February 27, 2020

"This is going to make me gorgeous? I can tell already."



A post shared by Jemima Kirke (@jemima_jo_kirke) on

I found that via "The Secret to Beauty: A Stranger’s Hands Inside Your Mouth/Carrie Lindsey’s facial massage comes at a price. Her Brooklyn clients are willing to pay [$285] for it" (NYT). From that article:
It feels like being alternately treasured and ravaged, pulled and gently slapped and firmly pressed — like pizza dough that has dropped on a human skeleton and now must be rubbed into the skeleton to hide this mistake. It was chillingly relaxing... It felt how ASMR sounds, except that it was also intermittently briefly uncomfortable... 

38 comments:

rehajm said...

It's been done...

Ann Althouse said...

@rhajm

Ha. I knew before clicking through.

GatorNavy said...

Dude, glove up

Wince said...

That Girl is from Bad Company.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

I will await Laslo's description of the hands-free variant...

Temujin said...

I love the TikTok video and the reminder of Brazil. Great stuff. It also reminds me of a massage I once had. (no...it won't be one of those.

I went to a luxury spa resort once with my wife for a few days. We both love massages and love to hike. This place was in a beautiful location, so we tried it. I had a few great massages that week. But one was done by a woman from Austria. Not that all Austrian women are like this, but she seemed so very...Aryan. Blond, tall, high cheekbones, athletic, strong. Hair tied back giving her a commanding look. If I was into dominatrix stuff, I'd have been in heaven. But I'm not. And as it was, she was brutal. Looking at the TikTok video- imagine your body being pulled and twisted and contorted into directions its not supposed go. It was literally painful. And not a little bit awkward what with some of the positions she was twisting me into. At one point I just blurted out, "What the Fuck?" and made her stop. I do believe she was into giving pain. I was paying good dollars to be relaxed, not turned into a submissive whiney blob. I ended up cutting the massage short. Yes, I had to ask her permission and get on all fours and tell her I was a bad boy, but she did let me out of there.

lgv said...

He is gloved up.

Amazing the stupid stuff people believe works. I own a medical spa as a investment. I am familiar with all the procedures and equipment out there. Every year new procedures and equipment are created to do the same thing, only better. I would say 99% don't. Yet, if it catches on, it hits the hot cycle and is worth $285. Check back in a year and let me know if it is still worth $285. I'm betting it's a fad. A new and better technique will soon replace it.

Wonder if there will be an upsell by rubbing in stem cells.

Within the next 2 years I'm going to see a lot of used cryotherapy chambers for sale.

Abdul Abulbul Amir said...

There is no limit on stupid.

Dear corrupt left, go F yourselves said...

guy with fingers in her mouth "this is going to make me a fortune!"

Yancey Ward said...

Temujin,

Where was this? Asking for a friend.😇

tcrosse said...

You can be gorgeous under that corona virus mask.

Infinite Monkeys said...

And yet, when you put on moisturizer or makeup, you're supposed to pat gently, not rub, so you don't stretch your skin and hasten the development of wrinkles.

TreeJoe said...

"It feels like being alternately treasured and ravaged, pulled and gently slapped and firmly pressed "

One can get paid for doing this?

Darrell said...

What can I get for $28.50?

Jupiter said...

It's not as good as having two black women tell you how racist you are, but it doesn't cost as much, either.

GatorNavy said...

Igv

My apologies, I went off of the pic and not the video

Howard said...

Blogger Darrell said...
What can I get for $28.50?


A happy ending at Trumpco's Orchids of Asia Day Spa in Jupiter, Fla.

Howard said...

Massages are for pussies. The inside the mouth and inside the nostril and all over the face and head workover is part of the standard Rolfing 10 series. Each session is about $100. It's structural integration that works wonders for athletes I'm not sure it makes you look prettier but like the PF flyers action wedge, it makes you run faster and jump higher.

Achilles said...

I am sure this has nothing to do with the physical appearance of the person giving the massage.

Women totally don’t care about that.

Bob Boyd said...

This is a metaphor for Bloomberg's ad blitz.

buwaya said...

She was pretty enough anyway.
How pretty do you have to be?

Enough to attract a prime quality mate?

In the case of most pretty women most of this stuff seems to be an uneconomic investment. Gilding the lily. Redundant.
They are better advised to address other factors.

Howard said...

That was a woman? The biology seemed off to me.

buwaya said...

Granted of course that the MBA approach to this matter is not popular.

Howard said...

People tend to downgrade there own looks unless they are narcissists.

AlbertAnonymous said...

Jemima ? For real?

Scott M said...

Well, she's obviously been colonized by the patriarchy with outdated standards of malegazery.

Etienne said...

Spit - it's a bodily fluid, and you don't want to get it on your open hands.

Iman said...

A sucker born every minute...

Freeman Hunt said...

"In the case of most pretty women most of this stuff seems to be an uneconomic investment. Gilding the lily. Redundant.
They are better advised to address other factors."

Well put. One of the advantages of being a really attractive person would be that one could spend significantly less time and effort on appearance. Of course, it would also make it very worthwhile to maintain the foundation of one's attractive appearance, like good skin and whatnot.

Related: There was a lot of appearance ruining going on during the just ending fad of too much makeup.

Lars Porsena said...

Reminds me of an old dirty fighting move called the fishhooking . Inserting the fingers into the cheeks then ripping away the surrounding tissue. Good fun.

exiledonmainstreet, green-eyed devil said...

"Secret of eternal youth?"

Claims like that are easy to make because nobody ever does an actual scientific study of these fads. If someone was able to produce one that tracks clients over a significant period of time, like 15 or 20 years, and the clients did indeed look younger, then there might be something to it.

But the sort of people willing to shell out that sort of money will be on to the next fad 2 years from now and it will be yet something else 5 years from now. Most of them will end up getting plastic surgery anyway.

Bob Boyd said...

They're probably having staff meetings to think about how to do these massages to women wearing face masks.

Maillard Reactionary said...

Judging from the still at the to of the post I'd say, so far, so good.

Let's check in in 40 or 50 years and see how it's going.

bagoh20 said...

Ya know, if people were offering to do that exact same thing to you for free, or even cheap, it would be of no value to these people, whether it worked or not.

rehajm said...

Ya know, if people were offering to do that exact same thing to you for free, or even cheap, it would be of no value to these people, whether it worked or not.

See: Veblen Goods

Tom T. said...

Upscale taboo rape fantasy.

Bill Peschel said...

I'd add the dentist scene from "Little Shop of Horrors" between Steve Martin and Bill Murray. Great song.

Temples said...

what is this ??? god help her..give her strength to bear all this . bhakti ki shakti