January 10, 2014

"Mr. Dubiner said that a wall of closet space in the bedroom served as a 'place holder' for a woman he had yet to meet."

The single man redecorates. (Click backwards, to the left, to see the rest of the place and the rest of the story.)

43 comments:

betamax3000 said...

Some Save a Wall of Closet Space for the Woman They Have Yet to Meet, Others Keep a Dungeon in the Basement.

betamax3000 said...

The Dungeon is very Woman-Friendly: Amongst the Cuffs and Chains are Fluffy Throw Pillows.

MadisonMan said...

I really like that Droog Chandelier.

But I wouldn't like it as the lights start to go out.

MadisonMan said...

They have a visit to the ER in their future, after their toddling daughter meets the edge of the glass coffee table.

Henry said...

In RSS I first read the man's name as "Mr. Dubliner" and immediately imagined a James Joyce / Edgar Allan Poe graphic novel.

betamax3000 said...

Sometimes it is another Woman Who is Present Who Serves as a 'Place Holder' for a Woman He Has Yet to Meet.

Bob R said...

Wow. Clicking back was really creepy. Since I started at the closet, I thought the woman was still in the future and the stuffed animals and crib freaked me out.

Money is nice. I think all the furnishings in my living room (with the exception of the piano I inherited) cost less than his bedspread.

Shouting Thomas said...

One of the ugliest babies I've ever seen. A girl named "Blake," too. The usual NYC foolishness.

The apartment screams "I am an asshole lawyer!"

Apparently, he found his mate. There's somebody for everybody.

betamax3000 said...

He Doesn't Shop at IKEA.

Related: IKEA is a Great Place to Find Women: Look for the Ones Checking Out Futons and Buying Candles. Treat Her to Swedish Meatballs. By Swedish Meatballs I Mean the Ones They Sell in the IKEA Cafeteria, Not Those of a Particular Swede.


betamax3000 said...

IKEA Can Make a Dungeon Look Very Modern and Clean.

traditionalguy said...

The couple are shacking up together and have had a baby. He must not have decided to keep her yet. Maybe she is on double secret probation.

Martha said...

Agree with MadisonMan--- the stylish apartment is not baby friendly. The hopeful single lawyer forgot that once he met a mate to fill the empty space in the closet, a baby would follow requiring baby proofing all those sharp edges.

Martha said...

Agree with MadisonMan--- the stylish apartment is not baby friendly. The hopeful single lawyer forgot that once he met a mate to fill the empty space in the closet, a baby would follow requiring baby proofing all those sharp edges.

David said...

"Hey, Dubs, can I hang my negligee in that empty wall?"

""No, babe, it's for some chick I have not met yet."

betamax3000 said...

One Moment You Are Enjoying Swedish Meatballs with a Stranger, the Next You Are in a Dungeon with IKEA Throw Pillows. Life Moves Fast.

betamax3000 said...

Mr. Dubiner said that a wall of closet space in the bedroom served as a 'place holder' for a personal connection with someone he has never met in the flesh.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Ms. Goto designed the Boogie Woogie bookshelf ($14,000) for Blake’s room.

Funny--my husband designed and built floor-to-ceiling bookshelves in our bedroom, too. It cost a bit less than $14,000 in Home Depot lumber, though.

betamax3000 said...

Do Not Screw Restraining Chains into IKEA Furniture: the Particle Board is Not Strong Enough for a Woman Over Five-Foot-One. Allegedly.

betamax3000 said...

When Your Dungeon Has Low Ceilings Shorter Women Are Preferred.

MadisonMan said...

I notice all the hot water pipes for the radiators are exposed, and the electrical outlets aren't covered.

Maybe they took away all the unsightly baby-proofing for the Times photographer at the request of the designer though.

A house doesn't have to be baby proof, of course, as the kid will learn soon enough not to touch hot pipes, or fall on a hard wood floor. It's not like the owners can't afford a trip to the ER, after all.

betamax3000 said...

Above-Ground-Level Women and Below-Ground-Level Women: That is the Difference.

tim maguire said...

At first I was creeped out by the nursery, but then realized his plan has already worked--he has a wife and child. So good for him.

tim maguire said...

Or what Bob R said first.

betamax3000 said...Sometimes it is another Woman Who is Present Who Serves as a 'Place Holder' for a Woman He Has Yet to Meet.

Actually, that's the normal way. First you get a practice wife who does the hard work of teaching you how to be a husband. Then, once she's fashioned you into proper husband material, you go get yourself a real wife.

betamax3000 said...

You Can Buy the Accoutrements for the Dungeon at IKEA But for the Heavy Duty Tarps You Will Still Need to Go to Home Depot. Pay Cash.

EMD said...

Woman in the Wall

orthodoc said...

Wow, that's some serious cash. Who the hell spends $5,000 for a bed?

betamax3000 said...

Begin with Mannequins to Build Up Your Confidence. Talk to Them Gently, with Courtesy. Eye Contact.

betamax3000 said...

Anticipate what the Mannequin Will Say. have a Response Ready.

betamax3000 said...

If the Mannequin is Too Resistant Remember That There Are Always Other Mannequins.

Ignorance is Bliss said...

A house doesn't have to be baby proof, of course, as the kid will learn soon enough not to touch hot pipes, or fall on a hard wood floor.

Conor Clapton could not be reached for comment.

madAsHell said...

Stephanie Goto. This must be her stage name, and a regrettable choice.

I remember learning FORTRAN, and the professor discouraged the use of GOTO's.

She's my GOTO girl, and then I pay her to leave.

gerry said...

The apartment screams "I am an asshole lawyer!"

Wow. Now there's a niche practice, litigating only proctological malpractice.

madAsHell said...

She's my GOTO girl, and then I pay her to leave.

Which may explain the cost of the bed as well!!

Billy Oblivion said...

"They have a visit to the ER in their future,"

With a child this is a given.

Billy Oblivion said...

Also a "Single Man" did not redecorate. A "Single Man" hired a woman to redecorate.

dbp said...

If the guy had gone to all this trouble and still was singe most people would consider him a loser. As it is, he is clearly a guy who knows how to get what he wants.

If he was still single, the photo-spread probably would have resulted in some dates.

Larry J said...

madAsHell said...
Stephanie Goto. This must be her stage name, and a regrettable choice.


Goto considered harmful.

Carnifex said...

Story time...

Boss I used to have had an uncle that was somewhat of a hermit. Lived in a shack, by himself. The walls were papered with old empty cig. packs. One day he decided he was gonna get married, but he wanted to be sure he could afford too.

So for a week, he cooked enough food for 2 meals, he set 2 plates, and he threw out the extra plate when he was done eating.

Later on he confessed that he couldn't afford to get married because, and these are his words...." The damn bitch eats too much!"

Carnifex said...

I know a lot of colorful people:-)

MadisonMan said...

I've used GOTOs a lot in my life.

But I've never gotten used to assigned GOTOs, which are so so so much harder to debug.

Sam L. said...

New York and the NYT uphold their reputations for expensive and wealthy people.

Tarrou said...

And the fact that he's using a closet as a placeholder tells you why there isn't a woman already there.

Mary Lou said...

Gorgeous little baby! Oh yeah, and I need that light fixture...