October 31, 2012

A neighborly dispute about a light "shining through our bedroom window like a small but intense sun."

"In my country, terawatt globes are reserved for police helicopter chases and warning sailors of hazardous shoals. This is despite the fact that practically every living creature there can kill you in under three minutes."

41 comments:

wyo sis said...

Hyperbole and snark vs dead serious and humorless.
Rock and a hard place.
I predict a very rocky future for that neighborhood.

Original Mike said...

Light trespass. It's a real phenomenon.

Inga said...

Austria?! Yeah you know, where the kangaroos yodel.

Craig Landon said...

Gotta love Aussies.

Would be nice if they and South America could just trade populations. No continental drift required. Mexico would eventually be thankful.

My diversity deficit is showing, I guess.

Lem said...

Hilarious.

Astro said...

Some communities have a code requiring 'full cut off' lights - meaning that the light only shines DOWN (onto your own property), not sideways where it is not wanted, needed or even useful.
An opaque shade can usually be added that will work.

By the way, those are really 'insecurity' lights. Studies have shown they don't actually help with security at all. They tell the robbers you've got something worth stealing.

There are environmental issues with waste light too.

I admit a personal bias against such lighting, since it ruins the night sky I try to study.
You really want security, get a dog.

Pogo said...

I'm sure it's fake, but goddamn that was funny.

SteveR said...

Yeah I'm with Pogo, but funny

bagoh20 said...

I think that guy has what's known as "overpowering wit". Hilarious. And surprisingly, it worked.

I laughed out loud the whole way through.

Coketown said...

The whole exchange seems fake, as though crafted to attract the internet's attention (success!). How did the Australian get his doodle back to post online? Did he copy it before sending it, as though he might need to post it online later? Are there really people out there that are so passive-aggressive that they'd handle this kind of dispute entirely over email? If someone trespasses on your property twice, wouldn't you confront them in person? Would anyone really use such ridiculous, hyperbolic language in an email if they weren't planning to post it online? Do Australians really refer to 'bulbs' as 'globes' and use the word "practically" as loosely as Americans do?

I am not with Pogo because I didn't find it funny at all.

edutcher said...

Hey, in Chicago, there would have been an exchange of heavy weapons and an imposition of a DMZ by now.

cold pizza said...

"Last night, with my curtains closed and bedside light off, I read a book. Wearing sunglasses. Under a blanket." Classic. Reminded me a little bit of Hyperbole-and-a-half. -CP

Unknown said...

The original source is http://27bslash6.com/halogen.html

He has quite a few email exchanges up there, some more humorous than others.

Pogo said...

C'mon Coketown!

"Sometime during the roll-spring-mat maneuver, probably during the roll maneuver as it was over gravel and I was wearing shorts and a thin t-shirt so I had to take it slow, the raccoon left. Which probably isn't as exciting a story as it should be but this isn't Borneo and I'm not Jack London."

Seriously: tears.

Inga said...

The Aussie was trying to get the hard nose to relax and find his funny bone, obviously some folks lack one.

Philosophic Entrepreneur said...

Oooh, the original site has "Missing Missy." That's a classic.

Dante said...

Farmer should take notes.

From what's written, the Aussie was in your face. Why not simply point out the light was offensive? That's what the guy did after all the BS.

I thought it was funny originally, because the Aussie had righteous indignation on his side. But the text doesn't support it, only one guy being an asshole because it is fun, and forcing another guy to support his honor as a good citizen.

Fucking lefty Aussies.

Revenant said...

I feel a little better about humanity in general after reading this exchange.

jeff said...

You should post more fake, satirical emails for people to get all worked up about. Tons of them on the original web site this came from.

traditionalguy said...

Onion class humor. A merry heart doeth good like a medicine. (Prov 17:22)

madAsHell said...

I dunno. Does this guy sleep with his eyes open??

Have another beer...pass out....try not to wet the bed!!

Synova said...

Yard lights are considered anti-social in my neighborhood. It's not necessarily a *good* neighborhood either, so you'd think that "safety" lights would be a common idea.

But social expectations here are that if you wanted lights at night you'd live in town; if you want neighbors that mow their lawns you'd live in town; if you don't like the neighbor's rooster you'd live in town.

The most amazing part of it is that most lots are no more than 1/2 acre. We all just like to PRETEND we're not in town.

Synova said...

But we got new shades recently and chose the light-blocking ones. It still gets light-ish in the daytime because the shades don't fit perfectly, but I don't wake up because of a full moon any more.

Inga said...

When I worked nights, which was for almost 30 years, I had the light blocking shades and double thickness curtains. It kept my bedroom pretty dark. It's actually unhealthy to sleep with lights on.

Mary Beth said...

Thorne's funny and deserves the traffic at his site rather than a repost. Did they make the repost a jpg to avoid the copied content being detected?

I like this story of his too. And this one about a lost cat.

Michael K said...

Tis is what rifles were invented for. No need to go on his fucking property.

Pogo said...

Oh man, I thought I recognized his style. Those are hilarious.


I was laughing so hard the cat ran out of the room.

Mary Beth said...

I see other people already linked to the original site. I guess I should have read them before I commented.

Triangle Man said...

This exchange about the missing cat poster is my favorite.

bagoh20 said...

I have my blinds wide open 24/7, as well as the windows open March - November. I wake to the sun like a human should. Often this means my neighbor's partying gets me high in my bed, so I got that going for me.

OldGrouchyCranky said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
OldGrouchyCranky said...

Finally, you posted an article that is worthy of us, your adoring audience! Cheers, hooray, and whatever.

If that feeling of being bored arises again, write a post about The Arab Spring, Benghazi or Syria! That should alleviate those terrible feelings of ennui.

:-)

Tim said...

Michael K said...

"Tis is what rifles were invented for. No need to go on his fucking property."

Right.

A well aimed pellet gun can shatter any light bulb.

Don't ask me how I know.

bagoh20 said...

There are some very funny ones at that site. Thanks for the lead to the laughs.

Paddy O said...

I had a neighbor who had a floodlight that lit up my bedroom.

It was a vacation house for them. They came up every couple of months. The floodlight was on every night. This was in addition to their porch light. Otherwise a nice guy, a good artist. He was also a veteran Airborne in Vietnam.

Talked to him about that light, he didn't want to make changes.

I unscrewed it regularly soon after he left. I tried to remember to screw it in on weekends, just in case they came up. Didn't always remember.

Left a note one day in front of his light saying that if it happened again he would tear who ever did it's head off and piss in it. Or something like that.

Made me laugh, but that was when I read it and no one else was around. Figured I didn't want to escalate anything. So I just put up with it. Bothersome. It was in the mountains and otherwise we would have a beautiful night sky.

He ended up dying a couple months later. His family turned off the light. Still don't know why he was so obsessed with having that thing light up the whole neighborhood.

Shanna said...

Yard lights are considered anti-social in my neighborhood.

I have motion detecting lights in the front yard by my car, I can't imagine anyone minding that.

This one was hilarious, even if it was fake.

Ann Althouse said...

"He ended up dying a couple months later. His family turned off the light. Still don't know why he was so obsessed with having that thing light up the whole neighborhood."

He thought it deterred break-ins while he was away. He should have put it on a motion detector.

virgil xenophon said...

Motion detector security lighting with both a battery and solar panel power back-up are best for unattended properties..

Dust Bunny Queen said...

Probably fake, but very funny.

Too much work to go and take the light down. BB gun works much better.

We have motion detection lights so we can see when we drive in and want to get into the house in the dark and to protect the workshop, full of expensive tools and equipment. They are a pain because the deer, raccoons and other larger mass critters are always setting it off at night. On...off...on...off.

Paddy O said...

"He should have put it on a motion detector."

That's what every other house in the neighborhood has, which totally makes sense. It certainly was about preventing break-ins, but there was something more to it. Why he didn't want it to be on a motion detector. There was almost a dark phobia about it.

Or maybe it was hyper-vigilance about a past event. When we moved up there he said how glad he was someone was permanently staying in that part of the neighborhood, but didn't say more. Was a nice guy but there were somethings he just didn't care to share.

I suspect there was more to the story, but I never learned it. Very occasional neighbors are hard to understand.

Oxbay said...

Notice Ryan doesn't live there now.