April 22, 2013

"We wanted to give people a sense of not only where to put their sexual organs, but where to put their arms and legs."

"If you have never seen a movie, never read a book, how are you supposed to know what you do?... It's a very useful book for people who were raised religious and have never received any form of sexuality education..."
Instead there is a sealed envelope on the back flap, with a warning to readers that it contains sexual diagrams. If you don't want to look at them, you can rip off the envelope and throw it away....

There are three diagrams of basic sexual positions.... The sketches are simple: outlined figures with no faces.

41 comments:

Nonapod said...

Makes you wonder how people successfully had sex for thousands of years before all this information was widely available!

Will Cate said...

And yet, somehow, the Tribes survived four thousand years without explicit pictorial instructions... (unless they had somehow acquired copies of the Kama Sutra, that is)

Sorun said...

"There are three diagrams of basic sexual positions..."

Missionary...check.
What about the other two? I'm torn between including a couple of other intercourse positions and oral sex.

Inga said...

No need for illustration (IMO), simply speak the language of love and all else follows......eventually, even for the ultra religious, educated separately.

Mitchell the Bat said...

I just might convert if ultra-Orthodox women all have low expectations.

Renee said...

""Sex is only appropriate within a marital context," he says. "Beyond that it's not talked about. Because of that, it's become very difficult for people to have any kind of dialogue about it.""


Sex is something you do, not discuss. People who usually talk about sex, I find are those who are usually unhappy with that aspect of life. Also known as complaining.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

I'm pretty sure that a marriage counselor to orthodox Jews with their 8-10 kid families isn't trying to teach those poor fools that Tab A goes into Slot B. The point of the book is that it's a sex manual appropriate to the needs and beliefs of those particular people-to improve their intimate lives, not to tell them how to do it.

Brew Master said...

One wonders how it is possible that the ultra-religious manage to reproduce. After all, they are so surpressed sexually that they need instructions, apparently.

Who needs instructions? Just let your animal instincts take over. Half the fun is figuring out your partner, as not everyone is the same.

I Have Misplaced My Pants said...

Bless your heart, Renee, how do you know the first thing about what kinds of intimate conversations other married people have? I think if a marriage counselor to these people sees a need among his clients for this, he's probably got a reason for it.

rhhardin said...

Has the extra arm problem been solved?

I haven't been keeping up.

traditionalguy said...

They need some action. Still pictures will leave them stationary waiting for what will not happen if theyn stay still.

I bet these guys and gals in Hasidic society are getting some advice on the side and are only pretending to be innocent.

FleetUSA said...

And he wants to make money telling people what comes naturally? I don't think orthodox Jews have had any problems reproducing up until now. Maybe they are watching too much Jerry Springer?

wyo sis said...

A boon for 3rd graders everywhere. Everyone else probably can figure it out.

n.n said...
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bagoh20 said...

This has not been thought out. How can you follow those instructions in the dark? And there is no list of included parts or tools required. Piss poor instructions. They will go extinct.

n.n said...

The "experts" fail to distinguish between nature and nurture.

It may have escaped their notice, but adherents to traditional philosophies, including mainstream religions, are more likely to enjoy evolutionary fitness.

Not only do conservative men and women embrace procreation, and the actions which lead to its realization, but they are also less likely to sacrifice or exploit an innocent human life to secure their wealth and welfare.

The rule of thumb is just do what feels good for both you and your partner, and accept responsibility for the potential, but predictable outcome of your behavior.

It's amazing to observe just how capable people are when they are not treated with contempt by their purported superiors

edutcher said...

After 5772 years, you'd think they'd have it right.

Rob said...

Oh Lordy, my initial reaction was how much fun it would be to smuggle into the books a bogus envelope of drawings, showing varieties of sexual positions that would make the authors of the Kama Sutra blush. Imagine the hijinks that would ensue.

I'm going to Hell.

mccullough said...

I'm guessing missionary, cowgirl, and reverse cowgirl.

McTriumph said...

Considering Japan's population implosion, maybe this book needs to be distributed there or just outlaw abortion.

McTriumph said...

I learn sexual positions the hard way, my first car was a VW bug.

rcommal said...

For thousands of years, people were agrarian and were able to observe nature. My mom, born and raised on a family farm by people both born and raised on family farms (and so on, back through time), used to say that farmers kids got the basics of reproduction pretty early on and pretty much by osmosis, as a result of daily life. Perhaps more urban types don't have that advantage. And then, of course, historically people often lived in more cramped, family dwelling circumstances, so...overhearing and whatnot

Now, where the legs and arms go and other niceties that can enhance the basics of reproduction, that's a different thing.

rcommal said...

That said, it strikes me as a helpful idea, though, it not being my community or culture or religion, who am I to say.

Æthelflæd said...

My father had to reassure my mother's preacher, during the pre-marital counseling, that he hadn't gotten all his info from watching the farm animals.

t-man said...

You put your right hand it
You take your right hand out
You put hour right hand in,
And you shake it all about
You do the hokey-pokey
and you turn yourself around
That's what it's all about...


Jane said...

Read a book on the Ultraorthodox in Israel some time ago. It included an anecdote of a couple that was having trouble conceiving. They thought they were doing everything "right" but they really had no idea about "insertion" and their premarital instruction was too vague!

DADvocate said...

I'll keep my arms attached at the shoulders and my legs attached at the hips, thank you very much. If God wanted my arms and legs some where else, he'd given my pop joint shoulders and hips like Mr. Potato Head.

furious_a said...

Zaydeh always said "Roll'er in matzoh flour and aim for the wet spot!"

Steven said...

Makes you wonder how people successfully had sex for thousands of years before all this information was widely available!

The existence of large numbers of eight-year-olds who haven't witnessed multiple acts of copulation is entirely a phenomenon of the last century, when we first had a substantial non-rural population living in dwellings large enough to give parents a separate bedroom.

Nini said...

Is this the 21st century version of the Kama Sutra?

Peter said...

"One wonders how it is possible that the ultra-religious manage to reproduce.

One might wonder, yet their actual reproductive rate (in the aggregate, of course) leaves little doubt that they've figured it out far better than just about anyone else.

ken in sc said...

Throughout most of human history, human beings have seen domesticated animals mate since childhood. I know I did.

I read about an educated man in the 1950s who tried to impregnate his wife by ejaculating into her navel. It is only modern times that makes people need pictures.

SJ said...

Let's see...did they include any diagrams alongside suggestive passages from ancient erotic poetry?

Admittedly, both the rabbis and the ministers/priests of the world have long held that the poetry seen here has some spiritual meaning.

But it's kind of hard to imagine that a people group with that in their Good Book is usually uninformed about things sexual.

Come to think of it, the modern concept of religious groups suppressing information about sexual intercourse seems to be a product of recent history.

As in, the Victorians brought through a cultural change concerning when/whether/how a person would converse about sexual matters. They also brought through a cultural change in how women thought of sex and intercourse. (Previously, the dominant narrative was that most women really liked sex...the new narrative was that the more moral a woman was, the less likely she was to enjoy sexual experience.)

This change was not necessarily religious. But those most likely to attempt to keep those patterns alive in the 20th Century (when large parts of the culture used the teaching of Freud as an excuse to switch to sexual libertinism) are the religious.

Mike Rentner said...
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Skyler said...

Pre-literate species figure it out every day. Why are they claiming orthodox Jews are so dumb?

Astro said...

A book? Wouldn't a pamphlet discretely handed to the groom by the rabbi be sufficient? A basic diagram of what's what of the female anatomy for him, the male anatomy for her, taboos (anal?...), what do to, if anything, during her period or when she's pregnant, and don't frighten the livestock.

Coketown said...

I hope the illustrations were done in a style similar to Chip Ahoy's "Two Jews." That would be divine.

But anyway, this is all nonsense.

Exhibit A) Jews are not gremlins. They do not replicate when exposed to water. Rather, they procreate through some mechanism similar to sex. They have done so for thousands of years without the need for illustrations.

Exhibit B) When it's your first time, even if you know what to do, you don't know what to do. I had my first time mentally scripted for years. Then it actually happened and I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Then instinct took over and the arms and legs wound up exactly where they were intended--handcuffed to the bedposts and wrapped together in duct tape, respectively.

So I doubt anyone with a robust sexual education is any better prepared for their first night of wild, screaming ecstasy than one who has had no sex education. In short, when two people's loins are just CHURNING with frantic, burning, irrepressible passion, there is only one obvious thing to do--and it's called sex.

William said...

Now you tell me. I understand now why my first wife left me. I thought she was putting me on. Jeez, people really do put it there. How icky.

Saint Croix said...
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pduggie said...

Ironically, orthodox jews are usually pretty hostile to missionaries.