This is what Language Log refers to as a "crash blossom." Here's a good NYT column explaining the term:
In their quest for concision, writers of newspaper headlines are... inveterate sweepers away of little words, and the dust they kick up can lead to some amusing ambiguities. Legendary headlines from years past (some of which verge on the mythical) include “Giant Waves Down Queen Mary’s Funnel,” “MacArthur Flies Back to Front” and “Eighth Army Push Bottles Up Germans.” The Columbia Journalism Review even published two anthologies of ambiguous headlinese in the 1980s, with the classic titles “Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim” and “Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.”
For years, there was no good name for these double-take headlines. Last August, however, one emerged in the Testy Copy Editors online discussion forum. Mike O’Connell, an American editor based in Sapporo, Japan, spotted the headline “Violinist Linked to JAL Crash Blossoms” and wondered, “What’s a crash blossom?”... Another participant in the forum, Dan Bloom, suggested that “crash blossoms” could be used as a label for such infelicitous headlines that encourage alternate readings, and news of the neologism quickly spread....
One of my favorite crash blossoms is this gem from the Associated Press, first noted by the Yale linguistics professor Stephen R. Anderson last September: “McDonald’s Fries the Holy Grail for Potato Farmers.” If you take “fries” as a verb instead of a noun, you’re left wondering why a fast-food chain is cooking up sacred vessels. Or consider this headline, spotted earlier this month by Rick Rubenstein on the Total Telecom Web site: “Google Fans Phone Expectations by Scheduling Android Event.” Here, if you read “fans” as a plural noun, then you might think “phone” is a verb, and you’ve been led down a path where Google devotees are calling in their hopes.
Nouns that can be misconstrued as verbs and vice versa are, in fact, the hallmarks of the crash blossom. Take this headline, often attributed to The Guardian: “British Left Waffles on Falklands.”....
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44 comments:
British Left Sucks Period
The Guardian proves the headline.
The late comedian Sam Kinison touched on this issue of hunger in the desert a couple of decades ago. Still applies today.
Would you have read the article without the crash blossom headline?
Sounds like it did its job
John Henry
Althouse decries shorts trend...
Best I could do.
They thought the sign said dessert.
BTW, I think “crash blossoms” is fucking brilliant.
My grandfather collected these. Some of his favorites were "Five Balls Keep Lyndon Hopping" (about LBJ's 1965 inauguration), and "Navel Hero Killed in Blast", which was more a mis-spelling than a crash blossom
this gives me the opportunity to quote the BEST headline EVER (even though it has no relevance to this topic )
Hix Nix Stix Pix
More Mush from the WImp was the best headline ever.
Feds Sue Hooker to Clean Love Canal
on the Hooker Chemical spill.
rehajm: Ha.
The WaPo used to put puns or CB's in headlines in the Style section.
The Columbia Journalism Review had a penultimate back page full of them from all over every month. I hadn't known they'd made books of them. How many were submitted by the writers, that is, intentional?
President and Senate Butt Heads
Theodore Bernstein (NYT chief copy editor, once upon a time) called them "two-faced heads." My favorite is: "Investigators Explore Virgin Far North."
Often these headlines could use a "-" to connect some words.
On Drudge right now (an anti-Trump fake-news rambling BS):
"PULITZER winner ditches journalism to work at hot dog joint..."
How I read it:
"PULITZER winner ditches journalism to work at hot dog-joint..."
My favorite dealt with the construction of a controversial building in Harvard Square when Pusey was the President of Harvard. The headline:
Pusey Fights Erection in Harvard Square
Road sign seen on highway in front of state penitentiary: "Hitchhikers may be escaping inmates."
The second editor I worked for on our college paper put up the motto "The South's Foremost College Weekly."
He was forced out (and left school soon after) when the annual lampoon issue went awry. The early SJWs were upset that there was no disclaimer.
Writing headlines on a deadline is tough if you're inexperienced or punchy. I did most of ours for a year. Now the computers can squeeze them in the space, up to a point, but back then you could only control the point size, and that only in steps.
What upset them most was a below-the-neck photo of a woman grabbing a man by the zipper with the caption "Dr. Grant inaugurates Davidson's first sex for grades scandal."
I got away with "New Coach, New Stroke" when our high school swim team got a new coach. Until the paper was printed, of course.
For a very short time Pfeiffer Beer was advertised as "The Beer with the Silent P".
I thought the best headline ever was generally agreed to be "Headless Body in Topless Bar," but I'm partial to the more recent "Skywalkers in Korea Cross Han Solo".
"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off signifcantly after age 25"
"Of all places to search for food, why would you go to the desert?"
Because it's better than starving in socialism?
The all time TV prank was the China Airlines crash landin at SFO. TV report was told pilot''s name way Wey To Lo. First officer was Ho Lee Fuk.
At my alma mater, MIT, our sports teams were "Tech." Whenever we defeated Bates College, the inevitable headline was:
"Tech Masters Bates."
Life is short.
Eat desert first!
Outside of a dog a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read. — Groucho
Enjoyed some laughs over these. Thanks for the amusing post. Where can I find collections of these gems?
"Tech Masters Bates."
I seem to remember one of Dickens' novels had a Master Bates.
In 1960, reading a NY Times headline about that year's Summer Olympics, my father was taken aback to see "Boston Broad Jumps Record Distance." Thinking it very bad taste on the part of the Times to describe a woman in that way, he was relieved to discover that it involved a jumper named Ralph Boston.
In 1960, reading a NY Times headline about that year's Summer Olympics, my father was taken aback to see "Boston Broad Jumps Record Distance." Thinking it very bad taste on the part of the Times to describe a woman in that way, he was relieved to discover that it involved a jumper named Ralph Boston.
That's why we have hyphens.
Mock, the monthly page in the CJR was called The Lower Case, but I'm not finding anything with that on Amazon.
Re gilbar @7:13, "Hix Nix Stix Pix"
Not quite. It was actually "Stix Nix Hix Pix"
Translation: "Rural America (stix) rejects (nix) movies (pix) about rural Americans (hix)."
from "Yankee Doodle Dandy"
Fictional, yet brilliant, from Fractured Fairy Tales - "Doze Doll Due Wiz Biz." It was about a Walt Disney look-alike knight who decided to let Sleeping Beauty stay asleep and set up an amusement park attraction with her as the centerpiece.
Grrr autocorrect..."Doze Doll Duz Wiz Biz."
"Yankee Doodle Dandy" also got it wrong.
Link to a photo of the front page of Variety with the actual headline:
https://www.google.com/search?q=Stix+nix+hix+pix&newwindow=1&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjg8_XT04_bAhUD5YMKHcQCCuwQsAQIQA&biw=1366&bih=580#imgrc=SUGT9YBOi0_QtM:
IN 1934 there was a custody battle over Gloria Vanderbilt and her considerable fortune. The judge announced that he would make his ruling after the weekend whether Gloria would go with her Mother or her Aunt. One of the newspaper headlines read "Sic Transit Gloria Monday".
One of my favorites:
Holy Family Romps Over Vineyard
Holy Family was a Catholic high school that defeated the Martha's Vineyard Squad.
The image of Mary, Joseph and Jesus having a ball on the island is a fun one.
Can't believe nobody else said it:
BECAUSE IT'S A FOOD DESERT
thank you roughcoat; i was doing it from memory (and, if you think about it; mine translates the same)
Powerline just issued a crash blossom - FBI BLOWS SOURCE: WHY?
When I was a kid, Mad Magazine did a regular column specializing in made up headlines that would naturally confuse the literal minde. I think it was titled something like, “How children understand sports headlines”. I remember TWINS SWEEP GIANT DOUBLEHEADER as a particular example, complete with illustration of just how a child would picture such a thing.
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