1. Tell us your favorite thing about Richard Nixon. (It's his birthday. No need to trot out all the usual hatred.)
2. When you encounter someone today, instead of saying "hi," do that 2-arms-raised-with-V-for-victory-fingers gesture.
3. For lunch: Ketchup on your cottage cheese.
4. Work Nixon phrases into conversations, e.g. "the lift of a driving dream."
5. When you put on your coat, call attention to the fact that it's a "cloth coat," as if that's remarkable, as if anyone would ever expect anyone these days to have a fur. If people look at you funny, double down by calling it "a respectable Republican cloth coat." If somebody gets the jump on you and calls their coat a "cloth coat" first, show that you get it by saying, "As I always say, you'd look good in anything."
6. At some point today, when you're with someone who never kneels to pray, insist that they get down on their knees and pray with you.
7. Wearing a dark suit and wingtips, take a walk on the beach.
8. Secretly record all your conversations. (Or is everyone already doing that?)
9. If anyone happens to say "pardon me," say: "Pursuant to the pardon power conferred upon me by Article II, Section II, I grant a full, free, and absolute pardon unto you for all offenses."
10. When you leave a room, turn to anyone who remains in it — or even to an empty room — and proclaim: "I leave you gentlemen now. But as I leave you I want you to know, you won't have [your name] to kick around any more."
11. This is special for lawprofs and other law folk. If anyone mentions Rehnquist, act like they got the name wrong, and faux-correct them with "Renchburg."
12. From Ron in the comments: Play ping pong. Watch Dr. StrangeKissinger. Just for the hell of it say, "Sock it to me?" Just for today call your closest friend "Spiro." Play Checkers.
13. If you find yourself in the kitchen with somebody, strike up a debate and at some point, start needling them about being a Communist.