February 27, 2014

Is it a crime to text a picture of your penis tattoo that reads "STRONG E nuf 4 A MAN BUT Made 4 A WOMAN."

Who inscribes a deodorant slogan on his penis? Georgia man Charles Leo Warren III.

It's a terrible idea to inscribe that or anything else on your penis, and a worse idea to sext a picture of it to someone you're not sure wants to see it, but it's only a crime if a statute makes it a crime, and Warren was prosecuted under a Georgia criminal statute barring "Distribution of Material Depicting Nudity or Sexual Conduct" without a warning in "8-point boldface type."

The Georgia Supreme Court said the statute didn't apply to texting because it doesn't have "a tangible envelope or container on which the notice can be imprinted" and because texting wasn't a form of communication that existed back in 1970 when the statute was written.

I had some questions about penis tattoos, and I found this FAQ, which I recommend reading because it's informative — it answered my main question, at #4 — and funny — check out #5 "Design Ideas":
Whimisical [sic] and funny penis tattoo ideas include a Hammerhead shark, a pencil, a mushroom, a wad of money to blow, colored flames, Pinnochio [sic], or an arrow. More obvious animal tattoo choices for this area include fire-breathing and dangerous dragons, a sinful snake, or a grand elephant's trunk. 
Why is "funny" a good idea for your penis?! That quote has too many adjectives anyway. What's with "fire-breathing and dangerous" for dragons? It's like they're trying to nudge the reader to remember what the hell a dragon is. Why a "grand elephant's trunk"? I know there's good reason to assume the reader is dumb, but who doesn't realize an elephant is large.

As for a "sinful snake"... that's just sad. It reminds me of all the old ads for chocolate desserts that call the product "sinful." Those ads are directed a women, virtually exclusively. Maybe this FAQ is too. (Note: It's at About.com and picture-free.) Maybe these "Design Ideas" are just ideas for things to talk about with a naked man, not things for a man actually to tattoo on his penis.

35 comments:

chickenlittle said...

"Smells Like Team Spear It"

PB Reader said...

People like this have certain traits that I wish were rapidly selected out of the species.

Simon said...

I regard all tattoos as mind-bogglingly ugly and stupid per se, so I am only a little more scornful of a person who tattoos their genitals than someone who tattoos their anything else.

cubanbob said...

I can't imagine why any sane man would want to tattoo his member. It would hurt like crazy to have it sone, doesn't come off later when he regrets his drunken bit of insanity, looks ridiculous and the process of tattooing runs the risk of infection that could permanently damage the johnson.

Are there any woman who find a tattooed dick attractive?

Simon said...

It's an ugly and lamentable fad. If you're not a pirate or in the military, you've no business getting one.

Scott said...

The health risks associated with the pigments used in tattooing are unknown.

Beyond the role that they play in some traditional tribal cultures, I don't understand why people get tattoos.

Tank said...

I went with the Tank Tattoo for my member.

@Simon: I see you with a colorful YES tat on your bicep or shoulder. Sweet.

john said...

My penis is already 8 pt bold face.

Serif or san serif is the question.

Rumpletweezer said...

Shorty's Bar and Grill, Albuquerque, New Mexico

richard mcenroe said...

Of the real problem is it only reads "STRAN" most of the time...

Tank said...

I see this on Simon's shoulder. Or maybe his forehead?

Sigivald said...

It's a crime against good taste (and is, as you say in the first paragraph, in exceedingly poor taste to send to someone who isn't expecting it, knowingly and willingly), but in general I shouldn't expect it to be an actual criminal act.

I'm not even sure what that statute is supposed to be preventing.

It's been a while since I looked at actual printed pornography, but back then it never hid the fact that it contained nudity, rather it advertised it as plainly as possible.

An 8 point (tiny!) bold label is ... what the hell is even the point of that?

RecChief said...

This airman was so deeply in love that just before he was married, he had his bride's name tattooed on his love muscle. Normally, only the first and last letters were visible, although when he was aroused, the tattoo spelled out W-E-N-D-Y. The airman gets posted to Pope AFB, next to Ft. Bragg. One night, in the men's room of a bar downtown, this fellow finds himself standing next to a tall soldier at the urinal. To his amazement, he notices that this man, too, has the letters W-Y tattooed on his penis. "Excuse me," he says, "but I couldn't help noticing your tattoo. Do you have a girlfriend named Wendy?" "No way, man. Mine reads, "Welcome to the 82nd Airborne, Fort Bragg, have a nice day.'"

Sigivald said...

Scott: Unknown health risks? Pass the smelling salts!

Why, there's a tiny chance that some pigment might somehow hurt someone someday. (Despite, well, the giant number of people who've had tattoos for an exceedingly long time, with no obvious or significant effect.)

Therefore it's baffling to think anyone might get one, apart from wacky and colorful primitives, right? I mean, the government says the risks are "unknown"!

Seriously?

(Full disclosure: I have no tattoos.

I just think you people are being ridiculous, like having fainting fits over SLOW DANCING or something.)

William said...

I don't think penis tattoos will catch on, but Obama got re-elected, so who knows. I haven't understood western civ for the past twenty or thirty years.......The Pinochio tattoo is kind of clever and metaphysical. Should a woman believe in the truth of Pinocchio's nose as an affirmation of love?

The Drill SGT said...

The idea of a my penis and a tattoo needle is cringe worthy, even though the canvas would be large and impressive.



Simon said...

Tank said...
"I see this on Simon's shoulder. Or maybe his forehead?"

It's a gorgeous logo, and I'd love to have artwork of it—an original Roger Dean? You can't believe how much those cost—but as a tattoo? Nope.

William said...

Talk about gilding the lily.

Clyde said...

It's an Idiocracy world, we're just living in it.

mccullough said...

I hope the deodorant company doesn't sue him for infringement. An injunction ordering him to remove it would be painful.

Anthony said...

"Welcome to Jamaica, we hope you enjoy your stay"

madAsHell said...

I thought we had already discussed this here.

Tattoos can represent a problem that is more than skin deep.

The Crack Emcee said...

"A wad of money to blow"

That's being a little explicit, isn't it?

Ron said...

The burger chains could pay us to get

"You Can Have It Your Way"
"We Do It All For You" and
"It Takes Two Hands To Handle A Whopper"

tattooed on your penis, if the font is the right size...

Ron said...

If you're "Gender: WTF", you could try,
"Manly, yes...but I like it too!"

But people would assume you were Irish...

FleetUSA said...

#4 is the key question. Thanks

Simon said...

Mccullough said...
"I hope the deodorant company doesn't sue him for infringement."

They'll just have to take it on the chin. So to speak.

Freeman Hunt said...

Strong enough for a man? What does that mean in this context? It wouldn't break if used on a man? But that creates a mental image of similar parts breaking, which is not arousing but sickening and distressing.

Oso Negro said...

"Inflate here" might be a fine tattoo.

EDH said...

Manly, yes, but Althouse likes it too!

I have a pair boxer shorts with Spongebob Squarepants's face across the front.

I noticed the pee-flap is exactly where his nose is, so I can go "three-dimensional", adding motion if I do a "slap dance".

In private, mind you, for a laugh.

Bob Boyd said...

1st nurse, "Did you see the guy in 802?"

2nd nurse, "What about him?"

1st nurse, "I just gave him a sponge bath. He has 'Wow' tattooed on his penis."

2nd nurse, " When I gave one yesterday it said 'Welcome to West Texas State University."

exhelodrvr1 said...

penis mightier

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

I'm not really clear on why texting a photo of one's genitals should be a criminal offense. It takes one second to delete and then you move on with your life. If you are seriously scathed by this, then you need therapy; if the behavior is repeated or frequent doesn't that become harassment which is already illegal?

ironrailsironweights said...

Men tattooing their schwantzstuckers is pretty uncommon. Unlike that even more horrible thing that at least 85% of women do to their bodies.
God damn it.

Peter

Michael K said...

""Welcome to the 82nd Airborne, Fort Bragg, have a nice day.'"

The guy has a friend who has "Eat at Joe's" tattooed on his penis. He mentions it to his girlfriend who says, "Isn't it silly to have "Eat at Joesphine's Cafeteria, Chattanooga, Tennessee" tattooed there ?