"... a Florida point guard motoring up the court, veering out of control and finally planting his foot at just the right spot. It had to be the right spot, just beyond the 3-point line. It had to be the right time. It had to float for what seemed like an eternity and disappear softly through the net."
Sportswriting. In the NYT.
That's written by Zach Schonbrun. The game is lost. Let's rate the sportswriting. Just the part I've quoted above.
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It's hard writing the same thing over and over and making it sound different. Sportswriting is some of the toughest writing there is.
I watched the whole game and didn't see any white cleavage on or off the court.
At least they got the picture right.
There's no woman in it. No plot.
This quote has a sportscaster play-by-play vibe.
Can't complain that it is what it is.
The Morning After the Game....
"Baby, you were right. I should've been practicing my free-throws. Then I could have anal sex. And talk about Injustice. As a Winner."
"Nigel, you did the best you could. Basketball isn't everything, you know..."
"Yeah, but now the White Man can criticize me for not being clutch. That's an Injustice, too."
"I know what this is REALLY about, Nigel?"
"Yeah? What's that?"
"It's about getting drafted by the NBA. Don't worry, baby: you'll still be a High Pick. And then you'll be in the NBA, where you can talk about Injustice. And have anal sex."
"You know me better than I know myself, I think."
"Just call it a Transsexual Woman's Intuition."
'Yeah. The NBA is used to the Black Brothers not making free-throws: it's all good."
"About the NBA..."
"Yeah?"
"A lot of the players have sex with groupies in every city."
"Oh, baby -- I ain't like that --"
"No, no: it's okay. But I want to let you in on a Secret."
:What's that?"
"A LOT of those NBA groupies are transsexuals."
"No shit?"
"Oh, it's common knowledge in the Community. NBA Stars are fucking all kinds of women who still have their cock and balls."
"Wow. Even LeBron?"
"Even LeBron, baby. You know that woman Kobe Bryant was accused of raping?"
"Yeah...?"
"She was a dude. That's why that shit got so out of hand."
"I had no idea..."
"Just wanted to let you know, Nigel. Now how about we have anal sex. And talk about Injustice."
"Sure thing.... ...but even LeBron?
"Even LeBron, baby: even LeBron..."
I am Laslo.
I bet if you'd rolled a basketball into Zach's cubicle a couple of weeks ago he would have called maintenance for an exterminator.
You could read it as a description of sexual intercourse I suppose, with the writer taking some liberties.
You want to know what's old and tired?
Complaining about poorly written sports stories. The guys who go into that usually took a couple extra head shots as kids while playing sports.
Showalter isn't doing that belt shit now https://static01.nyt.com/images/2017/03/26/sports/25florida12/25florida12-superJumbo-v2.jpg
"Mark said...
You want to know what's old and tired?
Complaining about poorly written sports stories. The guys who go into that usually took a couple extra head shots as kids while playing sports."
No they usually were in chess club in high school.
It reminds me of the wastebasket shot across the office I made once.
I thihk that was before they had 3 points though.
I'm hazy on the rules and so also their history.
Explaining the rules of basketball to a math major could be a comedy bit.
Wasn't the FL player a tatted up Black guy in Florida's home white uniform?
Other rules I don't know: hockey, baseball, football, and of course soccer.
Showalter turned toward Rodgers and mimicked Rodgers’s signature championship-belt celebration.
Isn't that belt shit commonly known as The Discount Double Check? Odds are that'd be news to Zach...
I'm good on cross-country, track and fencing rules.
You don't earn varsity letters at Oberlin without knowing rules, at least in your own mandated sport.
If Schonbrun knew something about the game of basketball perhaps he could explain how the Florida point guard had no one in his face while taking the shot. Looks as though he was pretty undefended.
Three teams from the SEC in the Elite Eight. Zero from the Big Ten.
Sports writers could try going for understatement, except that it's hard to do understatement with sports.
Radio Derb this week gives the understatement prize to the Emperor of Japan on losing WWII
For superlative breathtaking understatement, I think the international crown has to go to the late Emperor of Japan, telling his subjects over the radio following the annihilation of Hiroshima and Nagasaki by nuclear weapons that "The war situation has developed not necessarily to Japan's advantage."
Let that be a model for sports writers.
I suppose that's litotes.
Though there's no indication that the Emperor was being ironic.
I'm surprised that the NYT is covering men's basketball.
"Here's General Eisenhower's phone number and here's the English for 'We give up.'"
Mitchell and Webb The New Fuehrer.
Writing the end of the contest, another model.
He missed the opportunity to say "motorvating".
It's edgy to use the word "white" in any context at the New York Times these days.
methinks this poll might be skewed by, uh, Wisconsin voters
I just hope Nate Silver doesn't do a front page scoop on bad polling data on the Althouse blog
this isn't science damn it, this is a law blog!
when it's not an art blog!
not fake news so much as unhappy fans
real journalists know the difference
I had Villanova and UVA in my brackets so no dog in this hunt whatsoever
completely unbiased!
good sportswriting, props buddy
"rehajm said...
Showalter turned toward Rodgers and mimicked Rodgers’s signature championship-belt celebration.
Isn't that belt shit commonly known as The Discount Double Check? Odds are that'd be news to Zach..."
I'm not sure if you are being facetious, but the "belt shit" is Rodgers mimicking the WWE move of showcasing the belt after victory. State Farm did a series of commercials were he was mocked because he copied their "Discount Double Check."
"Big Mike said...
If Schonbrun knew something about the game of basketball perhaps he could explain how the Florida point guard had no one in his face while taking the shot. Looks as though he was pretty undefended.
Three teams from the SEC in the Elite Eight. Zero from the Big Ten."
They didn't want to foul. Unlike Florida who should have fouled at the end of regulation time with a three point lead, Wisconsin was only up two.
Nice blog post.
It had to be posted in just the right spot, just beyond the cafe post but before the Obamacare post. It had to be posted at the right time. It had to float for what seemed like an eternity and disappear softly through the internet.
No need whatsoever to second guess what the Badgers should have done. It is what it is.
Your post was a whirling blur of white flummox .
Meade said...3/25/17, 8:32 AM
Well done.
But there was no 'white cleaving'.
That would have made it stellar.
I am Laslo.
Isn't "White Flummox" a racist Dr. Suess character?
Read Dr. Suess with an eye for White Supremecy and you'll be surprised by what you find.
You'll never read "Green Eggs and Ham" the same way again.
I am Laslo.
I love Meade's comment, but you should have heard the conversation we were having just before I read it. I was criticizing the use of the phrase "whirring blur of white" to refer to a human being who is not white. Meade acted as if I didn't know the writer was describing what he saw, the white uniform. I said I knew he was doing that literary thing of being very visual, but the man is a human being, having his great moment, and why should this be the point where you just have to go with metonymy.
"Motoring up the court" is definitely old school radio broadcaster talk. I haven''t heard that phrase in over 30 years.
I was referring to Meade's 8:32 AM.
Not his 8:35, which is referring to the same thing I'm talking about at 8:39 and also using an earlier conversation we had about the "roundelay" post. Meade was the one person who knew (until he wrote that and revealed it to the world) that my favorite word is "flummox."
" I said I knew he was doing that literary thing of being very visual, but the man is a human being, having his great moment, and why should this be the point where you just have to go with metonymy."
That was my thought, too. Really. Headline makes you think it was a White Guy to the rescue. Which undercuts the magic of the man who actually made it happen.
"but you should have heard the conversation we were having just before I read it."
You never invite me over for breakfast and coffee.
I am Laslo.
Notice I used the appropriate word, whirling, unlike the sports writer (whirring). Whirring refers to sound. Whirling is visual.
Now excuse me while I write a roundelay.
but you should have heard the conversation we were having just before I read it.
I'm picturing you sitting ten feet from each other, messaging.
"You never invite me over for breakfast and coffee."
That's odd. I could've sworn you're here every morning. Just before Zeus whirls his tail as he motors through the back yard hostas, cleaving all of them and floating for what seems like an eternity and disappearing softly through the house looking for his stuffed raccoon.
It's so bad it's good. But basketballs don't "disappear" though the net.
"I'm picturing you sitting ten feet from each other, messaging."
I'M picturing them sitting ten feet from each other, massaging.
Because of the distance, a massaging device is involved.
Ah, yes: Here it is.
But use the Althouse Portal, not the link.
I bet you were expecting a 'different' kind of 'massaging device'.
I know how you people think.
I am Laslo.
...fetchingly fetching his raccoon, veering here and there, in and out, to and fro. Before dropping it softly at my feet while making a low weird preternatural whirring sound deep in his canine throat that says, "where's my shining moment of a biscuit, bro?"
Sorry... I meant a low weird preternatural whirring sound deep in his canine throat that seems to say...
In my 8:59 AM comment I picture Althouse and Meade each having a pad, but having the other's remote control.
That would be just like them.
I am Laslo.
Meade, does this mean that (unlike Villanova) Florida campaigned in Wisconsin?
And you wonder why we can't have you over for breakfast.
@cronus, not only did Florida campaign, but It's as if Hillary didn't even bother to watch the tapes.
I voted for beautifully written.
I have to discount the reviews from anyone who did not see this play in real time.
Anne, what do you mean "The game is lost."? Not in my bracket.
(Also please correct my punctuation)
I don't watch men's basketball, but I read enough comments to get me to look at the box score. WI foul shooting wasn't great (67%), but it wasn't much worse than FL (71%). The real problem in the box score is that K. Allen scored 35 (!) points. Did WI decide not to cover the guy? If K. Allen had scored his season average points (15) WI would have won by 20. Clearly something wrong wth WI defensive game plan.
I know this is a cliche, but "defense wins championships."
I know this is a cliche, but "defense wins championships."
My alma mater is certainly praying that is the case. They shut Baylor down something fierce.
As bad as it was to be a WVU fan on Thursday night, it was much worse to be a Badger at the conclusion of this game. I just happened to to tune in to see the free throws and the subsequent frantic dash down the floor. I remember thinking at the time it
would probably be better to miss the second free throw and cause Florida to improvise rather than have a set play.
"...The game is lost.."
I blame Olivia Munn.
Typical sportspeak.
The Battle of the Jesuits today: Xavier vs. Gonzaga. Go Zags!
I vote the whirring white critique is a trolling. At least in basketball these days nobody this side of a college safe space should get race confused into that. I vote the use of softly is the crime. 3 pointers don't do softly. Suddenly maybe works but then that could be some kind of sex crime on campus these days. They sat in the parked car for what seemed like an eternity and then softly banged their teeth together.
mockturtle said...
"The Battle of the Jesuits today: Xavier vs. Gonzaga. Go Zags!"
Gonzaga has reached eight Sweet 16s and three Elite Eights, but the Bulldogs have never played in a Final Four. For Xavier those numbers are, well, exactly the same.
The hoops gods must like coincidences. The basketball programs of these two Jesuit schools, 2,000 miles apart, have mirrored each other with an eerie degree of fidelity over the last two decades.
It is piss poor writing because it is just fucking inaccurate. You want to know why the Florida guard was able to get off that shot? It wasn't 5 Wisconsin players vs 1 Florida guard- all of Florida's players were there as potential shooters off a pass once the ball passed mid-court- Wisconsin's defense had to respect that, and you want Florida to take a shot like that rather than a normal jump shot, unfortunately for Wisconsin that off-balance runner went in for Florida, too. Remarkable.
"I remember thinking at the time it would probably be better to miss the second free throw and cause Florida to improvise rather than have a set play."
Steven, yes- Florida was out of timeouts and having to rebound the miss would have cost Florida at least a second in time and 20 feet of floor distance. In fact, I was shocked that Wisconsin didn't use the last timeout after Hayes hit the first foul shot to at least discuss the best strategy. You run the risk of losing to a two-pointer by deliberately missing the second foul shot, but it was never all that likely that Florida was going to shoot anything other than a three-pointer of some sort given there being only four seconds left.
It is piss poor writing because it is just fucking inaccurate.
That's an awesome first sentence, in my opinion. It's not Call me Ishmael or Mom died today. But for literary criticism, that works for me.
You want to know why the Florida guard was able to get off that shot? It wasn't 5 Wisconsin players vs 1 Florida guard- all of Florida's players were there as potential shooters off a pass once the ball passed mid-court- Wisconsin's defense had to respect that, and you want Florida to take a shot like that rather than a normal jump shot, unfortunately for Wisconsin that off-balance runner went in for Florida, too. Remarkable.
That's why every color commentator needs a solid play-by-play man, otherwise we don't even know what the hell game we're playing. Is this lacrosse? Where the hell are we? But there's room for poetry in journalism, that's all I'm saying. Also I think we should allow "fuck" and "piss-poor." But maybe just on cable.
I think it would make Jim Murray gag.
"Whirring blur of white" is fine.
"It had to be the right spot, just beyond the 3-point line. " is trite. If you need a three pointer, just past the three point line is the place to be. It's not thematically appropriate, it's just the rules of basketball.
Saint-Croix asserts: That's why every color commentator needs a solid play-by-play man, otherwise we don't even know what the hell game we're playing. Is this lacrosse? Where the hell are we? But there's room for poetry in journalism, that's all I'm saying. Also I think we should allow "fuck" and "piss-poor." But maybe just on cable.
I sometimes listen to baseball games in Spanish because there is ONLY a play-by-play announcer.
""Whirring blur of white" is fine."
But there was no whirring at all. If you want to refer to sound, the word should be "squeaking."
""It had to be the right spot, just beyond the 3-point line. " is trite. If you need a three pointer, just past the three point line is the place to be. It's not thematically appropriate, it's just the rules of basketball."
But since he was moving toward the line, the right spot WASN'T beyond it. It was BEFORE it.
He's trying to put us there, seeing what was to be seen, but the words don't take us where we need to be.
From a previous post,
"That white Florida player wasn't too proud to shoot his free throws granny style. Made them both. Just sayin."
That white kid is NBA Hall of Famer Rick Barry's son, Canyon Barry. If you don't know about the Barrys' and their unorthodox free throw shooting you haven't watched much basketball. Rick's lifetime NBA FT% is .900, Canyon is only shooting .890 this year. Canyon's 7 points, including 3 for 3 from the line, and an incredible block of a run-away layup at the end of the game were crucial to the Gator's win. Go SEC!
>>an incredible block of a run-away layup at the end of the game
That's the play of the game to me. Without that, the 3 pointer is meaningless.
""Whirring blur of white" is fine."
But there was no whirring at all. If you want to refer to sound, the word should be "squeaking."
Few of us sports fans are Lit majors. And 'squeaking' simply lacks the necessary alliteration. [Squeaking blur?]
Both of my teams won today. Great day!!! :-)
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