October 30, 2012

"It would be weird to keep a man around to fetch things!"

Something I said in the comments to an October 2008 post titled "So, I've been thinking of getting a dog...." Note that I met Meade in January 2009 and married him later that year. Here's the context of the highlighted quote. I'd said I was thinking of getting a poodle and somebody said "Ann, women with poodles are like men in shorts." My response was:
Eh, if I was just trying to get men to like me, I would have kept my mouth shut about not liking them in shorts. But it's an interesting issue: What dog should a woman get if what she wants is to make herself as attractive as possible to men?
Somebody else, recommending boxers, said "they sleep a lot, and especially love to sleep with you," and I said:
Is that considered a plus? There is no way on earth I want to sleep with a dog (unless it's some sort of emergency freezing survival situation).
Meade spoke up, responding to "What dog should a woman get if what she wants is to make herself as attractive as possible to men?"
That would be no dog. Men are not attracted to women with dogs. We want to BE your dog, not be WITH your dog.
And to "There is no way on earth I want to sleep with a dog":
At least you don't want to share your bed with a dog. So there is hope.
And then:
Here's what you'll have if you get a Lab:

A shadow. He will follow you from room to room. It will drive you out of your beautiful mind. When you get up, he stands up. When you sit down, he will lie at your feet. Probably ON your feet. When you go to the kitchen for something to nibble on, he is right there with hangdog eyes saying, "Come ta thinkuvit, I'm hungry again too. May I have what you're having."

He will bring you anything and everything to pathetically try to please you - your slippers, your bra, your panties, your laptop. Sure, you say, wouldn't that be convenient? And it would be. IF you are the sort of ill-natured bad sport drag to have around mean and unfriendly person who likes her slippers, bra, panties, and laptop soaked in drool.

Believe me - a man can do all the things a Lab can do without bankrupting you with vet bills.
Which made me say:
It would be weird to keep a man around to fetch things!
And Meade said:
Exactly. That's my point. A fetch-crazy Lab, you will be stuck with for a good ten or twelve years. An obsessed-to-please will-do-anything-just-to-hear-the-music-of-your-laughter man, you just show to the door when you can't take any more.
And that's exactly what happened (except the part about not letting the "dog" sleep with me).

55 comments:

Mark Cunningham said...

Too Much Information.

MadisonMan said...

Some one told me yesterday to stop trying to make fetch work. It seems appropriate to mention that here too.

SeanF said...

So Meade said:

A) You should not want your dog to share your bed; and
B) He wants to be your dog.

That sounds like a red flag to me, Ann.

kimsch said...

An obsessed-to-please will-do-anything-just-to-hear-the-music-of-your-laughter man, you just show to the door when you can't take any more.

And that's exactly what happened (except the part about not letting the "dog" sleep with me).


You're not showing him the door are you?

Paddy O said...

Are you saying you showed Meade to the door?

Is this an extremely sad post?

kimsch said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Patrick said...

It seems you've now got the best of both worlds: Meade and the occasional visit from the local pooches. Not bad.

DADvocate said...

An obsessed-to-please will-do-anything-just-to-hear-the-music-of-your-laughter man, you just show to the door when you can't take any more.

???

bagoh20 said...

Did you read Obama's pamphlet? His second term will be devoted to passing the AHA (Affordable Handyman Act), as well as the ASA (Affordable Stud Act) and the GDA (Geezer Disposal Act). Julia has her needs.

DADvocate said...

Are you saying you showed Meade to the door?

The "Sandy" post made me wonder this the other day, but then I thought "no double entendre, it's just the hurricane."

bagoh20 said...

Please neuter your pets.

Meade said...

"You're not showing him the door are you?"

Only to let me out in the backyard to... you know... pee.

edutcher said...

Yorks are small and warm, but you need several.

And, except for the fetch part (a York looks at you like, "OK, I see it. Now what are you going to do with it?"), a York sounds a lot like a Lab (at times we've contemplated renaming ours, Underfoot Terriers).

Of course, there is another thing a man can do for you a Lab can't (unless you are really kinky).





But a lot of women are into home repair these days.

PS If you didn't want men to like you, you wouldn't be so beguiling.

I get the impression you broke a lot of hearts when you said, "Yes".

DADvocate said...

Only to let me out in the backyard to... you know... pee.

Glad to hear it.

Thinking about this, I realized I'm the George W. Bush of husbands. My ex and I have been divorced 15 years and she's still blaming me for all her problems.

kimsch said...

Meade,

Have you got all the leaves raked up? Or are the trees still in leaf?

Glad she's not showing you the door!

kimsch said...

edutcher,

we have a Siberian and a borkie (bichon-yorkie). The Siberian sleeps on a pillow on the floor, the borkie under the covers right next to me. Then there are the two fat cats on my feet and in the crook of my knee and the tiny cat (15 years old, the size of a six month old kitten) who sleeps on my arm. Once in bed I can't get out! But I'm nicely warm in the winter even with our heat set at 60.

deborah said...

Sounds cozy, Kim :)

Meade said...

"Have you got all the leaves raked up?"

kimsch, leaves have almost all fallen here in the southeastern ridges and lowlands of Wisconsin and the lawn areas at Meadhouse are well raked and ready for snow. I have two gigantic piles of oak, maple, ash, and elm leaves in the corners of the backyard. They will break down and be next summer's mulch.

I'm a dedicated leaf leaver. (And, of course, I don't really pee back there.)

Inga said...

Does Meade have a cold wet nose?

kimsch said...

Deborah,

It is cozy until the fat queen decides she can't stand the sight of the tiny queen (happens too often for my taste) and then there's a cat fight on my hip.

The smaller animals quite literally walk all over me.

Sometimes the tom will sleep on hubby's head (we call the tom the sleeping hat when he does that) and if hubby's out of town the Siberian will try to get on the bed too. Last summer I had all five on the bed with me.

EDH said...

I Want to be Your Dog

So messed up I want you here
In my room I want you here
Now we're gonna be Face-to-face
And I'll lay right down In my favorite place
And now I wanna be your dog
Now I wanna be your dog
Now I wanna be your dog
Well c'mon
Now I'm ready to close my eyes
And now I'm ready to close my mind
And now I'm ready to feel your hand
And lose my heart on the burning sands
And now I wanna be your dog
And now I wenna be your dog
Now I wanna be your dog
Well c'mon

kimsch said...

Meade,

Heard a big crack this morning when starting the car to get ready to take The Little Guy to school. After I got back home I could see a large branch hanging in the next house but one's back yard. It's Sandy remnants here just south of the Cheese Curtain, northeastern-most Illinois county.

Good to hear you don't use the back yard for a latrine, but as a guy, you can. 'Tis harder for a woman... Especially when the only loo in the house is occupied...

davis,br said...

@DADvocate 10/30/12 10:55 AM: Thinking about this, I realized I'm the George W. Bush of husbands. My ex and I have been divorced 15 years and she's still blaming me for all her problems.

Okay. That cracked me up.

Actually, every since-divorced guy cracked up over it.

rhhardin said...

Dogs are quiet and warm.

Vicki Hearne in _Adam's Task_ (chapter How To Say Fetch) explains why fetch doesn't work on its own and how to make it work.

I just taught Vicki the "forced retrieve," which means a retrieve as a task rather than as play, somewhere is the video...

video

The method is in Koehler's Open Obedience book, for which you have to have used his novice book, neither of which is in print.

tiger said...

Hey! I need to ask: What's up with the dislike for men in shorts?

I wear 'em and have many compliments from women, so yea, me!

Besides better to being wearing shorts in hot weather than sweat-soaked, smelly blue jeans.

As for a dog to make a woman attractive to me(why would I care about other men?): a Golden, Border collie, Newfoundland, Bernese Mt. dog.

Meade said...

Inga said...
"Does Meade have a cold wet nose?"

Now, now, Inga, you will have to do your flirting with other commenters. Please - I'm a married man and I'm just as loyal, faithful, and true as the most loyal, faithful, trusty Labrador Retriever.

EMD said...

Some one told me yesterday to stop trying to make fetch work. It seems appropriate to mention that here too.


It's stop trying to make fetch happen.

But fetch is so .... fetch!

Inga said...

Oh damn Meade, but will Ann let me take you on a walk at least? You know, kind of like the dog sharing you do?


/humor

Inga said...

Where's Bagoh, off with those conservative bitches I bet.

/more humor

Phy said...

Aww. I nearly think this is romantic! (I am a fetcher, but mostly because we were thoroughly engaged before we discovered she is seven years... um. I think the argument is I have younger legs. At any rate, 'Acts of Service' is one of the five love languages, and I don't mind doing it, and she loves receiving this servicing, so it's been a match coming up on 27 years now.)

Meade said...

Heh. That reminds me - we have recently borrowed a third Lab from a new neighbor - a handsome black Lab. He swam with Joey and Bingo just the other day. More details if and when his owners give us permission to blog and post pics.

Meade said...

Well done, Phy. And congrats on 27 years.

Ann Althouse said...

"Hey! I need to ask: What's up with the dislike for men in shorts?"

There's a tendency for men to look like enlarged boys. A man shouldn't want to look like a child.

"I wear 'em and have many compliments from women, so yea, me!"

I've given some exceptions for men who wear shorts in a way that looks manly. Having excellent calves is key, but having a great physique more generally and not having big saggy shorts with a big baggy shirt help a lot.

furious_a said...

What dog should a woman get if what she wants is to make herself as attractive as possible to men?

A hunting or working breed.

traditionalguy said...

Serving another is a talent that when well done gives the servant power over the master.

One necessary part of being a good servant is to dress in a way to bring esteem on the master.This is called being my wife's "arm candy."

Helping another requires an exercise in patience. That waiting factor is what makes us adults.

Methadras said...

Methadras said...

Ann,

I think a good dog for you would be either a Pug or French Bulldog on the small side. They are easy to maintain and don't shed to much if at all. On the medium side a standard Schnauzer or Boxer would be good. Boxers can be high energy, but are fabulously loyal dogs and can be clowns. I have two. Great dogs. On the big dog side, I would say either a lab or golden retriever, an American Bulldog, or one of the Mastiff varieties. Good Luck.
10/19/08 10:39 PM


Here is what I said back then and I still stand by it. But I know it's too late. :D

john said...

Storm windows, Meade.

On in the fall, off in the spring. A woman will not get rid of her man with those tasks pending. Dog can't do that.

Storm windows.

Jake Diamond said...

"So, I've been thinking of getting a dog...." Note that I met Meade in January 2009 and married him later that year.

Mission Accomplished!

tiger said...

I've given some exceptions for men who wear shorts in a way that looks manly. Having excellent calves is key, but having a great physique more generally and not having big saggy shorts with a big baggy shirt help a lot.

Yup, it's the calves - gets the chicks every time...

kimsch said...

Good calves, and if he's wearing sandals - no nasty toes...

Indigo Red said...

I wear shorts even with my super skinny legs inherited from my disability that rival any concentration camp survivor and I don't give a damn what anyone thinks of how I look in shorts.

Livermoron said...

I guess I've completely misunderstood the meaning behind calling someone 'fetching'.

Get a boxer. Loyal, well-tempered, smart, clean, and can be very funny without resorting to too much prop humor. They look tough enough to be an effective deterrent and are fearless in protecting their people. The down side is that they are short-lived. Ten years or so. And find a lineage that doesn't have hip dysplasia. That applies to all dogs.
If you want something smaller, get a dachshund. They come in short and long-haired varities. They were bred to hunt badgers (Dachs in German), so you know that they're tough and you've got a perfect tie-in to Wisconsin. They aren't yippy like other small canines and Meade won't have to carry a man-purse like he would if you got a chihuahua.
Dachls are condensed big dogs. Happy, smart, loving and long-lived.

Livermoron said...

And I have calves like a Russian weightlifter. I could send photos for the right price.

I forgot to mention that.

Emil Blatz said...

Cocker Spaniels rule!

Roy Lofquist said...

I live in Florida. They don't sell long pants here.

bagoh20 said...

"Where's Bagoh, off with those conservative bitches I bet."

My home bitches are all liberals. They expect me to provide for all their needs and they produce nothing but crap.

As for the human ones, I don't even know any conservative women in real life. I'm in L.A. They're extinct here. If I met one, I would probably fall head over heals. Speaking of that, I think a woman with a big dog is very sexy. Put her in a pickup truck in jeans and a t-shirt, and the rest of the world drops away. Of course that never happens out here, and if it did, there is 50% chance that hot lady is a guy in those jeans, but I keep hope alive.

wyo sis said...

bagoh
I'm not auditioning for the job, but there are some women in Wyoming that fit your description to a T.

Crunchy Frog said...

Bagoh - come on up to Santa Clarita. They all moved up where when the Valley turned to crap 15 or so years ago.

Only problem is none of them are single - all married with 5 kids :(

Michael K said...

Until you've slept with a bassett hound, you don't know how small beds are.

bagoh20 said...

Something like this:

http://youtu.be/tvGHSvfnlsQ

bagoh20 said...

I mean it's got it all: pick up truck, dog, welding set, and redhead. What more could a man want?

Unknown said...

Boston terriers.. Very low shedding, little barking, clowns .. And they love everyone. Max weight 25 lbs, but my husband always says its a full size dog in a small package. I love my Boston.

Simon Kenton said...

bagoh20:

"I mean it's got it all: pick up truck, dog, welding set, and redhead. What more could a man want?"

My wife came with a Malamute. And last week when I dropped an elk in a low, dense thicket of manzanita, she helped bone it out.

That's what more a man could want.

Timotheus said...

I have a borador (border collie/lab) who, when I was single, was a babe magnet. She still is, but now I'm *very* happily married.

Timotheus said...

I have a borador (border collie/lab) who, when I was single, was a babe magnet. She still is, but now I'm *very* happily married.