"The photos of the reconstructed breasts didn’t resonate with me. We talked about it, and I told him that I couldn’t imagine not being able to feel him touching me. I worried the loss of sensation would leave me feeling disconnected from both him and my body.... Honestly, his support surprised me at first. Our culture puts so much emphasis on how much men are supposed to love women’s breasts, I worried he might not be sexually fulfilled.... Not having breasts gives me a sense of freedom I never knew I wanted. In some ways it feels like a new level of womanhood. I’ve grown into this person who isn’t defined by her breasts and that is really powerful. Then there are the practical things like I healed from my surgery quickly and was able to get back to living my life. And the little things, like I’ve got no more breast sweat and I no longer have to worry about whether or not they are hanging out of my shirt! Plus, I can go from a hot summer day into an air-conditioned store and my nipples aren’t don’t show!"
From an interview at The Daily Beast with Emily Hopper, a 32-year-old breast-cancer survivor.
ADDED: "aren't don't"... it's in the quote, so I won't correct it.
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४१ टिप्पण्या:
This a difficult choice women who have breast cancer have to make and one which truly should be between her and her doctor. Whatever makes her feel the most whole again.
Breasts are a cartoon convention for hot babe.
Flat is a time saver. The traditional feeling up is skipped and you go right to second base.
The ordering itself says breasts are not actually important, except as a polite opportunity to say yes or no.
"I’ve grown into this person who isn’t defined by her breasts."
What does it mean to say that one is "defined" by one's breasts?
It is a shame that feminism has convinced women that men are only attracted to women by looks and for sex. I'm not saying men don't like looks and want sex; but most of us really do love women for much more. I'll give Emily some sympathy that breast cancer and the loss of her breast is traumatic. However, she should be happy she found a good man that loves her and not just parts of her body. She might want to reconsider how shallow she considers that man to be.
For expressing interest in a guy, a breast is handy to nestle against an upper arm or back, though.
I'm defined by my own breasts. One of them is unusually perky, so it's all cool.
And when upon your dainty breast I lay
My wearied head, more soft than eiderdown
- William Nathan Stedman
How is it that all breast cancer survivors ( even if they don’t survive) are brave, thoughtful, etc whereas male testicular cancer survivor are generally just survivors?
How is it that all breast cancer survivors ( even if they don’t survive) are brave, thoughtful, etc whereas male testicular cancer survivor are generally just survivors?
Ratings. Women are the audience.
Julia Roberts left her husband in Larry Crowne (2011) because her husband complained about her small breasts where he (the retro porn addict, all around loser guy to the script writers) liked big breasts.
An instance of script writers not knowing what's going on in the world.
A loser guy likes sports, not big breasts.
Our culture puts so much emphasis on how much men are supposed to love women’s breasts
Yeah, it's a miracle that any A-cup women ever find a partner.
The Accused (1988) had good women and no good men that I recall. The men either rape Jodie Foster, encourage and cheer it, or are indifferent to it. The women, even the women who don't want to be involved, come to care about it.
Fortunately near the end they play the rape so you can see Jodie Foster's breasts.
The sexiest woman I ever dated back in my collegiate days was a gymnast who was absolutely flat. Not an ounce of fat anywhere on her, and certainly none on her chest. Ms. Hopper is right about our culture over emphasizing a woman’s breasts, but a good woman is way more than her cup size.
I have a bunch of thoughts related to this article. They start with the notion that the article is sort of the flip side of one I read perhaps a decade ago, written by a woman who got implants. She was forthcoming about the pain she was in after the surgery, how she needed to be with friends who could help her get in and put of bed, chairs, showers, etc., and even wipe her after using the toilet — something she claimed not to be able to do for herself for (apparently) several days. (Talk about GOOD friends!) But then she saw her new self in a store window, and she felt it was all worth it because of how much more like a real woman she looked and felt. And my response at the time was that she already was a woman — two X chromosomes, check; vagina, check; uterus , ovaries, check and check. It seemed like a lot of money to spend and pain to endure for not much.
Another thought is that many of us men seem to think oversized breasts equals dumb. IQ is inversely proportional to cup size, for you mathematically inclined. And yet I have met women with STEM Ph.D.s possessing ample bosoms so the bias is clearly wrong. Ah, well, if we men weren’t irrational would any of us get married?
My final thought is that I totally disagree with Eleanor. I think the husband needs to be part of the decision. Unilateral decisions, from either side, are not good for a marriage.
In this case, I can without reservation go: her body, her choice.
I am not sure I understand the view of men. I fall into the Ron White category "You can fix all that other stuff (looks / fitness, money). You can't fix stupid."
Breasts have one job: deliver sweet, sweet milk to an infant. Because we all long for that milk and that tender moment we prefer engorged breasts. Big will always be desirable.
That said, breast sweat is really annoying.
whereas male testicular cancer survivor are generally just survivors?
One percent of breast cancer is in men. When I was in practice, I saw a new male breast cancer case almost every month. The youngest was 28.
Make breast cancer gets ignored.
Another thought is that many of us men seem to think oversized breasts equals dumb. IQ is inversely proportional to cup size, for you mathematically inclined.
I saw this beautiful woman like a supermodel walked up. Hey where are you from what do you do? Hey I live here in San Francisco and I'm a brain surgeon. Now I don't know if this makes me sexist but I was like thoroughly impressed. I mean most women can't pull off sarcasm.
- Anthony Jeselnik
As a relatively large man nearing 60, I envy her loss.
Large breasts are attention-getters, like large muscles on men. But it only takes you so far. I've never dated a women with fake boobs, but I can't see them positively affecting most men's sexual interest. Skip the fake boobs and work on other sexual skills.
Kissing a fake boob is like kissing a basketball. - Imus
Very small breasts are far sexier than very large ones.
How does that work for penis size?
This topic hits close to home as my wife of 24 years was diagnosed with breast cancer seven months ago. She had a full mastectomy of that breast and an immediate reconstruction at the same time. She and I weren’t worried about whether to reconstruct or not - just get that damn cancer out of her body ASAP! I didn’t want to see the love of my life suffer or pass away from this hideous disease. The surgeon got it all, thank God. I married her, not her breasts. That said, outwardly the reconstruction looks natural and no one can tell she only has one real breast. She is happy to be alive and healthy again and I am happy that we can go on with our lives together. I hope that some day, no woman would need to have to make the decision to reconstruct or not if a way is found to totally prevent cancer of all types (I know that is an impossible dream but one can still dream).
From what I understand after talking to my friends, they simply want to look as much like themselves as they did before they were diagnosed. For a long time catching glimpses of themselves with the changes brought about by treatment bring back feelings of fear.
At age 48 I had a right side mastectomy without reconstruction. Based on my treatment protocol - chemo, surgery, chemo & radiation (all done back to back ) - there was no time for reconstruction before radiation - so the only option was autologous reconstruction. (Using a flap of muscle or tissue from my body to rebuild the breast). That was an easy decision for me - No way was I going to use some of my back or stomach muscle to form a breast. I would have considered reconstruction if an implant would have been an option, but unless you can get expanders in before radiation your chest tissue isn’t as expandable after radiation.
Now 14 years later I sometimes wish I would have had a double mastectomy. I wear a silicone prosthetic inside my bra, trying to balance the shape and look of the ‘real’ breast. Not always matching, depending on the type of prosthetic . I am positive, no one else notices, only me. Unless I get called aside by a TSA agent - last time it happened, the woman agent was very nice and mentioned that it felt very natural!
And of course having a double mastectomy would eliminate the annual mammogram!
IMO, it is a woman’s decision!
And for what it is worth - I hate the term Survivor and all of the pink overload!
unless you can get expanders in before radiation your chest tissue isn’t as expandable after radiation.
Good point. I always had a plastic surgeon put in an expander at the time of mastectomy but few needed radiation of the whole area.
Most of the time radiation was used with lumpectomy and reconstruction was not necessary.
Having seen how they reconstruct the breasts, I would never never want my wife to feel she had to go through that. I would want her to focus on surviving. At least until I croak, and then she can croak later.
I'm always bothered by these conversations because I feel like women don't acknowledge the fact that their breasts are a source of sexual pleasure. It's always put on the man. Maybe I just have a better partner than the rest of you but I don't think my spouse would like my breasts nearly as much if I got nothing out of it. So in this case, Emily was worried about losing sensation. She made a good choice. Maybe some women would no longer feel sensation without them. Get reconstruction. But it seems silly to put this on society. We like our breasts!
First you blame men for trying to force a choice on you. Did you ask any? Then you declare victory over men by making your own choice. As for us men, the quote “This is a strange game... The only way to win is not to play.”
Having seen how they reconstruct the breasts, I would never never want my wife to feel she had to go through that. I would want her to focus on surviving.
Agreed. It is such a personal decision that I don't see how anyone can judge.
I have a good friend who lost one breast to cancer about 3 years ago. She went through a great deal of pain and suffering with the chemo treatments afterward. She decided that she would not go through the additional pain and suffering to get a "new" breast especially at her age (68). Just recently she had a re-occurance and another mastectomy, followed by more horrible chemo. Worse than the last time.
Her decision, and that of her husband, was that breasts are not that important. They don't define who you are. Living the best you can with what is left of your life is more important and is what really defines who you are.
She decided and her husband concurred. No more pain. No breasts for vanity reasons. (Again....age surely has something to do with this reasoning). AND...if the cancer comes back. No more chemo for a third time. Just acceptance of a life well lived and facing the ultimate end that we all must face.
She is a very very strong person. Her husband has been a rock during all of this. I hope I never have to face these decisions. If I do, I hope I have her strength and courage.
I posted before reading Linda's post. My friend also said that she wished she had just had a double mastectomy the first time for many of the reasons that you posted including balance.
"....Our culture puts so much emphasis on how much men are supposed to love women’s breasts...?" Is this true? Maybe to her circle of friends? But to offset her comment, has she ever gone to a fashion show and seen the Models used? If they had breasts I would be astounded! Or maybe I need to see my optometrist to get an upgrade for my glasses!
Our culture puts so much emphasis on how much men are supposed to love women’s breasts...?"
How many are aware that breast augmentation is quite common among lesbians?
I used to assist plastic surgeons with them and quite a few were lesbians in relationships.
I didn't ask them whose idea it was.
I think men and women are obsessed with breasts.
That being said, she is in the prime of her life. These days, women her age haven't even yet realized their biological clock is ticking and they need to get married and have babies now, or else lose the chance.
Fortunately for her, she isn't in the dating world. Therefore, she doesn't need to focus on her breasts because her mate doesn't mind. But if she loses him, she will find out pretty quick just how shallow people are in this world.
Yeah, it's a miracle that any A-cup women ever find a partner.
My wife is an A who mostly keeps her shirt on during sex because she gets cold easily and by the time she's comfortable we're past worrying about it. I'm fine with big breasts, I'm fine with small breasts. I don't believe the vast majority of men fetishize one particular attribute to the exclusion of the sum.
I also am very drawn to brunettes and skeptical of blondes even though my wife is neither. It would be odd if the person who fits your life matched your perfect visual. To me it would suggest the evaluater was overly focused on the less important factors. I don't doubt there are some men so focused but it strikes me that women who believe this generally true are wrong and victims of insecurity.
[Breast removal] is such a personal decision that I don't see how anyone can judge.
I have never heard someone judge. I have only read people insist others judge, universally in reference to still other people as in this case. She is worried even though her husband doesn't react as she fears. The story blames "men" while absolving the specific man involved thus building the semblance of a happy ending. This is boilerplate children's story framing [danger - but a happy ending] and the basis of Snopes "debunking" which generally rely on matching stories to tropes rather specific knowledge of events.
Maybe this discrepancy is only because I hang around disproportionately reasonable people but it's more likely the insistence this is a widespread preference was invented to support the belief women suffer from male preferences.
One wonders what choice this woman would have made if she were single.
If she was desirous of a mate, I think it would have been VERY different as it would have if she anticipated being single again by her choice.
Ms. Althouse hates men in shorts. Is she SHALLOW for having a preference? A lot of amazing, intelligent, mature, well educated men of great character wear shorts.
Further: the data is in. From China to L.A. to the Horns of SA and Africa, women like tall men. Like...REALLY tall men. Six foot or higher (something like 12% of the population)
Are these women shallow for having a preferred height?
There are a lot more C cup women than there are 6'2" men.
But like any other mating preference, at the end of the day, if you are hungry enough, you'll eat at McDonald's even if you prefer a Chateaubriand in a perfect dining day...for both genders.
I guess the ability to rationalize to oneself is a blessing. This would be like an amputee boasting about the savings he realizes on shoe leather.
God bless the poor woman. Certainly the condition should not be allowed to ruin her life but if it were evolutionarily sound, you'd think breasts would be disappearing instead of growing.
As for the less than nonsense about the virtues of eating the same food everyday, only in America, I think. (Although in England at least you can eat the same *breakfast* everyday.) At best such a person is to be pitied. While I'm sure it's of no concern to rhhardin, it really makes him seem less than human. Althouse's medically related food issues are exactly that, a disability, crippling. Gen. McChrystal's notion of bringing his wife to McDonald's for their anniversary is somewhere between hyper-discipline (it is perhaps a badge of military honor to be able to eat anything that is available to you, not to be over nice about your food) and autism.
I also am very drawn to brunettes and skeptical of blondes even though my wife is neither.
Oh, Rick, you're just humblebragging that your wife is a redhead. Not that I blame you.
Blogger FIDO said...
Ms. Althouse hates men in shorts. Is she SHALLOW for having a preference?
Preference is what makes us human, sapient, or even sentient. Even rh's dog, presented with two different meals, would choose one, if only which to eat first.
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