"Jane Curtin: Dan, only a reactionary ass such as yourself could oppose full diplomatic relations with China. As President Carter said, it is a simple recognition of reality. How can we ignore eight hundred million people? But, then again, I guess it's your habit to ignore reality. You're a paranoid schizophrenic, Dan, whose politics are obviously born out of some buried infantile trauma. You hide from reality, constructing a hostile world to justify your own incapacity for love and compassion. Go ahead, Dan, live in your dark, lonely world. The rest of us will extend our hands in friendship to eight hundred million human beings, saying, "Hi! You do exist. Let's be friends."
"Dan Aykroyd: Jane, you ignorant slut. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. The issue is Taiwan. How can we expect to have the confidence of any free nation when we stab one of our most faithful allies in the back. I suppose you'd like to conduct our foreign policy the way you conduct your private life, hopping from bed to bed with anyone that can do you some good. Then what do you have? An old, dried-out scuzz that no decent man would be seen with. Is that what you want for America? It's too late for you, Jane, but our country still has some dignity left, you hosebag!'
And there's this Mick Jagger/Keith Richards routine (which might be the greatest thing ever on SNL, with Mike Myers playing Mick and Mick himself playing Keith):
"Kevin Nealon: This week, Warner Brothers' Records dropped rap artist Ice T from their label, after further controversy over his song "Cop Killer". Was the decision justified? Here with a Point Counterpoint are Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.
Mick Jagger: It's outrageous, man! It's outrageous! Keith, all the dude wants to do is write a bloody tune, man. And these guys are gettin' all cold for it, you know, it's all about censorship, man. Censorship - it's outrageous, it's outside, man.
Keith Richards: Lemme tell ya something, Mick - that's rubbish! The police, they serve and protect. They're the backbone of our bloody society. You gotta stand up for the cats in blue, man! If you didn't have rules, you'd have.. freakin' anarchy!
Mick Jagger: It's the bloody First Amendment, mate. I mean, if you can't write a song about killing a cop.. I mean, what's next? Won't be able to write about killing security guards.. or what - those bloody doormen, with their costumes and their "Nice weather we're having.." Or.. they want a bloody tip, man! When they really didn't do anything, you know! I can open a bloody door, you know?
Keith Richards: Mick.. you ignorant slut! All the time, you liberal claptrap.. [ mumbles unintelligibly ] "
I remember reading/hearing that one of James Kilpatrick's children was married to a child of Eugene McCarthy. I can't find anything to support this, but they did write a book together in the late 70s.
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7 comments:
"... hopping from bed to bed with the frequency of a cheap ham radio."
Wish I could remember what she said to Dan in those sketches.
You can read some here.
Don't forget her mention in "Airplane" with her back to the camera as the Kilpatrick character says:
"Shana, they bought their tickets, they knew what they were getting into. I say, let 'em crash."
Just another reminder why 60 Minutes has gone down hill. Point/Counter Point then, Andy Rooney now.
Here's one where Jerry Seinfeld spoofs the old Jane Curtin/Dan Aykroyd routine (and calls himself an "ignorant slut").
And here's one about China:
"Jane Curtin: Dan, only a reactionary ass such as yourself could oppose full diplomatic relations with China. As President Carter said, it is a simple recognition of reality. How can we ignore eight hundred million people? But, then again, I guess it's your habit to ignore reality. You're a paranoid schizophrenic, Dan, whose politics are obviously born out of some buried infantile trauma. You hide from reality, constructing a hostile world to justify your own incapacity for love and compassion. Go ahead, Dan, live in your dark, lonely world. The rest of us will extend our hands in friendship to eight hundred million human beings, saying, "Hi! You do exist. Let's be friends."
"Dan Aykroyd: Jane, you ignorant slut. My personality profile is not at issue here, any more than is your inability to achieve orgasm. The issue is Taiwan. How can we expect to have the confidence of any free nation when we stab one of our most faithful allies in the back. I suppose you'd like to conduct our foreign policy the way you conduct your private life, hopping from bed to bed with anyone that can do you some good. Then what do you have? An old, dried-out scuzz that no decent man would be seen with. Is that what you want for America? It's too late for you, Jane, but our country still has some dignity left, you hosebag!'
And there's this Mick Jagger/Keith Richards routine (which might be the greatest thing ever on SNL, with Mike Myers playing Mick and Mick himself playing Keith):
"Kevin Nealon: This week, Warner Brothers' Records dropped rap artist Ice T from their label, after further controversy over his song "Cop Killer". Was the decision justified? Here with a Point Counterpoint are Mick Jagger and Keith Richards.
Mick Jagger: It's outrageous, man! It's outrageous! Keith, all the dude wants to do is write a bloody tune, man. And these guys are gettin' all cold for it, you know, it's all about censorship, man. Censorship - it's outrageous, it's outside, man.
Keith Richards: Lemme tell ya something, Mick - that's rubbish! The police, they serve and protect. They're the backbone of our bloody society. You gotta stand up for the cats in blue, man! If you didn't have rules, you'd have.. freakin' anarchy!
Mick Jagger: It's the bloody First Amendment, mate. I mean, if you can't write a song about killing a cop.. I mean, what's next? Won't be able to write about killing security guards.. or what - those bloody doormen, with their costumes and their "Nice weather we're having.." Or.. they want a bloody tip, man! When they really didn't do anything, you know! I can open a bloody door, you know?
Keith Richards: Mick.. you ignorant slut! All the time, you liberal claptrap.. [ mumbles unintelligibly ] "
I remember reading/hearing that one of James Kilpatrick's children was married to a child of Eugene McCarthy. I can't find anything to support this, but they did write a book together in the late 70s.
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