April 25, 2017

Oatmeal toenail.

What I googled — because the image lodged in my head — to get to that article I'd meant to blog and had lost track of: "PLEASE, GOD, STOP CHELSEA CLINTON FROM WHATEVER SHE IS DOING/The last thing the left needs is the third iteration of a failed political dynasty," by T.A. Frank.

You know, it's a good idea to put some very memorable and distinctive words in a piece of writing you want people to be able to figure out how pull up out of the internet archive.

Here's how Frank got oatmeal and toenail into his article about Chelsea:
What comes across with Chelsea, for lack of a gentler word, is self-regard of an unusual intensity. And the effect is stronger on paper. Unkind as it is to say, reading anything by Chelsea Clinton—tweets, interviews, books—is best compared to taking in spoonfuls of plain oatmeal that, periodically, conceal a toenail clipping.
That was easy to find. I'm surprised that anything else came up, but there was:
[Amyre Qualls] said all the photos were taken in the school cafeteria at Prince George High School and show food that is being served to students.

“Oatmeal, toenail clippings, cauliflower,” Qualls said. That’s what people told her the pizza looked like it was made with.

26 comments:

Sebastian said...

"Oatmeal, toenail clippings, cauliflower." Didn't Dylan do a song about this?

furious_a said...

Thereby Chelsea Clinton ruins two of my favorite foods: oatmeal (which I make with sauteed apples, brown sugar, and cinammon and no toenails) and pizza.

Was that toenail pizza part of the former FLOTUS' school lunch menu intrusion?

tcrosse said...

"Oatmeal, toenail clippings, cauliflower." Didn't Dylan do a song about this?

Simon and Garfunkel did it They later changed it to Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Thyme.

Meade said...

"Oatmeal, toenail clippings, cauliflower." Didn't Dylan do a song about this?

You might be confusing Dylan with the Murmaids:

If you put them all together
Much to your surprise (oh tell me what)
You'll find a bit of heaven
Right before your eyes

Yes, he's the boy that I love

Robert Cook said...

What a wonderful article about a startlingly uninteresting and vapid public mediocrity.

exiledonmainstreet said...

Witches once relied on eye of newt and tongue of bat to make their potions.

However, the Democrat witches are now more health-conscious and eye of newt is hard to come by since Gingrich refuses to give either of his up, so they've switched to oatmeal, cauliflower and toenail clippings, which supply the protein.

Mike said...

"Everybody's talking about Chelsea."

"Because she's on the cover of Vogue?"

"Nope."

"Because she has a new children's book out that she (maybe) really wrote all by herself?"

"Nope."

"Because she keeps retweeting liberal memes to keep her name out there?"

"Nope."

"Because she has said that if some Deus ex machina opens up a demoslatic slot she might be talked into uh filling it?"

"Nope."

"Hmm. Is it because people want to know what she thinks about her mom's horrible visionless campaign implosion?"

"No."

"Crap. Is it because she just made a non-denial denial that is running for something?"

"No."

"Shit! Okay just tell me. Why is everyone talking about Chelsea!"

"There is no good reason why everybody is talking about her."

M Jordan said...

I always try to spice up my writing with a surprise toenail or pubic hair. Makes it more memorable.

rehajm said...

At least it's just the toe nail.

MadisonMan said...

That article is beautifully snarky. I'm sure Tom Perez read it and said "Fuck. A Shitty hit piece on Clinton"

Left Bank of the Charles said...

Think of Chelsea as Hillary's revenge. And the Trump people have to be careful, because Ivanka has told Chelsea things they don't want you to know.

Roy Jacobsen said...

For the life of me, I cannot comprehend the left's slobbering adolescent infatuation with the Clintons.

traditionalguy said...

Chelsea seems to be a good egg. Ivankalikes her. But as I recall , all the Queen's Media men could not put the shattered Clinton Kingdom back together again.

Shattered tells a lot on Queen Hillary, but it still covers up for her on the Deplorables Comment and the Parkinson's Disease. Both of those were Huma's fault...come to think of it they remember the loss as all Huma's fault.

Sebastian said...

"You might be confusing Dylan with the Murmaids." Good one.

Michael K said...

it still covers up for her on the Deplorables Comment and the Parkinson's Disease.

My wife wants to read "Shattered" so I guess I will get it. I still think she has Parkinson's and it will be interesting to see if that ever comes out.

Robert Cook said...

"For the life of me, I cannot comprehend the left's slobbering adolescent infatuation with the Clintons."

It's not the left. It's the doctrinaire Democrats. Different things altogether. The left hates the Clintons.

furious_a said...

Think of Chelsea as Hillary's revenge.

Based on that jowly face, I think of Chelsea more as Web Hubbell's revenge.

tcrosse said...

If anybody is disturbed by the Media hyping Chelsea, it should be the Progressives. The last thing they need is another entitled rich white woman sucking all the air and money out of the Democratic Party, least of all another Clinton. This is a prospect the Republicans should view with glee.

William Chadwick said...

Seeing a mention of toenail clippings reminds me of Greg Gutfeld's line about "community organizer" being a little less prestigious an occupation than selling celebrity toenail clippings on E-bay.

sean said...

I thought the best line in the Frank piece was his evisceration of Chelsea's fatuities about hosting a dinner party with Frederick Douglass, Jane Austen, Franz Kafka et al., ending with a zinger about how at least Kafka could write up the party so as to do it justice. And a search on Chelsea Clinton Franz Kafka will pull up Frank's piece.

exiledonmainstreet said...

"Gregor Samsa awoke from uneasy dreams to find he had been turned into a giant bowl of oatmeal with toenail clippings."

wild chicken said...

17th Dist NY. That's what they're grooming her for.

It was in the book.

William said...

It was a funny and effective put down. Chelsea is at risk of becoming the scapegoat that the left uses to vent all their anger and frustration with the Clintons, Mum and Dad are still too important to be ragged on, but Chelsea is tangential. She can be safely dumped on without harming the core identity of Democrats. Plus there's something unlikable about her.

Rich Rostrom said...

"You know, it's a good idea to put some very memorable and distinctive words in a piece of writing you want people to be able to figure out how pull up out of the internet archive."

Does this count as SEO?

AlbertAnonymous said...

For the love of God, Chelsea, please go away....

Meade said...

William said...
"Plus there's something unlikable about her."

It's the same thing that's unlikable about her mother. It's difficult to like someone who gives you the sense she finds you to be a deplorable human being.