June 19, 2013

"Quinoa always keeps a spare 'urban outfit' in my purse in the event we're going to be around a lot of chain link fencing."

"One time Quinoa thought she had accidentally squashed a bug, but what she had really squashed was all the predictable style rules society has tried to place on her."

From the hilarious Pinterest "My Imaginary Well-Dressed Toddler Daughter."

Via Metafilter. Sample comment there: "OK, Quinoa is pretty much the greatest fake toddler name ever. I just know I would absolutely hate her parents. In fact, I do hate her parents, even if they're not real. GOD I HATE THOSE PEOPLE SO MUCH. I HATE THEIR STUPID FACES!"

16 comments:

AJ Lynch said...

A recent story claimed it is the libruls who tend to bestow unique and different names on their kids.

Ann Althouse said...

Tripp, Track, Trig, Willow, Bristol...

Icepick said...

Someone let Kim K. and Kanye know about this new name STAT!

Mitchell the Bat said...

Too many cooks spoil the broth.

Tibore said...

You know... there are enough real people to hate. Do internet denizens really need to hate a fiction?

AJ Lynch said...

FYI- save your snark Althouse, I am not enamored with Palin.

But you do know the phrase "tend to" means on average, usually etc. Or do I have to explain what the the word "exceptions" means?

Pogo said...

On the opposite end, but funny as hell is Jenny Lawson, who wrote:
Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir)

Unlike Quinoa, she grew up poor and texan and wore bread bag winter shoes her mother made for her and her sister.

Quote:
"...I just want to clarify that I don't mean 'without my vagina' like I didn't have it with me at the time. I just mean that I wasn't, you know...displaying it while I was at Starbucks. That's probably understood, but I thought I should clarify, since it's the first chapter and you don't know that much about me. So just to clarify, I always have my vagina with me. It's like my American Express card. (In that I don't leave home without it. Not that I use it to buy stuff with.)"

Self-Promo:
"You should probably go buy it right now, because it’s filled with awesomeness. And cocaine. But only if you hollow it out and fill it with your own cocaine. I’m not buying you cocaine. Because I love you.

And that’s why you should buy my book. Because I’m saving you from yourself. And from cocaine.

YOU’RE WELCOME.
"

Tari said...

Pogo, I second the Jenny Lawson recommendation. Although don't read it in public, because people look at you funny when you laugh that hard.

Pogo said...

@Tari

Yes! And, I had to read it in small bits, away from my wife, because I kept sputtering in laughter and demanding her listen to me read it, which turned out poorly because being laugh-read-to is annoying as hell.

Methadras said...

Mother of God. Hipster douchebags dressing up children to be hipster douchebags. We are doomed.

Mel said...

I have quinoa in my kitchen and I would sooner name a child Rice, which he or she could say was a family last name at least. Who would do that? If Quinoa ever has a sibling, will she name it Lentil or Tomato? Ugh

Julie C said...

Are some of you missing the point here? Quinoa is a fake child, with a fake name, and the whole point is to make fun of annoying upper crusty uber-mommies. The photos are of various children modeling clothes. The author just calls them all Quinoa (and her friends Chevron etc.).

Julie C said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Methadras said...

Julie C said...

Are some of you missing the point here? Quinoa is a fake child, with a fake name, and the whole point is to make fun of annoying upper crusty uber-mommies. The photos are of various children modeling clothes. The author just calls them all Quinoa (and her friends Chevron etc.).


No, I got it. It's just odd seeing these children dressed this way. Frankly it's downright bizarre.

Synova said...

I liked this comment...

"I would dress my never-to-exist future toddlers in some sort of bleak shapeless stalinist unitard as an obnoxious social statement. They would carry around a grimy beet for maximum authenticity."

Also the one about the sister named Spelt and the father named Farro.

SOJO said...

God, the younger ones were my niece at that age.

Junior High will get them though. First it was the exchange of real personal style for brand name social currency and now it's just soccer. soccer. soccer.