Althouse: "A wig, a trenchcoat, adult diapers, BB gun, a steel mallet, some rubber tubing, and garbage bags."

February 6, 2007

"A wig, a trenchcoat, adult diapers, BB gun, a steel mallet, some rubber tubing, and garbage bags."

When Astronauts Attack.

Oh, come on, haven't you at least thought of wearing a Depends to get you through that long, fast car trip... like when you're off to murder somebody?

36 comments:

I'm Full of Soup said...: So Ann- if you were her attorney, how would you begin to defend her at her trial?; 2/6/07, 1:12 PM
TMink said...: Do you have a feeling that this story is going to get weirder? I do.

Trey; 2/6/07, 1:14 PM
chickelit said...: Not surprisingly, it's an old astronaut's trick for getting through prolonged periods of confinement, though I doubt we'll be seeing Neil Armstrong pitching Depends anytime soon.; 2/6/07, 1:14 PM
Bissage said...: You know, I was shocked when I heard about this. I always thought astronauts were smart -- REAL smart.

Diapers? Who wears diapers to drive cross-country?

Everybody knows you rent a car and piddle on the seat.

(Oh, don’t pretend all high and mighty like you haven’t done it yourself.); 2/6/07, 1:14 PM
Sloanasaurus said...: What a great story. A BB Gun and Pepper Spray... what passion!; 2/6/07, 1:50 PM
Gordon Freece said...: Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff!; 2/6/07, 1:55 PM
bearbee said...: Can't figure out the tubing myself

Rubber tubing and garbage bags for emergency use if the Depends run out.; 2/6/07, 2:17 PM
Beth said...: I'm pretty sure some people wear adult diapers to get through long days during Mardi Gras:

Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day
Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day
No matter what you say
No matter what you pay
Ain't no place to pee on Mardi Gras Day --Bennie Grunch and the Bunch; 2/6/07, 2:26 PM
Beth said...: Hey, I just noticed my name is different. I've been "Elizabeth" on Blogger, but now I'm "Beth." That's okay, because I usually do use Beth. I just don't know how or when that change happened on Blogger.; 2/6/07, 2:28 PM
Ruth Anne Adams said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 2/6/07, 2:45 PM
KCFleming said...: Re: "Police said Nowak told them that she only wanted to scare Shipman into talking to her about her relationship and didn't want to harm her."

"That's it, yeah! I just wanted to talk to her, you know, with the help of a wig, a trench coat, an air cartridge BB gun and pepper spray."

Obviously, Lisa Marie Nowak's just a fan of Project Runway, season 2, and planned a little design challenge for Ms. Ferguson, that's all. It's fashion, people. Make it work!; 2/6/07, 3:44 PM
SippicanCottage said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 2/6/07, 4:19 PM
PeterP said...: osnztThe rubber tubing?

Clearly because she was planning on a sex-change operation half-way across and EVERYONE knows that men use tubing to wee out the window on that long journey.

Just wish the whole thing had kicked off on the Shuttle with all three looning around in gravity-free slo-mo.

Sort of 'Jules et Jim' meets 'Solaris' - the original Tarkovsky version mind you.

Or maybe a 'Kill Bill' /'Rashomon hybrid.

Forget that - it's 'Vanishing Point 2: Diaper Day'

Word Verification: znugplg - the perfect diaper for that crazy day. Come on ladies you know it makes sense!; 2/6/07, 4:43 PM
PeterP said...: I've been trying to limit my murders to people nearby (preferably within walking distance) to reduce my carbon footprint.

That is such good advice: think global, slaughter local.

Rather chillingly though that makes me realise the Internet is the perfect medium for the re-make of 'Strangers on a Train.'

So if the idea catches on (maybe it already has) you didn't hear it from me!; 2/6/07, 4:51 PM
Bissage said...: Yet another masterpiece from the Cottage of Sippican!; 2/6/07, 5:09 PM
vnjagvet said...: Another triumph of feminism. A Naval Academy grad and test pilot with TailGate tendencies, just like her brothers.; 2/6/07, 5:40 PM
Anonymous said...: Oh, Sippican, LOL, A CLASSIC!

BTW, Wouldn't it just be easier and smarter to shoot her? This is definitely an overachiever's murder plot.; 2/6/07, 5:54 PM
vbspurs said...: Christy: you clearly lack the imagination to be a murderer: tubing is to tie the victim up; one story indicated there was a four inch knife also found. So...here's the scenario:

The bb pistol to gain entry into the victims car; the rubber tubing to tie her up, the steel mallet to render the fatal blow, the knive to do the carving, and the garbage bags to dispose of the (ahem) parts

Unmentioned was the fava beans and a good chianti

Best reply of the day!

Cheers,
Victoria; 2/6/07, 6:43 PM
vbspurs said...: Did you guys check out the casting comments on the link Ann provided?

Hmm. Holly Hunter makes good with the crazy eyes, though.

Patricia Heaton gets the Lifetime version. Or Bonnie Bedelia?

Now, why can't we be funny like that?

(I say Toni Colette is perfect, but just for the mugshot scene, I suggest the producer's cast Amy Sedaris)

Cheers,
Victoria; 2/6/07, 6:47 PM
PeterP said...: Best reply of the day!

Damn, my heart is semi-broken.

[Word Verification: orqsaf - that state of being where emotional uncertainty triumphs over rational rectitude.]; 2/6/07, 7:40 PM
Unknown said...: I'm surprised no one has mentioned the obvious - space madness. Ren & Stimpy have a fascinating exposition on the dangers of space madness.; 2/6/07, 9:27 PM
J said...: 'Vanishing Point 2: Diaper Day'

Pretty good, but it doesn't really capture the criminal insanity aspect. How about "Queen to Queen's Level Three"?; 2/6/07, 9:29 PM
Tim said...: It's not quite Chandra Levy and Gary Condit, but its beginning to feel a little like September 10th around here...; 2/6/07, 9:38 PM
Ernst Stavro Blofeld said...: General Turgidson! When you instituted the human reliability tests, you *assured* me there was no possibility of such a thing ever occurring!

Well, I, uh, don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because of a single slip-up, sir.

Nice to see she retained her astronaut training and had a checklist to make sure everything was coverd.; 2/6/07, 9:50 PM
Unknown said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 2/6/07, 10:25 PM
Unknown said...: So it's a crime of fashion rather than of passion?? And all this fuss just because she wanted to talk some sense into a sexual interloper... Just got a little excited with the pepper spray because she forgot her NASA-issue taser for use on female rivals? What's a gal to do?; 2/6/07, 10:31 PM
John Richardson said...: Let me get this straight. She's living in Texas, the heart of gun country, and the best she could do is a BB gun. And this despite the fact that she drove so she wouldn't be going through any security checkpoints. What an amateur!; 2/6/07, 10:58 PM
Cincinnatus said...: This list reminds me of Mickey Rourke in Sin City. You might not want to know what the rubber tubing is for.; 2/7/07, 6:42 AM
hygate said...: I've been trying to limit my murders to people nearby (preferably within walking distance) to reduce my carbon footprint.

Also, using Depends wastes valuable landfill space.

Ed Begley Jr. reads this blog?; 2/7/07, 7:31 AM
Unknown said...: I wondered about the BB-gun myself. Almost makes her seem truthful about just wanting to scare her rival.; 2/7/07, 8:56 AM
Jim O'Sullivan said...: On a semi-serious note: Colleen Shipman is not an astonaut, as some in the media have mistakenly implied. She is in the Air force, though. See: http://www.timesonline.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17817887&BRD=2305&PAG=461&dept_id=478569&rfi=6

Just tryin' to be helpful, as always!; 2/7/07, 9:14 AM
Jim O'Sullivan said...: Oh, and I think Roger A has it nailled, IMHO.; 2/7/07, 9:21 AM
Unknown said...: Lisa just lost her head. And now she's lost absolutely everything else. Crime of passion. I'm with the French: give her a slap on the wrist but heavy on the restraining orders. Mandatory therapy. GPS bracelet (how attractive!) Charm school, perhaps. And no more rocket jocks.; 2/7/07, 9:51 AM
Steverino said...: Do you think this event will be added to the list of female firsts we see so often: FIRST FEMALE ASTRONAUT TO BE ARRESTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER! Another milesone for the unstoppable march of women's lib. You've come a long way, baby!

I wonder if the media would be so slow to draw conclusions were this a male astronaut. Can't you just see the amateur psychoanalysis of a male astronaut in such a situation as an indictment of the macho astronaut culture?

Most of all, I would have like to have been a fly on the dining room wall when the object of these two women's affections was sitting down with his cornflakes and listening to the morning news to hear his name splashed all over it because of a fatally attracted loony female coworker trying to rub out her rival. Picture his face at that moment.; 2/7/07, 10:45 AM
Adult Diapers said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 9/27/11, 12:23 AM
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AdultDiapers; 9/27/11, 12:25 AM