Althouse: "We measure our breasts in cups. We pour ourselves into dresses. Men drink us in, tall glasses that we are."

December 13, 2014

"We measure our breasts in cups. We pour ourselves into dresses. Men drink us in, tall glasses that we are."

"We spill our secrets and intoxicate with our wit. This parlance is often obtuse, but what it conveys is clear as crystal: whatever pockets of fluid and fatty tissue comprise the female body are liminal and liquid, and they are for others' consumption. Especially our jugs."

From "Myth Busts: The Enduring Legacy of Breast-Shaped Glassware/No, that glass probably wasn't modeled on Marie Antoinette's assets. But that doesn't mean the story doesn't matter.."

29 comments:

Saint Croix said...: Especially our jugs

I don't like "Jugs". Jugs seem saggy and depressed. Rhymes with bugs, mugs, slugs, chugs, and drugs.

I like "ta-tas." Ta-Tas is like a birthday party. Or a magic show at a birthday party. Rhymes with rah rah, wa wa wa, sha na na, mama, a ha, and fa la la.; 12/13/14, 6:30 AM
Saint Croix said...: wow that link is sending me all over the internet.

Here is Kate Moss's Tits. She is so beautiful. And no surgery that I notice. It's awful how our culture is causing women to attack their own bodies.; 12/13/14, 6:35 AM
Saint Croix said...: Kate Moss I almost had a boob job.; 12/13/14, 6:38 AM
Jaq said...: "Ta-tas" wouldn't fit with the whole rhetorical form of the article. I love breasts. They are great. I don't know how anybody could finish the article though. I guess if you are trained in law and forced to read millions of pages of tedious, lifeless documents over your career, it would be good training to be able to finish it.

An editor would have come in handy though, because some of the history stuff was pretty good.; 12/13/14, 6:39 AM
Saint Croix said...: Naked Kate is "under maintenance."

Uh-oh!; 12/13/14, 6:41 AM
Saint Croix said...: If you say "nice boobies" to a woman she probably will not get mad at you. Boobies is key. It's child-like adoration, damn it.; 12/13/14, 6:43 AM
Saint Croix said...: Although if you are actually in bed with a woman you should probably go with "tits."

"Boobies" is to avoid getting slapped on the street. You still might get slapped. You're on your own.; 12/13/14, 6:45 AM
Saint Croix said...: I don't know how anybody could finish the article though. I guess if you are trained in law and forced to read millions of pages of tedious, lifeless documents over your career, it would be good training to be able to finish it.

I was trained in law but I did not get past "Kate Moss's breasts."; 12/13/14, 6:48 AM
Saint Croix said...: There was an article about women in bed and how they always use pronouns. Breasts are "they." Penis is "he." I remember my first girlfriend was very amused that my penis was a "he." What the hell else is going to be? Of course he's a he. He's got a mind of his own, that's why he's a he.; 12/13/14, 6:53 AM
Saint Croix said...: Men saying "boobies" = Men in shorts.

Why are men acting like children?

Welcome to the matriarchy!; 12/13/14, 7:00 AM
lonetown said...: Well honey its melons or casabas are what I feast my eyes upon. Drink up the beauty but avoid the fluid emotions.; 12/13/14, 7:05 AM
Saint Croix said...: Melons is way too heavy for Kate Moss.; 12/13/14, 7:09 AM
Saint Croix said...: Kate Moss with melons is a lopsided chick.; 12/13/14, 7:09 AM
Saint Croix said...: The sad thing is when you google naked Kate and it's naked Kate Middleton. You've been replaced Kate!

The 1990's called, they want Kate back.

It's so weird how I went on a time travel ride and I didn't even notice.; 12/13/14, 7:40 AM
Paco Wové said...: "We ... intoxicate with our wit"

Well, some of us do.; 12/13/14, 8:18 AM
Anonymous said...: Let's take another look at that glassware.

Meanwhile, where's Titus?

Calling Titus . . .; 12/13/14, 8:31 AM
Saint Croix said...: okay this is a long post inspired by Kate Moss. Might be a little didactic and off-point.

Our society is sex-obsessed and youth-obsessed. I can say this about our society because I feel like I'm describing me. We replace one Kate with another Kate. Why? Younger women have babies. Older women do not. This is why our attention always focuses on the young. They have the power of reproduction.

And these women fear getting old. They are afraid of becoming their mothers. A woman aborts her baby because she does not want to become her mother. We are in a revolt against the aging process, against reproduction, against having a child and being an adult.

You want to freak out a young person in their 20's? Tell them you want a baby. Tell them you got a baby-urge. You will freak their shit out.

We have this bizarre youth-obsessed culture and we are oblivious to what is going on.

You know movies from the 1940's? All those movies had adults in them, and they were designed for adult audiences. The adult market for movies is shrinking and shrinking and shrinking. Everything is aimed at teenagers, those people with money and no jobs. Our culture tells us that youth is everything. Get old and disappear! Get old and die! Be a mother and your life is over! It's amazing, our subliminal messages.; 12/13/14, 9:15 AM
traditionalguy said...: But women are the receptacle of the magic liquid that shoots violently from a hard and heavy dark bottle lableled Brut.; 12/13/14, 9:27 AM
mikee said...: Saint Croix, as a married postdoc working at Ga Tech, I freaked out my undergrad and graduate student coworkers by bringing my infant son to lab once, on the way out of town with my wife.

It was like I'd brought them a live hyena, or perhaps a contagious disease personified.

I won't even discuss their reaction to my very astute research advisor asking me if the little fella was breastfed, with them listening. Some memories are priceless.; 12/13/14, 9:35 AM
virgil xenophon said...: @ St Croix/

"mellons": A Story

When I left the Air Force in 1971 and returned to college to get my MA I found out much had changed. Fraternities no longer had "House Mothers" and beer was now served in the Student Union (although the drinking age had always been 18 in Louisiana, the State had banned it from college campii, but when they lowered the voting age to 18 the State caved)

At any rate social mores had changed also. Turns out that a certain well-endowed young lass of questionable morals had become enamored of the Phi Delts and practically lived there "servicing" the entire house and was soon tagged with the appellation of "Mellons." Knowledge of this state of affairs soon became wide-spread. One of the dorm intramural sports teams comprised mainly of Phi Delts (fraternities are so large at LSU most members live in dorms) chose their team name as "Mellon's Men." LOL. And when one Phi Delt asked a "normal" co-ed out for a "real date" she demurely refused, replying: "Why, I thought the Phi Delts only dated ONE girl." LOL!!; 12/13/14, 9:39 AM
Saint Croix said...: It was like I'd brought them a live hyena, or perhaps a contagious disease personified.

It's weird, right?

I've been in sexual relationships where we never talked about pregnancy. Not once. "What will we do if there's a pregnancy?" We never ever had that conversation.

This idea of adulthood, of forming a relationship that might create a baby, it's not like we rejected it. We didn't see it as a possibility! So of course a baby is going to freak out your class.

When liberals talk about sex education, they're talking about putting condoms on bananas. What kids need to see, and understand, is that they might be making a baby. And are you ready for that? That's the conversation we need to be having.; 12/13/14, 9:45 AM
Michael K said...: I have a pair of Lalique crystal champagne goblets alleged to be modeled on Marie Antoinette's breasts. You've ruined it for me !

On the other hand, they don't seem to offer them anymore. Mine are 30 years old.

I guess I'll keep them. The champagne tastes as good.; 12/13/14, 9:49 AM
Saint Croix said...: That's an amusing story, Virgil, not sure I approve though. Not so much morally, it would just freak me out to share a woman like that.

Here are melons vs. jugs; 12/13/14, 10:06 AM
Wince said...: A case of withdrawn consent.

"Tell you what: for $20, you can kiss 'em!"; 12/13/14, 10:27 AM
n.n said...: There is a surreal and progressive disconnect from reality as we shed our youthful innocence.

Women have breasts. Men have a penis. Let's get together and make a baby.

There's your anchor to reality. The alternative is fairy tales that women and men tell themselves, and surviving children, in order to avoid reconciliation with their breasts and penis -- reality in a semi-stable chaotic system.

Then we die and are either redistributed in time and space until we reach incoherence or stand in judgment before an extra-universal entity.

Waiting for our unknown fate is excruciating. So, women and men distract themselves with thoughts of breasts and penises. Transitory things that are set aside with the conception and birth of a baby.

Ah, the blissful innocence of youth, reimagined with adult vigor and fear.; 12/13/14, 10:54 AM
Eeyore Rifkin said...: Dreadful prose. Her cacology, possibly intended for comic effect, obscures the weakness of her argument.

She seems to have done a little research and formed an opinion, but I'm unpersuaded. It's a shame. Now I'll have to undertake some investigations of my own.; 12/13/14, 1:59 PM
RecChief said...: The link between breast and drink is a direct one.

Paging Ms. Obvious; 12/13/14, 7:57 PM
Carl Pham said...: We measure our breasts in cups. We pour ourselves into dresses. Men drink us in, tall glasses that we are.

You wish. Unfortunately, the tits just open the door, and after that you need to demonstrate some value via wit, empathy, or character.

Too often you fail, and then console yourself with the inane he was only interested in my boobs anyway trope, grapes as sour as when Aesop first wrote of them.

Men say similar things (She only liked my money). In some cases, it's even true. But most of the time, you were just a crashing bore, an insensitive boor, mean or whiny or selfish just one time too many.; 12/14/14, 2:07 AM
stlcdr said...: Since I didn't read it, what's the summary? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?; 12/14/14, 5:54 AM