August 19, 2012

"The P90X is very tough. I got the DVDs. I made it to the first part. Then I just put on 'Finding Nemo.' "

Jimmy Fallon, joking about Paul Ryan — "The guy is ripped" — with Nancy Pelosi, whose own joke was: "I don't really know him well because I've never been to the gym." And he doesn't know you because he's never been to the plastic surgeon. I'm not knocking her plastic surgery there. I'm just demonstrating how easy it is to write jokes like that.

And as long as I'm grabbing links from Drudge... those late-night joke writers better bear down and work a lot harder, seeing as NBC — home of "Late Night with Jimmy Fallon"—  just axed 20 staffers from "The Tonight Show."

54 comments:

Maguro said...

So when's Ryan going on Fallon's show to "slow jam the news"?

Sorun said...

I find it strange that anyone would want to see Nancy Pelosi on TV. There are people somewhere that like her?

edutcher said...

As with so many other things these days, polling notwithstanding, the real state of affairs is shown as people vote with their feet.

Sorun said...

I stopped watching these guys in 2009 when it became clear they weren't going to do Obama jokes. Comedians with no balls aren't worth watching.

The Crack Emcee said...

"Don't start, Son, it just makes you a slave to your body."

Col. Harry Potter, to Radar O'Reilly, after Radar announced he was going to start getting in shape.

Like Paul Ryan, the men in my family die early, and in their sleep. Unlike Paul Ryan, I am doing absolutely nothing to fight it. Death is a part of life and I embrace it.

The point is to use the time you have well - and, unless you're a gerbil in a cage, I don't consider time on a treadmill a good use of time.

Narcissism - another aspect of the mental slavery of cultism that we've been taught since the 60s - is a terror of our age. Paul Ryan's abs reveal him to be the kind of guy who spends too much time looking in the mirror, like a woman.

I'm not crazy about the "look at me" hunting photos, either:

Just kill something and get it over with,...

Chip S. said...

Expanding on Sorun's comment... don't be so callous toward those late-night writers, Althouse. You think it's easy coming up with a dozen jokes every night when none of them can make fun of the president?

Pogo said...

What did they axe the staffers?

ddh said...

I have long suspected that Rep. Pelosi has been using synthroid to stay thin. This synthetic thyroid medication boosts your metabolism, burning more calories, but it can also reduce muscle control, resulting in sudden, jerky, birdlike movements.

Ken said...

Crack,

Paul Ryan's abs reveal him to be the kind of guy who spends too much time looking in the mirror, like a woman.

I'm not crazy about the "look at me" hunting photos, either:

Just kill something and get it over with,...


Sounds like you see yourself as a pussy and are threatened by men.

You really don't know how to think clearly do you Crack? This is like saying Ryan only went to school because he wants to show off how smart he is, not actually learn something. You're a bitter clown and every comment you post only reinforces that.

Quaestor said...

Pelosi could have said something else about her unacquaintedness with Paul Ryan and avoided the lie:

"I don't know him very well because I'm never in to House except when it's time to vote."

Which is perfectly true, even as Speaker Nancy Pelosi was absent 99% of the time.

Danno said...

I thought Nancy Pelosi had perished (melted) when Dorothy douses her with water in the land of Oz. ... Oh wait, that was the other wicked witch!

The Crack Emcee said...

Ken,

Sounds like you see yourself as a pussy and are threatened by men.

Here we go:

The argument, that the only guy campaigning against cultism wants to start his own cult, is now followed by the only guy who's campaigned for true masculinity is threatened by men.

Jesus, you guys can be simple-minded.

You're a bitter clown and every comment you post only reinforces that.

And you're a NewAger, so brainwashed into unreality you're convinced "bitter" isn't a true human emotion, so calling someone that will win you points.

Fuck yeah, I'm bitter, and hateful, and angry, and frustrated, and a lot of other emotions you cultists seem to think - by peer pressure alone - you can outlaw.

Fuck you.

Now around me, you won't, Pal,...

The Crack Emcee said...

Hey, Ken, why don't you go join the Moonies?

That way, you can be around smiling morons all the time,...

yashu said...

Has Pelosi done a late-night gig like this before? This is the first instance I'm aware. NB It wasn't just jokes; she talked politics and went on the attack:

Pelosi then took shots at the John Boehner-led Republican House: “The president has tried to cooperate with the Republican majority led by Speaker Boehner, they really have not cooperated with him. That obstruction has really been their philosophy.”

“They just won’t cooperate with him,” she continued. “So that’s why this selection is so important. We must re-elect President Obama and give him a Congress that can work with him,” she said to cheers and applause. …

“When I was speaker, I cooperated with him with President Bush,” she claimed to Fallon. “This obstruction of the president is something quite new. We got a good deal done when President Bush was president because we said, ‘How can we work together to get results — to solve problems for the American people?’”

“But they have just made a decision to obstruct President Obama,” she concluded. “And that’s just not right for the American people.”


So I guess this means Pelosi and perhaps Democrats in general are following Obama's "entertainment media" strategy. Forget even lib-friendly press-- they're liable to ask troublesome questions or challenge what we say-- let's campaign and drive our talking points through Entertainment Tonight, Late Night, People, ESPN...

By the way, how funny is this part: "We got a good deal done when President Bush was president because we said, ‘How can we work together to get results — to solve problems for the American people?’” I thought Bush was to blame for the economic collapse and every bad thing Obama inherited?! You mean Bush and Democrats together produced those results?? You don't say.

Kchiker said...

""I don't really know him well because I've never been to the gym." And he doesn't know you because he's never been to the plastic surgeon. I'm not knocking her plastic surgery there. I'm just demonstrating how easy it is to write jokes like that. “

Really? It sounds like you are very much knocking her or plastic surgery or both. The two jokes are much different in that the reference to Paul Ryan being dedicated to his workout routine is in no way a putdown. Your post just sounds mean, which is unlike you.

Synova said...

Pelosi cooperating with President Bush was President Bush agreeing to sign anything that the Democratic controlled congress sent to him, just so long as they passed war funding.

What has Obama done (or the Dem controlled Senate done) that they *didn't* want, but that the Republican House did?

Oh, nothing? What a surprise.

Rabel said...

"And he doesn't know you because he's never been to the plastic surgeon."

The Althammer strikes. Very good. Watch your back, Iowahawk.

Rabel said...

"Your post just sounds mean, which is unlike you."

You're new here, aren't you?

Kchiker said...

""Your post just sounds mean, which is unlike you."

You're new here, aren't you?”

I had thought there was a difference between cruel neutrality and mean. Perhaps not.

jr565 said...

Did they play "Crazy Bitch" or "Crazy" or some insulting song when Pelosi walked out? If not, then nothing they have to say is of interest to me.
A bunch of parisan hacks disguising their partisanship under the guise of entertainment. F Jimmy Fallon, and in particular F his band.

jr565 said...

Crack,
You can be slavish to physical fitness and treat it as a vanity project to feed your narcissim. But that being said, it doesn't meant that fitness is somehow bad and should be avoided

jr565 said...

If not a treadmill, why not a steady walk. Or lifting a few weights? (or p90x).
By the way, I'd actually agree that the treadmill may not be the most effective excercise, at least how most people do it. But there are other alternatives.

Titus said...

""Your post just sounds mean, which is unlike you."

Thanks for the laugh.

pbAndjFellowRepublican said...

Plastic surgery isn't the same as being fit.

One is improvement that results from hard work, the other is improvement that is the result of sorta-cheating.



A better (but still flawed) equivalent would be Ryan saying that he doesn't know Pelosi because he's doesn't hang out w/ the CA celebrity in-crowd.

(Of course, most people don't like CA celebrities, so this is still too blatantly a personal attack. But, it's better than making fun of an old lady w/ plastic surgery.)

BTW, what happened to Althouse who was worried that women of America would rise up against folks who made fun of ridiculously expensive dancing horses, because supposedly such big dollar horsing around is soooo relatable. Plastic surgery (and especially women trying to look younger) is probably more common than extremely expensive dancing horses.

*full disclosure: my sister has some of those dancing horses--but hers are less ridiculously expensive.

eatbees said...

It could be argued that Pelosi's remark was meant to be gracious and self-effacing (I don't work out as much as I should) rather than condescending (Paul Ryan is a musclehead).

There is no way to give a "gracious" spin to the remark about plastic surgery.

No equivalence.

Harsh Pencil said...

For God's sake people, stop responding to Crack. Maybe he will go away. Same with the Mick Jagger idiot.

The problem is not so much what they say, it's the predictability. You learn nothing by reading their comments. Nothing. It's the same thing every time.

Once I see it's another Crack dominated comment thread, I stop reading. Shame, because some of the comment threads here can be very good. But not when half the comments are from Crack and his responders. (Same with Mick).

HT said...

Has Nancy Pelosi had her teeth done? Whitened? Has Paul Ryan? Maybe they don't know each other because they haven't seen each other at the cosmetic dentist's.

wyo sis said...

It was a snarky remark made to get a laugh at Ryan's expense. Nothing more. A return snarky remark made to get a laugh at Pelosi's expense is the same thing. Nothing more.

It's that predictable time in the campaign when we all get huffy and self-righteous about what someone said. If you pay attention this cycle has been going on since grade school elections for chalkboard monitor.

If you enjoy the whole process have fun if it makes you crazy ignore it.

America's Politico said...

The reason by Biden should apologize,

http://thyblackman.com/2012/08/17/vp-joe-bidens-racial-remarks-need-an-apology-not-more-excuses/

JMS said...
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JMS said...

I've watched The Tonight Show consistently since Leno took over from Carson. The monologue was hilarious when Clinton was president, but less so in GWB's second term. Making jokes about Bush being stupid might be funny the first 50 times, maybe even the first 500 times, but after 5,000 times, it's just mind-numbingly stultifying.

So I looked forward to a new president and new jokes. Except there weren't any. Just new jokes about Republican senators, congressmen and former governors who were too dumb to know how to read. There were no jokes about the president at all (except for the one his wife told about him not picking up his socks). It was like I was living in a bizarre alternative universe. So I quit watching Leno around 2010.

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rehajm said...

So I quit watching Leno around 2010.

As did I, for the same reasons. And as a proponent of free markets I must say I possess a bit of satisfaction hearing they are hurting financially. Keep up the good work everyone...

Ralph L said...

I enjoyed JMS's comment, but after the 5th time, it's just mind-numbingly stultifying.

Ctmom4 said...

@eatbees - You are not very familiar with San Fran Nan, are you? Gracious and self effacing are not in her repertoire. Not toward republicans, anyway.

MadisonMan said...

Like Paul Ryan, the men in my family die early, and in their sleep. Unlike Paul Ryan, I am doing absolutely nothing to fight it. Death is a part of life and I embrace it.

Maybe Paul Ryan is trying to stay in shape because he has small children and he doesn't want them fatherless at 15 or 16.

The Crack Emcee said...

MadisonMan,

Maybe Paul Ryan is trying to stay in shape because he has small children and he doesn't want them fatherless at 15 or 16.

And his male ancestors did?

Seems to me, if you know you're going to die early, you'd spend more time with your kids and less time working on your abs.

Word is he has 6-8% body fat. That's not good. Fat people die from specific diseases, but skinny people die from everything, so he's actually putting himself at risk if that's how he thinks about things.

I've seen so many deaths, in so many ways, I can't think in that manner. Here's the facts:

You live/you die, get used to it - and have a cigar.

Ralph L said...

Since he's in DC most of the week, and his kids are in Wisconsin, exercise isn't taking time from them, compared to a political career.

Freeman Hunt said...

Aside from my father, people in my family tend to live a long time and then die instantly. I've never asked, but I assume these are massive strokes. Therefore, instead of working out all the time, we have to try to be good all the time--who knows when one might suddenly keel over dead?

bagoh20 said...

Don't flatter yourself. Your kids don't need or want all that much of your time anyway. Give them a break and tell them to go outside and climb a tree or play army or something while you work out.

Your wife will probably divorce you later, so you want to be in good shape so that you can pick up a new younger one without needing the other half of your net worth.

He's just being a physical conservative.

MadisonMan said...

Crack, one thing is certain: You know as much about Paul Ryan's medical history and present medical condition as I do.

Yet our speculation about things regarding Ryan are very different.

Why is that?

wyo sis said...

Freeman Hunt
I like your perspective. It sounds like a better plan since life is unpredictable.

Maybe Ryan does it because he likes how it makes him feel. Being healthy with stamina and energy feels better.

The Crack Emcee said...

MadisonMan,

Crack, one thing is certain: You know as much about Paul Ryan's medical history and present medical condition as I do.

Yet our speculation about things regarding Ryan are very different.

Why is that?


I don't know. Maybe because you don't take three of his immediate male ancestors dying right before the age of 60 as seriously as I do.

I figure I know exactly how much time I have, and I'm cool with that. A candle that burns brightly and then goes out on schedule. No major illnesses, no falling apart, or getting senile - just go to sleep and be done with it. It's comforting.

More than the insane "wellness" freakout I see everybody else involved with.

I WILL eat that steak. And I WILL eat that ice cream. And I WILL stay up late tonight, drinking with my friends. Fuck trying to live forever:

Most of this insanity is enough for me to want to be done with it sooner anyway.

Another election where my country elects a cultist?

Please, if there is a God, take me now,...

Palladian said...

Please, if there is a God, take me now

Seconded.

bagoh20 said...

It's all about the cost/benefit analysis. I don't deny myself anything that I want unless I find some greater value in the denying. I follow my own little neurosis that I call addictive moderation, where I try to do everything to where I extract the most reward with the least cost. I basically stick to the middle of the road while gleefully swerving all the way to either side as whimsy, boredom or dissatisfaction may inspire me. I can go on a binge one week and work my ass off the next. I manage to enjoy both that way without giving up much.

I'm neither in great nor bad shape physically. Although I would prefer to be in Ryan's shape, I'm not willing to pay the price, when I can get 80% of the way there without sacrificing anything.

I've been in great shape, and I've been a pig, and great shape definitely is better and has advantages, most significantly that you just feel better, are happier, and more confident, but it's not much better than being in just decent shape.

Now if I thought it would double my income or make me live a decade longer, then I MIGHT consider the sacrifices worthwhile, but I don't any longer, so I do it all a little: I binge AND I work hard physically, both just enough to get what I want without losing much.

Yes, you can have it all, if you aren't too greedy.

But, some people may get a lot more satisfaction out of one or the other and therefor choose to go deeper on that side. I don't get enough out of either having a rock hard six pack, or drinking a keg to do either anymore, but the important thing is: that's just me. I have no problem with others who see it different as long as they don't try to force me to join their personal neurosis. I already got one of those, thank you.

jr565 said...
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KJE said...

I WILL eat that steak. And I WILL eat that ice cream. And I WILL stay up late tonight, drinking with my friends. Fuck trying to live forever

I read your posts, and you seem all about choice. As a wellness freak, I respect yours, although I may disagree with the rationale behind it.

Why can't you respect his?

And I eat the steak too. But I also will run 4 or 5 miles and lift some weights.

Michael Haz said...

Narcissism - another aspect of the mental slavery of cultism that we've been taught since the 60s - is a terror of our age. Paul Ryan's abs reveal him to be the kind of guy who spends too much time looking in the mirror, like a woman.

Well, at least there's no narcissism in posting a comment or ten on every every blog topic, every day, is there?

acm said...

Crack, do you think it's maybe, just maybe possible that Paul Ryan derives more enjoyment and satisfaction from working out than eating steak and ice cream? I hate steak, always have. I like the gym and I like tumbling. If I knew for sure (which I don't, because I'm not into fate and destiny, and do believe in medical science) I'd die at 60, I'd still hit the gym, I'd still be seeing if I could keep up with the cheerleading teams that use the same gym because it's fun for me. Could you maybe concede that other people derive enjoyment from different activities?

Failing that, maybe you could stop acting like it's somehow less cultish to say "my father died at 60, so I will simply accept my fate" rather than to say "My family has a history of heart disease, so maybe I should listen to experts on the subject of heart disease and see if there's a way to keep from developing that until I'm maybe 65 or 70". Homeopathy is cultish, sure. Crystals, candles, all that bullshit. But, no, exercising and staying healthy in order to reduce your risk of an early death is not cultish.