Astronauts have been warned against masturbating in space over fears female astronauts could get impregnated by stray fluids. There are strict guidelines over “alone-time” onboard in zero gravity.
Scientists have warned even the slightest rouge droplet could cause chaos on board.
Rouge droplet? In space, is semen red? No, it's just the kind of typo spell-checkers don't catch, the funniest ones, the ones that are other words, like "rouge" for "rogue."
Conan O’Brien was interviewing a NASA engineer, who said, “Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session … it finds its way.”
"Rogue" is an interesting word. As used above, it means — according to the OED — "Without control or discipline; behaving abnormally or dangerously; erratic, unpredictable" or "Aberrant, anomalous; misplaced, occurring (esp. in isolation) at an unexpected place or time."
A nicer sort of "rogue" is "A mischievous person, esp. a child; a person whose behaviour one disapproves of but who is nonetheless likeable or attractive. Frequently as a playful term of reproof or reproach or as a term of endearment." That can be the other cartoon sperm cell's sidekick.
In horticulture, a "rogue" is "A plant or seedling in a crop that is considered inferior, or exhibits variation from the parental or standard type." And "rogue" is also used for a "wayward, unmanageable, or lazy horse" and to designate "a large wild animal living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies." More ideas for my (undrawn) comic strip about sperm cells.
ADDED: Checking my archive, I see I've looked into the meaning of "rogue" at least twice before.
In 2009, I wrote about Sarah Palin's book "Going Rogue" and said "Why 'rogue' and not 'maverick'? 'Maverick,' of course, was John McCain's word, which Palin adopted and used in her speeches as she ran alongside him.... Both words are applied to animals, and here the difference is good for Palin. The maverick animal is unbranded or motherless — unowned. This is a fate that falls upon the poor creature. The 'rogue' is specifically a horse that resists being controlled by others. It is exhibiting its own will, and not the victim of happenstance. Now, fate touched Palin when McCain choose her, and she did get into trouble when she exhibited will, and the maverick's people called her 'rogue'...."
What makes a nation a "rogue"? A "rogue" was, originally, "An idle vagrant, a vagabond; one of a group or class of such people." (I'm using the unlinkable OED....) These days, a "rogue" is "A dishonest, unprincipled person; a rascal, a scoundrel." Or "A mischievous person, esp. a child; a person whose behaviour one disapproves of but who is nonetheless likeable or attractive. Frequently as a playful term of reproof or reproach or as a term of endearment." Playful. Endearment. Oh, North Korea, you rogue!
৭১টি মন্তব্য:
That's it. I'm out. No way am I going to Mars. Elon can find somebody else.
Space abortions!
Wondering if female astronauts look like thumbs.
In horticulture, a "rogue" is "A plant or seedling in a crop that is considered inferior, or exhibits variation from the parental or standard type."
back in 1984, the summer i was detasseling corn, they also had us "rogue corn" walking the rows, pulling out rogue plants. After i walked my first row, i went to the crew boss and told him that i had a problem
i hadn't seen a single rogue corn in the entire row; What this possible? or was i missing them?
He told me, that it WAS possible, but unlikely.. And then, he gave me this instruction
"if it seems like it Might Be rogue, tear it out"
What fun! i happily went down my rows, pulling and tearing corn that MIGHT BE rogue.
i came up with a criteria; if i hadn't found a rogue plant in a while; i would pull out a 'normal' corn plant, just to keep the others on their toes.
a LOT of the problems in today's world, could be alleviated with just a little pulling and tearing
There is A LOT of rogue corn out there!
seriously,
you got pregnant because your fellow astronaut was masturbating, and it just floated into you?
sounds kind of like: i got pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat
The rogue gets into honest by being a truth-teller, not a hypocrite. He has vigorous manly courage, shows independence, does not care what others think. He may be polite with your feminism but he's trying also to get somebody else into bed.
Scientists have warned even the slightest rouge droplet could cause chaos on board.
aren't they just requiring NO MAKEUP IN SPACE? Aren't they just concerned that IF an astronaut wears any makeup at all (even the slightest rouge droplet)..
that will drive the Other astronauts INSANE WITH LUST! and GOD Knows what would happen then?
Just keep taking the pill. It also suppresses menstruation, which might be handy in space.
If a sperm droplet finds a target, how can it be classified as rouge?
"This is no time to doubt our mission, you took an oath when you enter sperm trading school to fertilize an ovum or die trying"
Keep asking questions.
General Jack D. Ripper: It's incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual. Certainly without any choice.
Althouse said...
No, it's just the kind of typo spell-checkers don't catch, the funniest ones, the ones that are other words, like "rouge" for "rogue."
Rouge made me think of splooge.
No one seems to catch the rogue/rouge distinction anymore. Dumbass car dealers have been advertising the Nissan "Rouge" here for years.
The newspaper ad department never catches it as they've been on autopilot since the past century.
A textbook example of TMI. Too Much Information.
Women screw up everything. Get them out of space.
Just kidding, Ann.
Well...I'm more than a little confused, I must admit. What am I missing? My vision of the Trip of the Sperm was one of blind instinct. A battle of millions of sperm swimming wildly in an enclosed nice warm space, toward something they were programmed to seek out, biting each other, kicking, screaming, flailing about, trying to get to the egg first, and then all of them that made it that far, trying to quickly decipher the code to be the first to get in.
Now I find out they are more or less smart bombs. Seek and destroy cells. I can see it now...Red Alert. Stray Rouge Droplets! Everyone inside of your safety cones- immediately! Or worse...a stray Rouge Droplet gets inside of a closed cryosleep unit on a long space voyage. Aliens V: Rouge Droplets.
WTF. I'm beginning to think that Firesign Theater was right when they told us back in the 70s that "Everything you know is wrong."
This country can no longer afford joke federal agencies. We have trillion dollar deficits causing massive inflation. This "agency" seems to only produce meme material and photos for its Instagram page.
Time to cut the federal budget of these types of organizations.
Interesting that Bill Clinton was most often described as a "roque"
Sounds like on mixed-gender crews they will oral sex will be a requirement, for the good of the team. Although on an all-male crew, the men could also get pregnant, couldn't they?
The plucky little swimmers become fliers, and rogue splooge, runaway ejaculate, becomes the dreaded COVID-3020. But are the female astronauts walking around naked or something?
Poor guys. They're just trying to ward off bleu balls.
The plucky little swimmers become fliers, and rogue splooge, runaway ejaculate, becomes the highly-contagious COVID-3020.
But are the female astronauts walking around naked or something?
Bullshit I think.
Tag: Things I didn't want to know
Don't masturbate in a swimming pool either.
Splooge stooges, cum dumpsters, in space. A lack of self-moderation is socially, but, apparently, not technically, sophisticated.
If you’re going to mix a batch in space you have to cone it…
Bondar for Prime Minister
Someone had a deadline in the summer and hoped Americans never watch Letterkenny…
I always thought that one of the reasons for inability to conceive was that the male had an inadequate number of sperm cells. But even so it was well into the millions--and they are all in the nice warm confined vagina. One droplet floating through the air does not seem like much of a danger.
I want to add that the risk of pregnancy is far lower from a rogue droplet than an errantly swallowed one. Ever swallow a bug while riding a bike? No thanks. That’s reason enough to ban it. But not reason enough those dudes aren’t actually choking the chicken up there.
gilbar said...
"seriously,
you got pregnant because your fellow astronaut was masturbating, and it just floated into you?
sounds kind of like: i got pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat"
D'oh! You beat me to it. Also like catching a social disease from a toilet seat. Where's Ann Landers when NASA needs her?
Roberta Bondar
Soory…try this link. It’s important…
"Rouge made me think of splooge."
How did I miss that?
"seriously, you got pregnant because your fellow astronaut was masturbating, and it just floated into you? sounds kind of like: i got pregnant from sitting on a toilet seat"
It's all very sophisticated
ELAINE: Oh. Well, there's nothin' more sophisticated than diddlin' the maid and then chewin' some gum.
Seinfeld's guide to Earth and space.
Wait a minute, hold up - are the female astronauts floating around naked up there? Just what the hell is going on up there?
Return of The Native
Born in outer space from a rouge event, Rouge Leader 1 returns to earth with one mission: regenerate humanity with his wild type genome. But the Borg Lords are on his trail. Cyber Rules. The man is said to be bright red but this is not a clue when skin color is an option though, of course, woad is most popular. More importantly, RR1 never uses spell check as an homage to his pirents' first and last date. Will the villans track down RR1 by tracing bright-red, spell check deniers? But is RR1 bright red? Or is that his lipstick color and "he", just his prefered pronoun. Is he really she and she is really rogue-looking for Mr. Right among the labyrinth of conjured events on Metaverse as if she (preferred pronoun he) were a college student in 2022? Tune in next week - or wait and binge watch during the next plague.
The tractor story
Sophie: Are you sick? You sound kind of funny.
Jerry: I sound funny?
George: Abort! Abort!
Classic... uh, progressive.
Funny, but just the other day I was waxing nostalgic with the grandkids and this subject came up.
I was telling them, "When I was your age, men were men and astronauts could jerk off in space whenever they felt like it...well, American astronauts could...because we were a free country then. 'Course the Russkies got sent to Siberia if they even thought about it, on account of them being commies."
My grandson asked, "Astronauts can't masturbate anymore because of the Rouge Droplet Theory, right Grandpa?"
"That's right, kiddo." I said
And his sister chimed in and said, "Yeah, we learned about this at the charter school. NASA clamped down on masturbation in orbit after that married lady astronaut couldn't resist trying weightless sex with a colleague, but then she got pregnant, so NASA turned to their engineering team to come up with an explanation for the public to prevent a big scandal, but it was bullshit."
Smart kids. And they go to a good school.
So, the female astronauts float around in zero-gravity naked, with their legs spread wide, or what?? (Oh yeah, and with some sort of vacuum vaginas??)
I see this as a feature and not a bug. I can think of no act more paternalistic by its very nature than impregnating a woman. Isn't it time we moved beyond this primitive form of procreation? There's a lot of militant feminists who could be sold on the idea of virgin birth. Send them up to space and let them float around in a sperm rich environment for a week or two. No chance of STD's, sweaty physical or emotional attachments. It could be a thing.
Remember when the NASA committee decided which Webb telescope images to publish. They have someone reviewing the internal ISS cameras as well.
The fact is, NASA uses a filtration medium to protect female astronauts from accidental pregnancies on orbit. The filter is called preventive advanced neutralization textile inhibiting ejaculation saturation.
In space no one can hear you come.
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session … it finds its way.”
They know this how?
Well, I learned another new word today, courtesy of Althouse blog: splooge.
Some days I don't have time to read all the comments, but I never miss one from Wince.
In space no one can hear you cream.
Like Gilbar, I suspect there is more to this story than is being told- like a really bad excuse for getting pregnant with another man's baby, or impregnating another woman.
So a Rouge is NOT just a particularly colorful Rogue?
Anyone else here reminded of Larry Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex," about the difficulties of Superman in attempting to procreate?
Cum fly with me...
From the comments at the NY Post:
"Well, that settles it. I AM NOT volunteering to go on the Mars mission."
Reply
"Why not ? It's the Rouge Planet."
I spelled my comment wrong also 👆🏽 😞
Just include PlanB-Pills daily ration for female diet aboard spacecraft
or
have open Space-Based-Planned-Parenthood-Branch
Male Supremacy !
How about wet dreams? Do the guys have to wear a condom when they sleep? And what about vasectomized astronauts? Do they get a special dispensation to walk the dog as they please whenever they’re off duty? Important questions that deserve answers!
"It's just the kind of typo spell-checkers don't catch."
Yet it's just the kind of typo that professional copy-editors and proofreaders used to catch -- before a combination of lower publishing revenues, dependence on technology, and executives saying saying "screw it, hardly anyone will notice" rendered these once valued professionals obsolete.
Now, every time a significant typo turns up in a major publication, I think readers start to wonder more about the overall quality of the content, including its accuracy.
So, the female astronauts float around in zero-gravity naked, with their legs spread wide, or what?? (Oh yeah, and with some sort of vacuum vaginas??)
Maybe the presumption is that the women are also masturbating amidst a fog of aerosolized semen. But then why should the Onan onus be on the men?
Those little swimmers are so powerful they’ll swim through the gravity-less air and when they bump up against lady astronauts underwear, they’ll chew and claw through the fabric to get to the prize. Men are supreme! Women astronauts should just make it easier for the swimmers, float around in bottomless ecstasy and spread the joy. First baby conceived in weightlessness! Never mind the accomplishment of being an astronaut, she will go down in history as the new mother of all mankind.
That would the ultimate "golden bb" shot if it just drifted around and got one female astronaut pregnant, let alone three.
But science!
Ted said...
Yet it's just the kind of typo that professional copy-editors and proofreaders used to catch
in the olden days, they had copy-editors and proofreaders.. NOW we have factcheckers.. Which is better?
ps. This is NOT a serious question; this is rhetorical
"Anyone else here reminded of Larry Niven's "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex," about the difficulties of Superman in attempting to procreate?"
🤣🤣🤣
I would like to read the funding proposal ( to NASA, I suppose? ) for the experiment investigating this phenomenon.
Actually, I'd like to read the comments from the reviewers.
In 1953, Pierre Boulle (later of 'Planet of the Apes') wrote a farcical short story, 'Love and Gravity.' It described the difficulties encountered by a space station's janitor trying to make love to his new bride in the zero-G conditions of the station. In the end, the frustrated couple give up and postpone consummation until they return to normal gravity.
It would make a great sequel to “Night Sea Journey.”
Just tell the astronauts to got outside and beat it.
Is this how immaculate conception occurs?
Science!
If engineering can't provide a serviceable containment strategy, maybe the gals can.
“Three female astronauts can be impregnated by the same man on the same session … it finds its way.”
Do the gals use the guy-goo to lubricate their fingers before playing the banjo? WTF?
That’s a lotta oat sowing!
“Just the tip, space mama!”
There is absolutely no way that rogue drops could impregnate a woman... unless she is actively presenting herself to them. It's like a college acquaintance who had to get married because his girlfriend became pregnant... supposedly this happened because they took a bath together but no funny business. Yeah, right.
This entire "story" exists only because of the intentional conflation of in vitro, in vivo and in da fucking spaceship.
In da bathtub was before we had in da spaceship
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