Today in chapel, we confessed to plants. Together, we held our grief, joy, regret, hope, guilt and sorrow in prayer; offering them to the beings who sustain us but whose gift we too often fail to honor.
— Union Seminary (@UnionSeminary) September 17, 2019
What do you confess to the plants in your life? pic.twitter.com/tEs3Vm8oU4
September 18, 2019
"What do you confess to the plants in your life?"
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Worshipping the spirits in plants? That is the oldest known religion on the planet. Couldn't
they least move on to stars and insects?
Those plants are laughing their collective butts off.
"Not guilty" of confessing.
Is this some kind of AGW virtue signaling? Gosh, why can’t the Democrats be normal?
Come on down, my children. Come on down to the Human Pagoda.
Touch flesh to leaf. Pray to these green Gods, and the Gods behind the Gods, becoming One Cosmic Community.
The Life Force II sets off for Hawaii October 15th.
Nothing. I kill them with benign neglect.
When we bought our house in 1999, it had an extensive perennial garden. We quickly discovered that while we enjoy gardens, we despised gardening.
Long ago gone feral, and is now a haven for the birds, squirrels and bunnies.
Harvey Weinstein could not be reached for comment...
I actually do confess to my plants; I tell them that I'm really sorry that I am a terrible plant-taker-carer-of. This household has a sorrowfully high rate of faunacide.
Why become a Shinto ritualist? We won at Midway thanks to Commander Wade MacCluskey. Worship Wade's SBD Dauntless Dive Bombers.
Daisy, Fern, Rose, Ivy, I love you all, but Mary Jane's got it goin' on!
Narr
Early bird today
I worship clean water.
Although once they discover the plants emit CO2, it's Roundup time.
They smell good, they look good - sometimes both. And I eat them. Often. I need to do is get off of this planet.
What do you confess to the plants in your life?
There's a Louis CK joke in there somewhere.
I talk to the trees,
But they don't listen to me...
"My long-term plan is to eat you."
OT
The New York Times Still Doesn’t Understand What It Did. It had blockbuster new evidence exonerating Kavanaugh but instead emphasized a flimsy allegation.
We use silk flowers...they're already dead...it cuts out that icky middle part.
For your penance I want you to say five Our Fathers, ten Hail Marys, take an immediate trip to Lourdes, then get an Our Lady of Guadalupe full size back tattoo.
"Oh blessed plants, we have honored thee by raising CO2 levels to 410 PPM. We know you yearn for more, so we will do our best to get to at least 480 PPM.
Therefore, you will continue to increase in thy bounty and further succor the poorest humans in the world.
Amen"
To the orchids in my life that fail to flower despite all of the assistance I have from successful orchid growers, to those plants I confess I’m going to kill them if they don’t flower. Okay so it’s a threat and a confession. Whatever...
Sorry for killing you. I only needed to water you once per week, but I couldn't even manage that. And it isn't as if I am totally incompetent: My wife and I have three children who have survived, so far, to ages ranging from 17-22.
If this is any consolation, even though I killed you, I have a poinsettia which is still alive about 10 years after I acquired it. Most people just throw out fully alive poinsettias right after Christmas, unless they have already died and disposed of the body sooner. So I feel like keeping this one 10 years makes up for killing 10 plants and I think I've only killed 7 or 8 plants and so am in the black, killing plants wise.
I've occasionally confessed at my plants, but never to them.
We are truly in the end times.
I am so sorry for my carbon emissions that might keep you alive but endanger the planet.
I confess that you are going to be getting more sun, and it's all my fault. They call it the greenhouse effect. I don't know how greenhouses affect plants, but you're probably not going to like it at all. You're going to be up to your ass in carbon-dioxide and, on top of that, the greenhouse effect. Can't be good. Can't be good. I am so, so sorry.
You're probably going to have more water, too, if those damn icebergs keep melting and those polar bears keep doing belly flops. Sorry, plants.
Speaking of plants and wiping out unpleasant NZ animals, MSM authorette Charlotte Edwards falsely claimed that "Deadly ‘super mosquitoes that are even tougher’ accidentally created by scientists after bungled experiment", she even created her own 'super' and 'tougher' quotes.
Real article:
"The three populations forming the tri-hybrid population now in Jacobina are genetically quite distinct, very likely resulting in a more robust population than the pre-release population due to hybrid vigor."
17 September 2019
"Editor's Note: readers are alerted that the conclusions of this paper are subject to criticisms that are being considered by editors. A further editorial response will follow the resolution of these issues."
"Hybrid vigor" = bogus idea?
I confess I don't get it.
Dear Plant, fellow temporary traveler on the earth. I’m sorry that I don’t always hear your constant attestation and praise of our mutual creators. But sometimes I get a sense of who they are - who He and She are - and the nature of their astounding creative characters, by being with you and looking carefully at you and the other plants. It has been said “All things denote there is a God.” Thank you for that.
I know Paul wrote about those who exchange the truth of God for a lie and worship the creation more that the Creator. I hope I am always aware of when I start to do that in some small way.
May we each find joy in living the full measure of our individual respective creations.
PS: tell your cousin, thanks for producing kumquats.
Thanks from the trees
https://rhhardin.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-talk-to-trees-but-they-never-listen.html
I confess that I like many of them better when sauteed in olive oil and garlic.
Eating raw vegetables... so gauche.
Someone needs to explain that plants do not have a central nervous system.
I'm too late to make the first Weinstein quip.
"None of you are real."
Contemplating with frustration the bare spots and thatch out front I often sing the old song:
"I fought the lawn, and the lawn won."
I'm so glad my brother turned down that offer to teach at Union Theological Seminary years ago!
"I was the one who peed in your dirt. I'm sorry; White Claw goes straight to my bladder."
I confess that I sometimes get frustrated with them dropping hickory nuts and acorns all over the drive and yard. I guess I wouldn't mind so much if the deer they attract didn't try to eat all my plants. Those twin fawns were so damn cute this year, though.
I couldn't tell who the vegetables were in that picture- what a sad looking bunch.
"Joe honey, why don't you stop campaigning and just come home? I've made your favorite strawberry Ensure smoothie for you. Tell your supporters to help that nice colored man from Newark get elected. I'm sure he'll have a job for you in his administration. Please, Joe. I'm so afraid you'll lose your keys or park your car on the sidewalk again. You have so much trouble finding your way at night. Please honey."
A story was told of Margaret Thatcher, when she was PM, having lunch with a couple of government functionaries at some fancy spot.
Asked what Madam wanted, she replied that she'd have the steak.
"And for the vegetables?" asked the waiter. "They can have whatever they want", she responded.
I don't talk to or with plants, of any kind. I barely even notice the ones mrs. stevew has in the house. I do notice the ones i eat. So, guilty of not appropriately respecting the plants in my life. There will be no apologies forthcoming.
OK. Shinto nature spirits in plants are not that bad. But the day they start demanding blood sacrifices of your first born children by police state high priests , times up. Moses and Israelites including their Messiah are taking over again.
"Thanks from the trees
https://rhhardin.blogspot.com/2011/05/i-talk-to-trees-but-they-never-listen.html"
Ol' rh actually had a very nice, thoughtful, photo blog going. A small internet treasure but it looks like he's stopped updating it.
Another church that won't pass the test of time.
At a small air base in South Korea, the base chapel was manned by two chaplains of different Christian denominations. At a combined Thanksgiving service, one of the chaplains offered a prayer to Mother Corn and her sisters the Bean, and Squash. He claimed it was a traditional native American prayer. The other chaplain was caught unawares by this prayer, repudiated it, and apologized to any actual Christians who might be present.
On the other hand:
I talk to the wind
My words are all carried away
I talk to the wind
The wind does not hear
The wind cannot hear
I don’t accept the premise that plants are beings.
Oo La La
THIS...be SILLY.
These people need to add an image or video recording of Greta to their ritual in order to help it catch on: 'You’re not trying hard enough. Sorry.' I doubt that they understand the difference between attrition and contrition, though.
I confess to them that I shouldn't have ordered the big salad.
That's sort of a personal question.
But I would say we mostly talk about how we know deep down that potassium and phosphorus are important. But sometimes you just have a craving for a big old pile of straight-up nitrogen, you know?
The truth about my plants.
Plants love those most who fly internationally most.
The Protestants are at it again.
They took potted plants and had an indoor ceremony to confess to them. Talk about cultural appropriation. If they were really sorry they'd go to where the plants thrive, not force the plants into an uncomfortable, foreign setting where they are starved of sunshine and fresh air.
Let me guess: Universal Unitarians?
NCMoss said...
Although once they discover the plants emit CO2, it's Roundup time.
Nope. Plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen. The science is settled.
if you don't do it, they seek revenge like in the happening,
I'm reminded of the old campaign: "Look for the union label"
"Someone needs to explain that plants do not have a central nervous system."
Well, yeah, neither does God. So what?
"Arthur, you really get on our nerves sometimes, you know?"
It's always "Water me! Move me into the sun! I'm cold!"
And you wrecked our trip out west.
I just wanted to get that off my chest"
Nothing, nothing at all.
Because that would be insane.
*Sigh*
It's still not easy being green ...
I talk to my Ford F150. I talk to my Jeep. In the past, I talked to my BMW, Merc, Riata and Challenger...lest I forget, that old Studebaker. Mostly four-letter words together with a kick or hand pounding. Does that count?
Did those people willingly allow themselves to be photo-published all over the world while talking to plants?
"Someone needs to explain that plants do not have a central nervous system."
Nothing discernible, no.
Speak, breathe, inhale. The CO2/O2 cycle of unplanned life.
Barking (up the wrong tree) mad.
I talk to my lawn while cutting it on hot days I say, Fuck this".
plants usually keep to themselves, but
some of the more domineering ones can
really suck the CO2 out of the room
Serene Jones is the head of Union Seminary. Does anyone here remember the interview she had with Nick Kristoff this past Easter? The one in which she said she doesn't believe in the Resurrection, among other things? Good piece on that interview here. A bit of it:
"Jones proudly takes the label ‘Christian minister’ while simultaneously denying every tenet of the historic Christian faith. Why would anyone identify as a Christian minister and then deny the entire superstructure of Christian theology? What we see here is a hope to replace biblical Christianity with a new religion without anyone noticing."
This is why I am not fan of unrestrained direct democracy. I consider myself a tolerant sort (others might differ, I suppose, but I like to think myself so,) and I think even idiots should have a place in society, a place that affords them dignity and value, to the degree they are capable of such.
I don't want to be subject to these people though. I very much dislike being subject to them.
Sounds like a cult to me. Can these dingbats be deprogrammed?
(BTW, extra CO2 is good for plants and plants are good for scrubbing CO2 from the air.)
I always throw my apple cores outside to give the seeds a chance. I think the plants want to hear something upbeat like that after hours of listening to people moaning about disrespecting them. And then over in the diet confession line I admit that I throw my apple cores away instead of eating them. And then over in the energy confession line, I admit I eat apples in winter, shipped in from other places than Milwaukee, before I throw the cores away. So I think I've got confession covered with this all-purpose crime. But I mentioned my other confessions in Catholic confession and got into a lot of trouble for apostasy and/or insincerity which shows you how it isn't easy to be a Catholic.
I once had a bed with a really bad soft mattress.
When lying in it, I kept thinking of Venus fly traps.
Ruined many a night.
I say a little prayer when I eat broccoli.
My wife doesn't have a 'black thumb', she has a 'black gaze'. If I bring in a house plant, she will gaze at it, and it will immediately begin to give up the ghost. I have maintained a Christmas cactus for 10 years by removing it from where she sits, although yesterday I noticed an arm of the cactus has fallen off - perhaps my wife passed through the room. We have to continually re-purchase basil plants because she wants then in the kitchen, where they are continually under her malignant destructive gaze. I always apologize to the basil when she gets a new plant, they didn't ask for my wife's basilisk glare, but there they are, and they're only $1.99 on sale.
"Let us not forget that plants are essentially more progressive than human beings. Many flowers, for instance, are bisexual, with both stamens and ovaries. That the LBGTQIA+ community hasn't yet fully accepted its floral allies is a travesty.
I lost my virginity to a bonsai tree; quite by accident, I admit, but that hardly matters...
...MSNBC host Rachael Maddow has recently announced her intention to become the first woman impregnated by a western skunk cabbage. The physiological details have yet to be ironed out, but her publicist is liaising with geneticists to see what can realistically be achieved..."
_Woke_ p.61-62
rhhardin:
(1) If the bonsai consented, it is probably OK. Otherwise, it is problematic.
Discuss.
(2) I thought she was a skunk cabbage.
I expect numerous smelly offspring, living in moist places, pollinated by carrion flies.
wildswan @ 6:39 PM: "It isn't easy to be a Catholic."
I feel your pain.
It was never supposed to be easy, but just the same I gave it up and became a Stoic.
Same suffering, lower expectations. And lower stress, so there's that.
After reading Baldanders' 5:33 PM comment I decided that this is one of the best threads ever.
"I talk to my Ford F150. I talk to my Jeep. In the past, I talked to my BMW, Merc, Riata and Challenger...lest I forget, that old Studebaker. Mostly four-letter words together with a kick or hand pounding. Does that count?"
I lived on an organic produce farm when I was a kid. I talked to some plants back then. A lot of it was swearing. Ever plant acres of lettuce by hand? It's not easy work. And, having planted it, and sworn at it, one might be tempted to look over the fields and yell "OK, you [epithet reserved for Brits]s you better grow this year or we're going to have a hard time paying the FHA, and I'm not getting new shoes in the fall unless our backwoods marijuana operation does better than usual."
Of course later in the season I became an executioner. Down the rows I'd go, blade in hand, box at my feet, murder in my heart. I cruelly ripped a few types of vegetable out at their roots, but usually I used a blade. Snip-snap, another vegetable cut down before it had the chance to flower (no one wants bolted produce, so you kill them young,) another head in the box, and you move down the row.
I'm going to write a novel about it, tentatively titled "The Silence of the Lambsbread."
"Hybrid vigor" = bogus idea?
Hybrid vigor is a perfectly valid idea of very specific use.
Populations can be damaged by isolation and inbreeding (particularly as a result of unsophisticated efforts at selective breeding, but sometimes by accident) causing dominance of specific maladaptive alleles, in which case crossing two different populations with different alleles will result in healthier offspring.
However, this does not remotely mean that exogamy is always health-promoting. Within a separated population, you can also get allele mutations that are dependent on alleles prominent in the separated group. If you then crossbreed two groups with such alleles, they descendants will often be worse off than the source populations, because they can inherit the dependent genes from one parent and not the allele they're dependent on from the other. The result is sicklier offspring.
In practical demonstration, crossing two highly inbred breeds of dogs will often result in stronger, healthier offspring, while crossing healthy dogs with healthy coyotes (which is perfectly possible) will often result in weaker, sicklier offspring.
Which effect will dominate (if either) in any crossbreeding situation will entirely depend on what genes/alleles are in the origin populations and what traits are adaptive/maladaptive in the environment.
'"Hybrid vigor" = bogus idea?'
At least when it comes to crops hybrid vigor is very real. When I was a kid on a vegetable farm we spent a lot of money on seeds from people we trusted to run good hybridization programs. We spent it because we had only so much land to grow crops on, and the best hybrids were most productive crops, by a long shot.
We spent that money every year, rather than saving seeds, because hybrids do not in general breed true. The first generation is what you're buying, and if you let that generation go to seed you will not get good results from the second.
I should probably note that humans are very different from plants and that you should not try to draw analogies between them.
I worked with a Chinese guy who was dating a Jewish girl a while back. "Our kids are going to have hybrid vigor," he said. I didn't contradict him, because whatever makes you happy, right, but... that's not really how this works.
Your only supposed to confess to fig trees. But only if they bear good fruit. Sucks since I think all figs are icky.
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