"... ponder the physics of Victoria Beckham’s head tilt; let the shock of a contestant saying Randy Jackson’s his favorite judge sting anew."
It's hard to face a new season of "American Idol," isn't it? I've got the new episode TiVo'd, but I haven't watched it yet, and I don't know if I will. I don't even know if it's that I'm sick of the same old thing or I hate the way it's changed. If Simon Cowell is evidencing enough distaste for Kara Dioguardi, maybe I could try to tolerate it. But I can't stand Kara, and it seems absurd to spend any time feeling uneasy about the absence of Paula Abdul. And now, this is supposely Simon's last season.
(I say "supposedly," because they can always throw more money at him and get him to stay. This is a negotiation game, I assume, and Simon might be particularly interesting this season as he — essentially — makes the argument to us that he is the show and that if he starts up a new show, that's where we will want to go. That might elicit some immense new offer, especially as we fail to bond to Kara and don't really see the point of Ellen DeGeneres.)
January 13, 2010
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Cowell is very easily replaceable on the show. He plays the simple part of the snot nosed English prick. Granted, he plays it really well. But that is all he does. All the need to do is have a reality show this summer in the UK called "England's biggest prick" and give the winner Cowell's spot and no one will ever notice he left.
Abdul is actually much harder to replace. Drugged out former female pop stars are actually harder to come by than you might think. And they usually go for a high price. I can't think of anyone who could take Abdul's place other than Whitney Houston. And I doubt she is that hard up yet.
All the need to do is have a reality show this summer in the UK called "England's biggest prick" and give the winner Cowell's spot and no one will ever notice he left.
Or give it to hdhouse if he can fake an English accent and that would work too.
I watched and it was by my experience pretty good. There was at least some decent talent and good stories. I don't know how long I'll stick with it but the combination of TiVo, other things I can do while watching, and the very real chance I'll end up rooting for (or hating) a particular contestant or two, makes it a low cost option.
God, this show is lame. The only people watching it are girls under 25 or over 55. Of course it's nearly all of them, but no man should be caught watching this unless he's naked.
I continue to be amazed that Hollywood and TV puts so much monetary store in actors and their 'drawing power.'
A much higher percentage of my favorite movies do not have a star; same with new TV shows. And many famous actors make 'bomb' movies. The success or failure of TV and movies beings and ends with the writing and structure.
Especially on a show with a 'plot' that starts over each year, paying Cowell $40-50 million a year (something like that) is ludicrous. That he can start his own show that remains basically the same as this one "The X Factor" means his contract was ill advised.
ok now cue snotty "I wouldn't waste my time watching that low class garbage" comments in 3... 2... 1...
ok now cue snotty "I wouldn't waste my time watching that low class garbage" comments in 3... 2... 1...
Its not snotty, just realistic. Personally I don't take any kind of delight in watching people get on stage and make fools of themselves and then get berated by a talentless snot nose Brit. I mean it would be one thing if you were watching a competition with people who actually have talent but the fact that they have to purposely put people who clearly have no talent just for the purpose of publicaly humiliating them.
People who actually watch that and get a kick out of it are the same kind of people who probably like to go to carnivals just to see the freak shows.
All the need to do is have a reality show this summer in the UK called "England's biggest prick" and give the winner Cowell's spot
They won't do all that. I heard they already had him picked out. Piers Morgan, who's even a bigger prick than Simon, and proud of it.
Armstrong and Getty say the formula is
1. If you're normal, you get treated normally.
2. If you're mildly retarded, they mock the hell out of you.
3. If you're really really retarded, then you're an object of great sympathy.
God, this show is lame. The only people watching it are girls under 25 or over 55.
My 16-yo says no one she knows watches it.
I didn't watch last night, and tonight the son is in a play. Maybe next week when I'm out of town and in a hotel I'll tune in. In the meantime, there's always Idolatry on EW.com.
"People who actually watch that and get a kick out of it are the same kind of people who probably like to go to carnivals just to see the freak shows."
Wait a minute Hoosier, I loves the freaks. Why else go to a carnival? Besides they need the money. They don't come to your job and insult your customers.
There is something very exploitative about tacking talentless and delusional people and putting them on national TV to laugh at them. And that is really all the first few episodes of each Idol season are about.
As far as the rest of the show goes, it is just pointless. You end up with at best some fair to middling talents singing cover tunes. The music is about the quality found at a good wedding or bat mitzva. Woo Hoo.
The only interesting thing about Idol is the parlor game of picking out great talents from the past and choosing who would actually do the best on Idol if they were an unknown today. My top 10 would be
Frank Sinatra
Elvis Presley
Marvin Gaye
Sam Cook
Aretha Franklin
Whitney Houston
Patsy Cline
Paul McCartney
John Lennon
Phil Everly
I have left Micheal Jackson off the list because if I am not mistaken, Idol does country night. Jackson would bomb singing country and be voted off, although he would do quite well in the other events.
It's totally understandable that the absence of the batshit insane Paula means the show will lose a lot of its appeal.
Her absence means certain people don't have anyone to identify with.
So to speak.
If only Anna Nicole Smith were still alive, they could save the show in Abdul's absence.
I hate to disagree with my brother Hoosier Daddy, but the disdain so many show for this show is part and parcel of the elitist bullshit that so many people buy into regarding entertainment. There is a reason why this is the most popular show on television. It is a good show.
When ABC first popularized the Olympics in the sixties and the seventies, the way they made it popular was filming little vignettes about the athletes so you got to know them and had a rooting interest. American Idol follows the same format. They had a wonderful story about a sixteen year old girl who loves and takes care of her Down syndrome brother. In fact her family was remarkable because they adopted three more Down syndrome children and they were here cheering section. I am not ashamed to say that it brought a tear to my eye.
I just hope they don’t overdo it like they did with the dead wife guy or the blind dude. It will be a little much if they show up at every show drooling in the front row. But it was an inspiring story to say the least. They have to learn that less is more.
On the other hand I do agree that Kara is a major league cunt.
Or give it to hdhouse if he can fake an English accent and that would work too.
How about Simon? No need to fake the accent. Biggest English prick I can think of. And he has tons of time on his hands now that Ann has spurned him and gone off and married Meade.
Thanks Trooper for making my point. If we were so objecting to people making themselves look like sad parthetic fools and laughing at them, we'd have to start by taking CSPAN and MSNBC off first.
These people know what they are getting into and in any case if the producers were wanting to turn the show in to a "freak show", they would just have audition shows year round with lousy ratings.
There was a surreal moment on the show last night when Kara went into complete bitch meltdown.
* * *
I disagree about Cowell. He's the only honest one of the group. Having judges praise people who truly suck does them no favors and destroys whatever credibility a judge may have. (I actually find the show generally intolerable, but my wife and youngest daughter are huge fans so I'm stuck watching it while I use my computer.)
* * *
As for the notion that American Idol purposely puts people on so they can be berated; do you even watch the show? These talentless hacks WANT to be on. And far too many really believe they are singing Gods.
One of the things that surprised me the most when I produced and directed several educational videos is how willing some people are to do ANYTHING on camera. (Actors are exhibitionists and really get off being such. It's uncouth, though, to admit that, so faking modesty is an important part of the game.)
"I disagree about Cowell. He's the only honest one of the group."
If you consider being a smug prick while stating the obvious to delusional people to be honesty, then I guess you are right. And of course the rejects want to be on the show. They are delusional. That is the whole point. And why is it so gross and exploitative to make a show out of laughing at them.
Pseudo intellectual posturing and regurgitating talking points which flinging crude sexual taunts like monkey shit are much more tiresome. But in America you still allowed to be tiresome and foolish. So far.
How about Simon? No need to fake the accent. Biggest English prick I can think of. And he has tons of time on his hands now that Ann has spurned him and gone off and married Meade.
Actually Freder, now that you showed up I guess I'd have to flip a coin.
American Idol has produced three stars who would never had made it in music without the show. Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson justify the shows existence by their talents alone.
"Pseudo intellectual posturing and regurgitating talking points which flinging crude sexual taunts like monkey shit are much more tiresome. But in America you still allowed to be tiresome and foolish. So far."
And you are still allowed to have horrifically bad taste in music and entertainment and waste your life laughing at people who can't sing in key in the hopes that one of them might turn out to be an okay lounge singer. And the rest of us are perfectly free to laugh at you for it.
As the only other person here seriously identified with music, I have to agree with Bagoh20, but only because AI does a disservice to what creativity in music is about, and insults those of us engaged in it as a true endeavor.
That said, I love the "freakshow" element, and will diss and laugh at those idiots 'till the cows come home (I've had people hold guns to my head, demanding I produce them, because I didn't see the remarkable talent they were sure they possessed, so none of AI's nutcases are foreign to me).
Lastly, Simon Cowell is the absolute best thing about that show - the one voice of rationality in a sea of delusion. (It certainly ain't Randy "What's up, Dawg?" Jackson and, if he has to carry the show, it won't last long.) Anyone who doesn't like Simon's personality can't handle life. Memo to the pansies:
Not everyone is on the planet to give your punk asses a hug - and his paycheck proves it.
Afterthought:
I feel strangely empowered defending a fellow curmudgeon.
"American Idol has produced three stars who would never had made it in music without the show. Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood and Jennifer Hudson justify the shows existence by their talents alone."
You don't know that. If Underwood, had gone to Nashville and paid her dues, there is nothing to say someone wouldn't have discovered her. And even if they didn't, it is not like there aren't a ton of cheese cake pop country singers out there. You may like her music, but there are plenty of people that could sing other people's songs just as well or better. And it is not like she has done anything innovative.
As far as Hutson goes, I could go to any Broadway cattle call and find plenty of women with just as much talent as her. The ability to sing and entertain is a lot more common than you think. Go out and see professional workaday musicians sometime. You will be amazed at the talent out there. Now, actually writing music is different. That is a much rarer talent. But, doing what is required to win Idol, that is not more common than you think.
"Not everyone is on the planet to give your punk asses a hug - and his paycheck proves it."
Of course people are not entitled to a hug. But, why not just cancel the show and give them nothing? And what is the value of watching people who can't sing get slapped around by a guy who can't sing either?
And what is the value of watching people who can't sing get slapped around by a guy who can't sing either?
I think that by the time the final 24 are announced, they've (mostly) found people who can sing. I don't tune in much to the audition shows, which have a different vibe to them, IMO.
How is Simon's singing ability relevant btw?
In a world which vicious nanny state scumbags like Mayor Nanny Bloomberg want to tell me how much salt I can put on my French fries, I must defend the right of delusional people to follow their dreams.
Of elitist snobs and poseurs like John are entitled to scoff and mock but what is the highest rated show in American.
Not your pal Keith Olberman.
You can of course enjoy Austin City Limits on PBS while munching on some tofu and leave normal real Americans to our own pursuits. Eating heavily salted fries cooked in Trans fat, drinking domestic beer and watching the youth of America chase their dreams. God bless them.
Trooper York,
My political leanings are somewhere to the right of Barry Goldwater and am about as anti-elitist as one can get. But I do know a bunch of mediocre hacks when I see them, which is all Idol ever produces. And just because something is popular doesn't make it any good. I tolerate a lot of things. And in fact have pretty pedestrian tastes in most things (books being one of the few exceptions). But Idol is just the worst. It is everything I hate about the music industry. Canned fake BS. The whole thing is a put on. I honestly don't think they even count the votes. They just chose whomever they think will garner the highest ratings to move on. And the entire competition has nothing to do with artistic expression. It is all about who can fake it the best singing other people's music. UGH!!
John sounds like a bitter musician who is too old to try out for American Idol. Don’t despair. Simon will be starting his show “The X-Factor” where there is no age limit.
You can be the next Susan Boyle.
Just not as pretty.
No Trooper York. I am not a failed musician. I just have taste. Freedom means that other people don't have to have taste. But it also means that some of us can. Simon Cowell is like a cultural virus the Brits let loose on the country in revenge for all the crap we have sent their way. And boy have they gotten their revenge.
John sounds like a bitter musician who is too old to try out for American Idol. Don’t despair. Simon will be starting his show “The X-Factor” where there is no age limit.
You can be the next Susan Boyle.
Just not as pretty.
I believe Ms. Boyle was actually on the British version of "America's Got Talent" (which Simon also hosts overseas), but you are right about the "X-Factor" show.
Out of curiosity (as a non-watcher of this genre), does anyone know whether the British version of Idol is still around, or is Mr. Cowell doing essentially the same thing over in the Colonies that he did in his home country?
WV--spocklet - a dropping of wisdom no Star Trek fanatic could do without.
And the entire competition has nothing to do with artistic expression.
Like most music does? What a pile of bullshit. Musicians are just as bad as every other creative endeavor at deluding themselves that they are doing--in a upper class accent--"ART". This is the ENTERTAINMENT industry. If someone happens to be artistic, great, but nobody really gives a shit if you can't actually entertain.
You are certainly entitled to your opinion John. It is just that much of America does not share it. They enjoy the stories and the competition. You are entitled to scorn and mock them and call them stupid and say they have no taste. I mean they are only making millions of dollars for the network and the record companies and the sponsors and even some of the contestants who go on from the show to future stardom in “The Surreal Life” and “Celebrity Rehab.” I realize that capitalism is out of fashion in Barack Obama’s America but it seems to still have a place on television.
Until they appoint a reality show czar to shield the American Public from shows they shouldn’t like.
It’s only a matter of time.
American Idol has produced three stars who would never had made it in music without the show.
Which is a sad testimony considering that a whole bunch of people can actually listen to an entire Bob Dylan song and thing it sounds good.
Actually if Dylan were an 'unknown' how long would his grating voice going on before Simon cut him off and ripped him a new uranus.
"Actually if Dylan were an 'unknown' how long would his grating voice going on before Simon cut him off and ripped him a new uranus."
Of course he would because Cowell is an idiot. That is the funny thing about the show, Cowell is a fake. He was never a big deal in the music industry. He never did anything but find a few second rate acts and start this dumb show. But he walks around telling people how talented he is at spotting things that will sell like he is some kind of latter day John Hammond. He is actually anything but. He is one of the biggest phonies ever to go on TV.
Hopefully about a minute because Bob Dylan sucks donkey dick.
Only aging baby boomers listen to that crap instead of a pure talent like Britney Spears and Lady Gaga.
Actually, I just said that to see if John's head would explode. Hee.
"Only aging baby boomers listen to that crap instead of a pure talent like Britney Spears and Lady Gaga."
LOL. That is actually some pretty funny trolling. A bit over the top, but still pretty good.
Thanks John. But don't you realize that Lady Gaga and Bob Dylan have the same act?
An overly affected style that speaks to the current angst?
Plus they are both really ugly dudes.
Kara Dioguardi
WHO? This is the problem with the new American Idol. Whomever replaces Simon won't be Simon. And this chick ain't no spacecadet Paula Abdul. I happen to think that Randy is the best part of AI, but he's not enough to hold my attention -- to say nothing of Ellen DeGeneres.
I hope that I'm not too late to post in this thread. This was the only part that I saw last night.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbaumOQPS3M
I guess that I tuned in at the right time. I don't know if this will be as enjoyable as a blurry youtube clip. They played some of the audio this morning on a local radio show and it still made me laugh the next day.
Just thought that I'd share.
Cowell is an idiot.
I don't see how this proclamation advances your argument. Cowell has parlayed his abilities into being a vital cog in a network show. What's not to admire about that?
MadMan wrote:
Cowell has parlayed his abilities into being a vital cog in a network show. What's not to admire about that?
Cowell, for me, is like pooh-mouthed chef, Gordon Ramsay. I SHOULDN'T like them, and normally I wouldn't. But somehow...I do. Odd, no?
Their personalities are too obvious, and caustic. I hate people like that normally.
Cowell, for me, is like pooh-mouthed chef, Gordon Ramsay.
I watched that show once and I will tell you that if anyone had ever spoken to me like he did to some of those people, that person would have spent the next 6 months of thier life eating their meals through a straw.
He can only get away with it, Hoosier, because British men are notoriously wussy when shouted at. Unless they're working class. But even then, they do not approach the aggressiveness of Americans of all classes.
It's what makes people think that British men are rather, err, effete.
And also we're deferential. Americans are anything but.
wv: clogism. The art of Dutch shoemaking.
Ah but Victoria, Ramsey has an American show where he abuses Americans just as much. Kitchen Nightmares is kind of a food version of American Idol. They both feature delusional people being yelled at by a smug prick who is supposed to know the industry. But in Ramsey's defense, unlike Cowell, he really is a successful chef and knows something about what he is talking about. He also plays a lot of good cop bad cop where he coaches the subjects up. Ramsey for all his faults really can run a hell of a restaurant. Cowell couldn't run a record company if his life depended on it.
He can only get away with it, Hoosier, because British men are notoriously wussy when shouted at. Unless they're working class. But even then, they do not approach the aggressiveness of Americans of all classes.
I wouldn't be too hard on your countrymen Vic. There is no shortage of American guys who will gladly emasculate themselves on prime time if there's Benjamins to be had.
This is the first year I have watched the show in HD. A few thoughts. Simon is a really hairy guy, the backs of his hands are like a werewolf's paws in HD. Victoria Beckham is scarily skinny and not that attractive in HD, while Kara holds up pretty well. Randy has lost some weight. Randy and Simon overpraise hot chicks and Kara and Victoria overpraise the hot dudes.
"Randy and Simon overpraise hot chicks and Kara and Victoria overpraise the hot dudes."
And Ellen?
Cowell couldn't run a record company if his life depended on it.
He did run a record company and quite successfully (it is now owned by Sony BMG and he still produces for them.) He's an extremely successful music and entertainment producer. That's why he's on the show.
(19 Management has rights of first refusal for the top 36 contestants. The company is run by Americal Idol producer Simon Fuller. 19 Entertainment is owned by CKX and had a deal with Sony BMG and, presumably, Simon Cowell, but I'm not sure how that deal is structured.)
Subsequently, Cowell signed up a number of acts to S-Records that became successful, including Curiosity Killed the Cat, Sonia Evans, Five, Westlife, Robson & Jerome, and Ultimate Kaos. He also released several novelty recordings featuring the likes of wrestlers of the World Wrestling Federation, Teletubbies,[10] Zig and Zag and the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, that were huge successes.[3] Cowell set up another label, Syco Records, in 2002 which later became part of Columbia Records and Sony BMG Music Entertainment. Artists such as Leona Lewis, Il Divo and contestants from The X Factor and America's Got Talent are released on Syco. Cowell explained, "There has to come a point when I will step down from being on camera and remain behind the scenes because you can't keep doing this forever...I think by [the end of my contract] that the public will be sick to death of me anyway and it will be time to go."[11]
From wikipedia. Cowell's music resume is less than stellar. He is an idiot son, who got into the business discovering mostly novelty acts.
Actually, Hulk Hogan had a very pleasant baritone.
And you haven’t lived if you missed hearing Andre the Giant's interpretation of Edith Piaf’s “La Vie en rose.”
Wow, John, you really do come across as a bitter failed asshole. Good fuck, Cowell is more successful than you ever dreamed of being and you call him "an idiot son"?
Actually "An Idiot Son" was the original title of John Fogarty's famous song about Al Gore in the Vietnam era.
It was later changed to "Fortunate Son" because of a copyright issue.
"Wow, John, you really do come across as a bitter failed asshole. Good fuck, Cowell is more successful than you ever dreamed of being and you call him "an idiot son"?"
He is a jerk who started a terrible show. I really don't care that he makes a lot of money. So what? A lot of people make a lot of money. That doesn't make them praise worthy.
I am sorry I can't Simon Cowell. I think his show is horrible. Good for him, he is a gazillionaire. But discovering novelty acts and being the brains behind some awful TV show, no matter how much money it makes, is hardly impressive.
The aforementioned Robert Zimmerman also wrote the song “Idiot Wind” which is of course a truthful self assessment of the sounds that came out of his mouth which only an idiot would enjoy.
And why does disliking Simon Crowell say anything about my level of success? I do quite well thank you. Where the hell is it written that everyone must like Simon Crowell? It is not like disliking him or his show is out of the ordinary. American Idol really has a cult following thank you.
Trooper York,
Don't you know how much money Dylan has made? How dare you not like someone who has made a lot of money. You are just a bitter failure. And if you don't believe me, just ask Joe. ;-)
John, you're an ignorant dick. Simon Cowell didn't start American Idol, Simon Fuller did. Cowell is a hired gun on the show.
Can you even see daylight from the bottom of the hole you keep digging?
I know he made a lot of money but he also banged Joan Baez and that cancels out any positive thing you could ever say about him.
"John, you're an ignorant dick. Simon Cowell didn't start American Idol, Simon Fuller did. Cowell is a hired gun on the show."
Then he is even less impressive than I thought he was. I was under the impression that he was the brains behind the show. If he is not even that, what the hell is he besides the guy who was behind the teletubbies record and spent his time making fun of people who can't sing?
"I know he made a lot of money but he also banged Joan Baez and that cancels out any positive thing you could ever say about him."
No. He never banged Joan Baez. She always wanted to but he never gave it up. Watch No Direction Home sometime. A good portion of the film is an obviously lovelorn Joan Baez lamenting the fact that she never got to have a relationship with him. They were never romantically linked and I honestly don't think he ever even slept with her, which is really a positive for him. Dylan also used to shoot at hippies that showed up at his Woodstock farm, which is another big plus. He really isn't what you think he is.
John, it's not that you dislike Simon Cowell, but you keep throwing out arguments to support your position that are just plain wrong. Then you keep on digging.
"John, it's not that you dislike Simon Cowell, but you keep throwing out arguments to support your position that are just plain wrong. Then you keep on digging."
Really? I have said that Crowell is a fake and had a pretty pedestrian career as a music executive. Read his wikipedia bio. It says he got into the industry based on his father's connections. And then read the quote I posted listing the acts he was behind. They range from the awful to the insignificant to the ridiculous. Despite this, Crowell struts around telling the world what a genius he is at scouting musical talent. And now you point out that he wasn't the force behind American Idol. He was just some third rate music guy hired to be a dick. Crowell may be rich. But there are few less people I can think of who are less deserving of success than he is.
"Dylan will get his just deserts when he final reaches his final destination, much like his fellow folkie Mary Travers."
Why? Dylan was never a Stalinist. You are painting with too broad of a brush there Trooper. Despite the hippies desperate desire otherwise, Dylan was never one of them. Hell, he was only folkie until he got big enough to go electric. The folkies hated for that and tried to boo him off the stage.
I had a pretty funny joke there but I can't get the link to work. So never mind. Carry on.
Besides John, try as you might, Dylan is just not a Chris Brown. You know what I mean?
I am not saying he is great Trooper. That is a matter of taste. I am just saying he is not a commie.
Oh I don't think he is a commie. Just a whiny no-talent loser over prasied by the addled baby boomers who think crap they like is gold when it ain't even Brass in Pocket. So to speak.
Much like Woody Allen and Woodstock. Overrated crapola.
Even if you hate him Trooper, if you really look at him, you have to kind of admire him. He is not whinny at all. Instead, he is the ultimate con man. He never claimed to be a poet or a visionary or anything else. He just let boomers project all of that onto him and made millions as a result. He is a lot of things, but whinny self obsessed celebrity is not one of them.
John, we have to agree to disagree. I guess I feel the same way about Bob Dylan that you do about American Idol.
So there you go.
Trooper, can I say how much I've missed you.
Well, I guess I can cause I just did.
This is all making me want to watch tonight, and I can't watch AND be a good parent, so I'll just be a good parent.
Don't get all mushy Madison Man.
It's not like I have a whole family of retards cheering me on while I post annoying drivel.
Now that's entertainment.
Replace him Desmond Child!
Hit American Idol songwriter Chris Braide( and Dave Stewart footage
http://ethrill.net/2010/01/13/chris-braide-and-dave-stewart-1999-a-beautiful-funny-portrait-in-5-videos/
http://ethrill.net/2010/01/17/epk-video-clips-and-a-new-remix-more-of-chris-braide-and-dave-stewart/
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