tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post1978174422877677710..comments2024-03-28T09:55:13.591-05:00Comments on Althouse: "What does it mean to grieve someone who is alive, but who walks, talks, thinks, acts and looks different from before?"Ann Althousehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01630636239933008807noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-8561159930685890232019-01-28T14:50:55.988-06:002019-01-28T14:50:55.988-06:00It's finding yourself at the beginning of a ma...<i>It's finding yourself at the beginning of a marriage with someone who used to be sharp and energetic and is not slow and retiring. </i><br /><br />We knew a couple that faced this. The husband was driving home from work when a city dump truck ran a red light, hitting his car, and pushing it into some workers. The legal result was pathetic, but that's a different story. The husband was left in a mental condition as described in the other case. He needed constant care, with the wife having to abandon her job to provide care full time.<br /><br />All of us would have understood her moving on immediately. However, she had no intention of doing so. Instead, she stayed faithful for several years until his injuries finally caused an early death. Her commitment, in my view, made her an incredibly positive role model for their only child. It showed her the value of life and the value of the child's father to the mother.Lelandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09531159384688653131noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-59774483678341213852019-01-25T15:12:12.934-06:002019-01-25T15:12:12.934-06:00He was put on a course of antibiotics for the blad...<i>He was put on a course of antibiotics for the bladder infection, and within days he started regaining his mental faculties. <br /><br /></i>Doc Martin had a patient whose daily dementia was caused by dehydration. She wouldn't drink during the day for fear of peeing in her sleep, thinking her son would send her to a home.<br /><br />My dad's thirsty switch has been broken for years, so I now have to push fluids on him all day. He won't drink overnight. Winter dehydration caused painful back muscle cramps that caused a compression fracture. Advil led to a bleeding ulcer that nearly killed him. <br />Ralph Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07915708905660273961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-71397431154011175462019-01-25T13:59:47.652-06:002019-01-25T13:59:47.652-06:00rhhardin- 350,000 miles would be 20 miles per day,...rhhardin- 350,000 miles would be 20 miles per day, every day, for 48 years. It seems a high number.<br />To the issue of living with someone whose cognitive abilities have been altered to the point of changing their personality, I feel for the author. Her description makes it seem that her husband is physically okay, but can no longer plan for and/or enjoy life's events. Both of their lives have been diminished as a result. It's good that he survived his injuries, but sad that they will both enjoy life less.Tomcchttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12976434225264248967noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-49617017528454092902019-01-25T13:49:36.596-06:002019-01-25T13:49:36.596-06:00Brain injury #2 the wife was crossing the street i...Brain injury #2 the wife was crossing the street in front of our house on a perfectly sunny day shaded by tall oaks, to do her 5 mile walk. Struck from behind by an elderly driver, (a doctor), who was returning from his eye exam with pupils dilated. He didn't see her. Thankfully, a glancing blow sending her to the asphalt.<br />If you're going to share the street with who knows who, BE SEEN. Riding a bike? Think deer season, not Tour de France, and dress to be seen. Bright clothes on moving body parts. Walking? Same same. Of course bike helmet.BUMBLE BEEhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16634550534359132384noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-30027494036409311062019-01-25T13:45:43.025-06:002019-01-25T13:45:43.025-06:00Virgil Hilts said...
Fascinating story in New Scie... Virgil Hilts said...<br />Fascinating story in New Scientist (Instapundit linked) that suggests Alzheimers may actually be caused by porphyromonas gingivalis, the key bacteria in chronic gum disease. We may have been fighting the symptoms rather than the cause. I hope this is true. I am going to brush my teeth and mouthwash (again) now.<br /><br />Let me add this: My f-in-l is rail-thin but has a belly. He had been mentally declining for several months (he's early 80s), but his doc had shrugged and said that's aging.<br /><br />This last visit, his German wife went with him and insisted the belly, which had been growing, be looked at. She's a tough bird, and it took a lot of effort to get the doc to pass him on to a specialist ...<br /><br />... who discovered a blocked bladder and drained <b>six pints</b> of urine out of him.*<br /><br />He was put on a course of antibiotics for the bladder infection, and within days he started regaining his mental faculties. <br /><br />The connection between antibiotics and brain functioning was repeated recently with a friend of ours, who is taking care of her 91-year-old mother. <br /><br />(* Added note: I love my f-in-law, but he's one of those stoic types who will not, will never, tell you if something is wrong. He'd been having trouble peeing, but wouldn't say anything. Now his bladder is distended beyond repair and he's on a catheter. Guys, don't be like him!) Bill Peschelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15257587479467531187noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-60090567735708717122019-01-25T13:08:10.966-06:002019-01-25T13:08:10.966-06:00Well, rhhardin, I don't know you. ;-)Well, rhhardin, I don't know you. ;-)mockturtlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10507310332014103437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-42891571599150518402019-01-25T12:58:29.283-06:002019-01-25T12:58:29.283-06:00Everyone I know who cycles has had a terrible acci...<i>Everyone I know who cycles has had a terrible accident.</i><br /><br />I have over 350,000 miles on a bicycle and no problems.rhhardinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06901742898653890646noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-2550072689284619172019-01-25T11:47:34.156-06:002019-01-25T11:47:34.156-06:00I have written about my father here a few times in...I have written about my father here a few times in last two years. He remained himself as I had always known him until August of 2017- at that point, the man I knew and loved disappeared seemingly overnight. It broke my heart to have to see him like that- helpless, confused, and fearful all the time. He never forgot who my mother and I were, but it was clear he didn't really trust that we were who we appeared to be. Yes, I was grieving him a year before he passed away.Yancey Wardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16427042729449397357noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-92061281803943738082019-01-25T11:47:18.734-06:002019-01-25T11:47:18.734-06:00Everyone I know who cycles has had a terrible acci...Everyone I know who cycles has had a terrible accident. Part of this is due to the incredibly stupid behavior of cyclists, themselves. Winding, mountain roads with no shoulders and considerable traffic? Death wish? mockturtlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10507310332014103437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-13244815923779419342019-01-25T10:55:21.553-06:002019-01-25T10:55:21.553-06:00John Lynch: You're right, in a collision with ...John Lynch: You're right, in a collision with a car, the cyclist is going to end up second best, often with prejudice.<br /><br />Back when I was cycling, I crashed from hitting a sinkhole in the pavement. We were going about 19 mph at the time. I took out the guy behind me. We had to sit for a while to remember where we were, and how we got there. Fortunately there were no motor vehicles around when it happened.<br /><br />If I hadn't been wearing a helmet--which was smashed--I may well have ended up crippled or dead. As it was, I cracked five ribs, but was otherwise not too much worse for wear. (I learned about the ribs several days later, after I had ridden home 20 miles from the accident site.)<br /><br />Wear your helmet when cycling, folks, and stay off of roads with a lot of cars.Maillard Reactionaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330041554892804405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-1071992040316542532019-01-25T10:39:36.468-06:002019-01-25T10:39:36.468-06:00Interesting article that strikes close to home. Si...Interesting article that strikes close to home. Since my accident and brain injury 3 years ago friends and family occasionally say they "miss" me.*<br /><br />I am right here. But I understand what they mean.<br /><br />*There is an exceptional science-fiction series Travelers (set in our time, about people who travel here from about 900 years in the future) on Netflix. One of the characters is actually "rewritten" (her consciousness/personality is edited by an expert from the future). Later a team member says he "misses" the "old" Person. Because she is different from before.Rick67https://www.blogger.com/profile/16764011597156012973noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-10628048515344913502019-01-25T10:19:07.328-06:002019-01-25T10:19:07.328-06:00Bicycle accident. I wish people would start quest...Bicycle accident. I wish people would start questioning the safety of bikes. I don't know any serious cyclist who hasn't had a bad accident. They aren't anywhere near as dangerous as motorcycles, but they are much more dangerous than cars.<br /><br />As for the column, it's sad. The wife is dealing with it as best she can, and good for her. NotWhoIUsedtoBehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14568355742926021406noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-81482711819791101432019-01-25T09:50:04.893-06:002019-01-25T09:50:04.893-06:00"Naming my grief is helpful because it invite..."Naming my grief is helpful because it invites me to engage in rituals of grieving."<br /><br />Ye gods, are these people for real? "I will now observe myself engaged in my ritual of grieving."<br /><br />You can overdo this whole articulate, self-awareness thing. (Is it one of those "Things that White People like"? Honest question.)<br /><br />Sometimes a disaster is just a disaster. Grieving, tears, lasting sorrow, despair are all around us and are, generally speaking, incurable and untreatable. The universe doesn't care; it isn't even aware of it. It's all on you. That sucks, but that's how things are.<br /><br />Enjoy the ride.Maillard Reactionaryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07330041554892804405noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-1334296560289349212019-01-25T09:47:52.197-06:002019-01-25T09:47:52.197-06:00When my husband developed Lewy Body Dementia, he b...When my husband developed Lewy Body Dementia, he became a different person: Paranoid, hallucinating, delusional and combative. Half the time he believed I was an impostor. During the ten years of his illness I grieved far more for the husband I knew than I did after his death.mockturtlehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10507310332014103437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-26146024499481131782019-01-25T09:28:14.887-06:002019-01-25T09:28:14.887-06:00What if one's spouse transitions genders? I...What if one's spouse transitions genders? I'm curious whether the no-divorce cohort would indeed remain married under those circumstances.Tom T.https://www.blogger.com/profile/09539041295879675002noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-52617520269107409732019-01-25T09:10:04.477-06:002019-01-25T09:10:04.477-06:00[he was] an urban planner in Portland, Oregon
So ...<i>[he was] an urban planner in Portland, Oregon</i><br /><br />So not much of a loss.Fernandinandehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11253225431705407699noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-8824446226589592092019-01-25T09:09:00.375-06:002019-01-25T09:09:00.375-06:00wild chicken said...
here I am about to turn 70...wild chicken said...<br /> here I am about to turn 70 and wondering if I should get back on the bike this spring.<br /><br />you should wear a helmet! helmets are More important for bikes than for cycles (on a motorcycle, you're usually going fast enough that you'll die from your other injuries (at least, that's why i never one: until i hit a deer in a park)). gilbarhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05949243924046064880noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-59013838025780186782019-01-25T08:45:44.562-06:002019-01-25T08:45:44.562-06:00Every morning he sits on the porch with a cup of c...<i>Every morning he sits on the porch with a cup of coffee, chatting with neighbors. Lacking a crisp memory of the past and unable to plan for the future as he once did, he lives in the moment. He meditates regularly on the couch with closed eyes. He rarely complains about anything...</i><br /><br />Hell, I'm afraid some will view this as a serendipitous discovery that frontal lobotomies are a cure for "toxic masculinity".Wincehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15002449963597087316noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-68090061321601076682019-01-25T08:42:45.993-06:002019-01-25T08:42:45.993-06:00She needs to change as well. Stop reading The NY ...She needs to change as well. Stop reading The NY Times and stop writing items for it. She’ll be much happier. mcculloughhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03168402889404727565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-66804214687423892382019-01-25T07:55:01.643-06:002019-01-25T07:55:01.643-06:00It would be so hard.It would be so hard.MayBeehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11966319657113124861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-52213425802736819032019-01-25T07:54:51.848-06:002019-01-25T07:54:51.848-06:00A major plot point in one of the Poirot novels was...A major plot point in one of the Poirot novels was that old UK divorce law would NOT allow you to divorce someone mentally deranged & institutionalized (or in prison IIRC). This led to 3 murders.<br /><br />My father has non-Alzheimer's dementia, so his personality hasn't changed and he seems normal at first, but his memory of details after HS is nearly all gone, and his reasoning powers are too, but I'll pry his checkbooks (he has 4) from his cold, dead hands. At least he can still dress and feed himself. One of his cars was totaled in the last hurricane and the other's battery is dead, so I no longer worry he'll drive away when I'm gone for a few hours. His hip is bad, so he ain't walking away either.<br /><br />Several times he's said he once worked for the police and met Elvis on a train in South Carolina, and he's met many famous people on TV and been to most travel show locations (sometimes this is true).Ralph Lhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07915708905660273961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-30463708676401362112019-01-25T07:44:35.950-06:002019-01-25T07:44:35.950-06:00Gee, and here I am about to turn 70 and wondering ...Gee, and here I am about to turn 70 and wondering if I should get back on the bike this spring. The older I get, the more I fear <i>mishaps</i> like these.<br /><br />Not a way to live really. wild chickenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17956296475651720602noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-32278467857866411832019-01-25T07:33:19.284-06:002019-01-25T07:33:19.284-06:00Bumblebee,
I am sorry for your wife and your loss...Bumblebee,<br /><br />I am sorry for your wife and your loss. I understand how awful it can be. On reflection I was being overly flippant. <br /><br />Dealing with a sudden change, as in the article and in your case is always going to be more difficult than with gradual change. Dealing with incapacitating change is going to be much more difficult than dealing with the kind of changes that have happened to my wife and me. <br /><br />It is different. Of course it's different. But I think it is different in degree rather than in kind. <br /><br />Between that post and this I went back and read the article instead of just commenting on Ann's post. The article, from first paragraph to last reads like a parody of a NYT article even though it is not. <br /><br />John HenryJohn henryhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13529920006532904660noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-24367682865771147482019-01-25T07:31:32.556-06:002019-01-25T07:31:32.556-06:00Fascinating story in New Scientist (Instapundit li...Fascinating story in New Scientist (Instapundit linked) that suggests Alzheimers may actually be caused by porphyromonas gingivalis, the key bacteria in chronic gum disease. We may have been fighting the symptoms rather than the cause. I hope this is true. I am going to brush my teeth and mouthwash (again) now.Virgil Hiltshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15725950903829582668noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6329595.post-66495689719211222922019-01-25T07:28:09.908-06:002019-01-25T07:28:09.908-06:00Tough crowd this morning.Tough crowd this morning.Craig Howardhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17778080830068892260noreply@blogger.com