It has come to my attention that I was namejacked here-most likely by the usual suspect.
That person Michael/LuckyOldson used my handle to cast dispersions on Host with the Most and Joe.
That's just the two that I know of-
For some reason it bothers me-and I would like to apologize to those two commenters-
Host with the Most and Joe because there isn't a damn thing I have ever disagreed with when they comment.
They are bang on-commenters and there is no way in hell I'd start ad hominem with either of them.
Or really anyone else for that matter so if there are other commenters who feel that I have done that to them please consider that it was that poor soul Michael/Luckyoldson.
My credit card was hijacked, and I've discovered something interesting as a consequence.
One of the things they malefactor did, besides charging a huge number of SKYPE calls, was order stuff and have it sent to me, which indeed was how I discovered something was up.
So besides closing the account, I've been straightening things out with shippers of stuff.
So far I've called 3 smallish companies. Each has been eager, eager to credit back my account. One said keep the product (too late, it went back).
I've also called one large company, Amazon. They were able to verify that number in fact had been used from an account not mine, but said I'd have to go through my bank if I want a refund.
So I thought that was interesting that Amazon would say that. They know it wasn't me, but won't refund the charge.
OR - it could end up with the best reception ever!
I actually think that apart from our political differences and sometimes over-heated discussions that if the regulars agreed to refrain from political discussions, we would truly enjoy the occasion and each other's company tremendously. Seriously. I hate to admit it, but my close friends who are liberal are often more socially fascinating and satisfying than several of my close friends who are conservative, all of whom I cherish dearly.
Short of that - I still would like to see Zachary live blogging everything.
The sense of nostalgia and general melancholy over the ending of Spring break causes me to make moon pies and filled cupcakes experimentally at altitude with coconut oil.
So if I had to identify one flaw of the Bush administration, it’s not that simply Bush trusted his gut instincts or that he was a “decider.”
It was that he and his entire administration fell victim to the certainty trap. And I think you saw that very clearly with the Iraq war and WMDs. They believed they knew that Saddam Hussein had them.
And so they ignored lots of relevant evidence and dissenting voices telling them that there were no WMDs.
It wasn’t simply his gut instincts that led him astray, it was the fact that he didn’t seek out those dissident voices.
Going into this reckless adventure Ann expects to be liberated from the dictatorship of solitude. She hopes the field of brown winter grass that is her soul will bloom forth into multicolored flowers of freedom from loneliness in an equal, democratic partnership with a man.
Ok, Meade says Maxine's posts are performance art. I never liked performance art, and Maxine is reminding my why - it is a one note samba, poorly played, in the key of Meeeeeeeeee!
I just got the call that they found my 47 year old brother dead from a self-inflicted gun shot wound. He had been depressed over his debt level, which in poerspective was managable. But we all ignored the signs. I have to head to Oklahoma to help my sister in law and their 2 children figure out what to do now. He was always happy it seemed and occasionally would talk about the pressure, but his house was mostly paid for and his. Depression was rampant on our mother's side - 2 uncles committed suicide also.
I am sad beyond what I can say, but I am writing to say this - be happy for Ann and Meade and wish them happiness and be thankful for the ones you love and hold them close
Speaking as the adult child of a parent who remarried (after my mother had passed away), I feel I can have some input on this. I was in my mid 30's when my mother passed and my father got married within 2 years.
It IS sort of shocking and disconcerting to think about your parents as people with sex lives and desires. As entities separate from their function as parental units. But, a grown up person/child should be able to deal with this concept.
Shouldn't the adult children have been given an opportunity to spend time with, and get to know their new Stepfather BEFORE this decision was made ?
Not necessarily. You don't know that they haven't or that they have. You are making assumptions. In any case, it is not their decision.
My father, after dating for some time, brought the two families together so we could all get to know each other. Naturally, he hoped and she(my stepmother)that we would all get along....and we do. If we didn't should I have expected my father to spend the last 25 years alone or to wait until he brought to us the "perfect" spouse for our holy water to be sprinkled upon? Hardly.
Do the adult children have absolutely no say in this matter?
No... they don't. AND if they truly love their mother or father, the children will want them to be happy. If they have any sense, they will be accepting and keep their mouths shut of any negativity.
I may not have the same feelings of family towards my stepmother as I would have towards my mother. However, I know she loves my father, takes care of him and they enjoy life together....for the past 25 years.
I wanted my father to be happy and not to be alone. How selfish would I be to deny my father happiness, just because his choice wasn't my mother or may not have been MY first choice? It is immaterial how I feel. This wasn't about me, nor should it be about the "adult children".
Of course, a parent will consider their child and family members when making such a decision. I considered these issues when I remarried when my daughter was 12 years old. How to blend a family??? because we would have 6 more years at least of all living together under the same roof.
Ann's children are adults. Do they have to get their mother's permission to date or marry? They need to learn to deal with their own lives and be happy for their mother.
The Althouse family won't realize the gravity of sloppy, selfish decision-making.... until a crisis situation, when someone falls ill....and the children have to go to the Stepfather to get permission to deal with their incapacitated mother
Ummmm. Did you forget than Althouse is a lawyer. I bet she knows how to draw up a living will and other legal type documents.
I would also assume that caring and loving family members will be keeping a watchful eye upon the parent. Watchful, but not critical. Watchful and not interfering.
Oh ...Host. I feel your pain and will also include you and your family in my prayers.
I had an uncle who committed suicide. We didn't realize the depths of his depression until it was too late. Please don't let your brother's actions prey upon your conscience. Often we find that there is nothing that we could have done.
Gosh, I get all caught up in family stuff and come back and Althouse and Meade are engaged. Didn't he propose back in August during the Olympics? Anyhow, great stuff! You kids have fun now!
Maxine says: "The adult children never signed-off on this decision. Their approval was never sought out."
Now, are the kids these days asking approval of their parents of the person that they marry? Mine didn't, at least in advance. I have approved of them all (I trust my kids), and my kids have approved of my second and third spouses (they trust me.)
I was an adult child (age 26) when my mother remarried. I tried to like the guy but he was not likable, unfortunately. But he was what she wanted, and they worked out their own life. Suppose my mother had given me veto power, and I had vetoed this guy. What kind of gratitude is that to your mother? What would that do to the mother-son relationship?
Maxine you have made your point. Why not drop it now, hope for the best and support the happy couple. You will have plenty of time to gloat if you turn out to be right.
Hoping I can introduce a new Topick into the good professor's Theatre of the same, has anyone noticed that Pam Anderson and her giant (and perhaps still-inflating) monoboob has replaced that delicious looking leg of lamb in the PETA blogad?
I can't help wondering if the professor's children were able to influence their parents's marital decisions, why then did they support their parents' divorce?
Host, My uncle passed in the same way, under the same circumstances, a few years ago, so I understand how shocking and terrible this is. But, please know that you are not alone, and there are many people here and undoubtedly everywhere who are thinking of you and sending you good thoughts and strength.
Maxine, What if I told you that it was Chris and John who actually pushed their mother to go ahead and tie the knot? What if I told you that Chris and John were over the moon with happiness, and love that their mom has found such tremendous happiness? You know absolutely nothing regarding this situation.
Host... That's a hard one to take. Please remember that everyone is different. There is no way you could have been able to intervene. It is what it is: the death of a depressed person who did not reach out in anger except at himself. My brother died young, and I always wished I could have saved him, but it was not possible for a brother to do much at the grown up stage of life.God Bless you.
Hey Maxine... Get your own life to manipulate. It sounds like you did not make very good decisions once yourself. I suggest a psychologist could help you learn the difference between gold diggers and good men when you meet them. There is little or no legal danger to Althouse or her children in her marriage after proper legal work has been done. The pairing of compatible spouses is a blessing to their good health and their financial strength. Why do you presume to judge these two people you do not know anyway? Are you an out of work spiritist?
Althouse and Meade - Congrats. I was away on a trip Sunday and missed the 1st round of comments. Maybe Ann can explain why she was sporting the ring on her pinkie. Wrong ring size, or just coy & obfuscatory?
Host with the Most - Real sorry about your tragic loss!
I propose (heh) that, as a wedding gift, one of our Web-savvy fellow commenters should design a custom blog for Ann that best suits her posting practices *and* allows her to ban the random troll by name or IP address.
Host, I am so sad about your loss. Depression is an awful thing, and sometimes those who have it the worst can be very good about hiding the signs--because they know how serious it is and don't want people to worry.
May God be with you, and your whole family, and his family. Nothing could have been done (though it's hard to convince ourselves of this fact for awhile), but now there is a lot that can be done to help bring peace where there is so much senseless sadness. I pray you find wisdom and strength and your own freedom to mourn as you need to.
Host: That's a tough one to take. You're going to have to internalize a lot of your own grief to help your brother's children through this, and I can't imagine how hard this is going to be for you. Don't blame yourself -- it sounds like there was a pretty large geographical distance between the two of you -- I doubt that you could have known that this could happen.
Maxine: I'm with Amba -- I'd like to know why you keep harping on this odd topic, as if you have more information than you possibly could. Did one of your parents remarry when you were an "adult child"? Did this have some adverse effect on you?
And who in their right mind would ask their adult offspring for permission to marry someone? That's absurd.
Is there something else behind this? Some sort of jealous fixation on Althouse?
My family went through this too, there's nothing to say that makes sense of it or that makes it better. You and your family are in my prayers.
Is there something else behind this? Some sort of jealous fixation on Althouse?
No, as garage remarked Maxine is fucking NUTS, she's trolling for attention. Consider her comments an ugly unavoidable noise, rather like a jackhammer down the block, and block her out.
Maxine, there have been moments in my long life where I too have wanted to control the lives of those I thought I hated. I wanted to take those I was so intensely jealous of and make their lives miserable. Such thoughts would bring delight lasting several nanoseconds longer than the brief moments of pain brought by the jealous hatred.
Fortunately, I grew up and stopped experiencing such emotionally destructive crap before I was out of junior high.
Now tell me, why did you hate your mother so? Did she not breastfeed you until you were five? Or, perhaps she did... How old were you when the horrible stepfather appeared and stole Mummy's affections from you?
You need to get this weight off your chest before it suffocates you. What better place than here, in these very comments?
Thank you to all of you for your condolences. I don't mean to sound trite, but they are uplifting to me at this time and they mean as much to me as those from my family.
I would like to add that I am one more data point of someone who had a parent (my mother) remarry when I was an adult. The idea that I would have some sort of veto power, or even the right to tell my mother what to do with her life is absurd. We are both adults. It is her life. If this affects any inheritance, so what? It is her money. I don't have a right to an inheritance.
The Harsh Pencil writes: I don't have a right to an inheritance.
That is quite profound when all is taken into consideration. I consider myself quite lucky to have inherited genes of longevity and no diseases that currently lack a good treatment.
After that, I should think I have a right to property earned by my parents? Ha! I inherited from them the ability and opportunity to gain my own property.
That is a distinctly American way of thinking in that it discards class and rank. That is, it's distinctly American with Scots roots :-)
And one more thing... Maxine wrote "Not a single commenter, other than myself, is willing to entertain the possibility that the adult children are having a hard time adjusting to this."
I certainly can entertain the idea that the Althouse children might possibly could have a problem with this. I simply do not believe that they do.
Just for fun, allow me to re-create my feelings about my father's marriages.
Marriage 1. No feelings, just amusement in finding out at age 23 that my Dad had been married for 3 months and divorced before he met my Mom.
Marriage 2. To my Mom. To the mother of all his children, in fact. A marriage that lasted 47 years and would have lasted until my mother's death had my Dad "been in charge" but my Mom divorced him.
Marriage 3. Was I thrilled to death that Dad married again within a year of the divorce.? Nope, but I rightly concluded that it was none of my business. My children soon got used to the idea than an extra grandma was nice to have around. We all got along fine. Or so I thought.
Perhaps some of that soap opera pertains to what Maxine speaks of. My new step-mom had never had any money. Her idea of having "made it" was to have a diamond ring, a fur coat, and a Cadillac. No problem, Dad was more than willing and able to give all that to her and more.
She repaid him by treating his estranged grandson especially well. If not for this woman, despite her faults, my son might not have kept in touch with anyone in the family. No amount of money can pay for that.
She died suddenly and tragically. My father was devastated and her children demanded half his property. Perhaps that is similar to the scenario that has Maxine upset?
It needs to be noted that my mother and this step-mother finally got where they got along so well together, that my mother depended on my step-mother for transportation to doctor's appointments at times. Nor did my stepmother bristle or object to my Dad paying all my mother's medical bills that weren't covered by insurance.
So what happened is they got about a 1/3 of Dad's property, much more than they were legally entitled to, but an amount he was willing to pay to get them off his back. His choice, and probably the best one.
Marriage #4 - A woman from his hometown he'd know all his life. Her first husband was the brother of my Dad's sister's husband. Her son gave my son artificial respiration after and accident and saved his life.
Yet, this marriage coming so soon after the death of wife number 3, I thought it a mistake. I feared more for my step-mother's unhappiness than I did my father's! She insisted (knowing what the previous wife's children did) on a prenuptial agreement, even though her children were wealthier than my father.
This stepmother died a slow and painful death (cancer) after they'd been married 12 years. I helped care for her in her last days and loved her greatly. Since my Dad married her, her children are not only my friends, but my brother and sister.
Wife #5 - I just spent a week at my Dad's house and I just love my new step-mom. We sat at the table in our PJs and robes drinking coffee, talking, and laughing until noon. I haven't had as much fun since my mother died almost 9 years ago.
In some ways, I wish my mother had remarried after she divorced my Dad. Instead, she chose to live an exciting single life doing whatever she felt like doing, until she became too ill to do anything. Since that's what she wanted, I was happy for her. A husband might have interfered.
Step-parents are a window to a whole new world. I don't know whether Meade has children. If he does, I hope they enjoy getting to know their new brothers and new step-mom.
To me, Althouse and Meade and their offspring are embarking on exciting times and I wish them all the best.
By the way, Ann, I'm scheduled to do a wedding in northwest Ohio on August 1. I could also perform yours in that vicinity on that day.
You could choose to have the ceremony in the sanctuary of the first parished I served. There, I baptized our daughter, now 24. I also officiated at the wedding of two dear friends.
But there are many other beuaitiful churches there.
It would be of special interest to me because August 2, the next day, will bring the 35th wedding anniversary for my wife, akso Ann, amd me. (An Art major, by the way.)
Trooper York said... Hey if you are walking behind the dog be careful not to step in any hd house."
Oh my. Trooper, just some advice here. When you get humiliated by someone time and time again, ... you know...someone who demonstrates to any and all that your debating skills are and wit are on a level of "hey! pull my finger..huh huh", then it is best to just go lick your wounds...you know..retire to fight another day.
stiff upper lip there trooper. you got beat up and everyone knows it. ohhh, and stop with the childish cheap shots...they are both childish and cheap. hence their name.
donna, if suicide and depression are in genes, perhap relationship rebounding is too. Your father and you may have this.
as for windows:
Graceland,
And she said losing love Is like a window in your heart, Everybody sees you're blown apart, Everybody sees the wind blow,
some children may be like that.
Tough shit? can't change those genes? need medication? I'm glad for you that design or norms of society have found your situation to be the healthy one. It's shit when a person has been labeled unhealthy without an honorable diseae to put on you resumé. Believe me.
Host - my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your brother. Such a tragedy.
I lost a brother a few years ago, and fully understand what your family must be going through. The most important thing is for the adults to wrap their arms around your brother's children for the next few years to help them cope with the loss of their father.
Donna B: My vague recollection from somewhere is that Meade has 1 kid.
Host: Shocking and dreadful news. I am deeply sorry to hear about it but know you will get through it. Bless you for helping your brother's family now.
One of my grandmothers lived so long she used up almost all the money my grandfather had intended for both her and his two daughters and their families -- God bless her. What would Maxine do about that? Euthanasia?
Hd I would be perfectly willing to put to a vote what everyone else thinks about who won our "debate." You have never won an argument here and you never will. Just saying that you did doesn't make it so. Now eat your oatmeal like a good little boy and the home care attendant will let you watch Wonderama again.
commenter wrote: "Tough shit? can't change those genes? need medication? I'm glad for you that design or norms of society have found your situation to be the healthy one. It's shit when a person has been labeled unhealthy without an honorable diseae to put on you resumé. Believe me."
I can only say that how one chooses to react and deal with a situation makes the difference. Situations you can't change, you might as well accept. You certainly don't have to like them, but why punish yourself over them?
And why would someone feel a need to try to nip happiness in another's budding love?
I'm guessing you are hinting that depression is not an 'honorable' disease. If I'm wrong, please correct me. If I'm right, I completely disagree.
I am too volatile a person. I can't respond today, because thank goodness i am no longer sick and sleeping on and off during the day like yesterday. I can give up on the internet today and move on.
i don't play if, thens anymore, well anymore today.
long ago on a forum in microsoft network– that i am sure one or two people here may have attended– i would get caught in the logic. I am not good with logic. I twist things until a tea cup is really a donut. Man, I even got blasted there by a woman for calling my fellow forumers friends. And now look at that– that's all the social is about. I think someone kept an archive of all my things i said then. I know they did. They told me they did and now that freaks me out to know they may still share that.Who knows thinks like that could turn into lonelywoman45.
as for depression:
I've seen too many lonely people who happy, happy people either don't see or do and they patronize. These untreated depressed people have their own cure for depression which is neither pot nor prescription medicine. For goodness sakes there are foods that are cheaper and healthier than pot or legal drugs anyway. But i aint given away my secrets. Being jesus freaks or homeless vets, or stinking drunks in the library, these people give me high fives sometimes. Our eyes meet and understand. and i know the world donates to their causes but I have started to gather my wisdom from them.
That doesn't answer your question, but that's all i have to say anymore.
aw hell, commenter, I'm too internet ignorant to know where to read your 'about me' page.
you write: "Being jesus freaks or homeless vets, or stinking drunks in the library, these people give me high fives sometimes. Our eyes meet and understand. and i know the world donates to their causes but I have started to gather my wisdom from them."
You are probably correct in perceiving as a Pollyanna of sorts. I worked for years for a social service agency that provided housing and counseling for the severely mentally ill.
I stayed there far longer than I should have because I came to love the 'clients' far more than I ended up hating the social workers, who were condescending and mainly interested in getting the next grant.
I finally quit because I hated being good enough at my job to get them the next grant and then watching them screw it up.
Depression, the deepest darkest kinds, perhaps I don't understand, but I know they exist and I never wish to be condescending to someone suffering from such.
However, from my perspective, 'tough shit' is less condescending than 'poor pitiful you'.
Laughter, smiles, and hugs shared willingly are much better than either.
yea, i'm a pollyanna. I've been alone in strange places enough to have them
ask me if they can have a dollar, have a minute of my time, or if I would bed them.
It's not those depressed people's sexuality that worries me, though.
It's more the people you thought were just your friends and those willing smiles and hugs that i can't trust anymore because of their core deception from the get go. They'd probably accuse me of the same, though they'd be wrong: truth was where i started from.
Trooper York said... Hd I would be perfectly willing to put to a vote what everyone else thinks about who won our "debate."
Ohhh, I get it. you round up a bunch of your knuckle dragging buddies and vote? ..
This really boils down to tools and stones. You don't have the tools and you certainly don't have the stones.
You don't debate sonny. You just hurl and run. You never make a point past "huh huh pull my finger". Facts aren't in your grasp and you wouldn't know where to look for them if your mind were the least bit curious.
No vote needed, hd. Anyone who read that thread where you insulted knox saw you get your behind handed to you in a shopping bag from Lee Lee's Valise. Just let it go.
Your expiration date was in 1968 for crying out loud.
Since you did not address anything I wrote in a long and detailed about your ludicrous straw man argument it is obvious you have nothing. I do congratulate you as you have managed to bring incoherence and incontinence to a level not seen since the last days of Howard Hughes.
phase two, after jogging and passing that six foot tall guy with the best legs ever. Yes, he was wearing longer jogging shorts and i thought i heard him say,
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103 comments:
Grasses grow everywhere,
And weeds,
And thistles.
And everywhere the light
Glints them awake
To make what they will make
Of the day...
The new day.
Us too.
What a great place for our liberal trolls to build straw men!
That meadow needs a bluebird trail.
No, make that a bluebird of happiness trail for the newly engaged couple!
I hope you didn't accidentally drop your ring in that field somewhere.
Hey, Feng--enough with the poems about Hippopotamus.
Do not click Feng's links unless you want porn.
On a personal note.
It has come to my attention that I was namejacked here-most likely by the usual suspect.
That person Michael/LuckyOldson used my handle to cast dispersions on Host with the Most and Joe.
That's just the two that I know of-
For some reason it bothers me-and I would like to apologize to those two commenters-
Host with the Most and Joe because there isn't a damn thing I have ever disagreed with when they comment.
They are bang on-commenters and there is no way in hell I'd start ad hominem with either of them.
Or really anyone else for that matter so if there are other commenters who feel that I have done that to them please consider that it was that poor soul Michael/Luckyoldson.
Thanks in advance.
Pictures of acreage make me wonder: Is M**d* a member of the landed gentry, or what?
My credit card was hijacked, and I've discovered something interesting as a consequence.
One of the things they malefactor did, besides charging a huge number of SKYPE calls, was order stuff and have it sent to me, which indeed was how I discovered something was up.
So besides closing the account, I've been straightening things out with shippers of stuff.
So far I've called 3 smallish companies. Each has been eager, eager to credit back my account. One said keep the product (too late, it went back).
I've also called one large company, Amazon. They were able to verify that number in fact had been used from an account not mine, but said I'd have to go through my bank if I want a refund.
So I thought that was interesting that Amazon would say that. They know it wasn't me, but won't refund the charge.
A curious difference in character, I thought.
Hey if you are walking behind the dog be careful not to step in any hd house.
rhhardin
Yikes!
That just happened to me too.
The credit card company said that they had physical possession of my card.
I had to run to my wallet and the card was still there.
Apparently I was in New York buying up gamer crap at Gamestop and equipment at Radio Shack.
My credit card company somehow knew immediately that it wasn't me and stopped it.
I travel a lot too, and they still figured it out.
Trooper-
I see you've put the No Go on hd house.
Will do.
Anyways-
Let's party without Ann and Meade.
Cripes they wouldn't be any fun anyways.
They'd be moonin' all over each other and we'd have a hard time keepin' down our egg salad sandwiches.
Could you imagine if they did invite the commenters to the thing?
It would be weird because we would know each other better than most other wedding party goers, but then in other ways-not.
It could end up looking like-
Westside Story-
The dancing knife fight scene...
It could end up looking like-
Westside Story-
The dancing knife fight scene...
Funny!
OR - it could end up with the best reception ever!
I actually think that apart from our political differences and sometimes over-heated discussions that if the regulars agreed to refrain from political discussions, we would truly enjoy the occasion and each other's company tremendously. Seriously. I hate to admit it, but my close friends who are liberal are often more socially fascinating and satisfying than several of my close friends who are conservative, all of whom I cherish dearly.
Short of that - I still would like to see Zachary live blogging everything.
I was waiting for the shot of Meade in the Men's Health section in Walgreens.
Maca extract - check
Yohimbe bark extract - check
Red ginseng - check
Ginkgo Biloba - check
Rhodiola root - check
David, don't be selfish. The rightwing trolls can play there, too.
The sense of nostalgia and general melancholy over the ending of Spring break causes me to make moon pies and filled cupcakes experimentally at altitude with coconut oil.
I am thrilled for Althouse and Meade.
I like the picture, but you know what would ALSO have made a great picture?
Althouse reclines on the ground and looks away from the camera and toward that house by the trees. We could call the shot Ann's World...
Yes, yes. I know. But Althouse's is not euphonic.
Madawaskan, exactly what happened to me, except I was dining with 60 of my closest friends in NYC.
The thing is I hadn't yet activated that card.
The card company couldn't reverse and reissue a new card fast enough so they must be aware of an internal issue.
Beautiful pictures, Chip. Moon pies are always welcome chez Beth.
So if I had to identify one flaw of the Bush administration, it’s not that simply Bush trusted his gut instincts or that he was a “decider.”
It was that he and his entire administration fell victim to the certainty trap. And I think you saw that very clearly with the Iraq war and WMDs. They believed they knew that Saddam Hussein had them.
And so they ignored lots of relevant evidence and dissenting voices telling them that there were no WMDs.
It wasn’t simply his gut instincts that led him astray, it was the fact that he didn’t seek out those dissident voices.
And that’s a very natural human flaw, one of the frailties of the human brain.
Going into this reckless adventure Ann expects to be liberated from the dictatorship of solitude. She hopes the field of brown winter grass that is her soul will bloom forth into multicolored flowers of freedom from loneliness in an equal, democratic partnership with a man.
It's change she can believe in. Yes she can.
She has learned nothing from history.
Adult children is oxymoronic phrasing. Please use the term adult offspring in your online expectorations.
Also, I'd attribute a great deal more maturity to these so-called adult children than I would to you.
Thank you, Beth.
"expectorations"
good one
Ok, Meade says Maxine's posts are performance art. I never liked performance art, and Maxine is reminding my why - it is a one note samba, poorly played, in the key of Meeeeeeeeee!
Yeah, I'm still not getting it. Is this supposed the be the funny part or the sad part?
Maxine is better when she's dealing with maintaining proper appearances.
The joke is to make the worries she alludes to actually arise, which is the art.
I just got the call that they found my 47 year old brother dead from a self-inflicted gun shot wound. He had been depressed over his debt level, which in poerspective was managable. But we all ignored the signs. I have to head to Oklahoma to help my sister in law and their 2 children figure out what to do now. He was always happy it seemed and occasionally would talk about the pressure, but his house was mostly paid for and his. Depression was rampant on our mother's side - 2 uncles committed suicide also.
I am sad beyond what I can say, but I am writing to say this - be happy for Ann and Meade and wish them happiness and be thankful for the ones you love and hold them close
Host, I'm so sorry to hear your news. Know that when you can't think of the right words to say, just being there is enough. Godspeed.
Host I am very sorry to hear about your news. I will remember you and your brothers in my prayers at Mass tommorrow. God bless you and your family.
Host- my heart aches for you and your family.
Speaking as the adult child of a parent who remarried (after my mother had passed away), I feel I can have some input on this. I was in my mid 30's when my mother passed and my father got married within 2 years.
It IS sort of shocking and disconcerting to think about your parents as people with sex lives and desires. As entities separate from their function as parental units. But, a grown up person/child should be able to deal with this concept.
Shouldn't the adult children have been given an opportunity to spend time with, and get to know their new Stepfather BEFORE this decision was made ?
Not necessarily. You don't know that they haven't or that they have. You are making assumptions. In any case, it is not their decision.
My father, after dating for some time, brought the two families together so we could all get to know each other. Naturally, he hoped and she(my stepmother)that we would all get along....and we do. If we didn't should I have expected my father to spend the last 25 years alone or to wait until he brought to us the "perfect" spouse for our holy water to be sprinkled upon? Hardly.
Do the adult children have absolutely no say in this matter?
No... they don't. AND if they truly love their mother or father, the children will want them to be happy. If they have any sense, they will be accepting and keep their mouths shut of any negativity.
I may not have the same feelings of family towards my stepmother as I would have towards my mother. However, I know she loves my father, takes care of him and they enjoy life together....for the past 25 years.
I wanted my father to be happy and not to be alone. How selfish would I be to deny my father happiness, just because his choice wasn't my mother or may not have been MY first choice? It is immaterial how I feel. This wasn't about me, nor should it be about the "adult children".
Of course, a parent will consider their child and family members when making such a decision. I considered these issues when I remarried when my daughter was 12 years old. How to blend a family??? because we would have 6 more years at least of all living together under the same roof.
Ann's children are adults. Do they have to get their mother's permission to date or marry? They need to learn to deal with their own lives and be happy for their mother.
The Althouse family won't realize the gravity of sloppy, selfish decision-making.... until a crisis situation, when someone falls ill....and the children have to go to the Stepfather to get permission to deal with their incapacitated mother
Ummmm. Did you forget than Althouse is a lawyer. I bet she knows how to draw up a living will and other legal type documents.
I would also assume that caring and loving family members will be keeping a watchful eye upon the parent. Watchful, but not critical. Watchful and not interfering.
Ok. Done putting in my 2 cents.
Oh my goodness, Host, that's horrible. Hang in there.
Oh ...Host. I feel your pain and will also include you and your family in my prayers.
I had an uncle who committed suicide. We didn't realize the depths of his depression until it was too late. Please don't let your brother's actions prey upon your conscience. Often we find that there is nothing that we could have done.
Gosh, I get all caught up in family stuff and come back and Althouse and Meade are engaged. Didn't he propose back in August during the Olympics? Anyhow, great stuff! You kids have fun now!
You have my deepest sympathy Host with the Most.
Host, I am sorry to hear of your loss. Depression is a terrible thing.
Maxine says: "The adult children never signed-off on this decision. Their approval was never sought out."
Now, are the kids these days asking approval of their parents of the person that they marry? Mine didn't, at least in advance. I have approved of them all (I trust my kids), and my kids have approved of my second and third spouses (they trust me.)
I was an adult child (age 26) when my mother remarried. I tried to like the guy but he was not likable, unfortunately. But he was what she wanted, and they worked out their own life. Suppose my mother had given me veto power, and I had vetoed this guy. What kind of gratitude is that to your mother? What would that do to the mother-son relationship?
Maxine you have made your point. Why not drop it now, hope for the best and support the happy couple. You will have plenty of time to gloat if you turn out to be right.
Host, I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you.
Damnit, Host, that's horrible news.
Sancta Maria, Mater Dei, ora pro nobis peccatoribus, nunc, et in hora mortis nostrae. Amen.
Maxine you're absolutely fucking NUTS. Jesus.
Host-
Hang in there.
There are lots of good people in Oklahoma-they are some of the bet people I know.
Hopefully somehow-I'm going to pray they somehow help you through this.
Try to lean on them-Oklahomans are strong people.
Gah!
Make that some of the *best* people.
Host, I'm so sorry.
I fear, in a moment of despair, your brother felt he was worth more to his family dead than alive.
Host -- heartbreaking. I'm so very sorry.
Maxine -- instead of saying what A & M should do, tell us what happened to you. Were you disinherited by a parent remarrying?
Host, I'm terribly sorry to hear the news. You are in my prayers.
Hoping I can introduce a new Topick into the good professor's Theatre of the same, has anyone noticed that Pam Anderson and her giant (and perhaps still-inflating) monoboob has replaced that delicious looking leg of lamb in the PETA blogad?
I'm sorry to hear that, Host. You're family's in my prayers.
I can't help wondering if the professor's children were able to influence their parents's marital decisions, why then did they support their parents' divorce?
Host, I'm sorry to hear of the loss of your brother.
This is a strange, random comment thread.
Host,
My uncle passed in the same way, under the same circumstances, a few years ago, so I understand how shocking and terrible this is. But, please know that you are not alone, and there are many people here and undoubtedly everywhere who are thinking of you and sending you good thoughts and strength.
Maxine,
What if I told you that it was Chris and John who actually pushed their mother to go ahead and tie the knot? What if I told you that Chris and John were over the moon with happiness, and love that their mom has found such tremendous happiness? You know absolutely nothing regarding this situation.
Host... That's a hard one to take. Please remember that everyone is different. There is no way you could have been able to intervene. It is what it is: the death of a depressed person who did not reach out in anger except at himself. My brother died young, and I always wished I could have saved him, but it was not possible for a brother to do much at the grown up stage of life.God Bless you.
Hey Maxine... Get your own life to manipulate. It sounds like you did not make very good decisions once yourself. I suggest a psychologist could help you learn the difference between gold diggers and good men when you meet them. There is little or no legal danger to Althouse or her children in her marriage after proper legal work has been done. The pairing of compatible spouses is a blessing to their good health and their financial strength. Why do you presume to judge these two people you do not know anyway? Are you an out of work spiritist?
Host, I am sorry for your loss.
Althouse and Meade - Congrats. I was away on a trip Sunday and missed the 1st round of comments. Maybe Ann can explain why she was sporting the ring on her pinkie. Wrong ring size, or just coy & obfuscatory?
Host with the Most - Real sorry about your tragic loss!
I propose (heh) that, as a wedding gift, one of our Web-savvy fellow commenters should design a custom blog for Ann that best suits her posting practices *and* allows her to ban the random troll by name or IP address.
Host, I am so sad about your loss. Depression is an awful thing, and sometimes those who have it the worst can be very good about hiding the signs--because they know how serious it is and don't want people to worry.
May God be with you, and your whole family, and his family. Nothing could have been done (though it's hard to convince ourselves of this fact for awhile), but now there is a lot that can be done to help bring peace where there is so much senseless sadness. I pray you find wisdom and strength and your own freedom to mourn as you need to.
Host: That's a tough one to take. You're going to have to internalize a lot of your own grief to help your brother's children through this, and I can't imagine how hard this is going to be for you. Don't blame yourself -- it sounds like there was a pretty large geographical distance between the two of you -- I doubt that you could have known that this could happen.
Maxine: I'm with Amba -- I'd like to know why you keep harping on this odd topic, as if you have more information than you possibly could. Did one of your parents remarry when you were an "adult child"? Did this have some adverse effect on you?
And who in their right mind would ask their adult offspring for permission to marry someone? That's absurd.
Is there something else behind this? Some sort of jealous fixation on Althouse?
And maybe said gift-giver can throw in a filter that rejects posts containing excessive scatalogical content.
Host,
My family went through this too, there's nothing to say that makes sense of it or that makes it better. You and your family are in my prayers.
Is there something else behind this? Some sort of jealous fixation on Althouse?
No, as garage remarked Maxine is fucking NUTS, she's trolling for attention. Consider her comments an ugly unavoidable noise, rather like a jackhammer down the block, and block her out.
Host - I am so sorry for you and the rest of your brother's family.
I'm very sorry to hear about your loss Host.
“Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.”
John Donne.
Maxine, there have been moments in my long life where I too have wanted to control the lives of those I thought I hated. I wanted to take those I was so intensely jealous of and make their lives miserable. Such thoughts would bring delight lasting several nanoseconds longer than the brief moments of pain brought by the jealous hatred.
Fortunately, I grew up and stopped experiencing such emotionally destructive crap before I was out of junior high.
Now tell me, why did you hate your mother so? Did she not breastfeed you until you were five? Or, perhaps she did... How old were you when the horrible stepfather appeared and stole Mummy's affections from you?
You need to get this weight off your chest before it suffocates you. What better place than here, in these very comments?
Tell us all.
Host --
I am so sorry. Take care of yourself. My heart goes out to you, and your sister-in-law and their kids -- and all your family.
Host,
I am very sorry about your loss. I will remember you in my prayers and light a candle at church tomorrow.
Thank you to all of you for your condolences. I don't mean to sound trite, but they are uplifting to me at this time and they mean as much to me as those from my family.
God bless you all.
The sudden loss of a brother is a difficult thing. I hope you find a way to deal with your loss.
For me, the passage of time has helped.
I hope you find peace, too.
Maxine dear, you are the epitome of cliche.
I would like to add that I am one more data point of someone who had a parent (my mother) remarry when I was an adult. The idea that I would have some sort of veto power, or even the right to tell my mother what to do with her life is absurd. We are both adults. It is her life. If this affects any inheritance, so what? It is her money. I don't have a right to an inheritance.
The Harsh Pencil writes: I don't have a right to an inheritance.
That is quite profound when all is taken into consideration. I consider myself quite lucky to have inherited genes of longevity and no diseases that currently lack a good treatment.
After that, I should think I have a right to property earned by my parents? Ha! I inherited from them the ability and opportunity to gain my own property.
That is a distinctly American way of thinking in that it discards class and rank. That is, it's distinctly American with Scots roots :-)
And one more thing...
Maxine wrote "Not a single commenter, other than myself, is willing to entertain the possibility that the adult children are having a hard time adjusting to this."
I certainly can entertain the idea that the Althouse children might possibly could have a problem with this. I simply do not believe that they do.
And... if they do? Tough shit.
BTW - I'm clicking on the Pamela Blog Add solely and exclusively for the purposes of supporting Althouse.
And nothing more ;)
Host I'm really sorry to hear that. My condolences.
Host, what terrible news. You and your family are in my prayers.
Just for fun, allow me to re-create my feelings about my father's marriages.
Marriage 1. No feelings, just amusement in finding out at age 23 that my Dad had been married for 3 months and divorced before he met my Mom.
Marriage 2. To my Mom. To the mother of all his children, in fact. A marriage that lasted 47 years and would have lasted until my mother's death had my Dad "been in charge" but my Mom divorced him.
Marriage 3. Was I thrilled to death that Dad married again within a year of the divorce.? Nope, but I rightly concluded that it was none of my business. My children soon got used to the idea than an extra grandma was nice to have around. We all got along fine. Or so I thought.
Perhaps some of that soap opera pertains to what Maxine speaks of. My new step-mom had never had any money. Her idea of having "made it" was to have a diamond ring, a fur coat, and a Cadillac. No problem, Dad was more than willing and able to give all that to her and more.
She repaid him by treating his estranged grandson especially well. If not for this woman, despite her faults, my son might not have kept in touch with anyone in the family. No amount of money can pay for that.
She died suddenly and tragically. My father was devastated and her children demanded half his property. Perhaps that is similar to the scenario that has Maxine upset?
It needs to be noted that my mother and this step-mother finally got where they got along so well together, that my mother depended on my step-mother for transportation to doctor's appointments at times. Nor did my stepmother bristle or object to my Dad paying all my mother's medical bills that weren't covered by insurance.
So what happened is they got about a 1/3 of Dad's property, much more than they were legally entitled to, but an amount he was willing to pay to get them off his back. His choice, and probably the best one.
Marriage #4 - A woman from his hometown he'd know all his life. Her first husband was the brother of my Dad's sister's husband. Her son gave my son artificial respiration after and accident and saved his life.
Yet, this marriage coming so soon after the death of wife number 3, I thought it a mistake. I feared more for my step-mother's unhappiness than I did my father's! She insisted (knowing what the previous wife's children did) on a prenuptial agreement, even though her children were wealthier than my father.
This stepmother died a slow and painful death (cancer) after they'd been married 12 years. I helped care for her in her last days and loved her greatly. Since my Dad married her, her children are not only my friends, but my brother and sister.
Wife #5 - I just spent a week at my Dad's house and I just love my new step-mom. We sat at the table in our PJs and robes drinking coffee, talking, and laughing until noon. I haven't had as much fun since my mother died almost 9 years ago.
In some ways, I wish my mother had remarried after she divorced my Dad. Instead, she chose to live an exciting single life doing whatever she felt like doing, until she became too ill to do anything. Since that's what she wanted, I was happy for her. A husband might have interfered.
Step-parents are a window to a whole new world. I don't know whether Meade has children. If he does, I hope they enjoy getting to know their new brothers and new step-mom.
To me, Althouse and Meade and their offspring are embarking on exciting times and I wish them all the best.
Well thank you Donna B.
Coming from a one marriage, 2 parent family it is nice to hear your mostly happy description of blended families you have known and been a part of.
I think you are, perhaps, an excellent step-daughter.
And I'll bet the Althouse/Cohen adult sons will manage *just* fine.
Just saw this, Host. So very very sorry.
By the way, Ann, I'm scheduled to do a wedding in northwest Ohio on August 1. I could also perform yours in that vicinity on that day.
You could choose to have the ceremony in the sanctuary of the first parished I served. There, I baptized our daughter, now 24. I also officiated at the wedding of two dear friends.
But there are many other beuaitiful churches there.
It would be of special interest to me because August 2, the next day, will bring the 35th wedding anniversary for my wife, akso Ann, amd me. (An Art major, by the way.)
Mark
Donna B., that is an awesome retelling of conjugal convivial adventure.
This post has been removed by a blog administrator. Ha ha ha ha ha. That kills me. *slaps knee* I'm not even the slightest bit curious. Fail!
Trooper York said...
Hey if you are walking behind the dog be careful not to step in any hd house."
Oh my. Trooper, just some advice here. When you get humiliated by someone time and time again, ... you know...someone who demonstrates to any and all that your debating skills are and wit are on a level of "hey! pull my finger..huh huh", then it is best to just go lick your wounds...you know..retire to fight another day.
stiff upper lip there trooper. you got beat up and everyone knows it. ohhh, and stop with the childish cheap shots...they are both childish and cheap. hence their name.
Step-parents are a window to a whole new world.
donna, if suicide and depression are in genes, perhap relationship rebounding is too. Your father and you may have this.
as for windows:
Graceland,
And she said losing love
Is like a window in your heart,
Everybody sees you're blown apart,
Everybody sees the wind blow,
some children may be like that.
Tough shit? can't change those genes? need medication? I'm glad for you that design or norms of society have found your situation to be the healthy one. It's shit when a person has been labeled unhealthy without an honorable diseae to put on you resumé. Believe me.
Host - my heartfelt condolences on the loss of your brother. Such a tragedy.
I lost a brother a few years ago, and fully understand what your family must be going through. The most important thing is for the adults to wrap their arms around your brother's children for the next few years to help them cope with the loss of their father.
Mark Daniels:
Where in northwest Ohio is the wedding? Which church did you serve?
My family has been in Henry County (Napoleon) since the 1830s.
Host:
My sympathies.
My great-grandparents (father's side) were real "Sooners" and Oklahoma is a very special place for me.
Donna B: My vague recollection from somewhere is that Meade has 1 kid.
Host: Shocking and dreadful news. I am deeply sorry to hear about it but know you will get through it. Bless you for helping your brother's family now.
This is a very interesting comment thread.
Just now reading this thread Tuesday morning... my heart goes out to Host and is touched by everyone's kind words. Thank you.
Wow - Maxine got bumped, dislodged, exorcised, purged, yanked, trimmed off...
I was going to say removed.. but that’s too strong ;)
One of my grandmothers lived so long she used up almost all the money my grandfather had intended for both her and his two daughters and their families -- God bless her. What would Maxine do about that? Euthanasia?
Can't buy me love.
Hd I would be perfectly willing to put to a vote what everyone else thinks about who won our "debate." You have never won an argument here and you never will. Just saying that you did doesn't make it so. Now eat your oatmeal like a good little boy and the home care attendant will let you watch Wonderama again.
If you're gonna delete the iconoclastic Maxine..... shouldn't you also delete all the comments that have quoted her ?
Maxine gets deleted, yet you can still read nearly everything she's said in other people's comments !
Brilliant.
commenter wrote: "Tough shit? can't change those genes? need medication? I'm glad for you that design or norms of society have found your situation to be the healthy one. It's shit when a person has been labeled unhealthy without an honorable diseae to put on you resumé. Believe me."
I can only say that how one chooses to react and deal with a situation makes the difference. Situations you can't change, you might as well accept. You certainly don't have to like them, but why punish yourself over them?
And why would someone feel a need to try to nip happiness in another's budding love?
I'm guessing you are hinting that depression is not an 'honorable' disease. If I'm wrong, please correct me. If I'm right, I completely disagree.
I am too volatile a person. I can't respond today, because thank goodness i am no longer sick and sleeping on and off during the day like yesterday. I can give up on the internet today and move on.
i don't play if, thens anymore, well anymore today.
long ago on a forum in microsoft network– that i am sure one or two people here may have attended– i would get caught in the logic. I am not good with logic. I twist things until a tea cup is really a donut. Man, I even got blasted there by a woman for calling my fellow forumers friends. And now look at that– that's all the social is about. I think someone kept an archive of all my things i said then. I know they did. They told me they did and now that freaks me out to know they may still share that.Who knows thinks like that could turn into lonelywoman45.
as for depression:
I've seen too many lonely people who happy, happy people either don't see or do and they patronize. These untreated depressed people have their own cure for depression which is neither pot nor prescription medicine. For goodness sakes there are foods that are cheaper and healthier than pot or legal drugs anyway. But i aint given away my secrets.
Being jesus freaks or homeless vets, or stinking drunks in the library, these people give me high fives sometimes. Our eyes meet and understand. and i know the world donates to their causes but I have started to gather my wisdom from them.
That doesn't answer your question, but that's all i have to say anymore.
i have to now finish my new private webpage.
I'll bounce this off of you:
all I have written on the about me page:
it's not
aw hell, commenter, I'm too internet ignorant to know where to read your 'about me' page.
you write: "Being jesus freaks or homeless vets, or stinking drunks in the library, these people give me high fives sometimes. Our eyes meet and understand. and i know the world donates to their causes but I have started to gather my wisdom from them."
You are probably correct in perceiving as a Pollyanna of sorts. I worked for years for a social service agency that provided housing and counseling for the severely mentally ill.
I stayed there far longer than I should have because I came to love the 'clients' far more than I ended up hating the social workers, who were condescending and mainly interested in getting the next grant.
I finally quit because I hated being good enough at my job to get them the next grant and then watching them screw it up.
Depression, the deepest darkest kinds, perhaps I don't understand, but I know they exist and I never wish to be condescending to someone suffering from such.
However, from my perspective, 'tough shit' is less condescending than 'poor pitiful you'.
Laughter, smiles, and hugs shared willingly are much better than either.
yea, i'm a pollyanna. I've been alone in strange places enough to have them
ask me if they can have a dollar, have a minute of my time, or if I would bed them.
It's not those depressed people's sexuality that worries me, though.
It's more the people you thought were just your friends and those willing smiles and hugs that i can't trust anymore because of their core deception from the get go. They'd probably accuse me of the same, though they'd be wrong: truth was where i started from.
nuf said?
no
too much said.
Trooper York said...
Hd I would be perfectly willing to put to a vote what everyone else thinks about who won our "debate."
Ohhh, I get it. you round up a bunch of your knuckle dragging buddies and vote? ..
This really boils down to tools and stones. You don't have the tools and you certainly don't have the stones.
You don't debate sonny. You just hurl and run. You never make a point past "huh huh pull my finger". Facts aren't in your grasp and you wouldn't know where to look for them if your mind were the least bit curious.
Move on boy you bother me.
No vote needed, hd. Anyone who read that thread where you insulted knox saw you get your behind handed to you in a shopping bag from Lee Lee's Valise. Just let it go.
Hd isn't it time for you die soon?
Your expiration date was in 1968 for crying out loud.
Since you did not address anything I wrote in a long and detailed about your ludicrous straw man argument it is obvious you have nothing. I do congratulate you as you have managed to bring incoherence and incontinence to a level not seen since the last days of Howard Hughes.
I think it is long past time for your dirt nap.
You wrote something I should read?
Wonder of wonder. Miracles Miracles.
phase two, after jogging and passing that six foot tall guy with the best legs ever. Yes, he was wearing longer jogging shorts and i thought i heard him say,
"I dig her pony tail."
as he passed me
Now she toasts her wild oats.
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