"Plague, fire, economic collapse and the daily reminder that we have a president who isn’t qualified to be head of a local block association … Come on, give me some happy headlines."

That's how Gail Collins begins her conversation with Bret Stephens in "Let’s Fret the Night Together/The Biden campaign and the world it’s playing out in are making us all nervous wrecks" (NYT).

Notice what's not on the list: "Plague, fire, economic collapse and [Trump]." Collins doesn't mention the riots! Sometimes a choice not to say a thing makes it more obvious than if you quietly mixed it in on a list.

I'll read the conversation anyway. At least the headline acknowledges anxiety about Biden.

I'll summarize. Stephens seems to interpret Collins's request for good news as a desire for reassurance that Biden will win. Stephens tortures her with the reminder that the polls were wrong in 2016, and his intuition is that Trump will win. He invites her to "tell me I’m wrong." And all she has is "You're wrong."

Pressed for some substance, she says Trump represented change in 2016 and now he doesn't. Stephens points out that Biden is an ancient Washington fixture, like Mondale and Dole.

Collins switches to complaining about the Electoral College — an old topic and something that has absolutely zero to do with the list of things that "are making us all nervous wrecks." It's more of a retreat into a fantasy world. It's like bellyaching that women have the vote. Or musing about the superiority of a "philosopher king."

They fret about the potential for a contested outcome. Wouldn't a big landslide be nice, saving us from a disturbing battle? They talk about the level of landslide needed to make Trump and his supporters stand down. But what will it take to make the Biden side accept a Trump victory? Did they ever accept the 2016 Trump victory? I think not.

Collins and Stephens muse about what it would take for Biden to "turn this into a romp." Stephens observes that the Woodward bombshell fizzled. He utters the sentence, "What works best against Trump is mockery, not moral thunder." As if there's some mockery of Trump left to be mocked. He's survived it all and responded with better mockery. He's probably the best mocker who's ever existed in the history of the United States, that I can tell you.

Collins says she'd like Biden to challenge Trump to a push-up competition again. It would be "an excellent reminder that whenever the president tries to depict Biden as old and doddering, we’re talking about a physically fit 77-year-old whose age is being attacked by an out-of-shape 74-year-old." Hey, Gail, the worry with Biden isn't about physical strength. It's about the brain.

Bret piles on "'Out-of-shape' is putting it delicately." I'm just about to do an image search on Stephens and Collins. Are they fat? Whether they are or not, most Americans are. Body-shaming is out of touch with America. Doesn't mean I didn't do that image search. Here: Collins and Stephens. Why should I read them if they are — or one of them is — not physically fit? Oh, and isn't there something Hitler-y about this demand for physical fitness?

After this, the conversation goes nowhere. They mention the upcoming debates and recommend trying to relax by watching football, going for walks, and having a dog.