June 28, 2013

Just when you think you're alone, suddenly there are 25 cops on bikes...

... what are the chances that all 25 of them would look the other way?
"There they are, on the first base line... There's a bench, she is bent over the bench and our friend is behind her with his pants down to his ankles banging away."
Can we extract some tips for how to get away with having sex outdoors? Quite aside from the bad luck of 25 cops, I can see at least 3 major flaws in their tactics.

47 comments:

ed said...

I realize it's hard looking good in a mugshot but seriously. The cops did everyone a favor because nobody needs to see either of these two people engaged in sex.

What is seen cannot be unseen.
What is known cannot be unknown.
Yuck.

EMD said...

If you don't want a certain mental image in your head, then don't click the link!

Related: Man who had sex with couch banned from pr0n.

This is the exact wrong punishment for this guy. He needs as much porn as required to distract him from victimizing furniture.

Nonapod said...

Those are some ugly looking people.

But if they were really good looking I wonder if the cops would've arrested them or just let them off with a warning.

EMD said...

Word is, the couch-molester is engaged to an end-table.

Take that, bigots!

ndspinelli said...
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ndspinelli said...
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TJIC said...

> Can we extract some tips for how to get away with having sex outdoors?

Own 10 acres of wooded land, mark it "no trespassing".

TJIC said...

> Can we extract some tips for how to get away with having sex outdoors?

Own 10 acres of wooded land, mark it "no trespassing".

ndspinelli said...
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ndspinelli said...
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traditionalguy said...

So is wearing shorts part of the problem with their technique?

It is easier to go into the bushes with long pants on. That helps avoid scratches.

ndspinelli said...
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Tank said...

Lookin at that ruined my weekend.

Hard to see how you would stop laughing long enough to make an arrest.

ndspinelli said...
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madAsHell said...

She's fugly!

I'll bet her hygiene matches her appearance. Imagine the poon bisque and frumunda cheese in those shorts.


Methadras said...

MY EYES!!! Triple bagger for sure.

ndspinelli said...

This makes up for all of those stupid baseball rules questions from last week.

ndspinelli said...
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Sorun said...

If I was the cop taking his mugshot, I'd tell him, "Now give me the look on your face when you glanced at her ass before sticking it in."

madAsHell said...

you're saying Bartolo Colon's sister was "throwing cheese?"

I don't know what that means.

Your doctor would refer to frumunda cheese as smegma.

Mitchell the Bat said...

Good thing they arrested her because I doubt she'd last through all 26.

Marshal said...

ndspinelli said...
I guess? That photo explains the doggy style.


I can't imagine her ass is any more attractive.

Tank said...

This post must be punishment for the gay whining stuff, right?

Clyde said...

Oh my God! That is a FUGLY woman! Life in prison with no parole for inflicting that on the public, and a mandatory burqa as well!

Clyde said...

Re: The couch guy: Well, it WAS a 'love seat', if you know what I mean and I think you do.

David said...

And just why is this not constitutionally protected?

SteveR said...

4pm-daylight
First base line-wide open
25 anybodies on bikes aren't going to sneak up quietly

There's differnce between the extra excitement on doing it in a public place and being stupid about it.

Jake said...

How many of those cops are now on suicide watch? Precinct shrink must be working overtime.

Methadras said...

She looks like a human thumb.

MadisonMan said...

From the article linked by EMD:

"I concluded that he had been thrusting his pelvic area against the cushions and trying to sexually gratify himself by rubbing his penis between the two cushions," said Edwards.

Who talks like that to describe a guy screwing a couch?

William said...

Will no feminist speak up for the authenticity of this woman?

donald said...

New season of East Bound and don is right around the corner.

Nomennovum said...

Will no feminist speak up for the authenticity of this woman?


I think this incident should be taken as good news for all women, for no matter how low your sexual market value is, there is some horny bastard out there willing to stick it in you.

Does that comment make me pro-women?

Will Cate said...

Woah Nellie... beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder.

Surfed said...

Presented without comment.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2013/06/24/the-truth-about-mixed-race-couples/

traditionalguy said...

This sofa sex app sounds like a great add on for sleep number beds. Sex sells.

exhelodrvr1 said...

Man up, loser!!

Left Bank of the Charles said...

The best way to get away with having sex outdoors is to build a house around it.

traditionalguy said...

A biking tag seems funny. But maybe a record number of 25 police bikers showing up at once is worth noting.

Rabel said...

With each passing moment that I spend here on the Althouse blog, my mind floats a little further down the gutter. But very soon, as my values evolve along the course of my journey, I will drift into the beautiful blue sea and be able to swim free with the gay dolphins and the lesbian whales.

Unless, of course, I drift into the sewage treatment plant. That would be something completely different.

edutcher said...

What with bug bites, poison ivy and all, my advice would be Don't.

Rialby said...

The only thing really remarkable about this story is that it's about a man and a woman. Men having sex in public with each other is quite common. So common that several very high profile gay men have been the subject of arrests for this behavior. But we choose to close our eyes to that kind of behavior because 'they just want to get married'!

Chip Ahoy said...

This whole time I was visualizing an under-the-bleachers thing while a ballgame is going on and when I realized the ballgame was not going on at the time, and this was not occurring fraught with the danger of discovery of truly public sex -- doing it in the open right under the very noses of hundreds of spectators while their attention is on a ballgame, and roars of the crowd, and the foot of the runner sliding into first right in front of them threatening to reveal their bold sexual escapade, well, you can imagine my disappointment. That was public area sex, not public public sex cloaked by shadow in the presence of a crowd.

Plus, "moo."

rhhardin said...

If he's banging away, he's home, not on first base.

Big Mike said...

Can we extract some tips for how to get away with having sex outdoors?

Well I guess your question explains why we get so many photos taken while you and Meade are off hiking or cross-country skiing.

Mary Beth said...

TJIC said...

> Can we extract some tips for how to get away with having sex outdoors?

Own 10 acres of wooded land, mark it "no trespassing".

6/28/13, 12:54 PM


Only if your home is in the middle of those 10 acres and you stay within its immediate area.

See the "Open Fields" section.