"Since my ex-husband had divorced me the previous year, I had been reconsidering what I thought I knew about relationships."

"And my previous belief in a relationship of equals seemed painfully naïve.... After my fantasy of a partnership of equals had failed to materialize, I seemed to want to replace it with a fantasy of paternalistic protection.... I had interrogated the last man I dated on his Democratic bona fides before agreeing to meet for coffee. But with my new guy, I found myself quietly acquiescing as he told me his voting history shouldn’t matter.... He paid when we ate out; I never even offered, in part because I knew doing so would displease him, but also because I relished feeling cared for. He was fiscally responsible, generous and trustworthy.... At the same time, I found myself becoming guarded around my new guy, evading his questions and hiding things I thought he wouldn’t like. When he asked if I ever went to church, I said no — but failed to mention I was Jewish. I never lied about my career, though I didn’t tell him the whole truth either. He knew I was an actuary but not that I was a partner at the firm.... He was smart enough, first of all, to see through my deceptions: the restraint during chess and the lack of candor about my career.... When I next saw him, he was sullen and withdrawn. I mentioned my cabinetry problems, as if to say, 'See, I don’t earn more than you. I can’t even afford a normal kitchen.' It was a last-ditch effort to turn myself into the person I thought he wanted and also the person I wanted to be: a woman who needed to be protected."

From "How I Fell for an ‘I’m the Man’ Man/Stung by divorce, a high-earning professional tries to recast herself in the dating world as a woman in need of male protection" a NYT "Modern Love" column by Susan Forray, an actuary who lives in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. In the end, the man breaks it off with her and she uses her own money to get her cabinets done.

No comments section at the NYT on this one.