"... sexy Mrs. Claus... the ‘Unwrap Me’ Body Bow... '18 Boobs That Are Actually Christmas Miracles'... The Slutcracker...."
It's just bad. It's not even naughty — to use that child-oriented Christmas word that had a sexual double meaning — what? — half a century ago.
December 24, 2016
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13 comments:
Ho ho, ho.
Eartha Kitt's Santa Baby, way back in 1953, was either the beginning of the end, or more likely the continuing of a much longer tradition.
Dude with Seven Restraining Orders says…
I once spent Christmas in jail.
I had an old girlfriend where things went kinda crazy at the end. Actually, most of my relationships ended this way, but this girl never pulled a gun on me or caused a scene at Denny’s that required the Police, so I still had warm feelings…
So it was Christmas Eve: I had the Holiday Spirit and was drunk on Holiday Feelings, and, well, drunk pretty much the normal alcoholic way, too, so I thought maybe I could surprise her and we could kick it over some Hennessy's, maybe I could come down her chimney. That was an anal sex joke, in case you didn’t get it, I’m funny like that…
Well, I went over to the ex-girlfriend's apartment that Christmas Eve and said — Ha Ha — I was The Ghost of Boyfriends Past, but she didn't find it funny. Me, I thought it was funny: I think SHE was just being a bitch, really. Made me kinda remember why I got rid of her in the first place — I mean, after she had her lawyer dump me…
As I stood there she tried to close the door on me, but I got my foot in and stopped it. Then, when I forced my way in, I see she's wearing a sexy Santa’s Helper outfit: you know, the pushed-up tits and the red panties that climb up the ass cheeks, and I’m thinking, boy, have I got a candy cane for HER…
Then I see she’s got a boyfriend in there. Real limp dude, he’s saying I should just leave, now, but I start laughing because his voice is breaking like a bitch. Who’s the Elf? I ask her, but she is telling me to leave, too. I notice that there are packages of condoms on the coffee table, and I’m thinking Shit, she makes the guys were those damn things now. Except then I remember that I might have given her herpes, so maybe she’s a bit cautious: sounds like the cow has already left that barn, if you ask me…
Anyway, it turns out the neighbors called the cops, and the Police arrive and put me in handcuffs, and I end up spending Christmas Eve and Christmas in jail. It is so unfair that it should be illegal: can I help it if most of my friends are deadbeats that can’t afford to post bail…?
Then there was the time on New Year’s Eve, but maybe I’ll tell you that story later…
And, yes, I did put a pubic hair on that one girl's Starbucks cup, but the person who says they saw me do it is lying...
I am Laslo.
Sex dressed as a special occasion gift is not a good idea if you want a marriage.
Your showing you're satisfied with your husband is what your husband gets out of the deal.
I just wasted ten seconds I will never get back looking at that link.
Amazon's ad algorithm just served up a sexy Christmas lingerie ad on this page, including the Bow-Knot Unwrap Me. The irony...
That boob Rudolph would only work if you also sunbathed topless. (To the extent that it works at all. It's neither cute nor sexy, but I have no interest in looking at other women's boobs, so YMMV.)
"Sex dressed as a special occasion gift is not a good idea if you want a marriage."
Isn't that a Rodney Dangerfield Joke? "For me sex is just like Christmas, it only comes once a year".
Oh come on, we gather the whole family to watch Dusty Towne's Christmas special every year:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=liOtOSR_Pp0
News Flash: Woman who can no longer get away with sexy elf costume unhappy with sexualization of Christmas.
The real war on Christmas isn't coming from the upper West Side media elites. It's coming from Madison Avenue.
Bill O'Reilly, take note.
Michael, that's... very strange.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFiWZesd4xQ
Kay Martin & Her Bodyguards, and entire record of double entendre Christmas songs from 1962 including the classic, "Hang your Balls on the Christmas Tree."
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