April 18, 2016

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard abase themselves — on video — to appease the Australian authorities.



"Australia is a wonderful island..."/"and Australians are just as unique, both warm and direct. When you disrespect Australian law, they will tell you firmly."/"I am truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declared... Protecting Australia is important."

I don't know exactly why, but every line in this video — as delivered by Johnny and Amber — made me laugh out loud.

Amber got off the hook, without jail time, for failing to declare 2 dogs — Yorkies — when she swooped into the country to visit her pirate-imitating husband.

50 comments:

Laslo Spatula said...

I only watch Amber Heard if a nude scene is imminent.

Although the idea of watching her "abase" herself sounds mildly tempting.

But I don't think it will be that type of abasement where nudity is involved.

You Know: 'abasement-abasement'.

I am Laslo.

buwaya puti said...

It sounds like something Tom Wolfe would have written.
The whole world is beginning to seem like something out of Tom Wolfe. That's probably the best case scenario though.

rehajm said...

Are they tacking this on the end of the Qantas in flight safety video?

HoodlumDoodlum said...

That camera angle was an interesting choice...looking down at the (lowly) viewer, but sorrowfully.

rehajm said...

Clearly under duress.

Is Clooney organizing the extraction team to rescue them?

rehajm said...

Don't smuggle apples into the Maggot Quarantine Area and don't smuggle Yorkies into Australia. Got it.

rehajm said...

For the nation that imported Cane Toads they sure are cavalier about letting Johnny Depp in.

Laslo Spatula said...

Johnny Depp is unconvincing as Johnny Depp.

Maybe they should've had Ray Liotta play him.

I am Laslo.

buwaya puti said...

She is very pretty and I've never heard of her before.
I am out of touch I suppose.

Laslo Spatula said...

"Pistol and Boo" sounds like a movie that would star Johnny Depp and Amber Heard.

Lovers-on-the-run crap, likely.

Please don't let Tim Burton direct it.

I am Laslo.

D.D. Driver said...

Declare everything when you are going to Australia.

khesanh0802 said...

Apparently in Australian the laws aren't just for the little people. We should take note.

Paul Zrimsek said...

Demoting them from a continent to an island is not my idea of appeasement.

buwaya puti said...

This does seem a bit North Korean.
There should have been a couple of stern guards behind them in the video, and they should have praised the leadership of Malcolm Turnbull, missed the full effect.

Freeman Hunt said...

LOL

Unknown said...

I get one thing out of this - Amber Heard is gorgeous.

Fabi said...

Let's be honest -- she's way too attractive to endure any criminal penalty.

Nonapod said...

I may have missed it but the article didn't make it clear if producing this video was a mandatory part of their punishment or if they volunteered to produce it.

Tim said...

Would not an easier way be to just not go to Australia? Kangaroos and cacti? Cacti I can find in the US or Mexico, and who the hell cares about a giant mouse?! The Great Barrier Reef would be worth seeing, but the prissy bitches don't really want you diving around that either.

MadisonMan said...

Given that rabies does not exist on Australia, I think the constant vigilance to ensure that Australia remains rabies-free is worthwhile. I presume the dogs were killed. That's what I would have done were I in charge.

I wonder if the celebrities laughed after the video ended.

Fernandinande said...

Australia doesn't like biodiversity, so they're bad.

Farmer said...

It's kind of loud in here so maybe I didn't hear right but it sounded like he was doing a subtle Australian accent.

traditionalguy said...

Another stubborn Scotsmen problem. Their scientists also fought the CO2 warmest hoax from the beginning like real scientists.

Psota said...

Kind of getting the feeling there is some acting involved here.

coupe said...

They probably don't believe in immunizations either. Public health should just be a gamble. Sort of like voting Republican.

Gerrard787 said...

And with that, the War on Terrier is now over.

JCC said...

Let's make sure we don't allow dogs, vaccinated, pampered, probably with pink toenails, to travel without quarantine, permits, health inspection, all that...especially these dogs who probably live as well as Bernie Sanders' travel companions on the anti-money crusade to Rome.

But crikey, let people go anywhere, travel all over, ignore health precautions or vaccinations, screw Ebola, Zika, mumps, whatever, get on airplanes sick, ride on the subway after being exposed, go to the movies, catch a bus...I have rights!

Meade said...

Well ah do declare!

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

He left his partner of 14 years and the mother of his children to marry a Yorkie-owning woman 23 years his junior. His life, but ew.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

My husband played that video for me this morning and it also made me laugh out loud.

When I went to Australia ten years ago, the customs agent made me surrender my beef jerky for destruction because of our dirty American beef.

Fred Drinkwater said...

Hmm. A few days ago I read a suggestion for a new Tim Burton movie, to be called "Johnny Depp". It's a one-man show, staring Helena Bonham Carter in the title role.
"Rules are for the Little People!"
Speaking as one who retired because he was sick of working more on rule compliance than on functionality, eff 'em.

The Gold Digger said...

He's married? To her?

I thought he had some Frenchwoman - she had a big gap in her teeth.

Left Bank of the Charles said...

"I am truly sorry that Pistol and Boo were not declared." Amber Heard should get a special Golden Globe for switching from active to passive voice in a nonapology apology.

Sydney said...

I watched it without the sound. He looked kind of pissed.

Marc Puckett said...

We all do have such different perspectives, don't we, and reading here leaves me shaking my head sometimes: but their performances in that video, oh, such fun on a Monday morning! Her expressive eyebrows! "Declare everything when you come to Australia" Everything!

Anthony said...

Amber Heard is very nearly the perfect woman. To wit:

-- Really hot
-- Likes guns
-- Likes cars
-- Swings both ways

Apart from hanging out with that old goat, well, perfect.

rcocean said...

"he left his partner of 14 years and the mother of his children"

He left his *partner*? I've heard of leaving your wife for another woman, but if she was just his live-in girlfriend, big whoop.

Hazy Dave said...

You and Meade should do a cover version of this video. Flipping your hair out of your eye... Trying to keep a straight face...

Freeman Hunt said...

Given that rabies does not exist on Australia, I think the constant vigilance to ensure that Australia remains rabies-free is worthwhile.

Good point. I would add that Australia is already full of the most horrible animals. Rabies would be too much.

EDH said...

Follow their eye blinks in Morse code like the captured crew of the Pueblo.

Fabi said...

Anthony said...

"-- Swings both ways"


She plays golf left- and right-handed? She's even hotter than I thought!

Alex said...

Hostage video!

Kensington said...

All the boys love Amber Heard.

JCC said...

If you haven't seen this yet...perfect.

The making of the Depp/Heard apology video.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4Xh2KBI4I0

William said...

That definitely looks like a hostage video. They're professional actors so it couldn't be unintentional. Not even a hostage video. If the North Koreans had produced it, the Depps would have taken the trouble to sound sincere and repentant. The North Koreans probably would have made them eat the damned Yorkies. That would have served the Depps right, but it would be wrong to kill innocent Yorkies. Maybe the North Koreans could kill the Depps and serve them to the Yorkies.

Ken Mitchell said...

Like Hawaii, Australia doesn't have any rabies - and they intend to KEEP it that way.

SOJO said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
n.n said...

They're in the Navy, now.

coupe said...

JCC said...The making of the Depp/Heard apology video.

That video made me slap my knee...

Brando said...

"Good point. I would add that Australia is already full of the most horrible animals. Rabies would be too much."

Maybe the deadly spiders, centipedes and snakes kill off any animal carrying rabies too quickly for the symptoms to develop.