"... through his extended social circles. Mr. Malone, who has been nonmonogamous since he was in college, currently has a nesting partner, a long-term partner, two long-distance partners and a kink-based relationship with another person.
Mr. Malone said he has never felt weird about going on dates with two or more people at the same time in Somerville. 'No one seems to bat an eye,' he said, so he sees the new protections as very subtle.
Ashley Kirsner, 33, who has lived in Somerville for seven years, is the founder of Skip the Small Talk, an organization that offers speed-friending and speed-dating events.... Events like these, the support of the community and the city ordinances have helped Mx. Hall feel more seen. 'Every time a new book comes out, or a new protection comes into place, it feels like it’s validating your identity,' they said."
I googled "nesting partner." It's a standard term. I found this creepily illustrated
Wikihow article on the subject.
Creepily illustrated? I'm judging. The art.
How about "validating your identity"? Is that a standard term? Googling, I'm bombarded with material about ID cards, that kind of identity — are you really the person with the name, age, and address you're claiming? But what about the idea of validating your identity that is wanting your community to make outward gestures that approve of your cluster of personal relationships?
Standard term or not, what do we make of this need to have the more complex aspects of your identity "validated"? It's funny that's going on at the same time that some people are getting invalidated — cancelled.
পোস্টগুলি
৮৮টি মন্তব্য:
So much navel gazing the human race is doing lately. It's not healthy to be so wrapped up in yourself. Look outward more.
The people who talk about and write about and dream about polyamory do not look like the people who you would think talk and dream about polyamory in real life. Everyone always mentally imagines pornstars and Marilyn Manson's beautiful people but end up hitting a leper colony.
What slippery slope? I ain't seen no slippery slope....
I'll bet he does have a pretty extended social network. I can only imagine...
Somewhere in this web of relationships
Among at least one of these denizens
You can't help but embrace the probability
That at least one of their basements
Has a vegan leather harness
Weirdos.
I checked out the article only because I know a Ryan Malone (although older), and there is a Somerville, TX. Alas, the only recognition I see in the article's Ryan Malone is to Leisure Suit Larry.
the Cool Thing IS!
the town has passed a law, that REQUIRES employers to give spousal benefits; to ANYONE, that you EVER..
Slept with
Wanted to sleep with
thought about sleeping with
liked as a non platonic friend
liked as a platonic friend
met in the street
saw online
imagined in your head
HARD to see ANY down sides to this!
https://www.cbsnews.com/boston/video/somerville-bans-discrimination-against-people-in-polyamorous-relationships/
Somerville. Perfect name for the sadly inevitable Netflix series.
Remember when people were ridiculed for suggesting that gay marriage would lead to trans and polyamory?
Somerville, Massachusetts, which is featured in the article, is right next to far left Cambridge. Somerville has become overrun by lefties who couldn’t afford Cambridge’s sky-high prices and is now almost as loony left and expensive as Cambridge.
I would identify as polyamorous but my wife won't let me. She was pretty definite about it.
And as soon as I can walk again I'm going to buy her flowers.
The diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) of political congruence ("="), Dreams of Herr Mengele, and butterfly effect.
So people who feel the need to have multiple sex partners now want it to have special names.
Whore and gigolo no longer accepted?
They make up names to make themselves good about their unacceptable behavior.
I see that Ryan Malone has a gas stove in his kitchen, thoughtless son of a bitch. These people are a mess. They believe they are the first to think of all this and that they have it figured out. Good luck with that. There are good non-religious reasons why humans thrive in what are still occasionally considered "normal" relationships. Plenty of drama and unhappiness is in store for these people. More than the human norm I mean.
At the end of the article is a little collection of articles about the importance of good sexual health. It's not really about health though, just about good sex. Perhaps it ought to mention that good sexual health usually doesn't involve screwing great multitudes of people, especially at the same time.
"We Have All Been Here Before"
Doesn't end well, either.
what do we make of these need to have the more complex aspects of your identity "validated"?
I have been focusing on this for decades.
I don't give a rats hide, how you "identify" I only care about your interaction with me. Socially, Business, community, etc.
If you teach my child, I have no obligation to "validate" your identity. I see you as Mr Teacher, Is my Child exceeding your expectations? I have no interest in your hobby, where you find the best Tai food, or what sates your sexual desires. I am not in the validation business. (sorry to disappoint, but I care less about you validating me)
Sheesh, the current need for labeling everything makes it all seem like it's all new.
JFK wasn't all the labels he just was out doing whoever he wanted and didn't care about anyone else's opinion.
It really does have a philosophical and religious aspect to the labels. Someone is their sexuality now, sexual preference is an ontology, in ways every generation before didn't make it. Even as all the behavior is ancient. It's just what people did, their sin of choice.
So much navel gazing the human race is doing lately.
I have long said that history will condemn this time as an era of extreme self-absorption and selfishness. It'll probably be called the age of the self-entitled.
I'm pretty sure I had a gay teacher in 6th grade. But he taught us grammar and literature, not gayness, and he was an adult in the classroom, not some walking sexual identity. Today, would even he have this choice.
Gross. I am friends with 2 guys that are engaged. I don't know why they want to get married because both they live together and each of them has a boy toy. (that live with them) Why bother getting married?? Just to say you can?? I don't really care what they do in their private lives, but making a mockery of marriage aggravates me. (I know there are many straight couples like that too, and that aggravates me just as much)
It's OK when young people do it. Just not old people. Get with the newthink, Althouse.
Sounds more like a teenager's masturbatory fantasy than real life.
How many partners are you allowed to claim to get the bennies? All of them? Why not claim everyone in the city of Sommerville? It’s prolly true…
If there were an award for “I told you so” there would be plenty of winners today.
I can't read the article but I assume Somerville is Somerville Massachusetts. It makes neighboring Cambridge look like a Republican city in Florida by comparison. So......not surprised at all!
This is where the Left wants us to go as that destroys the nuclear family.
The other thing the Left wants is to abolish the age of consent. Jeffery Epstein was just ahead of his time.
When does this guy find time to do his chemistry job?
'... what do we make of these need to have the more complex aspects of your identity "validated"?'
Complex? Promiscuity by any name is an elemental part of man's base nature. The essence of LGBT++ activism is to have the "complex aspects" of sexual deviance validated.
Polygamy and pedophilia here we come.
"said that he knows"
Call me skeptical.
Why does this subject fascinate Althouse? Maybe ChatGPT is already taking over the writing here.
People with an external "identity" locus, e.g., needing others to validate them are at high risk of having it all taken from them regardless of how many "I will not be ignored" laws they lobby to get passed. You can be seen with disdain as easily seen with acceptance.
Many of these "I will not be ignored" people will eventually suicide out. We should do nothing to encourage that, but neither should actions be taken to interfere. Free will and all. Just protect your bunnies and other house pets, children and be vigilant in schools and public gatherings as they often lash out prior.
creepily illustrated Wikihow article
You mean like how it's one man and several women? Sure, I'll go for that. How long do they last? How do the women feel about it when it's over? How do the children feel about it? How do the children turn out as adults.
When I was a child,
I spoke as a child,
I understood as a child,
I thought as a child;
but when I became a man,
I put away childish things.
37 is pretty old to still be a child.
Social media has turned our species into a bunch of nosy busybodies. Those people, in turn, want validation because they are rendering judgement on everybody else. It's a nosy busybody circle jerk.
meanwhile...
Straight cis christian people keep having babies
Straight cis islamic people keep having babies
Straight cis amish people keep having babies
Straight cis hindu people keep having babies
...
Straight cis chinese people keep having abortions
Straight cis progressives take birth control while Seriously considering transitioning
Seriously, what is the birth rate of somerville ma? 4.8% ±2.1% Women 15-50 who gave birth during past year
Gotta LOVE the ±2.1%
The WikiHow art was creepy, but the people in the art were still considerably more attractive than the various real-life poly people from the NYT piece.
I'm sorry, I've reached my boundary here. Being a metaphor junkie, I analogize my condition to that of Voyager, that recently left the heliosphere and entered truly interstellar space. Where, I guess, everything is possible.
What's interesting to me about this new space is how little I care about it. Is that because I am "too square," too "colonized by cis-hetero-conformity-addicted norms" to begin to apprehend and appreciate this Brave And Shiny New Reality? Or is it because there is really no there, there?
Heinlein wrote polyamorous characters in his science fiction in 1961, in Stranger in a Strange Land, and probably in earlier works. Polyamory recurs in his stories.
Communal living with shared sexual partners was a small but well publicized thing in the 1960s & 1970s, although in hindsight the primary beneficiaries of this sexual revolution were the male group leaders.
Mormon and Moslem religions promoted multiple partners, again for males only, from their startups through the entire lengths of their existences as religions, as have other smaller cults and sects and faiths. There are TV shows about both, running today.
Ghengis Khan raped so many "concubines" from captured peoples that his genetics extends across Asia to this day.
There is nothing new under the sun. Today's celebrated polyamory is happening since the most recent sunrise, when history started for the majority of prog youth.
I predict the polyamorous females will bear the brunt of economic, psychological, physical and social problems from its practice, as have females throughout history (Heinlein's female characters excepted, but hey, fiction, right?).
No doubt the Mormons are watching this development very carefully.
I'm getting a definite late '60s English manor-house party vibe.
I mean if this or that alternate lifestyle is supposed to be celebrated why not mine?!
Was it ever really "just about tolerance?" Love is love, something.
Oh. This is a real town.
They're going to have to busk up staffing their public health STD clinic and divorce court. And congrats to other residents of the state who will have to subsidize their family insurance plans.
Dibs on child molestation next. Mikee is right.
Coming soon to Sesame Street: a non-binary puppet who has a kink-based relationship with Mr. Snuffleupagus.
Respect for Marriage Act passed under DEI ("Diversity, Equity, Inclusion") of the Pro-Choice religion is a forward-looking wicked problem for progressive sects of liberal churches, synagogues, mosques, temples, corporations, etc. #SeletiveJudgment #TooManyLabels #Ethics
That said, civil unions for all consenting adults, right?
Separation of Cult and State. #HateLovesAbortion
He knows "hundreds". I know 0. Hundreds plus 0 divided by 2 still could equal hundreds. I hope they stay where they are.
Dibs on child molestation next. Mikee is right.
A progressive path and grade with diverse precedents in socially liberal cultures. Two men and a womb, for one... rabid masculinity in patriarchal transculture is the handmaiden of feminist brayers, and women's deprecation under DEI of secular ethical religion.
That said, it's not molestation-molestation. For example, the young socialist democrats of ancient Greece practiced equitable and inclusive sodomy of both boys and girls, for purposes of grooming and subjugation into the State, community, open family planning, etc. The ancient religions also performed human rites for social, redistributive, clinical, political, criminal, and fair weather progress. One step forward, two steps backward.
paminwi said...
"So people who feel the need to have multiple sex partners now want it to have special names. Whore and gigolo [are] no longer accepted?"
Sluts and womanizers are more accurate.
Dave Begley said...
"When does this guy find time to do his chemistry job?"
Maybe he only identifies as a chemist.
Back in my day, a "chemist" was a person who dealt in (and frequently created) hallucinogenic substances.
My question is, when do we make the study of polyamory mandatory in public grade schools and resort to calling any parent who opposes the idea a hater, and turning the FBI on them?
"Remember when people were ridiculed for suggesting that gay marriage would lead to trans and polyamory?"
There was a time when in polite society, it was understood that it was impolite to discuss sex and politics and religion in public. We no longer live in a polite society.
rehajm said... How many partners are you allowed to claim to get the bennies?
--
Some.
"They believe they are the first to think of all this and that they have it figured out. Good luck with that. There are good non-religious reasons why humans thrive in what are still occasionally considered "normal" relationships. Plenty of drama and unhappiness is in store for these people. More than the human norm I mean."
Yup. Polyamory only works well in societies where men have total control over women (see Mormon fundamentalists and sharia law).
This is where the Left wants us to go as that destroys the nuclear family.
The other thing the Left wants is to abolish the age of consent. Jeffery Epstein was just ahead of his time.
Dave Begley keeps hitting the bullseye.
We had a handful of Democrat,From Biden on down, state that Children belong to the State, not parents.
Why the insistence that twelve year olds be allowed to consent to Gender transformation surgery? It is clear. If they are competent to make such life altering medical decisions, Trading oral sex with an adult must be well within their power.
"The other thing the Left wants is to abolish the age of consent. Jeffery Epstein was just ahead of his time."
You know who was ahead of his time? Charles Manson. The Manson plan was to start a race war between Black folks and White folks with the idea that when the war was over, he would step in and lead America.
We're living that right now.
Charles Manson, visionary.
As a society we shouldn't e catering to the deviant.
In the days of old- when villages were populated by a hundred people, and cities a few thousand, well, if deviants were 1% of the population, that would be 1 a village and 10 to a city. And with no vast communication network- the odds of them meeting and developing a vast social network of support where they could pretend they were normal were somewherre between slim and none. If deviants were found practicing their deviancy the usual result would be an abruptly shortened lifespan. They would be anet negative to a society that didn't have much in the way of surplus.
We have >330 million in the USA right now. If 1% of the population practices any form of deviancy, that's 3.3 million people. Sounfs like a lot, doesn't it? But it's only 1%. We can afford to ignore them. We have lots of surplus. WHile most are a net drain on society, the cost is minimal. But celebrate them? Give them legal protections over and above what others have? Ummm... no. That wat leads to civilizational collapse. It's actually an old story, repeated in empires over and over. The upper class starts embracing deviancy, the civilization collapses.
From some reading I've done, the British Isles ended up being much safer for the average person then mainland Europe because over centuries the Brits culled out their deviant AND criminal population with far grreater frequency. Death penalty was common for many crimes. And the sentence was given and carried out. They no longer do that- and the streets of London are far less safe then they were in 1850.
If we were to abruply shorten the lifespans of the criminals and deviants- the USA in short order would be a better and safer place to live. Culling is how you improve a species or breed, plant or anmimal. Humans aren't different in that regard. We've given up culling. We're seeing the results of that.
" I analogize my condition to that of Voyager, that recently left the heliosphere and entered truly interstellar space."
I was just thinking about that last night in the context of how much we humans do not know.
Voyager I is sending back radio waves to Earth from a distance of seven billion miles. Radio waves were only proven to exist 140 years ago. And we've only been flying planes for 120 years. Scientists only figured out what the spleen is for a mere 14 years ago.
The arc of the physical universe is long; and on balance, we don't know shit.
"Communal living with shared sexual partners was a small but well publicized thing in the 1960s & 1970s, although in hindsight the primary beneficiaries of this sexual revolution were the male group leaders."
Same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was,
Same as it ever was.
- Talking Heads
Creepily illustrated...
A mashup of airline seat pocket safety brochures and local government HR posters. Blah-ness carefully calibrated
Creepily illustrated...
A mashup of airline seat pocket safety brochures and local government HR posters. Blah-ness carefully calibrated
I've met one "poly" in my work world.
Huge fat guy.
Every time he shows up, has a way of letting everyone know he and his beatiful wifew are poly.
I suspect an imbalance in the arrangement.
Humanity has tried just about every possible variation on "sexual relationship" imaginable, and several that just... Aren't. Unless you're clinically ill with some mental issue.
None of them really work perfectly, but the one that has proven the test of time and accrued the most general benefit to the most people has been committed monogamy. Fighting that fact, denying it? The people doing so are generally the ones I see displaying the most mental derangement and dysfunction in daily life.
It's a rule of thumb; I find out someone's "polyamorous", then it usually ain't too long before I find out they're sexually abusing others, their kids, other people's kids, committing acts of incest, and on and on. Maybe it's observation bias because the healthy relationships that are "polyamorous" don't come to my attention and fly under the radar, but... Jeez, has it been consistent down the years.
I've also never seen one of these "polyamorous" deals where both parties were really fully consenting to it all. The wife in one situation was only going along with it because she didn't want to lose her husband, being a house-bound mother with kids, and the other, the husband was, at best, a three on a good day, while his wife was easily a nine or a ten, potentially a woman who could have been a supermodel with enough work and hype behind her. In both cases, the "lesser" partner felt the pressure to let it all happen, and were never really happy with it.
I keep hearing about all these swingers who have outrageous sex lives and who go through life untouched by all the implications and risks. Never actually seen any; I've always witnessed this stuff when it all inevitably crashes and burns.
I do know one woman who was the daughter of such a couple; she was then (haven't seen her since genetic testing came in...) entirely uncertain of who her father was; her parents were up front and casual that they didn't know themselves, that her conception had been accidental, and that if they hadn't missed the window on abortion, she'd have been aborted. They "loved her, nonetheless...". Supposedly. Not enough to give her a stable family situation, at least. She had serious, significant issues as an adult that I would ascribe to her home environment when she was growing up. Worst case of "Daddy issues" I ever saw in real life, and not healthy ones, either. If there are any such things.
Overall, committed monogamy with loyal partners seems to produce the best results, overall, for both the partners and the kids. Everything else? Sweet Jesus... The epic amount of "fail" with all the other variations I've witnessed.
In theory, polyamory seems like a workable thing. In reality, it's much like all the other "freethinking" bullshit that people who don't like rules have come up with: The wheels come off in entirely unexpected ways, predictable as clockwork. You don't know quite where or how, but you know damn well that the whole thing is gonna crash and burn.
Do note that I'm including "monogamy with disloyal partners" as a failure state, with this. You have to be honest about that; men or women who stray from the family vows are just as destructive as those who never followed them in the first damn place.
These people are freaks, and part of what gets them off is exposing their kinks and perversions to the world.
I don't care what adults do in private, but I don't need to know about it.
Jonathan Turley represented the Brown family of Sister Wives fame. He’s been quite a champion for polyamorous families since then.
"I've met one "poly" in my work world.
Huge fat guy.
Every time he shows up, has a way of letting everyone know he and his beatiful wifew are poly.
I suspect an imbalance in the arrangement."
She's poly. He isn't. His wife's boifrenz are probably also hugely fat...also possibly not 'guys'. They're past 1 or 2 STDs and have so many their myriad diseases are probably keeping them alive in a competition to see which one ends up getting to inflict the coup de grace.
As I mentioned, a "leper colony".
Somerville has by far the best home Christmas light displays in the Boston area.
“From some reading I've done, the British Isles ended up being much safer for the average person then mainland Europe because over centuries the Brits culled out their deviant AND criminal population with far grreater frequency. Death penalty was common for many crimes. And the sentence was given and carried out. They no longer do that- and the streets of London are far less safe then they were in 1850.
If we were to abruply shorten the lifespans of the criminals and deviants- the USA in short order would be a better and safer place to live. Culling is how you improve a species or breed, plant or anmimal. Humans aren't different in that regard. We've given up culling. We're seeing the results of that.”
Speaking of deviants…
There is ALWAYS an imbalance...
We have >330 million in the USA right now. If 1% of the population practices any form of deviancy, that's 3.3 million people.
Now do Muslim terrorists. Small percent .5% (less than the deviants in the population?) Thats 900 million. Half male, of those 2/3 are fighting age men. 300 million
This is not a dig at your observation. It just triggered my pet peeve about people using percentages instead of numbers. Exactly like some lecture the masses about Muslim terrorist....just a very small percentage. But never talk about how huge, that very small percentage, is in fact a very large number.
“meanwhile...
Straight cis christian people keep having babies
Straight cis islamic people keep having babies
Straight cis amish people keep having babies
Straight cis hindu people keep having babies”
——————————————————————
“Average number of children women have in polygamous relationships/marriages is 5.8, more for the male obviously. 5 wives at 5.8 children per woman could produce 29 children. I feel sorry for the children in those families/ relationships. In most reality TV programs featuring polygamous families, you can see the dysfunction and the unhappiness in the children and the women.
https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.608577/full
MY GOD WHO COULD HAVE PREDICTED THIS
Looks as though my first question got moderated out. Asking it again, without the snark.
What are the legal protections for the nesting partner in the event that the polyamorous relationship falls apart? What about the other partners? Also, are there any legal protections for the nesting partner in the event the guy at the center of the relationship decides to make one of the other partners the new nesting partner?
A guy at my office discovered that a bunch of his far-suburban neighbors were swingers, getting together to pair off with each other. For years, his wife refused to believe him. Finally, one of them propositioned my friend and his wife, and her reaction was to be offended that they'd waited so long.
I keep hearing about all these swingers who have outrageous sex lives and who go through life untouched by all the implications and risks. Never actually seen any; I've always witnessed this stuff when it all inevitably crashes and burns.
------
I have friends who've been in these situations and even they will admit that it eventually blows up.
I remember a comment by a Muslim woman who was justifying polygyny in Islam. She said, "Every woman deserves the opportunity to live under the shelter of a man."
I will wait and suspend judgment on polyamory. It's as old as the Old Testament, but I don't know that it's a good idea today.
There are some extremely wacky people in this world. Hopefully outnumbered by the sane.
Blogger Free Manure While You Wait! said...
My question is, when do we make the study of polyamory mandatory in public grade schools and resort to calling any parent who opposes the idea a hater, and turning the FBI on them?
Biden's second term is not far away.
Aristophenes has a comedy where women take over the forum and pass a law that if a guy wants to make love to a lovely vixen, he also has to make love to a less attractive lady.
Equal rights for old ladies in nursing homes.
I haven't been in Somerville (MA) for a long time. In the old days a polyamorous relationship was an Irishman married to an Italian woman -- and that was challenge enough.
I haven't been in Somerville (MA) for a long time. In the old days a polyamorous relationship was an Irishman married to an Italian woman -- and that was challenge enough.
I haven't been in Somerville (MA) for a long time. In the old days a polyamorous relationship was an Irishman married to an Italian woman -- and that was challenge enough..
It's easy to fool reporters when they want to be fooled.
@takirks
I agree, in that every polyamorous relationship I've ever been aware of ended very badly for everyone. I'm sure it works for some people in some situations, but I suspect it's when everyone has plenty of money and doesn't have to depend on anyone for anything important.
In other words, when there's no commitment.
Even then, it sure seems that some people are getting played. And, yeah, like you said, a lot of abusive people seem to use polyamory as a cover.
The counseling grad school I attended was very woke and progressive, but the instructors had too much experience with clients who tried "nontraditional" arrangements to be positive about them. Even for them, there were limits.
...what do we make of this need to have the more complex aspects of your identity "validated"?
I'd say it's the weird and highly unstable intersection of our hyper-individualized society combined with post-Marxist efforts to create and manipulate group solidarity. Trying to celebrate people because they are all 'special' or 'unique' splinters every group into the People's Front of Judea vs the Judean People's Front. Celebrating people who are 'useful' or 'productive' is entirely compatible with a group identity of 'human'. Almost everyone can claim a niche in society in that case, and even those who can't (or won't) would be afforded grace on the basis of common connections.
It's funny that's going on at the same time that some people are getting invalidated — cancelled.
That's the group solidarity model. You can't have an in-group without an out-group.
CR,
The Muslima you quote is just being disingenuous, given that males and females are born in very nearly equal numbers. For every man who has two wives, there's another who gets none.
On the other hand, having lived for a while on a place where polygyny was still actively practiced (and not arbitrarily limited to 4 wives as in the Ummah) I observed plenty of families who sames to make it work fine according to local expectations. In objective terms, it's hard to see how this was worse than the current Western practice of serial polygamy.
"takirks", above, said it best.
Polyamory only works in patriarchal societies and the males it benefits are only those with power and wealth relative to other males. It results in lack of agency for adult females, pedophilia in the form of child marriage, and the creation of a class of frustrated and unsatisfied bachelors.
The problems of polyamory have been accurately described by other posters.
To paraphrase Churchill on democracy, monogamy is a terrible form of human relationship, but it's the only one that works reasonably well for everyone concerned.
Gospace said:
From some reading I've done, the British Isles ended up being much safer for the average person then mainland Europe because over centuries the Brits culled out their deviant AND criminal population with far grreater frequency. Death penalty was common for many crimes. And the sentence was given and carried out. They no longer do that- and the streets of London are far less safe then they were in 1850.
If we were to abruply shorten the lifespans of the criminals and deviants- the USA in short order would be a better and safer place to live. Culling is how you improve a species or breed, plant or anmimal. Humans aren't different in that regard. We've given up culling. We're seeing the results of that.
We've probably read a few of the same sources, I suspect. Which does not make them accurate or truthful, but which do provide food for thought.
Towards the end of the "Everything's a capital crime..." era in England, you had people getting acquitted all over the place when they were most assuredly guilty, because the people doing the sentencing were no longer willing to see the sentence actually carried out.
This was towards the tail-end of it all, and people were getting all sensitive to the "injustice" of it all.
I think a larger component to the whole thing was the shift in female mating preference; I know for a damn fact that a lot of the Scots-Irish "honor system" went the f*ck away because women started refusing to have anything to do with the men doing it, rather than egging them on from the sidelines. I've read the letters and so forth from women back along the family tree, and there's a definite inflection point there about the time of the Seven Years War, or the French-Indian War as we call it. It goes from "Of course, Franklin had to challenge that cad Ronald..." to "That idiot Franklin played the fool and challenged Ronald to an "affair of idiocy"...", and I think that cultural change had a lot more to do with calming things down than many realize. Women were, as with most such things, the primary driver for male behavior, moderating it via access to sex and reproduction. Women don't do that? Violent societies are the result... Note that the American black community does not do this, at all; black women reward the thugs with kids, who go on to more thuggery.
In the final analysis, though? It's all about who does and doesn't get born. You can either do your culling before birth by refusing to mate with those exhibiting the unwanted behaviors, or you can slit throats after birth when the resultant idjit types begin manifesting the behaviors.
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