Coming right after the serious "My Blog Is So Serious Today" post, this cracked my up. For whatever reason, the expression on Augie's face reminds me of you.
Rush freaked me out today by opening his show with the Ebola outbreak. An American diplomat carried the disease into the biggest city in Nigeria, Lagos, population 17 million. He brought ebola with him on an airplane, coming into contact with dozens of people, including flight attendants who are flying around the world.
Okay, my dog has dug a hole in my awesome leather chair.
I got this chair for $10 at a garage sale. My mom found it, actually, I do not go to garage sales. And she sat in it so nobody could buy it until I got over there and could put it in my Jeep. It is the most awesome chair I've ever had in my life. My ass loves this chair. Ten dollars! It's got an ass value of, I dunno, $200.
I like it way more than my thousand dollar sofa. My dog likes my thousand dollar sofa. Tear a hole in that, why don't you? But no, she has to tear a hole in my chair.
Okay, there was already a hole. It had a small, small, small, I mean tiny hole in it. And apparently this hole made my dog insane. What is underneath this hole? Apparently some kind of stuffing. I'm going to have to duct tape my damn leather chair.
I'm starting to think my dog does not like it when I watch TV. Puppy, you are High Maintenance.
My puppy has also destroyed six pairs of reading glasses and did some damage to the Old Testament. I have this Bible that my grandparents gave me when I was 10. It's got my name on the cover. It's really nice. And my previous dog, Scout, chewed a big chunk out of the corner. So pray for him. And now my puppy has taken out a couple of pages of Exodus and Leviticus.
This Bible, I swear, nobody else has a Bible like my Bible. I don't know what kind of translation I got, but if I'm reading in Sunday School, when I finish everybody is looking at me and they're all confused.
"What kind of Bible is that?"
"I don't know it. It's a Living Bible. And, uh, Paraphrased."
I'm not saying my Bible starts any theological fights or anything. It's more like if I'm reading a passage, we all get lost and we have to start over. I pretty much can't take this Bible out in public. Plus it's got the big dog bite on the cover. You know if I thought about it I could have buried my Bible with Scout, but I didn't think of it.
I've never been a big fan of the Old Testament anyway.
I've got like four hundred books. My puppy has destroyed a couple of Agatha Christies. I don't even know how she got to the Bible. But it's got a leather cover so it's particularly yummy, I guess.
I'm down to my last pair of reading glasses, I buy 'em two at a time. This one's got bite marks up and down the frame, but the glasses are still there. And I can always buy some more. I am Alpha. I am unstoppable. I need a new Bible anyway.
Sounds to me like your puppy misses you when you're away, St. Croix. If he's regularly left alone for hours at a time, you might have to get him his own puppy so he won't be lonely.
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10 comments:
Coming right after the serious "My Blog Is So Serious Today" post, this cracked my up. For whatever reason, the expression on Augie's face reminds me of you.
Aw, thanks.
Rush freaked me out today by opening his show with the Ebola outbreak. An American diplomat carried the disease into the biggest city in Nigeria, Lagos, population 17 million. He brought ebola with him on an airplane, coming into contact with dozens of people, including flight attendants who are flying around the world.
Where's Doggie Daddy?
Okay, my dog has dug a hole in my awesome leather chair.
I got this chair for $10 at a garage sale. My mom found it, actually, I do not go to garage sales. And she sat in it so nobody could buy it until I got over there and could put it in my Jeep. It is the most awesome chair I've ever had in my life. My ass loves this chair. Ten dollars! It's got an ass value of, I dunno, $200.
I like it way more than my thousand dollar sofa. My dog likes my thousand dollar sofa. Tear a hole in that, why don't you? But no, she has to tear a hole in my chair.
Okay, there was already a hole. It had a small, small, small, I mean tiny hole in it. And apparently this hole made my dog insane. What is underneath this hole? Apparently some kind of stuffing. I'm going to have to duct tape my damn leather chair.
I'm starting to think my dog does not like it when I watch TV. Puppy, you are High Maintenance.
In other dog news, Blue Squeaky is dead.
R.I.P.
Blue Squeaky
2014-2014
My puppy has also destroyed six pairs of reading glasses and did some damage to the Old Testament. I have this Bible that my grandparents gave me when I was 10. It's got my name on the cover. It's really nice. And my previous dog, Scout, chewed a big chunk out of the corner. So pray for him. And now my puppy has taken out a couple of pages of Exodus and Leviticus.
This Bible, I swear, nobody else has a Bible like my Bible. I don't know what kind of translation I got, but if I'm reading in Sunday School, when I finish everybody is looking at me and they're all confused.
"What kind of Bible is that?"
"I don't know it. It's a Living Bible. And, uh, Paraphrased."
I'm not saying my Bible starts any theological fights or anything. It's more like if I'm reading a passage, we all get lost and we have to start over. I pretty much can't take this Bible out in public. Plus it's got the big dog bite on the cover. You know if I thought about it I could have buried my Bible with Scout, but I didn't think of it.
I've never been a big fan of the Old Testament anyway.
I've got like four hundred books. My puppy has destroyed a couple of Agatha Christies. I don't even know how she got to the Bible. But it's got a leather cover so it's particularly yummy, I guess.
I'm down to my last pair of reading glasses, I buy 'em two at a time. This one's got bite marks up and down the frame, but the glasses are still there. And I can always buy some more. I am Alpha. I am unstoppable. I need a new Bible anyway.
Sounds to me like your puppy misses you when you're away, St. Croix. If he's regularly left alone for hours at a time, you might have to get him his own puppy so he won't be lonely.
You are right on the money, Meade.
Although most of it is teething, I think. I love the puppy stage so it's all good. I do need to get her a pal, though.
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