Says a commenter at the NYT, to an advice column LW — letter-writer — who mentors a younger woman and wonders whether it would be appropriate to advise her on "style issues," including upspeak. The mentor is also female, and she's worried that this kind of advice would "reinforce patriarchal nonsense."
The official NYT adviser says to "find that sweet spot between idealism and a realistic understanding of the workplace." I say "sweet spot"?! Isn't that reinforcing patriarchy? Why must the women dilute straight talk with sweetness?
And there's no need to email me to tell me that "sweet spot" is a technical term relating to sports equipment like tennis rackets. The NYT advice columnist did not use "sweet spot" in a way that relates to the center of a racket. She's visualizing it as a midpoint between extremes. To say "sweet" like that is more like saying put sugar in it.
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९ टिप्पण्या:
tcrosse writes:
"The large corporation in whose vineyards I labored employed many women with advanced STEM degrees. It offered speech therapy for those who still spoke like high school girls, with the promise that it would aid their advancement. Unfortunately, there were also a few men who spoke like high school girls...."
JK writes:
"I was an officer on research ships. I taught a couple of the young female officers not to end their helm commands in a question (upspeak). A command to the helmsman must be ended in a hard period the spurs immediate compliance even if they are inattentive in a long transit. In contrast, early in my career a woman I worked with commented on me using command voice all the time, which can be abrasive. The point is to become aware and use the right voice in context to influence, convince, command, seduce as desired.
"I’ve always wondered if the tendency to upspeak in young women was due to women in general more about seeking consensus. As such, without conscious thought, many women leave the door open even when they want to slam it shut. The bridge of a ship being one of the few places left where hash commands are appropriate. Many don’t realize they aren’t ending their statements in a period and grow frustrated when it doesn’t end the discussion or unwanted romantic pursuit. Again, voice control is a tool that we all could use more awareness of our use.
"Related is what I learned from reading of the Alexander Technique, developed to look at body alignment, at first for voice projection. Aligning my spine, neck and head as advised, with chin down, does permit more direct speaking from the diaphragm aiding in projection and the ability to project over a longer period without discomfort. A corollary of this is with the head tilted up, the voice is higher, weaker and more nasally. All traits more often associated with woman, who on the whole being shorter, tend to have their chin uplifted when speaking to another. Controlling how you hold your alignment and the tilt of the head can alter the voice and others’ perception of you. Works for shorter men as well. How much of the deep voice associated with tall men is a result of them literally talking down to people with their head tilted forward? Actor Edward James Olmos (5’9”) used the head down technique to good effect in his character on ‘Miami Vice’, Lieutenant Martin "Marty” Castillo, who had a low raspy voice and mysterious nature but brooked no argument."
Lucien writes:
"In the tradition of Edward Bennette Williams one may conduct effective cross-examination using statements that, by their tone, are understood as leading questions — all without sounding like a high-school girl.
"I don’t entirely agree with you about “sweet spot” but do think that a sweet spot is a recognizable/definable optimum point between two alternatives, rather than just a point of compromise at which a particular individual feels comfortable. I think the use you criticized was alongs the lines of the latter."
Chris writes:
"I have met many women who speak clearly and confidently, and many men who don’t. It seems more a personality issue to me than anything else. I do find that, whether the speaker is a man or a woman, a lower pitch makes a difference. A low voice is reassuring. So alto or bass is best.
"Upspeak diminishes credibility. As does mumbling. I am so soft spoken normally that in my first seminary speech class, in order for me to grow used to speaking more loudly, they sent me out in the woods to shout at trees."
Rob writes:
"I had three women partners in a BigLaw firm, whose speech and general demeanor as associates I would’ve described as “Valley Girl” if that term existed then. Each of them became high-earning second chair partners to alpha male partners controlling whale clients, and each enjoys a significant greater net worth than any of their male peers. Working with and around the alpha male partners, as they evaluated various smart, hard-charging associates over the years, I came to appreciate that these women didn’t pose the threat to the alpha’s role (or client relationship) that male associates might."
Assistant Village Idiot writes:
"I just want to offer some data here - not draw any large conclusions. I worked for forty years in female-dominated professions, nursing and then social work, and nearly all of my supervisors and well over half my team leaders were female. (This would be 50+ individuals, 40+ of whom were female.) I do sense that women in authority do act and speak differently than men, though it is hard to pin down. The speaking in particular remains highly varied, individual to individual, and was a factor in my evaluation of any of them only when it was a strong negative in a way that would be equally difficult in a male: coarse, always angry, not listening to others, arrogant, sarcastic or insulting, or unfiltered.
"It may be that verbal styles are different between the sexes and this has an effect that I was just not attuned to. Yet I was trained in theater, therapy, and public presentation and am usually quite aware of such things. I have to say that if there is anything to this at all, it is likely minor in most cases. Only if a mentee has an obviously annoying or off-putting style should it be much of an issue. I am making an effort here to remember the many different women in authority and how they spoke, and a few who may have had a deferential, stereotypically female way of speaking were easily capable of wielding authority nonetheless. Some did it well, some poorly, but upspeak and the like didn't seem to be the issue."
Carol writes:
Ann, uptalk drives me nuts and it seems every gen x to Millennial female in local government and nonprofits uses it.
But also, in my last "semi retirement" job, I noticed young men speaking softly, so weakly, as if they had just given up on life. I constantly had to get them to repeat and they still wouldn't speak up. And they're right across the desk from me!
If their wives or mothers were with them, they'd do the talking.
Are things that bad that they're all checking out? It makes me miss the hilarious, outspoken boys I knew in the early sixties. Remember those guys? A couple of them even became president.
RonF writes:
"Women's "constant smiles"? Where? I sure don't see any. Most women I see either have a neutral expression or look stressed or angry. This commentary I see from the left about women constantly smiling at men is nonsense."
Tom writes:
"Sorry Ann, you missed the mark with your aside about the "sweet spot". It is technically NOT the center of the racquet or bat, but the center of BALANCE of the object, and so a perfect metaphor as used by the author. When the ball is hit by the object at this sweet spot, it transfers the most power most efficiently to the ball. Hitting anywhere else on the bat or racquet is an unbalanced action and so not as powerful, often hurting the hands of the bats-person."
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