.

"You need to put your name on it."

So that's what I did.

Sometimes (not always) I do what I'm told. I'm obedient and I follow. Because I am not God. And I recognize an authority higher than myself.; 1/1/23, 10:12 PM
Clark said...: @rhhardin last night: "Every so often a surprising recording of Bach (usually a transcription) turns up Víkingur Ólafsson Organ Sonata 4 (transcribed) adagio"

rhh linked to this video: J.S. Bach: Organ Sonata No. 4, BWV 528 - II. Andante [Adagio] (Transcr. by August Stradal).

Thank you! This guy Ólafsson is the real deal. There are many Youtube / Deutsche Grammophon videos of him playing Bach. This is an extraordinary pianist.; 1/1/23, 10:58 PM
Saint Croix said...: In my workout group at much church, my nickname is Soundtrack. (Everybody gets a nickname, and if you complain, they give you a worse nickname).

This is because I make a lot of noise when I work out. Sometimes I'm cursing in the church parking lot. I don't mean to, it just pops out of me. Mostly it's grunting and other animal noises. I sound like an animal. They all laugh at me, my Christian brothers, because I make so much noise.; 1/1/23, 11:56 PM
Saint Croix said...: I'm a big fan of dogs and other animals. They’re cute, especially puppies. We don’t eat puppies because they are cute.

There's a guy on this blog who shall remain nameless -- I actually can't remember which damn hillbilly keeps saying this shit -- that we love babies because they are cute.

No, dummy. We love babies because the human race needs to reproduce and grow!

It's entirely possible we have to populate an empty fucking universe! Think of that shit, dummy! We got to fuck and fuck some more! We got to build rocket ships and put people on fucking Mars or wherever that damn billionaire thinks he can fly us. (We'll see, motherfucker, we'll see!); 1/2/23, 12:42 AM
Saint Croix said...: If we ever have some horrific event that takes out all the grocery stores, and I got to kill a cow with my bare hands, if you are wondering whether my highly schooled and Christian ass will ever have qualms about killing a cow, are you fucking kidding? Hunger is a thing, you dumb sons of bitches. It’s a reality! Try fasting for 72 hours before you ever make fun of Jesus of Nazareth. Just try it, wimps! No beer, no soft drinks, no sodas, no fucking food. Just water and nothing. Try that shit.

One time in a Bible study, we were reading about Jesus fasting for 40 days. I asked the group, “hey, have any of y’all done a fast?” And this really cute and quiet little old lady spoke up and said, “Yes.” And I said, because I wanted to brag about my 72 hours (might have been 62 hours, I get a little groggy), in my most polite and inquisitive voice, “How many days did you do, do you remember?” And she said, “It was a week, I think.”

I said, in a very loud and incredulous voice, “A WEEK?!?!?!”

And then she said, “It might have been six days, it was a long time ago.”

And I said, “I bet it was seven. I believe you.”

And no, I didn’t have a misogynist urge to beat her into the ground and win the fasting record. Far from it.

I was like this, internally: “I’ll let her have that win. That’s cool. I don’t need to beat that record. Nobody knows that she kicked my ass. I’ll just keep that to myself. She did a week. Motherfucker! And I believed her, too. She was like an angel or a former nun or some kick-ass Christian in the 110-pound category.

I didn’t get too depressed because I got a lot of confidence. Plus my happy and quick brain will shift topics if this one turns out to suck mashed potatoes. And then I get the amnesia and forget about my stupid shit.; 1/2/23, 12:56 AM
Saint Croix said...: The coolest thing about Bible study, if you're a man who has never been to Bible study, is that your instructor is Jesus, and he's the best, absolute best, rabbi in the world. If you think you're a better rabbi than Jesus, dude, I will smack you down and I'm like a miniature poodle next to that massive moral thinker, Jesus of Nazareth.

Church is fun, and friendly, and happy. It's a safe place to meet. It's a safe space, church. And kind of boring. You want sweet people hugging you and safe music? You want a safe place for kids? Church is for you.

Bible study is where all the action is. You want to scuffle with some intellectual fighters, Jesus is the man to study. You may or may not want to do that. But if you like a good moral fight between right and wrong? Bible study.

If the Jews or the Hindus or the atheists or anybody wants to wrestle with Christianity, forget the fakers and the liars and the frauds and the sinners. Forget all the human beings trying to follow Jesus. We suck at it! We’re like Peter or Paul or John or Thomas or any of the other sinners trying to follow Jesus. Or worse!

The scary thing isn’t the Christians. We’re sinners, just like you are. Go into a Bible study and wrestle with that rabbi, Jesus. Don’t be scared! I know it’s scary to go in a strange place. Just try it.; 1/2/23, 1:08 AM
Saint Croix said...: All of you people loving the dogs on the Althouse blog ought to practice your human baby love a little more.

Make baby-talking fashionable, you fucking fashion fashionistas. Can you do that shit?! I doubt it!; 1/2/23, 1:19 AM
Saint Croix said...: 2:19 bedtime done; 1/2/23, 1:20 AM
Saint Croix said...: I'm great at sex.

I'm shitty at relationships.

Intimacy is fragile and we need to protect it.; 1/2/23, 2:38 AM
Saint Croix said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 1/2/23, 5:35 AM
Saint Croix said...: One of you hillbillies remind me to give the hypothetical example of the 3rd grade dropout at the carcass of a dead cow killed by me with a sledgehammer. I've got the outline but I seriously have to work out right now. Remind me on Tuesday or it might be lost forever. (Okay if it is, no worries)

Narr, by the way, you are now officially a rocking Hillbilly. Thanks so much for your awesome contributions. (This is not official so Althouse might strip you of this medal, she is a bad-ass).; 1/2/23, 5:36 AM
BUMBLE BEE said...: In seconding Clark's comment on that wonderful pianist, I offer this to pipe organ fans...
http://www.blockmrecords.org/bach/
As Bach would hear his own works.; 1/2/23, 6:44 AM
MadTownGuy said...: In Its Race for Global Power, CCP Has Numerical Score for Every Nation It Wants to Overtake: Analyst

"As part of its strategy of entropic warfare, the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) ranks countries according to an empirical value or score that it calls the comprehensive national power numerical value. The CCP then empirically measures what it would need to overtake them, with an aim to be number one in the world, according to Cleo Pascal, a senior fellow at the Foundation for Defense of Democracies.

“The overt, stated goal of China is to be number one in the world in terms of comprehensive national power … In a relative sense, if you’ve knocked [other countries] down, you’re doing better than they are,” Paskal said during an interview on “American Thought Leaders,” an EpochTV program.

Understanding China’s concept of “comprehensive national power” (CNP), which was adopted in the 1990s, is key to understanding China’s foreign policy strategy, Pascal said in her congressional testimony (pdf) before the House Foreign Affairs Subcommittee on Asia, the Pacific, Central Asia, and Nonproliferation last year.

“For the Chinese Communist Party (CCP), CNP is an actual number,” Pascal told the House Foreign Affairs Committee before quoting Captain (Ret.) Bernard Moreland, a former U.S. Coast Guard liaison to Beijing.

According to Pascal, Moreland had defined CCP’s CNP score as an objective metric.

‘Beijing constantly calculates and recalculates China’s CNP relative to other nations the same way many of us watch our 401(k) grow. The [CCP is] obsessed with engineering and calculating everything and believe[s] that all issues can be reduced to numbers and algorithms. This is what they mean when they euphemistically refer to ‘scientific approaches,'” Pascal quoted Moreland.

Pascal explained the linkage between entropic warfare and CNP score to American Thoughts Leaders host Jan Jekielek, and how the two are intertwined in the CCP’s strategy to gain global dominance.

“A state of entropy is when things start to fall apart or fragment and become chaotic. If you look at how the Chinese Communist Party conducts its political warfare and targets countries, part of it is entropic warfare—to get there, it helps us to understand the goal of the Chinese Communist Party’s foreign policy. A core component of that is—and we see it in the Chinese think tanks—is comprehensive national power,” said Pascal."

I wonder what Brazil's CNP is.; 1/2/23, 7:09 AM
Narr said...: Saint Croix--

Thanks, I'll take the Hillbilly tag. It won't be the first time an award has been made to me that I didn't even know existed.

LemFTA mentions Dr. John Campbell. I've become a fan.; 1/2/23, 10:27 AM
Biff said...: Careful on the ice! A New Year's tragedy on a state park/reservoir where I spent a lot of time camping as a boy: "Two Men Found Dead After Ice Fishing in Morris County Reservoir"

On a very different topic, I second Clark's recommendation of Víkingur Ólafsson. If you like music for the piano, Ólafsson has some very interesting material.; 1/2/23, 10:55 AM
Saint Croix said...: What the Afterlife Might Be Like.

(a very tiny short story)

Laurence Tribe: "Please don't rape me. I know I've got a lot of sins. I'm really sorry. I'm so fucking sorry."

Demonic Voices: "We do not care. You are a White Man. Your crime is slavery. We are going to rape you for slavery."

Laurence Tribe: "But I didn't own any slaves!"

Joseph Stalin: "Slavery was in the 19th century."

Laurence Tribe: "That's right."

Joseph Stalin: "You lived in the 20th century."

Laurence Tribe: "Right!" Laurence Tribe points at Stalin. "This guy knows what I'm talking about. I haven't killed anybody, I haven't raped anybody, I haven't been to prison. I haven't done anything wrong. No crimes at all. I'm telling the truth! Maybe a parking ticket. I'm a good guy!"

Little Man From Scotland: "We're going to Fook you up the ass with a Louisville Slugger!"

Cannibals: "This is going to be fun."

Attila the Hun: "Can I eat his foot?"

Klansman: "Holy fuck you're in trouble."; 1/2/23, 11:36 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "Holy shit, it's the Klan. Am I in hell already?"

Rabbi: "Yes."

Laurence Tribe: "Who the fuck are you?"

Rabbi: "You can call me JC."

Laurence Tribe: "Well, fuck you, JC."

Rabbi: "Okay. Calm down."

Laurence Tribe: "You're scared of me, aren't you?"

The Rabbi shrugs. "A little."

Laurence Tribe: "That's right, motherfucker. I might look like a soft white man from Harvard University. But in secret, I am mean as shit. I scare the fuck out of everybody. Ask my students. Don't. Fuck. With. Me."

Rabbi: "Rape him."

Laurence Tribe: What? No! Let me start over.

Rabbi: "Rape him."

Laurence Tribe: "Wait, wait, wait! Holy fuck. You're scaring the crap out of me. Okay, I'm not a bad person."

Rabbi: "Rape him."

Laurence Tribe: "Wait, wait, wait! Am I prison? Is this hell? Is this a gang rape? I know anal sex isn't fun. Boy George told me that one time."

Boy George: "Well, it depends on what they rape you with."; 1/2/23, 11:37 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "Motherfucker! You're scaring the shit out of me."

There's a strange look on Professor Laurence Tribe's face.

Rabbi: "What's the matter, Lawrence?"

Viking: "What's the frequency, Kenneth?"

Sid Vicious: "Let's rape him now!"

Rabbi: "Sidney."

Sid Vicious: "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm not a Nazi."

Rabbi: "Go play in the sandbox, Sid."

Sid Vicious: "Right!" Sid runs out of the room.

Klansman: "You are so dumb, Laurence Tribe, you fucking Ivy League moron."

Charles Darwin: "You're crime is baby murder."

All of humanity: "Baby murder!"

Ice-T: "It's just as bad as slavery. Except it's worse because they are little babies."

Harry Blackmun: "I'm really sorry, Larry. It's my fault. But you could have stopped it."; 1/2/23, 11:38 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "Holy shit, that's Clarence Thomas." Clarence Thomas gives Laurence Tribe a little wave. Laurence Tribe gives him a weak wave back.

Clarence Thomas: "Hi, Larry. How you doing?"

Laurence Tribe: "Shitty. Shitty. Very shitty. I got a $9000 ruined because I have shit, flowing shit, down my leg."

Clarence Thomas: "Right leg or left leg?"

Rabbi: "You have 10 seconds."

Laurence Tribe drops down to the doggy position. "I am sorry. Clarence! I am so sorry. Sorry! Really sorry! Please please please do not rape me with that Louisville slugger for all eternity."

Rabbi: "Rape him."

Laurence Tribe: "No, no, no!"

Viking (whisper): "Why does every man in the universe get into the doggy position?"

Jack the Ripper (whisper): "Damn if I know."

Viking (whisper): "Did you get in the doggy position?"

Jack the Ripper (whisper): "Oi!"; 1/2/23, 11:40 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "--definitely not a racist. It's ridiculous!
I hate white people. White men are the worst. And I know my skin appears to be white. But you should also know I can produce a DNA analysis...fuck."

Rabbi: "What's the matter?"

Laurence Tribe: "I just shit my pants again! Twice! Holy fuck! This is a Gucci -- never mind. I'm going to write a check. A big check. To everybody. I will pay everybody $10,000 to rape this guy!"

Laurence Tribe tries to stand up and cannot stand up. He looks at Clarence Thomas. "Okay, I bluffed, and maybe I lied a little. Maybe there was a little, you know, Nixon stuff, we all do it. Holy shit. Clarence, please don't rape me up the ass for all eternity."

Rabbi: "That's what we call it. Holy Shit."

Laurence Tribe: "Holy shit. Holy shit. You call it Holy shit? Raping me with a Louisville Slugger?"

Rabbi: "No, sorry, bit of a confusion. The shit running down your Gucci suit pants is the Holy Shit."

Laurence Tribe: "Holy shit."

Rabbi: "Yes."

Laurence Tribe: "No, I mean, I'm naked."

Rabbi: "Yes."; 1/2/23, 11:41 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "My Gucci suit is gone, I've got shit all over me. Oh my God. Clarence why are you walking up behind me?!. Holy shit. Am I in hell?"

Rabbi: "Yes."

Laurence Tribe: "Are you Jewish?"

Rabbi: "Yes."

Laurence Tribe: "I knew it! Jesus was a fucking liar! I knew it. I knew it!"

Rabbi: "Rape him."

Laurence Tribe: "No! No!"

Laurence Tribe starts twerking, and then he drops to the ground, and then Clarence Thomas rapes him with a Louisville slugger up the ass. It's very painful and Tribe is crying and screaming.

Laurence Tribe: OH MY GOD IT'S SO PAINFUL, MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP I'M BLEEDING OUT OF MY NOSTRILS HOLY FUCK THIS HURTS MOTHERFUCKER OH GOD OH GOD I BEG YOU PLEASE FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME FORGIVE ME."

Rabbi: "Time!"; 1/2/23, 11:42 AM
Saint Croix said...: Laurence Tribe: "Whoa. Holy shit that was painful."

All of humanity: "Yes."

Laurence Tribe: "How long was I raped?"

The Rabbi looks at a stopwatch.

Rabbi: "One point six seconds."

Klansmen and Nazis and Ice-T all whistle, impressed.

Ice-T: "That's a record!"

Klansman: "This week."; 1/2/23, 11:43 AM
Saint Croix said...: (apologies if I omitted part of this little saga, it's a little long)

Bill Clinton: "Can I ask a question?"

All of humanity: "Hillary is fine."

Bill Clinton: "I'm just a little worried."

Rabbi: "I understand. She's in a safe place."

Bill Clinton: "Really?"

Adolf Hitler: "I'm sure she's fine, Bill."

Barack Obama: "I might have the record. I was raped by a Q-tip for 10 seconds."

Laurence Tribe: "Fuck you, Barry."

Clarence Thomas: "That's what I'm talking about. Harvard Pussy rage!"

Ice-T: "I knew that motherfucker had some rage."

Barrack Obama: "Okay, guys, seriously, who has the record? It's Mohammad, right? Mohammad's got the record?"

Rabbi: "What record?"

Barrack Obama: "The record for torture in the afterlife. You said it wasn't Mao."

Humanity: "Six seconds with a chainsaw."

Barrack Obama: "And it's not Hitler."

Humanity: "Four minutes and seventeen seconds."

Ice-T: "I've seen that video. It's disgusting."

All the Jews: "We didn't want to rape him!"

Islamic Terrorists: "Those Jews are nice."

Southern Baptists: "Hugo Black had to rape him."

Klansman: "That's why I wear the mask. It's kind of funny, right?"

Barack Obama: "Who are you again?"

Klansman: "Hugo Black."

Barack Obama: "That name is so familiar."

Laurence Tribe: "Holy fuck, Barry, you took my ConLaw class. Hugo Black was on the Supreme Court."

Barack Obama: "Oh. Right. Yale man. I remember."

Ice-T: "Motherfucker! He was from Alabama!"

Barack Obama: "I knew that. Testing you, bitch. Maybe one day I'll show you my hockey skills."

Ice-T: "The fuck you say. I know you got a white dad."

Barrack Obama: "I cannot believe the ignorance I have encountered--"

All of Humanity: "No speeches!"; 1/2/23, 12:07 PM
Saint Croix said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 1/2/23, 12:07 PM
Saint Croix said...: and I accidentally deleted the whole second half

if you want the Saint Croix for Dummies brief version, my belief is that everybody goes to hell.

You, me, all of humanity.

We all go to hell.

For 1 second to three days.

(Jesus Christ, of course, has the record at three days).

The torture is horrific but very, very quick. And all the men feel great afterward and bond like brothers.

And it turns out that the Rabbi ("JC" or "Jesus") is in charge of all mankind.

This does not include womankind. And a lot of incels are very angry about that. There's a big wall and only the men who get an invitation by a hostess to go visit the woman's side and get laid.

(Afterlife sex is kind of old school).

Maybe a Catcher in the Rye reference or something? I haven't written the woman's story yet, and I messed up the man's story.

Sorry Althouse blog, my apologies, I seriously need some sleep. 36 hours without it now, ugh.; 1/2/23, 12:16 PM
Derve Swanson said...: This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.; 1/6/23, 5:08 AM