९ ऑक्टोबर, २००७
Accidental theme day... or was it intentional?
It's paranoia day here on the blog. "Paranoia is a disturbed thought process characterized by excessive anxiety or fear, often to the point of irrationality and delusion," according to Wikipedia... Hey, wait a minute. Wikipedia is a conspiracy, is it not? Even if it wasn't originally a conspiracy, by now it must have conspiracies deeply woven throughout its endless paths.
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३५ टिप्पण्या:
How extremely odd, no, convenient, for you to bring this up just now, "Ann".
Paranoia strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the man come and take you away
Wikipedia is a conspiracy, is it not?
It isn't, but THEY have manipulated you into believing it is.
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't actually out to get me.
You want paranoia?
"Imagine a person, tall, lean and feline, high-shouldered, with a brow like Shakespeare and a face like Satan, a close-shaven skull, and long, magnetic eyes of the true cat-green. Invest him with all the cruel cunning of an entire Eastern race, accumulated in one giant intellect, with all the resources of science past and present, with all the resources, if you will, of a wealthy government--which, however, already has denied all knowledge of his existence. Imagine that awful being, and you have a mental picture of Dr. Fu-Manchu, the yellow peril incarnate in one man."
-- Nayland Smith to Dr. Petrie,
The Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu,
As I posted downstairs, subsitute Bin Laden for Fu Manchu, and the above sounds hilariously like the rhetoric about the Mohammedan Menace that Ann's cultists spout here every day.
Almost cut my hair
Happened just the other day
It's gettin kinda long
I coulda said it was in my way
But I didn't and I wonder why
I feel like letting my freak flag fly
And I feel like I owe it to someone
Must be because I had the flu' for Christmas
And I'm not feeling up to par
It increases my paranoia
Like looking at my mirror and seeing a police car
— David Crosby
Contest idea: Make up a paranoic delusion about Steve Simels.
Ann Althouse said...
Contest idea: Make up a paranoic delusion about Steve Simels.
Oh, this should be good.
Steve Simels. Under the professor’s window, strumming
a ukulele wearing a corduroy jacket with elbow patches, a speedo,
tennis shoes and a cowboy hat singing:
A moonbeam through the prune
In June
Reveals your chest
I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart
I bite your neck
The cheese I have for you
My dear
Is real
And very new!
A moonbeam through the prune
In June
Reveals your chest
I see your lovely beans
And in that magic go-kart
I bite your neck
The love I have for you
My dear
Is real
And very new!
Doh-Doh-Doh Doh-Doh
Prune!
(Pah-Da-Dahhh!)
If it is a real prune...
(Pah-Da-Dahhh!)
Knows no cheese!
(Chunka Chunk . . .
Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunka Chunk . . . )
And stands . . .
(Oh No-o-o-o!)
Taller & stronger
Than any tree
Or Bush!
And I know
The love I have for you
Will grow & grow & grow
I think
And so my love
I offer you
A love that is strong
A prune that is true!
(Frank Zappa)
MAXINE IN 2037:
This Gal still get's around. She's spent the last ten years 2027-2037 doing some heavy thinking, and she's, after all these years, finally come up with some ideas.
It took some time, but Maxine now knows we need to start the shooting people that annoy her. Just shoot 'em.
Then we can start on the next group of people that offend Maxine's sensibilities...let's see, there's the disabled, the poor, bad drivers, deadbeat dads, neglectful parents, politicans that DON'T accept bribes, people who don't wear hosiery.... oh my goodness, Maxine is going to run out of ammo ........
Though Simels is merely a foot soldier
In the thug army of the Left,
It's the bullyboy likes of LOS
Who give the marching orders and have the heft.
So look out posters, mind your P's and Q's,
Or the bloody minded looey is gonna get yuze.
Steve,
As long as you are reposting don’t forget to repeat your earlier comment about the sociopathic Bushies with their hardons. It helps flesh out you online persona.
I sort of think YOU have a woody now that Ann started the contest. Remember though, if your erection lasts longer than 4 hours seek medical attention.
Uh-oh...
Simels enjoys the paranoic delusions about him...
And Maxine is openly displaying her brazen desire for the delusions to be about her.
I'm afraid the blog with implode.
Steve: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really...
Ann: Delivers?
Steve: Delivers. And I'm tired of it. And I'm tired of everything else for that matter. But I don't ever seem to get tired of you, so...
(High Fidelity 2000)
Re: Simels:
"Imagine a person, tall, lean and feline, high-shouldered, with a brow like Shakespeare and a face like Satan, a close-shaven skull, and long, magnetic eyes of the true cat-green. Invest him with all the cruel cunning of an entire Eastern race, accumulated in one giant intellect, with all the resources of science past and present, with all the resources, if you will, of a wealthy government--which, however, already has denied all knowledge of his existence. Imagine that awful being, and you have a mental picture of Dr. Fu-Manchu, the yellow peril incarnate in one man."
Phrasing so felicitous Sax Rohmer used it twice! I forget which other Fu Manchu novel it appears in, though. Probably the catchiest pulp description I've ever read. A pity Nayland Smith is just a second rate knockoff of Sherlock Holmes crossed with a Civilian.
On Wikipedia and conspiracies, I get a kick out of the fake entries some people put in. Not quite Tlon, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius, but fun all the same.
Bennett Marco: I remember... I remember. I can see that Chinese cat standing there and smiling like Fu Manchu saying: The Queen of Diamonds is reminiscent in many ways of Steve's dearly loved and hated mother... and is the second key to clear the mechanism for any other assignment.
(The Manchurian Candidate 1962)
"Neither a city nor a civilization can be run by its critics. Critics can neither build nor explore. All they do, really, is say yes or no—and complicate it. (Not book critics, of course. They are second only to the angels.)"
Winter's Tale, Mark Helprin
Jay Sherman: [Interviewing Pikachu] Pikey,there are rumors that you fired the original director, Paul Verhoven after creative difficulties.
Pikachu: Pikachu!
Jay Sherman: There's also rumors that you're a ho-mo-sexual...?
Pikachu: Now, that's just ridiculous!
(The TV Show The Critic 2000)
it might be fun to crawl
in steve simels ear tonight
Here's how I imagine Simels:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=69VsAEafSgM
Sorry, Ann, but I can't think of anything delusional to say about the pop music critic, so let's go with this:
There once was a twit named Steve,
who made everyone want to heave,
He said he was a Simels,
but he talks like some pimpels,
and now we just want him to leave.
It seems there's a troll, name of Simels,
Whose brainpower is measured in thimbles.
He rails at the right,
With all of his might
But it's no more annoying than pimples.
Steve Simels [aka Steve Slimes] turns a new leaf after he bumps into Ann Althouse in person, takes her for a cup of coffe (Dutch) and realizes Ann really is a Democrat.
Delusion:
Simels is actually Karl Rove in drag.
Who is actually Maxine in drag.
Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland,
But I think it's all overdone,
Exaggeratin' this,
And exaggeratin' that,
They don't have no fun.
And I don't believe what I read in the papers,
They're just out to capture my dime...
--Paul Simon, "Have a Good Time"
There once was a lady named Regina,
who was said to have a...
What the...
Let me check my notes...
Oh, here we go:
There once was a youth named Simels,
who always wanted to have some dimples,
At the time of puberty, he said with much glee,
Hey look! I'm growing two pimples.
allens, it's already been done ... (not original to me)
There once was a lady named Alice
She tried nitro instead of a phallus.
They found her vagina
In downtown Regina,
And half of her rectum in Dallas.
And if you appreciate this:
There was an old pirate from Kew
Whose limerick stopped at line two
you might actually appreciate ...
There was an old pirate named Dunn.
Speaking of paranoia and Wikipedia, here's the only quote from Prof. Althouse on her wiki page, In December 2006, responding to a comment asserting that "[t]here is no reason at all to make [ Jose Padilla ] wear a blindfold on the way to the dentist," and that "this [wa]s a case of overkill that says far more about those who ordered it, than it says about the accused,"[1] Althouse suggested that "[p]erhaps there is a fear that he will communicate in code by blinking.[2]"
And to further the paranoia, the quotes aren't from a legal text, not from a news op-ed, not even from the text of a blogpost, but from the comments within a blogpost.
Did the person who edited this wikipage know Prof. Althouse's feelings regarding quoting people from their comments as if it was their main point of view and how the 'blogger' and 'commenter' personae should be considered as somewhat distinct entitities?
This post makes that clear, and yet the folks putting together the Althouse wiki chose two separate comments stitched together awkwardly as representative somehow on Althousian discourse.
I smell a conspiracy.
I'm paranoid about looking at my Wikipedia page and about editing it myself, so please, if you see things like that, edit it! I'm counting on my friends to rescue me from the anti-Althousians.
Bart, if you don't mind, it's pronouned AllenS. I think we are talking about two different women. I knew one named Regina, and you knew one named Alice, whose parts ended up in Regina. Big diff.
Know anyone from Nantucket?
Steve Simels: I can't help what I do! I can't help it, I can't...
Althouse: The old story! We never can help it in court!
Steve Simels: What do you know about it? Who are you anyway? Who are you? Professors? Are you proud of yourselves? Proud of breaking balls or cheating on exams? Things you could just as well keep your fingers off. You wouldn't need to do all that if you'd learn a proper trade or if you'd work. If you weren't a bunch of lazy bastards. But I... I can't help myself! I have no control over this, this evil thing inside of me, the fire, the voices, the torment!
Althouse: Do you mean to say that you have to murder the comments section of this blog?
Steve Simels: It's there all the time, driving me out to wander the streets, following me, silently, but I can feel it there. It's me, pursuing myself! I want to escape, to escape from myself! But it's impossible. I can't escape, I have to obey it. I have to run, run... endless streets. I want to escape, to get away! And I'm pursued by ghosts. Ghosts of mothers and of those children... they never leave me. They are always there... always, always, always!, except when I do it, when I... Then I can't remember anything. And afterwards I see those posters and read what I've done, and read, and read... did I do that? But I can't remember anything about it! But who will believe me? Who knows what it's like to be me? How I'm forced to act... how I must, must... don't want to, must! Don't want to, but must! And then a voice screams! I can't bear to hear it! I can't go on! I can't... I can't...
(M, 1931 based on Mr. Simels remarkable physical resemblance to Peter Lorre)
Trooper,
That is priceless! The best thing you have done so far.
(Big Peter Lorre fan here.)
Gee, thanks for the earworm!
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