Said a woman named Ann, quoted in "Lessons From a 20-Person Polycule/How they set boundaries, navigate jealousy, wingman their spouses and foster community" (NYT)(free access link).
My head spins. Who could listen to every podcast? Exhausting, and I'm barely picturing what "hard poly-processing" must mean!
Anyway, what does Ann's husband think? He seems quite a bit less jaunty and managerial about the whole thing. This is actually pretty sad, so I will put it after the jump, for your protection:
Anyway, what does Ann's husband think? He seems quite a bit less jaunty and managerial about the whole thing. This is actually pretty sad, so I will put it after the jump, for your protection:
"At the start, I was going through some depression, and when we had sex I had so much stress. There were issues in the bedroom with her, and that happened many times, which caused more stress. She started seeing this dude who was an absolute stud, having sex with him and having a great-ass time, and I felt totally lame and inadequate. That was really hard for me, for obvious reasons. I felt like, I’m a hundred percent replaceable. It took a lot of conversations. She was like, There’s nothing wrong with you, this is going to pass, therapy will help. Lots of tears were shed. But medication helped me, talk therapy helped me, changing the way we do things helped. That’s where feelings are not facts really mattered. Because I would ask her questions, and she would be like, No, I don’t feel that way; and I would be like, I know you like being with him more than me; and she would say, I’m not lying to you, it’s different, but it doesn’t make me love you less, you provide so much more to my life than just sex. I totally get it now. That was the first instance of feelings are not facts. They feel like it. But they ain’t facts."
Does that sound like a "frat bro" to you?
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45 comments:
She gets to bang all the hot guys and she gets to live off his money.
What could possibly be wrong with that?
Women have an aversion to responsibility. She does not love him or care about him at all.
Maybe, just maybe, the (what we call) commandment: "Thou shalt not commit adultery" was very wise counsel given solely from a loving desire to guide us around the swamp of feeling totally lame and inadequate, suffering obvious difficulties for obvious reasons, feeling a hundred percent replaceable, a lot of attempted compensating conversations, therapy, lots of tears, and medications.
Just maybe.
Polyamory does not work out well for 80% of men.
Polyamory is the root cause of war.
But 304’s gotta 304.
Reads like the marriage from Hell. What are the odds this couple will be married five years from now?
The guy would have been better off if he’d become a Moony.
You know what really would help? Dumping her ass and finding a person who understands traditional relationships and the idea of commitment to your partner.
Since Ann calls Robert her "nesting partner", it sounds like cuckold to me.
Is that what therapy is telling people now? "Feelings are not facts"?
1- disregarding someone's feelings while navigating a relationship will undermine it.
2- if feelings aren't facts, then get your junk out of the women's locker room.
I can't believe they're married. Poor guy, I hope he gets out soon and has a good divorce lawyer. It doesn't sound like there's anything in it for him.
Most of the people in the comments are more bothered by the therapy speak than what this couple is actually doing. But this comment was brilliant: "As long as they are all voting for Biden, I am fine with this.."
People get into and stay in relationships because they feel better than when not having the relationship. It's a terrible match for sure, but not rare. This guy is depressed and cowardly, and such men are emotional pushovers. She's likely unstable and won't care about him or remember him tomorrow. Think of how Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor chewed through and spat out many needy husbands.
He should get out ASAP, and may end up as "born again" in a church...
She'll happily land somewhere...on her back...
Thank God this woman doesn't actually exist.
Like, like, like, this is just a new way to have orgies on a regular basis and not call it swinging or an orgy.
Why do these people agree to NYT interviews? Do they want approval from NYT readers? Or is this just more of defining deviancy down?
I think this article gives me a deeper understanding of... and, perhaps even some empathy with what Howard's life is like.
His frequent attestations to his own manliness just scream 'cuck'.
This story is so sad that I am going to go give my wife of 40 years a hug and a kiss as well as her standard two orgasms three times a week.
MfG
Goetz von Berlichingen
Pimps share their woman. Other than pimps, men who share their woman are cuckolds of the worst sort, those that know and accept being an object of ridicule. These men aren't real men and should turn in their man card.
Political Congruence ("=")... Why not?
A husband that you can hang your hat on. A wife that you can rent a womb.
Imagine thinking that this was a less difficult and more fulfilling way of life than monogamy.
"six to 10 hours of hard poly-processing"
Oh so that's what they're calling it now.
Goetz:
You are a man's man!
Poor Meade. It's Begley, isn't it.
Perhaps I misunderstand.
Like, like, like, this is just a new way to have orgies on a regular basis and not call it swinging or an orgy.
No, it's worse than that. Swinging and orgies would be better, because they would be honest about their hedonism. The problem here is that the narcissistic wife is wrapping this up in the language of a relationship. It's manipulative and abusive. If he objects to this, he's the one at fault, for not respecting her, for selfishly wanting more of her time for himself.
He's a wimp, she's an abusive slut, they both deserve to die.
But 304’s gotta 304.
??
Since Ann calls Robert her "nesting partner", it sounds like cuckold to me.
Maybe she just wants to "cuddle" (at least with him)? Makes an interesting point - the sexless marriage post below, where a woman did not want to have sex anymore, is basically a cuckold relationship, but one where the wife would rather not have sex with anyone than with the husband.
who is paying the rent.
DB:
And born in Nebraska.
MfG
Goetz
I had to look up 304... It's like the old "boo less" calculator trick, and it means "hoe."
I'm assuming everyone who bothers to read my prior comment will figure out what my prudish autocorrect took out.
"Does that sound like a "frat bro" to you?"
Yes, in the sense that it's the ultimate insult in his circles, and he's asking for it.
Civil unions for all consenting adults. #NoJudgment #NoLabels #LiberalDontBray
A photo stringer for the NYT just got arrested for the second time on the subway for spraypainting anti-semetic genocide graffiti. The first time was jumping the gate. Yet they continued to emply him.
I say nuke the whole city. Some innocent rats will die with the guilty ones. That's war. Aim the nuke at the NYT headquarters to make sure none of those rats survive.
Most likely this letter is a complete fabrication, but if it isn't, I think Howard should dump her ass ASAP before she has him sucking the stud's cock every night.
He isn't a husband, he's a servant/roommate with benefits. Until the divorce. The he's just a money tree to be pruned monthly.
Dammit Rabel, you made me spit my coffee out of my nose!
I can describe this in two words: Narcissism. Nihilism.
Ugh. That's sad. Manipulation trainwrecks.
And now there's this long line at the gonnorhea clinic. But seriously, only 20 people? Some of them must be having affairs.
I think you may be a bit wrong, Achilles. While both the men and the women are attractive, the guys all seem to be giving an invisible "thumbs up" for the camera, as in: heck, I have to listen to this crazy bitch go on about empowerment sometimes, but she still shaves her legs, and I get to have sex with all her friends.
Boy in 25 years, I wouldn't want to be organizing that college reunion. Or the divorces.
At New College, the librarians ran an S&M club for the students (thank you, Governor Desantis).
There are all sorts of new legal fields opening up. I'm taking the Bar. Someome has to protect children from these freaks. I can't do worse than a Kennedy.
Like all men he's tolerating it for the sake of the children.
Like all men he's tolerating it for the sake of the children.
Like all men he's tolerating it for the sake of the children.
Oh no Rusty -- he stopped it.
This Blog is the perfect torture device for people on death row or being imprisomed for killing.
They will beg for death. The Swedish accents help.
I listened to five minutes of the blog. It is the perfect torture device for people on death row or being imprisomed for killing. Or war.
They will beg for death.
The Swedish accents help.
Does that sound like a "frat bro" to you?
It sounds like a narrative which we're supposed to interpret as a frat bro being properly humbled.
This situation reminds me of typical heterosexual male infidelity, but the female version.
In the old fashioned male model, the husband cheats and brags about it with his friends. He might even have an official mistress or is screwing the maid or nanny. He assures the wife that the sex with the other woman is meaningless and the wife's emotional breakdown is a sign of her mental instability or she is crazy.
In the new female model, the couple is part of a community and there is a reading list and podcasts to discuss. The man who is having performance issues and is freaking out about his wife getting laid by a stud is told his "feelings" are not facts.
I had to laugh at all the comments here by our resident gentlemen who are offended at the thought of any man being taken advantage of by a woman who is being unfaithful. The other day those gentlemen readily admitted to the practice of telling women they are "loved" them just to get the woman to consent to sex. It's OK when men are untruthful or unfaithful but not women because for men sex is just a physical thing. It's only emotional when the woman is untruthful and unfaithful. LOL
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