December 8, 2013

"A popular, new trend in the United States is vaginal steaming and it is being offered through spas and holistic health centers from southern California to New York..."

"While it is technically not new as it has been used in ancient medicine for centuries, it is a re-emerging trend to those in the United States and is also known as 'chai-yok' in Korea and 'bajos' in Central and South America. For those not familiar with what vaginal steaming is, think of it like a medicinal, herbal, steam facial for the vagina...."
After you have determined the best herbs to use for your personal health needs and are ready for the vaginal steam, you can boil as little or as much filtered water as you like...
So, basically, whatever the hell you want...

... After the herbs have steeped for about 10 minutes, pour half of the contents in a bowl and proceed to squat over it or sit on a vagi-stool (a stool with an opening in it). To maximize the steam, have a large towel or blanket that wraps around your waist, making a tent around the bowl and allowing the steam to go up into the vaginal opening. To increase the absorption and effects of the herbs, you can do a self-massage on your abdomen using your hands or a vibrator.
Hmm. That's the self-treatment. But it's "a re-emerging trend" in spas and holistic centers? If the massage part is included, shouldn't this run afoul of the same laws that get you arrested even if you limit your prostitution practice to hand jobs? Or is everything just viewed in a candy-colored light when it's for women only? I would regard that article as possibly just a hoax, but I arrived there via the UK Telegraph where the columnist nattered about whether the steam might burn and why would it be any better at cleaning than taking a shower.

So, still skeptical, I Googled "vagi-stool." Man, that is an ugly word. It doesn't convey the notion of cleanliness at all. The first hit went to Glamour magazine, where you can see a picture of the damned thing, which resembles a children's potty. It costs $120 and, according to the manufacturer, it "can be used for vaginal steams or as a birthing stool," and (seriously!), "Every wombmyn needs one! Lovely heirloom to pass down to the wombmyn of your family." (Uh, thanks, grandma, but could I just have the gold jewelry or the silverware?)

There now, you've learned (perhaps) 2 new words this morning: vagi-stool and wombmyn.  I wonder if for "vagi-stool," they considered "steaming stool" and rejected it because it called to mind the legendary steaming pile of shit... which was just a tad too accurate.

33 comments:

Bob Boyd said...

If the massage part is included, shouldn't this run afoul of the same laws that get you arrested even if you limit your prostitution practice to hand jobs?

Not if you call it vaginal snuggling.

Tom said...

When you compared the iPad to a maxi-pad I thought that mental connection would eventually go away. But I think the steaming pile of vagi-stool is here to stay. Well done!

Oso Negro said...

It is one thing to have a steaming vagina, but quite another to have a steamed vagina. Unfortunately, I can visualize frightful injuries. An unsound practice.

cubanbob said...

With a little modification these things could be used to literally blow smoke up one's ass.

Clyde said...

I got a chuckle out of the picture at the Natural News article: Bang a gong, get it on!

madAsHell said...

What the Fluke??

The first link is returning a 404. Is it linking to healthcare.gov??

Ron said...

I suppose it is safer than vaginal sauteing....Perhaps we need vaginal sous vide? That's too obvious....

EDH said...

"When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas..."

EDH said...

"VagiClean, huh? What's the matter Honey, a little extra cheese on the taco?"

Freeman Hunt said...

"'Every wombmyn needs one! Lovely heirloom to pass down to the wombmyn of your family.' (Uh, thanks, grandma, but could I just have the gold jewelry or the silverware?)"

Ha!

"Thank you, Mom, but I am not touching that."

This procedure must be an indication that people with spa hobbies were looking for an expansion pack.

Ann Althouse said...

Link fixed.

Sorry.

David said...

Does it cut down on the hysteria? That's what I want to know.

Ann Althouse said...

"I got a chuckle out of the picture at the Natural News article: Bang a gong, get it on!"

Oh, yeah, it was like those old TV commercials where whenever anything was connected to China (or Korea, like: what's the difference?) there'd be a big old gong noise.

And then the announcer with the exaggerated accent would say "Ancient Chinese tradition…" or "Confucius say…" or some such thing. Totally politically incorrect now, but somehow "holistic" bullshit thinks it gets a pass. Why not? It gets a pass from any normal analysis that applies elsewhere.

Freeman Hunt said...

Every time Arkansas is shown in a movie or on television, a fiddle plays in the background.

Rusty said...

First world people will believe any kind of nonsense.

Sorin said...

Reading the adds at the link was far more interesting than the article.

Titus said...

Why go to a spa for this?

Titus said...

It helps with:

Irregular and painful periods
• Vaginal cysts
• Infertility
• Bladder and yeast infections
• Hemorrhoids
• Uterine fibroids
• Scarring from childbirth, hysterectomies and laparoscopies

Are these common in vaginas? I know nothing about a vagina.

Titus said...

On Wait Wait on NPR Bobcat Golthwaite said he was doing research on guns and now all he gets on his computer is vacation package ads for Arkansas.

Beta Rube said...

Why is "prostitution" included in the tags? Have I missed something

ironrailsironweights said...

There is something else that women can do - technically speaking, *not* do - to the same part of the body that will have far more beneficial effects.

Peter

YoungHegelian said...

Typically, they are done a day or two after a woman has had her period in order to detox and heal any imbalances in the vagina, cervix and uterus.

Oh, lordy, I'm sure OB/GYNs must read stuff like this, pull their hair out, and wonder why they bother going into the office.

In poking around on FB, I found some classmates from college, who were, back then at least, very bright & capable women (and, yes, they're all women & West Coast...). They are now into channeling the energy of the goddess, astrology, & reiki crystals. Oy, it's enough to turn a guy into the Crack Emcee or somethin', I tell ya!

If the Fathers of the Enlightenment had known what shitheads we would become they would have left us to superstitious priest-craft!

t-man said...

Does the steam help smooth out hard-to-iron wrinkles?

Michael said...

Any time you read the word "detox" in a product description know that there is a hippie in there somewhere.

Freeman Hunt said...

Wouldn't it be easier to take a hot bath?

Scott said...

Vaginal steaming, phooey. For $99.99 you can get a power washer at Menard's.

Save Big Money!

eddie willers said...

"Do you smoke after sex?"
"I don't know...I never looked".

J Lee said...

Meanwhile, here's a recipe for steamed clams from the Food Network.

David said...

"eddie willers said...
"Do you smoke after sex?"
"I don't know...I never looked".

Oh that is funny. It must be an old joke but I've never heard it before.

paul a'barge said...

You shave it, you wash it and you steam it and I'll eat it.

Otherwise, make me a sandwich.

Jason said...

It will be a mandated 'essential care' item under Obamacare in 3… 2… 1...

Unknown said...

eddie willers said...
"Do you smoke after sex?"
"I don't know...I never looked".

Oh that is funny. It must be an old joke but I've never heard it before.


Old Redd Foxx joke, I think. Two hookers chatting: "Does yours smoke after they's finished?"....

30yearProf said...

Temperature control would seem to be critical in this endeavor.