... throughout his 4-bedroom house.
So the cats are moving around above your head, above your kitchen counters, whence all the hair and dander and what-all can continually drift through the air and sprinkle onto your food and into your drinks. But it is a sort of moving, living sculptural installation, and every place is always unavoidably filthy at the microbial level. Why be so fussy when you can be fuzzy? Warm and fuzzy, like the cat man.
And now you know the difference between a cat man and a cat lady. Cat Lady has multitudes of cats roaming about underfoot. Cat Man goes architectural and elevates the animals systematically.
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29 comments:
Every time I visit my mother-in-law, I come away just a little more disgusted by the notion of keeping a cat as a pet.
Up on the catwalk? A new wave theme today?
Wow, beautiful house, though. For a man with 18 cats, he has surprisingly good taste.
And both are batshit nuts.
tim maguire said...
"Wow, beautiful house, though. For a man with 18 cats, he has surprisingly good taste."
Except for the eighteen freakin' cats!
Can you imagine what that house smells like.
I don't want to know where he keeps the litter boxes.
Does he own a Vietnamese restaurant?
Watched a National Geo special last night about the world's craziest cat lady. Divorced her rich husband and left behind a jet setter life to rescue cats. Her collection now stands at about 800 of the little vermin.
I used to like cats. My daughters were cat collectors. They picked up every stray they could find. I put my foot down when the seventh cat arrived on the scene.
"But, Daddy, Daddy, you won't have to do anything! We'll take care of everything!" was always the cry.
Took a while but the cats died out, and I swear I'll never let another one in my house. God, I hate the smell of cat.
The thing about cats is they don't care about anyone, and that makes them charming. They're unabashedly selfish. "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me."
Comedy Stage Open Mic Night Comic says:
So my mother borrowed a sex toy from our elderly neighbor -- don't start thinking that, they both think it's a kitchen appliance (laughter) -- and she asked me to return it; I got nothing else going on -- I already masturbated for the morning (laughter) -- so I say "Sure thing Mom" because I may be a deadbeat, but I am of SOME value to society, returning sex toys to the elderly (laughter), plus I need my Mom to do my laundry -- it is not a time to be selfish (laugher).
Anyway, I go over to our neighbor and she is sweet as can be, and the house smells of cookies, she has obviously been baking -- heartwarming, right? a little old lady baking cookies -- but here's the problem: the house doesn't just smell of cookies, it smells distinctly of cookies and cat piss (laughter). Yep: she's a Cat Lady, her floor is one moving, swirling carpet of cat. And it's not like she is unaware of the cat piss, she's old, but she's still got her faculties -- so the house, to be accurate, smells of cookies, cat piss and Febreze (laughter). The total smell, if I had to give it a name, would be Lavender Chocolate Chip Cat Piss Bouquet (laughter), aisle six at my supermarket, I believe, next to the Tropical Coconut Dog Shit Remover (laughter).
So I giver her the 'kitchen appliance' and she thanks me sweetly, but she does this with a big wink. One of 'those' winks, oh yes (titters). And I realize: Oh Dear God, she knows it's a sex toy (laughter). And if she KNOWS it's a sex toy then she no doubt USES it as a sexy toy (laughter), it's an Old Lady Sex Toy: Oh F**k, My Mom just made the eggs for breakfast with that! (laughter) Between that flash of insight and the smell of the cat piss I start to feel woozy, but not so woozy that I don't take some cookies home with me (laughter). Hell, I can always pick the cat hair off... Thank you, you've been great....
Yeah. Know what you mean. Like folks who let dogs walk around in their house.
Cat lady can. Kathmandu.
As an owner of (one!) cat, I think that looks pretty cool. My cat would love something like that.
But no way would I have it in the kitchen. I'd keep it in the bedrooms, basement.
Enh, the people decrying the "smell of cat" have obviously never had a dog. Particularly one that gets wet occasionally. Cats are, if anything, annoyingly tidy and odor-free. At least they are if they've been fixed.
18 cats, though, is troppo. Our two are a reasonable number.
The thing about cats is they don't care about anyone, and that makes them charming. They're unabashedly selfish. "I am the Cat who walks by himself, and all places are alike to me."
That's not quite true. Or, at least, they've taken Wilde's line (at least, I think it was Wilde) to heart, and can fake sincerity like nobody's business. I realize that to them I am the Food Human, so they naturally suck up to the person with the noms, but I could swear there's actual affection in the mix.
I would think if he has the money to decorate his house in this way he can afford a full time maid with a sturdy step ladder. That place would have to be wiped down to keep the hair and dander at a manageable level. she would probably have to do a room each day, and start over at the beginning as soon as she finished the last one.
The rule is you have one more litter box than the number of cats.
Do the math.
The rule is you have one more litter box than the number of cats.
Do the math.
So, if you zero cats, you must have one litter box.
Wow, beautiful house, though. For a man with 18 cats, he has surprisingly good taste.
Of course he has good taste. He's got to be gay.
MDT,
It's Kipling's Just So Stories, and you should get a copy.
Michelle Dulak Thomson said...
Enh, the people decrying the "smell of cat" have obviously never had a dog. Particularly one that gets wet occasionally.
I can wash my dog. She loves it. Ever try and wash a cat?
"I can wash my dog. She loves it. Ever try and wash a cat?"
Yes. ONCE.
Ok MDT, I'll give you that a cat may not smell much, but really, dogs don't either.
BUT, however harmless a cat's smell may be, the litter box is appalling and no house that has one can ever really be clean. And then the hair and dander--which is my big complaint about cats. Especially since cats go many places a dog never would.
I love cats. And I just watched this movie on Roku. It's fabulous:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0089MUDOE/ref=gno_cart_title_2?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER
I hope part of the money went to a high power vent system for the box room.
Amy Farrah-Folwer: I love cats! They are the epitome of indifference.
The phrase high functioning toxoplasmosis springs to mind.
Rusty said...
Ever try and wash a cat?
I give my cat baths. I know, everyone says that cats hate baths, but mine loves it.
Of course, the fur does tend to stick to my tongue.
( Paraphrased from an old Steve Martin routine. )
Betamax 3000: I just want to say that your recent "stand up routine" format totally works for you. You are rocking it!
I, personally, get much more amusement out of your posts now (and we all know, that is what matters here).
Love cats.
Can't stand dogs.
They bark (drives me crazy), they smell, they drool, their fur is coarse, they are all "knees and elbows" whereas a cat on the lap is sublimely soft, and its purring is delightful.
My cats love to play. They follow me and my wife everywhere. They are very low maintenance and no, they don't smell. In fact their fur smells nice as they keep themselves meticulously clean.
We have a litterbox in a spare bathroom but they mostly do their business outside, where I built an overhanging plastic mesh system suspended on the inside of the fence that surrounds our property, so they can go outside safely.
They're smart, funny, affectionate, beautiful to look at, and a pleasure to touch and hold.
People who hate cats are either ignoramuses or have pathological issues. Or both.
Actually, humans make things pretty filthy without help. Why get excited?
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