That's the top-rated comment on a WaPo advice column dealing with the question how to make new friends when you're older than 50. The comment has comments, including, "Yes, school is for all ages these days, not just the 18-22 set! There are now more adult age students in college than those 18-22, so go and have fun and learn something interesting."
ADDED: Here's another commenter, with a different very specific recommendation: Be like Confucius:
As an 80 year old Chinese-American, I'm an outsider; a foreigner, different, part of America's ethic minority. Yet I have little trouble striking up conversations, many of which I initiate with folks that I want to get to know.
So count me as being an extrovert with a cheerful disposition.
So how does one become an extrovert? Better yet, how does one go from being an introvert to an extrovert?
My spiritual mentor -- Confucius -- is an extrovert. He's open minded. He smiles a lot. He likes to talk and he likes to listen to you. I find him to be a warm and caring person and folks can sense it.
Confucius has a dry wit which may catch you unaware.
Confucius is always saying yes, so I find him to be rather agreeable. And I find him interesting since he is up on current events and baseball.
My point? Try to be like Confucius; confident in his own skin, relaxed, open.
Make him your alter ego; pretend that you are Confucius -- smart, funny, patient, caring about you.
पोस्ट्स
७६ टिप्पण्या:
I plan on going back to school full time when I retire.
I plan to live in the woods. I'll make friends with people who get lost.
With some career path exceptions, I think higher education would probably be best experienced later in life. Assuming you're not planing on going into a serious STEM type field, maybe a more ideal path might be something like after high school taking a more utilitarian, career driven route, say getting a 2 year associates degree in something practical. Then later in life (after 40) going for a 4 year degree in something you really care about. I suspect it would be much more rewarding both financially and psycologically.
Isn't another reason to get the cheap group health insurance?
There are now more adult age students in college than those 18-22, so go and have fun and learn something interesting.
I wonder if that trend will increase health insurance rates?
My point? Try to be like Confucius; confident in his own skin, relaxed, open.
Make him your alter ego; pretend that you are Confucius...
I'd bet good money that Confucius is the name of his dog.
How is the back-to-school guy avoiding angry, miserable people at the university?
I'd bet good money that Confucius is the name of his dog.
LOL. A good mammal to emulate.
Based on alumni communications, my college is a cesspit of administrative leftist activism.
Interesting perspective. I went back to school in my thirties for a master's degree and then a PhD and I always felt myself to be very different and apart than the undergrad students. Isolated or estranged, certainly not, but I never would have considered myself to be a part of their group. Life experience, age and interests made us worlds apart.
I am reminded of the timeless diddy from Kindergarten:
Make new friends, but keep the old
One is silver, and the other is gold
There are awesome free classes available online, from the best lecturers in the world. edX, coursera. Berkeley, MIT, Harvard. You can pay for credit if you want, but anyhow go and learn something. A few years back I had some free time each day and took courses in quantum computing, physical chemistry, R for data processing, machine learning. The certificates from those courses go on my resume'.
The professors were very involved - their role was answering questions on the discussion boards, as the classes, videos, homeworks, exams were already completely made.
Why would anyone pay a whole lot of money for so much less on campus? Dinosaurs. 'Course you can go to make friends, like the poor people in this article. Or join a gym.
Back to school in Los Angeles: https://pjmedia.com/instapundit/323443/
I'd bet good money that Confucius is the name of his dog.
Be like Confusius. Confusius licks his own balls whenever and wherever.
What Henry said at 9:56AM!
Confusius has a juvenile wit that will make you roll your eyes..
After looking at my son's fellow students, it never occurred to me to go back to school. Nice kids, but still kids. Join a volunteer group, church or hiking club.
"I'm way past 50, and was dissatisfied with my tiny circle of 'friends.' They were angry, miserable people, who due to our vicious political climate, couldn't have a discussion about anything else. It was exhausting to be with them"
Hey, who do you think these exhausting "angry, miserable people" were, lefties or righties? Any guesses?
I'm 48 years old and in my second semester at a local technical College. It's been fun and challenging. For the most part the kids are serious students, and I get along well with all of them. It's been a nice change of pace.
Adult age includes 18-22.
So that comment makes no sense.
“Make him your alter ego; pretend that you are Confucius -- smart, funny, patient, caring about you.”
Good idea! However in the real world, Ghenhis Khan alteregos are quite popular.
What Mountain Maven said. If your purpose is to maintain a vibrant social life, don't go back to school. Volunteer. Join a club. Get involved in your community.
I thought about returning to school when I retired. But too many of our youngest son's friends were so clueless about so many things. No, not just politics.
Help out at an animal shelter (done it), build sets/move scenery at your local playhouse, get involved in youth sports (done it, just call me Coach JAORE) like at the concession stand. My closest friend started learning Spainish at age 66. He now helps teach English as second language courses. Millions of opportunities out there.
Me, the majority of my close friends ride motorcycles. As we age our trips sometimes involve other forms of transportation.
“Hey, who do you think these exhausting "angry, miserable people" were, lefties or righties? Any guesses?”
I’d say righties. If he’s finding young people at his university friendly and welcoming, considering most young people lean left, that would indicate his former group of friends were probably righties.
There are now more adult age students in college than those 18-22
By a vote of 219 to 212, the House of Representatives declared that adultery begins at age 26.
A few years of of college I took EE 602 "Non-linear Control Systems" to meet chicks. Feel free to laugh.
Serious question: I'd like to find new friends/activities now that I'm in early retirement. So far I've taken a singing class at a community-based recreational learning center and from there discovered a group of folks who have formed a low-key community chorus group. Also have taken some walks with local hiking group. Problem is that everyone seems to be VERY SJW; lots of random comments about "all of our country's problems these days" and "Trump" and "I can't make it next week because I'm going to a protest." Feel like I'm living in a Communist Block country and have to watch my words and even expressions. Meanwhile, the groups are also overwhelmingly female, which is OK but I prefer a balanced or a male energy as opposed to all female. Suggestions as to what kinds of activities would be more likely to attract males and/non-SJW types? I don't do math but I do like science-ey stuff.
"I’d say righties. If he’s finding young people at his university friendly and welcoming, considering most young people lean left, that would indicate his former group of friends were probably righties."
But he commented on a WaPo advice column ...
"considering most young people lean left"
Assumes facts not necessarily in evidence.
The idea of a 50+ yr old going to a State college for a BA, cheap meals and friendship MUST be an intentional satire/sitcom plot. Ludicrous. Something akin to "pretending" one is Confucius, I imagine. Or is it Confusicrous?
Confucius was a stuffed-shirt. He prescribed a rule for every action and every situation. He insisted on being proper and respectful.
We, 21st century Americans, need him to right our current silliness.
I've personally opened up several areas of self-study for much the same reasons regarding issues with previous friends. Don't see the need for a formal classroom-type course when there's so much available online. Delving into quantum mechanics at an advanced age can be enlightening...
Do they have free snacks at college?
gg6 said...
The idea of a 50+ yr old going to a State college for a BA, cheap meals and friendship MUST be an intentional satire/sitcom plot.
It was, actually. Community. Chevy Chase played the old guy.
When school is out in May, our correspondent should look into adult summer camp. I hear that's a thing now too.
>>He smiles a lot. He likes to talk and he likes to listen to you.
Bingo. Get out and talk to people. Go to SBux (or whatever) and smile and chat with the baristas. Join a fitness facility and smile and chat with people.
It's amazing how many people you will meet and get to know by smiling and chatting with them. You don't have to be a super exciting extrovert, just be friendly. And listen to them a lot.
Fernandinstein: "A few years of of college I took EE 602 "Non-linear Control Systems" to meet chicks. Feel free to laugh."
I can relate. Chicks who understand Kalman filters are hot.
First. Learn the difference between "friends" and "acquaintances".
I doubt that the kids at school think of this old guy is a friend. He is probably a fun acquaintance, someone they enjoy being around, have a conversation with ...or perhaps they are just too polite to say otherwise.
School for learning's sake is great. Going to school to befriend people who are decades younger than you, young enough to be your children, is delusional.
Joining clubs and organizations to participate in the activities because you enjoy those activities,or because you believe in the organization's purpose is great as well. If you make friends there or gather some good acquaintances....even better.
If you join those things JUST to try to get friends and do not really want to belong to the club, others will notice and not want to be "friends" who will interact with you OUTSIDE of the club.
I went to an AEI event at a small, private university nearby last week. Great kids! I'd go to classes with them.
Problem is that everyone seems to be VERY SJW; lots of random comments about "all of our country's problems these days" and "Trump" and "I can't make it next week because I'm going to a protest." Feel like I'm living in a Communist Block country and have to watch my words and even expressions. Meanwhile, the groups are also overwhelmingly female, which is OK but I prefer a balanced or a male energy as opposed to all female. Suggestions as to what kinds of activities would be more likely to attract males and/non-SJW types?
Cultists have long understood how to identify and take advantage of people looking for friendship which is why the SJW crowd includes so many social misfits. Just treat them like you do Amway people. Be noncommittally pleasant but talk to other people. Once they know you aren't going to be recruited they'll leave you alone.
"The idea of a 50+ yr old going to a State college for a BA, cheap meals and friendship MUST be an intentional satire/sitcom plot."
It is, actually.
Check out "Community", role of Chevy Chase
And of course Rodney Dangerfield in "Back to School"
Inga...Allie Oop said...
“Hey, who do you think these exhausting "angry, miserable people" were, lefties or righties? Any guesses?”
I’d say righties."
Off cpurse you would, because you be you. Since this is a WaPo article, I think the writer would have surely included "right-wing" in the description if they were in fact right-wing.
"How is the back-to-school guy avoiding angry, miserable people at the university?"
That occurred to me too. One answer could be that college campuses are not as full of these sorts of folks as our perception would indicate. We see these miserable folk at Yale, Harvard, and other 'elite' schools and assume they are everywhere and in great numbers. I don't run into many angry, miserable people in my work life - we're all just doing our jobs, earning a living; probably a similar situation at most schools.
"....As an 80 year old Chinese-American, I'm an outsider; a foreigner, different, part of America's ethic minority...." As long as you view yourself as an outsider, foreigner, etc. you have a problem with yourself not the people you don't try to associate with. Life is hard and not fair. But it can be rewarding if you don't give up and keep trying. What's the alternative - victim-hood for you and your progeny?
""considering most young people lean left"
Assumes facts not necessarily in evidence."
To say the least. Outside the universities, I find that most young people are conservative and intensely cynical about what the Left and the LLRs are peddling.
After early retirement I went back to college in 2001 to get a degree in Spanish, not to socialize. The kids seemed like kids, not friendship material.
Highlight of my experience: Walking into the men's room and finding one of my Spanish profs muttering angrily to himself about conservatives.
Second-place highlight: In class the prof uses the word "adverb." A recent high school grad leans over to me and asks me what an adverb is.
Many of the bigger schools have Osher Lifelong Learning Institutes (OLLI) geared to adults over 50.
"I'm way past 50, and was dissatisfied with my tiny circle of 'friends.' They were angry, miserable people
If you go out today, and you meet a butthole... you met a butthole.
If you go out today, and everyone you meet is a butthole... you're the butthole.
Yes. Higher ed. What a great place to get away from politics.
/rolls eyes
I’d say righties. .... says the most angry, miserable person on this blog.
Self-Awareness 101. Enroll now.
(eaglebeak)
Some of my friends are righties and some are lefties. I myself used to be a lefty but now am a righty; I was raised Episcopalian and Quaker (more the former than the latter), became a Catholic my senior year in college, and then three years later married a Jewish man from The Bronx who came from a long line of leftists.
Seems to me I have spent my life loving people who didn't agree with me on politics or religion or both. And I found arguments with my husband to be the most fun I ever had.
stevew said...
That occurred to me too. One answer could be that college campuses are not as full of these sorts of folks as our perception would indicate.
The far left has never been particularly numerous. But they control campus politics anyway because they dedicate their life to it. So while I was learning to become a productive member of society and was starting a family they were working to get appointed to the DOE so they could issue a Dear Colleague letter which kicked off the Title IX inquisition.
Be like Rodney Dangerfield.
Little known fact. After age 60 you can attend either the UW system or the tech college system tuition free. Oh, still some costs but very affordable. I've dabbled in both. German, mechanical design, 3D modeling, machining. Tech school is more fun. UW is more surreal.
You have to know that this deal exists, and jump through a few hoops, but a nice little gesture from Bucky B in recognition of decades of tax paying.
TW
I go to the gym everyday and no one socializes. We just give each other dirty looks.
And just each other natch
Judge each other!
it isn't easy to make friends as a young person, even. The same political blather infects everything it touches and one must tread carefully.
A substantial portion of the human population today still shares the genes of Ghenhis Khan. Confucious, not so much. Same with Jesus and Hitler, and myself - all of us under-performers in the rape game, but we have some value, don't we?
When I retire, I'm gonna...... Dammit! Sorry, I got to do stuff.
Does he really have conversations at lunch? I have a lot of 20 something employees. At lunch break they all sit at tables inches from each other, but saying nothing, just staring at their phones, completely ignoring each other.
"The far left has never been particularly numerous. But they control campus politics anyway because they dedicate their life to it."
The squeaky wheel phenomenon, this rings true to me.
"Sometimes all you have to do is express an interest in auditing a class or classes and they will treat you like royalty."
Above all else, you get the benefit of having these greedy institutions say to you with increasing volume, "Give us YOUR FUCKING MONEY!"
After I finished my schooling, what I discovered over the years is that by far most of what I have learned and know is self-taught.
You want a piece of paper that you can put in a frame -- or the back of the closet -- by all means spend your money going to classes to listen to people who know less than you and, if you have half a brain, you will spend most of the time arguing with.
You want to learn and get an education, teach yourself.
Information today is so vast, detailed and easy to access that the idea of sitting and listening to another person drone on about a subject seems silly. It's kind of like reading an actual newspaper for news, but even worse. The newspaper is yesterday's news, and you can't instantly look up words or references as you can online. The same is true with classroom education. It's one person, who probably never ventures much beyond their classroom, even in the subject they teach. They are insulated, and likely outdated, but certainly less interactive than what you can do yourself, and you have to go at the pace and in the direction they choose. You may want and need more.
“Hey, who do you think these exhausting "angry, miserable people" were, lefties or righties? Any guesses?”
The Geography of Partisan Prejudice
A guide to the most—and least—politically open-minded counties in America
The Atlantic magazine, MAR 4, 2019
"In general, the most politically intolerant Americans, according to the analysis, tend to be whiter, more highly educated, older, more urban, and more partisan themselves. This finding aligns in some ways with previous research by the University of Pennsylvania professor Diana Mutz, who has found that white, highly educated people are relatively isolated from political diversity. They don’t routinely talk with people who disagree with them; this isolation makes it easier for them to caricature their ideological opponents."
@Mark -- Read the whole thing.
Key graf 1:
By contrast, many nonwhite Americans routinely encounter political disagreement. They have more diverse social networks, politically speaking, and therefore tend to have more complicated views of the other side, whatever side that may be.
Key graf (2):
In general, Republicans seem to dislike Democrats more than Democrats dislike Republicans, PredictWise found. We don’t know why this is, but this is not the only study to have detected an imbalance. For example, in a 2014 survey by the Pew Research Center, half of consistently conservative respondents said it was important for them to live in a place where most people share their political views—compared with just 35 percent of consistent liberals. But a more recent survey, conducted in December by The Atlantic and the Public Religion Research Institute, found that Democrats were the ones showing more ill will—with 45 percent saying they’d be unhappy if their child married a Republican (versus 35 percent of Republicans saying they’d be unhappy if their child married a Democrat). So it’s hard to know exactly what’s going on, but what’s clear is that both sides are becoming more hostile toward one another.
Of course, this kind of fingerpointing misses what is really interesting about the maps. The most interesting thing to me is how often extremes in political prejudice end at state lines. See South Carolina, for example. This definitely says something about the degree to which controversies at the state level drive political animosity.
The second interesting thing is that the most prejudiced counties seem to prejudiced both ways. A state like Massachusetts in which a county may have a homogenous majority of disdainful Democrats, may well also have a fractured minority of bitter Republicans. You can see this pattern with the roles reversed in South Carolina and a patchwork of counties across the country.
I'm picturing a 'tiny circle of friends' and wondering how tiny it could be and still be a circle.
Mark quotes "Geography of Partisan Prejudice":
"In general, the most politically intolerant Americans, according to the analysis, tend to be whiter, more highly educated, older, more urban, and more partisan themselves.
Urban areas tend to vote Democrat- and often by big margins. It isn't difficult to conclude that "the most politically intolerant Americans" are well-educated urban Democrats. Which doesn't surprise me. You know, the same ones who are telling us how PREJUDICED those evil Republicans are.
The second interesting thing is that the most prejudiced counties seem to prejudiced both ways.
In general big cities don't swing that way. Have you looked at the Demo/Pub maps?
Counties comprising New York City:
Democrats appear (somewhat to considerably) more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
Republicans appear considerably less prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Boston area:
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
Republicans appear considerably more prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Los Angeles County:
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
Republicans appear considerably less prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Cook County (Chicago)
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
Republicans appear somewhat less prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Harris County TX (Houston)
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere
Republicans appear to hold average levels of prejudice against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Florida-
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere
Ditto Republicans, but there are significant areas where that isn't the case. For example, Miami-Dade Republicans are somewhat less prejudiced, and north Florida near the Alabama and Georgia lines have a fair number of counties that have lower to average Republican areas of prejudice.
South Carolina-Georgia-Alabama-Mississippi:
More Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans compared to Republicans who are considerably more prejudiced against Democrats.
It has not been difficult for me to find counties where Democrat prejudice against Republicans is stronger than Republican prejudice against Democrats. I have found some counties where Republican prejudice against Democrats is stronger than Democrat prejudice against Republicans, but they have been less populated. (Sutton, TX;Niagra NY)
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RigelDog, shooting range? It's not cheap, but I just started going to one and I see a very wide mix of people there. Of course, I live outside Houston, so YMMV, but the range I visit attracts the full breadth of humanity. I need to take an open-carry class and then a concealed carry class, which should get me actually interacting with others instead of just eyeing one another's targets.
Henry:
A state like Massachusetts in which a county may have a homogenous majority of disdainful Democrats, may well also have a fractured minority of bitter Republicans.
This is true for nearly all of Massachusetts- equal levels of prejudice.
There is, however, an exception for this: Suffolk County, where Boston is located.
Suffolk County MA (Boston)
Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
Republicans appear considerably less prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
Connecticut has an interesting pattern.
In 7 of 8 CT counties, Republicans appear considerably less prejudiced against Democrats than Republicans elsewhere.
In 3 of 8 CT counties, Democrats appear considerably more prejudiced against Republicans than Democrats elsewhere.
However, those 3 counties comprise 75% of Connecticut's population.
Titus must go to my gym. I quit because no one talked. Everyone was absorbed in their headphones.
Online learning is hard for me. I like the motivation other students give me. It's also hard for me to do the homework. I eventually gave in and paid $60 to have my Quantum Computing pdf printed.
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