Althouse: What's the best comic remark you ever made that was not laughed at by the people you were with at the time?

May 3, 2013

What's the best comic remark you ever made that was not laughed at by the people you were with at the time?

This is a question based on a story Meade just told me, about something he said to some other guys when he was in high school. He's remembering: 1. what he said, 2. how funny he thought it was at the time, and 3. that the other guys — 3 boys who were on the wrestling team — reacted with cold silence and, then, departure. And for all these years, Meade has continued to believe that the remark was really funny.

Tell me your stories like that. And feel free to try to figure out Meade's joke.

He was in his art class, working on a painting. The project was to do a painted interpretation of a famous painting, as Picasso did here, painting his version of this Velasquez. The painting he was doing was this Van Gogh of sunflowers. The 3 wrestler boys — one of whom was a friend — had dropped in to hang out in the art room, and they'd been saying things like "Look, it's art boy" and "Meade's a real artiste."

126 comments:

Anonymous said...: Re: "What's the best comic remark you ever made that was not laughed at by the people you were with at the time?"

I cannot pick a Favorite: it is All of Them.

Happens with surprising Frequency.; 5/3/13, 8:42 AM
rhhardin said...: A "random" xkcd yesterday seems on point, or maybe just funny.

Engineers will like F(w) and L(s)

A boy's interest in science is never suppressed.; 5/3/13, 8:46 AM
Astro said...: Maybe something like "I put paint down on the canvas, not other guys."; 5/3/13, 8:46 AM
Anonymous said...: I cannot imagine Meade's joke.

Here's mine:

My wife and I were shopping for new bedroom furniture, and we were looking a Shaker designs.

The salewoman came over, and I said: "We really like this Shaker set, but does it come with a vanity?"

My wife didn't laugh, and I don't think the saleswoman got it.; 5/3/13, 8:46 AM
Brent said...: ?; 5/3/13, 8:48 AM
edutcher said...: He knew wrestlers that used words like "artiste"?

Where did he go to school?

Don't tell me, I really don't think I want to go there.; 5/3/13, 8:49 AM
Dante said...: My profetic "Oompah Loompah" song posted here twice, had all the rhyme and syllabic consistency of the original "Veruca Salt" oompah loompahs. It tried to humorously point out that MC/PCism is a complex tangle of inconsistencies, as the rules of MC/PCism explode base on the classes it identifies.

The recent departure of Kurtz (white) from the beast, for a small offense, and the retaining of Chris Brousard(mixed race black) by ESPN illustrates this point.

Furthermore, using a child's song to show the inconsistency of application of societal mores was no mistake. It shows how our cultural leaders need to overcome childish, and irresponsible, ideas.

The more insidious parts of the MC/PC game are not touched upon, but hinted at as adults are the ones wielding the MC/PC sword, not childlike Veruca Salts.

Alas, the only comment I got was that the song wasn't very good.

Yes, the Oompah Loompah's have much to teach us.; 5/3/13, 8:50 AM
SteveR said...: I'm one of those people, and if you've somehow hoticed my comments on here, that tries to be funny/clever a lot of the time. I realized a long time ago that its often only myself that appreciates that. My wife and kids see it as a tolerable personality disorder.

So to answer your question..too many to recall.; 5/3/13, 8:50 AM
Anonymous said...: I dunno... maybe something to do with lending the guys an ear?; 5/3/13, 8:51 AM
AllenS said...: Something tells me that Meade made a joke that had a gay theme, and the other boys just said: "Meh, he's such an artiste", and then left.; 5/3/13, 8:53 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: Years ago, I was in a book store (Encore Books?) on Penn Campus (next to the foot bridge) browsing the cartoon books right by the cash register.

This nebbishy kind of guy comes in and he asks the guy behind the counter (really loud so everyone can hear), "Do you have The Abandonment of the Jews?" He emphasises the word "Jews" like that makes everything super special.

I say, all helpful-like, "Oh, here it is, in the humor section."

Dead silence.

Okay, let's be honest. I didn't say that. But I did think it.

Does that count?

Didn't think so.; 5/3/13, 8:54 AM
traditionalguy said...: While at Law school I fraternized with students at the theology school across the quadrangle and two of us law students were invited me to their halloween costume party at the nearby home of one of a theology school professor.

The costume we came up with was a white sheet with holes cut in it.

When people would ask me what my costume was supposed to be I would say, "The Holy Ghost." Absolutely no one laughed.; 5/3/13, 8:56 AM
traditionalguy said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 5/3/13, 8:57 AM
KCFleming said...: I didn't say this, my friend did.

At a conference in San Fran, we went into a bookstore and quickly discovered it was feminist-lesbian.

He asked: 'Where's the humor section', and bust out laughing. And left.

I slunk out, shrugging.

I know, old joke, but shit, we thought it was still funny.; 5/3/13, 9:01 AM
I'm Full of Soup said...: A colleague and I were having dinner with a bank exec [his treat] and I had had a few drinks. At that time in the early 1990's, the Disney World was offering customer service training to big companies and this banker's bank had sent him to the training and so he was raving about how great it was and he could not wait to introduce the DisneyWorld techniques to his bank's workers. And I looked at him very seriously and asked "do you really think your employees will like having to wear those Mouseketeer ears ?"; 5/3/13, 9:02 AM
Patrick said...: I'm pretty sure I've got the same personality disorder as Steve R. I prefer to think of it as an endearing idiosyncrasy.; 5/3/13, 9:02 AM
KCFleming said...: Most of my lead balloon jokes are of the "What, too soon?" variety.; 5/3/13, 9:03 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: The canvas thing doesn't work because highschoolers wrestled on vinyl-coated foamrubber mats.

Going with the flowers, I'm tempted to try for something to do with pansies but that's too hostile and lacking in subtlety for Meade.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

That's a tough one.; 5/3/13, 9:05 AM
traditionalguy said...: Meade's experience is like Nebuchadnezor's dream that must be guessed before it can be commented upon.

If his friends were wrestlers, then my guess is that they had known Meade as a tough guy,so they were confounded with his sensitivity... like a hot cold guy or a black white guy... or an aggressive nice guy.; 5/3/13, 9:05 AM
edutcher said...: OK, Meade's in art class, it's prolly the mid-60s or so, Batman's on a couple of nights a week, so let's take a closer look at that sentence:

The 3 wrestler boys — one of whom was a friend — had dropped in to hang out in the art room, and they'd been saying things like "Look, it's art boy" and "Meade's a real artiste."

So Meade says, "Yeah, I'm ArtBoy. Who wants to be Rubens?".

I'm here till Sunday.; 5/3/13, 9:06 AM
Anonymous said...: Not to derail the thread but there isn't a Cafe -- I have to point out that I have been Vindicated!

I had expounded in great detail on my "Fitzgerald Snow Globe Theory" in several of the Gatsby posts, and now, on the Drudge Report today:

"'GREAT GATSBY' Snow Globe of a Movie..."

Snow Globe Book makes a Snow Globe movie.

It all Had Purpose.

My Coffee tastes especially good this morning.; 5/3/13, 9:06 AM
Robert Cook said...: I worked as a cashier in the summers between college at a restaurant my father managed. One night, I was counting the receipts in the office after we had closed. My father was out of town and the Assistant/Co-manager, (sent up by corporate to sort of keep my my father in line, as he tended to resist following their bureaucratic edicts) was in the office with me, along with another company rep from another office. The two were bantering about the increases in bonuses offered to managers according to their years of service, and the Co-manager wondered aloud why the stipulated bonus increases were published for each year up to a certain limit of years, (say 10 years) but not for a period of years exceeding that.

As I continued counting the receipts I quipped: "Maybe because no manager has lasted that long with the company."

Crickets.

Well, I thought it was funny. Still do.; 5/3/13, 9:06 AM
Henry said...: My youngest son (5) is uniquely comic. Almost everything he says is funny, even when it's by mistake. Here's an example. The older kids are telling dumb jokes. He gets everyone's attention. He says, "Why did the chicken get to the other side?"

He's old enough now that he knows he's funny, but he still has this uncanny knack. So I don't even try to be funny anymore.; 5/3/13, 9:07 AM
Scott M said...: I was a rock radio DJ in a small-market college town and the remark in question started a bar room brawl, resulting in a half-dozen arrests, and got me suspended for two weeks without pay.; 5/3/13, 9:08 AM
Scott M said...: Note: I still think it was hysterical.; 5/3/13, 9:08 AM
Unknown said...: How about "I thought you wrestlers liked stroking things on the canvas."; 5/3/13, 9:09 AM
Ann Althouse said...: "OK, Meade's in art class, it's prolly the mid-60s or so..."

Meade was born in 1954. The anecdote takes place in high school. Think 1970 or later.; 5/3/13, 9:09 AM
Ann Althouse said...: He went to high school in West Lafayette, Indiana (location of Purdue University).; 5/3/13, 9:10 AM
Dad said...: Most of the funny things I say are geared to the audience at hand, so they usually get *some* response. The other funny things I say, the ones *not* geared to the audience at hand, I refer to as "impulse control moments."

Like the time a blind woman was walking with her dog when it stopped to weewee. Unable to resist, I said, "Hey! That's my leg!" Nobody around seemed to notice.; 5/3/13, 9:12 AM
Kovacs said...: A small publishing company I worked for was producing a history of banking in South Carolina. The working title of the book was "Branching Out," but nobody was particularly happy with that, and the boss asked us to come up with a better title that still evoked banking. I said, "What about 'Low Interest'?"; 5/3/13, 9:12 AM
Nonapod said...: I don't have a lot of confidence in social situations outside of immediate friends and family. Consequently when something I believe is pretty funny or witty pops into my head in a given situation a tend not to voice it. I guess it comes with being an introvert.; 5/3/13, 9:13 AM
test said...: This comment has been removed by the author.; 5/3/13, 9:13 AM
Stephen Taylor said...: My wife and I were in the hotel room with her two brothers, her sister and one of my wife's good friends, who was also male, but gay. It was our wedding day, and we were all getting ready to go to our wedding in the next town. Relations between me and her brothers had been, ahhh, perhaps "tentative" might be the best word.

Sister goes into the bathroom and closes the door. Presently, we hear a buzzing noise. My wife said, in all innocence, "What's that noise?" Without thought for my audience, without thinking, I said "her vibrator?"

The silence, as they say, was deafening, and the look on the faces of the brothers was stony, to say the least. My wife and I are still laughing 14 years later.; 5/3/13, 9:13 AM
Icepick said...: The second time I worked as a bag boy I really needed to do whatever I could to keep my sanity on the 13 hour shifts on weekends. So I'd ask the customers "Paper or plastique?" None of them ever caught on that I was fantasizing about blowing them (and their groceries) to Hell and gone. It kept me amused and I was lucky that non one caught on.; 5/3/13, 9:13 AM
AllenS said...: Sometime around the early 70s, I was in a bar on Concord St. in South St. Paul, and the conversation was about black and white tvs, and I said: "The only thing good about watching a black and white tv is the black Miss America pageant." Nobody laughed, and I turned around and there were 3 black guys who were there to cash their checks from either Swift or the Armour Meat packing plants.

I told the story to some friends later, and they laughed their asses off. Sometimes while trying to make a funny, you run into a tough crowd that's impossible to please.; 5/3/13, 9:13 AM
edutcher said...: Ann Althouse said...

OK, Meade's in art class, it's prolly the mid-60s or so...

Meade was born in 1954. The anecdote takes place in high school. Think 1970 or later.

Kinda figured that.

OK, depending on if there was Middle School, Junior High, or anything like that in his life, he could have started high school at 14, 15 or so.

I'm assuming "8th grade" was grammar school for him.; 5/3/13, 9:14 AM
test said...: When young I represented my company in a meeting dealing with tax issues between participants of a business sale, one of whom was extremely aggressive and uncouth. He felt than some tax rule was unfair and during the rant asked if I knew what it felt like to be constantly f***ed in the a** with a d*** as big as [hands in as big a circle as he could make]. I responded "Well, I've been trying to cut back".

It's probably the only funny thing I've ever said spontaneously, but naturally the guy didn't laugh. His lawyer did though, so this may not count.; 5/3/13, 9:14 AM
chickelit said...: Althouse: A friend of mine named Bill Amundson has made numerous humorous sketches of famous works of art. You met him last summer at the Union Terrace. I own several of his drawings and also a large 3-D interpretation of Gericault's "The Raft Of The Medusa."

He lived in Colorado for years and years which is where I met him. He lives in Stoughton now with his wife. Here is link to some of his recent work: link; 5/3/13, 9:16 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: "Artist? Not me. I'm just arranging flowers in a vase."

That's my entry and I'm sticking with it!; 5/3/13, 9:18 AM
madAsHell said...: At a social event in college, I greeted a rival with:

"Hey, how is your girlfriend Chlamydia?"

The woman he was hound-dogging was not impressed either.; 5/3/13, 9:19 AM
ricpic said...: If Meade's friends were wrestlers and he was copying a Van Gogh I'm guessing his joke had something to do with ears.; 5/3/13, 9:19 AM
Ann Althouse said...: Meade graduated from high school in 1972.; 5/3/13, 9:22 AM
Robert Cook said...: I was born in 1955 and graduated high school in 1973 and I don't have the fainted idea what Meade's quip might have been.; 5/3/13, 9:24 AM
Robert Cook said...: "Faintest"; 5/3/13, 9:24 AM
Anonymous said...: I'm going with a vase/vaseline remark.; 5/3/13, 9:25 AM
AllenS said...: Actually, Mr. Cook, I thought that "fainted idea" was quite ingenious and funny.; 5/3/13, 9:26 AM
bagoh20 said...: If it was me, I'd prolly say something like

"If you guys stick around, the class can try to paint some pansies next.",

but they would not leave after that, and there would be an endless battle of gay accusations. What's amazingly is that in a class of over 1000, we had zero gays. Not a single one. You could have done a survey, and you would get zero self identifying and about 90% if you asked about other people.; 5/3/13, 9:27 AM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: Cauliflower ears?; 5/3/13, 9:28 AM
edutcher said...: I really didn't need a bio, I was just trying to make my ArtBoy gag fit the run of the series.; 5/3/13, 9:32 AM
bagoh20 said...: I have a Mexican immigrant friend who's English is only so/so, and he recently heard someone insult someone else by calling them a "gay ass nigger". He thinks it's the funniest thing he ever heard in English, and I keep trying to get him to stop saying it. It's just un-PC enough to get your attention as a good insult should, but where we hang out, it can get you shot real quick. The gays around here area all packing.; 5/3/13, 9:34 AM
Patrick said...: On my first ever airplane ride, I was with my brother. We had just been given the free sodas, and I put mine on the tray table in front of me. My brother said: If we hit a mountain, that soda's going to be all over you.

If it helps, we were flying to Denver.; 5/3/13, 9:36 AM
bagoh20 said...: "Meade graduated from high school in 1972."...a virgin.; 5/3/13, 9:37 AM
jimbino said...: We were studying TS Eliot when the English teacher asked the class to guess why he referred to Jesus as "Christ the Tiger," considering that the Bible called him the "Lion of Judah."

I ventured, "Because the Bible says, 'By his stripes we are healed.'"; 5/3/13, 9:43 AM
edutcher said...: bagoh20 said...

If it was me, I'd prolly say something like

"If you guys stick around, the class can try to paint some pansies next.",

but they would not leave after that, and there would be an endless battle of gay accusations. What's amazingly is that in a class of over 1000, we had zero gays. Not a single one. You could have done a survey, and you would get zero self identifying and about 90% if you asked about other people.

bag, back when we were that age, if somebody was (and it only went as far as, "Is that guy as weird as I think he is?"), we just shrugged our shoulders and that was the end of it.

Hell, there were a lot of people in those days who didn't know it even existed.; 5/3/13, 9:44 AM
YoungHegelian said...: Coming back home to Alabama on Christmas break my sophomore year of college, I got invited to a New Year's Eve party by a high school friend.

At the party, I ran into the younger sister of my brother's high school girlfriend, who was a sweet Christian girl who had gone to Oral Roberts University for college. I greeted her with "Hey M-, how are things at Anal Roberts U.?"

My host overheard and just busted a gut laughing. M just gave me one of those stone face looks that young women reserve for young men who cross that line.

I suspect if not for the strength of the 5th commandment, I wouldn't be here today.; 5/3/13, 9:45 AM
Icepick said...: It's just un-PC enough to get your attention as a good insult should, but where we hang out, it can get you shot real quick. The gays around here area all packing.

F.W.A.?; 5/3/13, 9:52 AM
Bender said...: Well, we really do have to distinguish here between:
(1) a truly comic remark that people do not laugh at; and
(2) a passive-aggressive remark that people see for what it is, an unfunny insult.

All too often that thing that the speaker insists is oh-so-funny is really a passive-aggressive spewing of hate and disgust.; 5/3/13, 9:56 AM
dbp said...: It is pretty common to tell a joke and get stares rather than laughs--especially if you have kids, they will laugh at nothing.

What is more memorable is when you are telling a story about how to set-up a corny joke and that ends up killing.

When I first knew my wife, we were just friends and I told her about how in the Marines we would razz on new guys who came into our shop. A typical thing was a kind of 'get to know you' chat where you would ask, "So, where are you from"? "Oh, so you must have gone to boot camp in San Diego"? "I see you have a wedding ring, have you been married long"? What's her name? Oh, that sounds pretty, etc. Finally, you ask if he has any snapshots of her and he always does. You look at them and say that she is pretty and he is a lucky guy. Then you ask if he has any naked pictures of her. He always replies indignantly that he does not. Then you ask, sweetly, "Would you like to buy some"?

Old and lame, yes. My future wife could not stand up for over a minute, she was so wracked with laughter. There were even reverberations minutes later where she would laugh again, though not as hard.; 5/3/13, 10:08 AM
lgv said...: My boss was conducting a meeting with a bunch of engineers. When someone asked which of two equally fine options would be best, he started to say the following:

"Six dozen of one......"

Then came a pause as he realized he had screwed up the statement. Without skipping a beat I blurted out, "half a gross of the other!"

I thought it was clever at the time. Nary a peep, smirk or smile out of anyone.; 5/3/13, 10:10 AM
William said...: They asked him to go to the cafeteria. He said Van Gogh, but I have to stay and finish this.; 5/3/13, 10:10 AM
SeanF said...: It wasn't my comment, but when we saw "There's Something About Mary" and Chris Elliot's character referred to marriage by saying, "Every day is better than the next," I was the only person in the theater who laughed.

Which then made me wonder if the writers had even intended it as a joke.; 5/3/13, 10:15 AM
dbp said...: I was in a logic class in the early 1980's and the professor said, "Let's say you had 4 people and just to choose names at random, they are Bob, Carol, Ted and Alice..."

The movie was from before my time, but I had at least heard of it and made a slight guffaw. Half the class turned and glared at me like "I" was insane. The professor had a slight bemused look--not sure if it was because he was amazed that anyone thought it was funny, that almost nobody got it or that anybody got it.; 5/3/13, 10:21 AM
FullMoon said...: I drew some money out of the bank.
The pretty young teller cheerfully said "You have a nice one!!"

I said " Was I drunk when I showed it to you?"; 5/3/13, 10:25 AM
Anonymous said...: Here's another, actual
"Althouse" attempted humor flop, that I still think was clever and funny.

In the summer "before Meade" (which I'll label "B.M."), Althouse announced that she might take a summer cross-country trip. Commenters were encouraging Althouse to head toward their home cities, and there was a special Google map where commenters could place themselves with "pins"

I "pinned" myself very specifically within the confines of Eastern State Penitentiary in Philadelphia.; 5/3/13, 10:48 AM
Meade said...: As far as I know, I coined the word "bicepual".; 5/3/13, 11:02 AM
doustoi said...: Jerkstore!; 5/3/13, 11:07 AM
dwarzel said...: Shakespeare class. The topic: King Lear. A classmate wonders aloud whether there's any significance to Gloucester's legitimate and illegitimate sons having such similar names: Edward and Edmund.

My response: "Two Eds are better than one."

Silence.; 5/3/13, 11:07 AM
doustoi said...: But seriously, JUST YESTERDAY, when I answered the phone at my company, the guy on the other end (who had called several times already) said, "Do you answer the phone all the time?". And I said, "No ... only when it rings!"; 5/3/13, 11:20 AM
Henry said...: @dbp -- Your story reminds me of a college ecology class. My brother and I were both taking it for general credit. The professor had a aerial shot of Canadian tundra up on the screen and mentioned something about "huge tracts of land".

My brother and I burst out laughing.

No one else did.; 5/3/13, 11:25 AM
Freeman Hunt said...: In college I once worked at a nice clothing store. We had a Christmas celebration, and there were giftcards to different restaurants that they wanted to hand out randomly. This seemed like it should be straightforward and easy, but the discussion of the procedure went on and on. We were all dressed up (had to be when we were at work in the store), and this was a very straight-laced crew.

As they couldn't decide how to hand out the giftcards, I finally deadpanned, "Go into one of those small offices, scatter them everywhere, and turn out the lights. Then we'll each take turns crawling in there on hands and knees to search blindly until we find one."

I still think it's funny.; 5/3/13, 11:32 AM
Rusty said...: It's never happened to me.; 5/3/13, 11:33 AM
Malesch Morocco said...: And I thought the phrase "Pop a Woody" would be in there somewhere. They were wrestlers after all.; 5/3/13, 11:35 AM
Rocketeer said...: I once ran straight through a stoplight on Second Street in Louisville. At that time, at least, the lights were timed for drivers going 35 mph. I was going a little too fast; timing was off. What can I say?

Anyway, sure enough, cop swings around a corner, puts on the lights, and off to the side I pull.

Officer walks up to my window, and says: "So...know what I pulled you over for?" I replied, "M'am, if you don't know what you pulled me over for, I'm sure as hell not gonna tell you!"

She was not amused.; 5/3/13, 11:44 AM
sakredkow said...: Did Meade reply, "What are you girls doing here?"

Anyway, that's what I would have said to any jocks who wanted to harass me while I was painting my masterpiece.

~~Oh the streets of Rome~~; 5/3/13, 11:56 AM
sakredkow said...: In college I once worked at a nice clothing store. We had a Christmas celebration, and there were giftcards to different restaurants that they wanted to hand out randomly. This seemed like it should be straightforward and easy, but the discussion of the procedure went on and on. We were all dressed up (had to be when we were at work in the store), and this was a very straight-laced crew.

As they couldn't decide how to hand out the giftcards, I finally deadpanned, "Go into one of those small offices, scatter them everywhere, and turn out the lights. Then we'll each take turns crawling in there on hands and knees to search blindly until we find one."

I still think it's funny.

I don't get it.; 5/3/13, 11:58 AM
sakredkow said...: Is Meade's anecdote based on popular music ca. 1972?; 5/3/13, 12:01 PM
bagoh20 said...: Once when our company was in an overwhelming growth spurt, and we needed more people as fast as possible, an employee brought me a friend as an applicant for an interview. I only had one question for him. I asked him "Have you ever killed anyone?". Everyone there just looked at each other. Nobody laughed. I was only half joking, since it was about the only thing that would have stopped me from hiring anybody at the time, but I insisted on an answer. He said "No". I said "grab some gloves and safety glasses, and let's go". Sometimes I can be a dick. It was uncomfortable rather than funny, because nobody felt entirely sure the guy hadn't. That's the instant vibe I got as soon as I asked it.; 5/3/13, 12:02 PM
Bender said...: Did Meade reply, "What are you girls doing here?"
Anyway, that's what I would have said to any jocks who wanted to harass me while I was painting my masterpiece.

So you would make some homophobic, anti-gay remark?
You think that is funny?; 5/3/13, 12:03 PM
sakredkow said...: So you would make some homophobic, anti-gay remark?
You think that is funny?

Ha ha ha ha! I hurt Bender's feelings!; 5/3/13, 12:06 PM
edutcher said...: Mine, I guess, was around New Year's when I reffered to the reception the male commentariat had of Ann's mention of her occasional bottomless blogging.

Very frosty.; 5/3/13, 12:07 PM
Chip Ahoy said...: Mead said, "eh?"

While cupping his ear and waiting for them to repeat their bon mot, but cupping in FRONT of his ear and not behind it so that he misses his ear entirely and blocks it instead so only his hand shows as if there is no ear there to hear it, which is fucking hilarious to a highschool student to think of but not funny at all when *schwing* right over their pointed heads.

But worse than that is being normal and found to be hilarious in such a way that something dear is betrayed.

My friends collected in a very nicely appointed basement to play cards. I don't like cards and I don't like basements either but I do like hanging with my friends, and so does another Hare Krishna guy who always looks a bit goth. The card players are engrossed in their game, their attention is divided between cards and ambient conversation.

The ambience is mine.

I related a brief story of my deaf friends teaching me the game they are playing way back when I was 14 and took up ASL. Hearts.

I got to the part of the story where I vocalized "Hey! You passed me the black BITCH!" exactly the way the deaf guy said it. My error was doubling the volume the way he did which resounded in the basement and everyone there fell out of their game cracking up laughing at the apparently naive directly correct cruelty of my imitation and I did NOT intend that reaction. The Hare Krishna guy most of all because he knows a few of the present deaf people that I do. And the others thought I was just being cruel. But I rolled with the fun then felt guilty AS HELL, and still do, for betraying my friends which in real life I adore and who helped me a lot.

Another time I told a universally funny joke involving a gay couple and a silver ladle. It cracks up every gay I told it to and when I told my family, with cousins and uncles and such, at dinner they all waited for the punch line.

It pissed me off because by then I had HAD it those thick dummkopfs. So I go. "You dumbasses, that joke is universally funny. I'm NEVER going to tell you dumbasses another joke." And after an uncomfortable pause my brother's roommate said, "Okay. What's a ladle?"

And THAT is fucking funny. But I'm the only one at the table laughing at that.

All their jokes must be directly at someone offense. If the joke relies on adding 1 + 1 in order to be funny then it does not register because the offense did not go directly into their ears. It required processing and basic vocabulary so failed.; 5/3/13, 12:10 PM
William said...: @dwarzel: I think your joke was excellent, and I think it's high time you are given the recognition you deserve.; 5/3/13, 12:13 PM
Sydney said...: I never attempt to tell jokes, but a friend told me this story about her medical school classmate.

A groupnof medical students was making hospital rounds with their attending. They were discussing a case and the attending asked Mary what test she wanted to do next. Mary answered, "Barium enema." The attending turns to Joe. And says, "Joe, Mary wants a barium enema. What do you say?" Joe says, "Bend over, Mary."; 5/3/13, 12:13 PM
Tom said...: I was in a Psych 101 class, learning about Skinner and Behavioralism. I commented, "I'd like to believe in Behavioralism, but I wasn't raised that way."

Crickets and tumbleweeds.; 5/3/13, 12:17 PM
Tom said...: I was in a Psych 101 class, learning about Skinner and Behavioralism. I commented, "I'd like to believe in Behavioralism, but I wasn't raised that way."

Crickets and tumbleweeds.; 5/3/13, 12:18 PM
Freeman Hunt said...: I don't get it.

Neither did they!; 5/3/13, 12:19 PM
Tom said...: I was in a Psych 101 class, learning about Skinner and Behavioralism. I commented, "I'd like to believe in Behavioralism, but I wasn't raised that way."

Crickets and tumbleweeds.; 5/3/13, 12:19 PM
sakredkow said...: Neither did they!

Yeah, sorry FH. I had an irresistable urge to pile on!; 5/3/13, 12:23 PM
sakredkow said...: I thought Tom and Sydney's were both very funny.; 5/3/13, 12:23 PM
Sam L. said...: I'm betting it was about cutting off an ear.; 5/3/13, 12:39 PM
Jim S. said...: Some friends and I were at a fourth of July picnic, waiting for nightfall to watch the fireworks. One of my friends had brought a football, and was carrying it around with him wherever he went. Another friend said to him, "Jeez, man, you're carrying that football around like it's a pacifier." I said, "Yeah -- 'cause he sucks at it."

The football-carrying friend didn't get it, and he was a renowned punster. I'm not sure this meets Ann's qualifications though, because years later he remembers this as one of the best puns ever told.; 5/3/13, 12:55 PM
David said...: Driving south at night on I-43 towards Milwaukee after a party in Koehler. I am sober and within the speed limit. My wife is next to me in the front seat.

Cop pulls me over and approaches the car. I roll down the window. "Why did you stop me, officer?" I ask.

"You were driving erratically."

"Officer, I always drive erratically."

The only person less amused than the officer was my wife. Both reacted accordingly.; 5/3/13, 12:56 PM
chickelit said...: Perhaps there's a hint or clue to Meade's joke in this song.

My 6th grade art teacher played that LP during class.

Nice slideshow.; 5/3/13, 12:57 PM
DADvocate said...: I have the opposite problem. People laugh at stuff I say that I don't want them to.

In high school, we were supposed to select a quote and give a 5 minute presentation it in English class. I chose ""There never was a good war, or a bad peace." by Benjamin Franklin never thinking about "peace" and "piece" being homonyms. Beginning my litte speech, I said, ""There never was a good war, or a bad peace." They heard "There never was a good war, or a bad piece." I should have gone into stand up.; 5/3/13, 1:00 PM
FullMoon said...: bagoh20s story reminded me of something I had probably blocked from my memory:
I met a guy several years ago who was was interesting to be around and a genuinely nice guy. In a deadpan way, I told him I had Googled his name (a lie) and that there was a murder warrant out on him.
He said, "That's not me, that was my Grandfather. He went to prison for accidentally killing his friend while showing off his new rifle".
Naturally, I really did Google his name ASAP. Turned out Grandpa got into an argument at work, went home and got his rifle, came back and killed the guy.
I don't know if my friend actually believed it was an accident or not, and I do not plan on asking him.

bagoh20 said...

Once when our company was in an overwhelming growth spurt, and we needed more people as fast as possible, an employee brought me a friend as an applicant for an interview. I only had one question for him. I asked him "Have you ever killed anyone?". Everyone there just looked at each other. Nobody laughed. I was only half joking, since it was about the only thing that would have stopped me from hiring anybody at the time, but I insisted on an answer. He said "No". I said "grab some gloves and safety glasses, and let's go". Sometimes I can be a dick. It was uncomfortable rather than funny, because nobody felt entirely sure the guy hadn't. That's the instant vibe I got as soon as I asked it.; 5/3/13, 1:05 PM
Phaedrus said...: MY grandson liked to tell jokes so I taught him one that was popular at the Catholic grade school I attended.

Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. Most people immediately answer "A newspaper!"

Sometimes he doesn't get laughs when he says "No, a nun in a blender."; 5/3/13, 1:13 PM
DADvocate said...: Q. What is black and white and red all over?
A. Most people immediately answer "A newspaper!"

No, a sunburned zebra.; 5/3/13, 1:19 PM
Eric the Fruit Bat said...: Q: What's black and white and black and white and black and white?

A: A nun falling down the stairs.; 5/3/13, 2:22 PM
AllenS said...: Q. What is black and white and red all over?

A. Obama in a blender?; 5/3/13, 2:23 PM
AllenS said...: Admit it everyone, that was funny!; 5/3/13, 2:23 PM
chickelit said...: Q. What is black and white and red all over?

A. Obama

It's funnier if you leave out the violence and still true.; 5/3/13, 2:33 PM
deborah said...: Something like, 'Do you know how they separated the men from the boys in Greco-Roman wrestling?'; 5/3/13, 2:50 PM
chickelit said...: @deborah: Are we going to have to pry the joke out of Meade?; 5/3/13, 3:01 PM
AllenS said...: Go ahead, Meade, tell the joke. How many will laugh at it?; 5/3/13, 3:05 PM
Meade said...: No one.

But it wasn't a joke. It was a comic remark. I asked them if all wrestlers were biceptuals.; 5/3/13, 3:19 PM
chickelit said...: Is Obama bisectual?

He's the Divider-In-Chief; 5/3/13, 3:34 PM
eddie willers said...: "half a gross of the other!"

I would have laughed, then stood up to cheer.; 5/3/13, 4:08 PM
Patrick said...: Nice link, Chick. Funny story about that song. When I was young, maybe 12 or so, my older brother told me that song was about Don McClean's brother's suicide. I never listened too closely, and never thought much about it except to think, wow, that's a sad song. Fast forward thirty five plus years, and the song comes on when I'm playing cards with some buddies. One of them asks "do you know what this song is about?" I tell them "yeah, of course. It's about Don McClean's brother's suicide."

They looked at me like I was an idiot with two heads. funny how you learn things that aren't so.; 5/3/13, 4:13 PM
ed said...: Mickey Mouse is visiting his marriage counselor when he is finally fed and up and exclaims "I didn't say Minnie was crazy. I said she was fucking Goofy!!".; 5/3/13, 4:26 PM
Patrick said...: ed, I literally laughed out loud reading that.; 5/3/13, 4:27 PM
Patrick said...: But I'm an easy mark for joke tellers. I even thought Meade's was funny.; 5/3/13, 4:28 PM
Baron Zemo said...: A seven year old told me this joke.

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga.

A: You poke her face. With your cock.; 5/3/13, 4:37 PM
Baron Zemo said...: Seven year olds are very advanced these days.; 5/3/13, 4:38 PM
Baron Zemo said...: A seven year old told me this joke.

Q: How do you wake up Lady Gaga.

A: You poke her face. With your cock.; 5/3/13, 4:45 PM
Patrick said...: Seven year olds must be very advanced these days.; 5/3/13, 4:52 PM
Ann Althouse said...: I think Meade made up a new joke. That's not the joke he told me this morning!; 5/3/13, 5:56 PM
William T. Sherman said...: I work in a satellite control center near Washington DC which includes uplink and downlink services. About 15 years ago a small group of private citizens hired us to transmit a ku band message to space continuously for about a week (something about bringing peace to all beings in the universe). They gave us the coordinates, and we started the transmission, thinking this would be the easiest five grand our company had ever made.

A couple days later one of the guys in the control center jokingly asked what we should do if all of a sudden a flying saucer landed in the parking lot. After a few seconds of thinking about it I grabbed a 2,000 page technical manual from a shelf and started running around the room yelling "It's a COOKBOOK! It's a COOKBOOK!"

Everybody in the room looked at me like I'd lost my mind. Kids these days, no sense of their cultural heritage.; 5/3/13, 7:58 PM
Krumhorn said...: How about when the cop pulled me over and said that it was the end of his shift and he was tired. If I could come up with an excuse for speeding he hadn't heard before, he'd let me go. I said, " well, officer, my wife ran off with a cop, and I thought maybe you were just trying to give her back"

Ok ok, so it never happened, but if it does, I'll be ready.; 5/3/13, 8:15 PM
RigelDog said...: I was getting an ultrasound during my second pregnancy when the doctor pointed to one area of the screen and commented that you could see that the baby was a boy. I asked him in a slightly choked voice, "Doc, tell me the truth...is he hung?"
I thought it was hilarious. Still do.; 5/3/13, 8:22 PM
Gospace said...: The first day of math in nuclear power school the instructor started out, "We're going to start with the very basics and in 6 months, work you up to calculus." Then turned and wrote on the board, "1 + 1 = 2".

It doesn't cut and paste properly, but the last question on the last test was the integral from 1/e to e of 1/x dX. I was the only person in the class to laugh on completion of the problem. I'm fairly certain to this day, 30 some odd years later, that it was intended as a joke.

I'll post the solution later for those that don't get it.; 5/3/13, 9:16 PM
Lewis Wetzel said...: What's black and white and red all over and can't turn around in a hallway?
Nun with a spear through her head.; 5/3/13, 10:41 PM
Gospace said...: I have a friend who swears he actually did this when he was a college student. Got pulled over by a GA state trooper with a buddy in the car on the way to Florida. "Do you know why I pulled you over?" And my friend, the still proverbial wiseacre replied, "I thought you wanted to sell me tickets to the policeman's ball." The trooper replied, without thinking first, "Georgia troopers don't have balls.", stopped, realized what he said, and returned to his car and drove off. Knowing him, I'm inclined to believe it.; 5/3/13, 10:53 PM
jeff said...: So your friend invented that ancient joke?; 5/4/13, 12:21 AM
Jim in St Louis said...: One of our IT guys has a habit of starting a sentence and then pausing in the middle....losing his train of thought and then he says 'fuck' in sort of frustration of losing his thread. He does this all the time and it is sort of funny.

Once he says : "Well we could do that... but I'm not sure... that I have ever learned how to....fuck."

My manager says "If you don't know, we can't teach you."; 5/4/13, 3:35 AM
mikee said...: On my way to a meeting at my factory, I stopped off at the bathroom. Just as I entered my coworker Matt walked out. I did my necessary business in an efficient manner and walked into the meeting room, last to arrive but just on time.

Matt looked at me and loudly asked, "You certainly hurried there in the bathroom. Did you wash your hands?"

I responded, "I don't know what you were taught at your university, but as a graduate of Texas A&M, I learned not to piss on my own hands."

Dead silence.; 5/4/13, 9:22 PM
mikee said...: On my way to a meeting at my factory, I stopped off at the bathroom. Just as I entered my coworker Matt walked out. I did my necessary business in an efficient manner and walked into the meeting room, last to arrive but just on time.

Matt looked at me and loudly asked, "You certainly hurried there in the bathroom. Did you wash your hands?"

I responded, "I don't know what you were taught at your university, but as a graduate of Texas A&M, I learned not to piss on my own hands."

Dead silence.; 5/4/13, 9:32 PM