February 20, 2014

"If you can trust your family, take them, but perhaps make a contingency plan for which one you'll all eat first..."

"... and discuss it in secret with the others. (You might also make another plan about who'll be eaten second, and discuss this with whoever's left. If no one discusses eating anyone with you, distrust them all.) If your family includes any young children you are not prepared to eat then your chances of success are more or less zero, but you're probably accustomed to that feeling."

39 comments:

John Lynch said...

A very modest proposal.

Ficta said...

"Let me die in my footsteps..."

madAsHell said...

Wow!
This is cannibal journalism.
There's nothing else to report?

It's no wonder that Smiley Virus owns the tabloids.

Look!! Lady Caca!!

The Crack Emcee said...

I've heard of blacks and cannibalism.

But only whites would make "contingency plans" for it,...

Dale Light said...

I wonder who Meade would choose to eat first?

Skyler said...

Forgive me, but isn't it the purpose of "prepping" to survive as an individual and as a family? What kind of sick person would even consider killing and eating his own family member?

But then, I'm now a victim of responding to muck raking journalism.

Revenant said...

Wouldn't "move out of England" be a good first preparation step, if England's climate changed to the point where it could no longer support human life?

Richard Dolan said...

"We are getting close to what might be called The Noah Scenario."

So this silly article begins. But Noah was the opposite of a cannibal -- indeed, he was probably closer to vegan. Surely, he wasn't cooking up his cargo while waiting for the waters to recede. Where would we be today if he had -- catless, dogless, the mind boggles.

Hollywood has already tired of doomsday stuff like this. Too bad this fellow didn't see the (many bad) movies that already beat his theme into the ground. He could have saved himself the trouble of wasting all that ink.

Mitch H. said...

It says something about watermelon Greens that eating children comes... well, not first to mind, but clearly fourth or fifth on the list. Although he may have recently been reading one of Steve Stirling's "Dies the Fire" novels.

(Here's a hint, if you're feeling panicked about flooding: actually invest in flood control prophylactic infrastructure. Part of the problem in England is that they've been building wind turbines instead of doing maintenance dredging and other basic preventative environmental work.)

David said...

Eat the oldest first.

We make good soup.

Sorun said...

We've discussed which of the neighbors to eat first, but that's as far ahead as we're planning right now.

Hagar said...

As far as I can tell from the temperature charts, etc., the earth cooling process is very slow; it is the warming that comes sudden, but "sudden" in this context is still 10-20 thousand years.

"Three score and ten" does not signify in a 100,000+ year cycle, so please don't start babbling at me about how much nicer the climate was when you were a child!

tim maguire said...

I enjoyed Althouse's blurb so I clicked on the link. Right there in the first paragraph, "the wettest January in Britain since records began in 1767."

No, this was not the wettest January in recorded history. In fact, it was not even in the top 5. Couldn't be bothered to check the records? I stopped reading there.

EDH said...

Isn't that a quote from the two most recent CBO reports on Obamacare and the Obama economic policy?

Patrick said...

I wonder why they didn't bring up the part about inviting people along precisely because you plan on eating them. Sort of as livestock, but if you bring fat people,, you wouldn't have to feed them as much. But you can't make them work much, otherwise they will be too tough.

Ralph Hyatt said...

I have got to believe this is satire.

Patrick O said...

Mark Twain: "Cannibalism in the Cars"

Patrick O said...

"he was probably closer to vegan."

Where are the unicorns and hippograffs then?

Sigivald said...

"Climate change apocalypse"?

Even the stupid original IPCC scaremongering - that they've had to abandon, the more observations keep diverging from the "models" - predicted nothing that would be cannibal-apocalyptic.

(I quote "models" because they're not worthy of the name in any scientific sense.

They were never predictive, and no obvious effort was made to test them; they never even worked against historical data to "predict" historical outcomes, as far as I know.)

William said...

In The Fatal Shore, Robert Hughes writes about a group of convicts who escape to the outback. Their plan was to head north and go to China. They couldn't figure out a way to gather food in the wild. They resorted to cannibalism. After the first meal, the group broke up. Everyone was wondering who would be next. Cannibalism is subversive of group cohesion.....Interestingly enough, the best tasting portion of the human body is the upper arm. You'd think it would be all stringy and gamey, but that's what everyone reports.

Jon Burack said...

I hadn't read far enough in this to realize what an effective spoof it is of global warming nuttiness. Thanks to Ann for putting up with it long enough to reach the cannibalism part. Now I know the guy is kidding us all. I mean, clearly, cooking human beings only adds carbon to the air. He'd ever seriously mean for us to do it.

Mitch H. said...

I have got to believe this is satire.

In the Guardian? If it is, it's surely kidding on the square.

gerry said...

Eat the oldest first.

We make good soup.


Oldsters require slow cooking. Pre-tenderizing with a mallet is a good idea, too, I think. I might require some rendering, since I have excessive marbling and may leave a greasy aftertaste.

Ladyfingers...mmmmmm!

John (the other John) said...

".....Interestingly enough, the best tasting portion of the human body is the upper arm."

Clod

Done right, tastes like prime rib. One of the best things I've ever BBQ'd/smoked.

Paul Zrimsek said...

I've been longing to try Mark Bittman's recipe for Battered Women in How to Cook Everyone ever since I read it.

The Drill SGT said...

I guess thatis a variant of the poker playing wisdom:

"Look around the table and identify the mark. If you can't, you are the mark...'

Freeman Hunt said...

If I have to start noshing on the rellies, I think I'll just go ahead and let myself die instead.

Unknown said...

I had a "model" of a submarine, but it wouldn't fire the nuclear missiles so I ground it to plastic dust.

Ann Althouse said...

"Thanks to Ann for putting up with it long enough to reach the cannibalism part."

I'm a good skimmer.

I zero in on the part that would be bloggable if it's bloggable. I have a 6th sense at this point.

Not that I have all my original 5 senses.

I don't.

Ralph Hyatt said...

Cannibalism in the Cars is quite good (after all, its Twain) but Swift's A Modest Proposal will forever be the standard that all such works must strive for.

http://www.online-literature.com/swift/947/

Jim said...

No one else has discussed eating anyone else with me. I am so screwed.

Yu-Ain Gonnano said...

That's Ok, Jim. I'll eat you.

Oh, that's probably not the type of conversation you meant, was it.

Yu-Ain Gonnano said...

That's Ok, Jim. I'll eat you.

Oh, that's probably not the type of conversation you meant, was it.

Brill said...

Well, According to “Farnham’s Freehold” we taste like greasy pork. As for me and my neighbors we were under the impression that the thighs of the average housewife would be superb.

Freeman Hunt said...

Althouse, when did you lose your sense of smell? Did you mention it at the time? I think I vaguely remember something about that.

Ann Althouse said...

It's been gradual but I really noticed it last spring, when I could not smell any flowers. I blogged about it.

I've had it checked out by specialists. Had an MRI. Nothing was found. It's actually pretty sad.

Freeman Hunt said...

I'm sorry to read that. I wish it had come back for you.

A friend of ours lost his as a side effect of some antibiotic. Trying to find the bright side, as he's a bright side kind of guy, I offered that at least it would be easy to eat ideally without tasting the food. "No," he said. "Now I especially like chips and candy because I can taste the salt and sugar."

SayAahh said...

It is not "sad" when an imaging study does not reveal a problem. Just the opposite.

Most often the cause is post viral olfactory nerve ending damage

SayAahh said...
This comment has been removed by the author.