August 13, 2012

How will Biden prepare for the VP debate with Ryan?

Leading off the comments over at the "Paul Ryan shirtless" post this morning, Brennan says:
Joe Biden will subsequently start the "Insanity" workout since he has to have completed the repairs on his Firebird -[link to the Onion] by now.
Great shirtless pictures of Biden at that Onion link. And suddenly I pictured it: What Biden must do to prepare for the VP debate! Everyone's been saying Ryan's so smart and knowledgeable and articulate and this is going to make it so tough for poor Joe "much higher I.Q. than you" Biden. Maybe you're picturing him boning up on all the substantive talking points. I say no. No boning up. Pumping up!

When the big debate day comes, the broad-shouldered, slab-o-meat Paul Ryan steps onto the stage and the crowd explodes with admiring applause. And then Joe Biden is announced. Out he comes. It's unbelievable. He's done it. He's huge. He's more massive than Paul "the torso" Ryan!

61 comments:

Chuck66 said...

It will be attacks with conspiracy theories about how "the rich" will benefit under Romney-Ryan. No details other then 51% of the population getting free stuff under Obama, while the people will suffer under Romney-Ryan.

Ryan needs to turn it around and try to explain his proposals in what will just be an extended sound bite. Challenge Biden on the $100,000,000,000,000 unfunded mandate.

Christopher in MA said...

Maybe you're picturing him boning up on all the substantive talking points.

You must be joking. Biden will lie, plagiarize and con his way through any debate with Ryan, who, sadly, will probably be too much the gentleman to nail that senile creature's hide to the wall.

I suppose it would be too much to expect a grand mal seizure when Slow Joe tries to make a coherent point, but one can always hope.

shiloh said...

Yea, just like Cheney went the full work-out route against Edwards. This blog is too funny! :)

Rose said...

Biden will never make it to that debate.

Hillary, of course, will say no, and will enjoy watching Obama fall. (That's if she has any pride or self-respect left)

Obama should select Anthony Weiner as his attack dog. Obama himself knows he is toast anyway, so why not make it interesting?

chuck said...

Fortunately, there are muscle implants available.

TWM said...

"Yea, just like Cheney went the full work-out route against Edwards. This blog is too funny! :)"

Cheney doesn't need muscles. His stare makes Darth Vader tremble.

stealth pundit said...

I'm picturing a re-make of "Being There" with Biden as Chance the Gardener. Maybe Shirley MacLaine will reprise her role.

Rick Caird said...

I can see it now. Biden furtively buying anabolic steroids at the gym. Then caught by the drug warriors of TSA monitoring Amtrak.

Meade said...

Ha ha ha. Shiloh said Edwards.

Brennan said...

Since the President and his Vice both claim there is a war on women, they might have to enlist Jillian Michaels for the next episode of "Losing It with Jillian" on NBC. It will be a weight loss show, but ironically timed for electoral defeat and cancellation on Wednesday November 7th, 2012.

David said...

Don't sell Biden short.

Somehow he has survived and thrived.

His harebrained style might be the right foil for Mr. Serious.

Plus Martha Raddatz will not be able to understand a word Ryan says, so the debate should be particularly disjointed.

Bob Ellison said...

This talk about Ryan's appearance is fascinating. Back when Sarah Palin was announced, it seemed inappropriate to comment on her looks. But with Ryan, it's open season!

Maybe I'm just being uptight here.

Bob Ellison said...

David alluded to Biden's "harebrained style". I think you meant...wait for it...hair-brained! A ha ha ha ha!

shiloh said...

"Ha ha ha. Shiloh said Edwards."

Meade swoops in w/an inane fly-by. hmm, must have struck a nerve!

Thanx for sharing ...

Icepick said...

Joe will get hair plugs for his chest, then let the hair grow out to cover up the imperfections of his torso. Then he'll walk on stage for the debate shirtless, displaying his chest rug. The Obama handlers will let him do this, because it will distract people from the colossal nature of Joe's idiocy.

wyo sis said...

Shiloh is particularly edgy today. What could have changed in the last 3 days? I predict increasingly foam speckled comments as the election season advances.
Always entertaining.

DADvocate said...

Biden will start out wiht the "you're just another rich white guy" routine, stutter and stammer because he's talking to himself, and go downhill from there.

edutcher said...

Hopefully, Joe will try to do better than the shellacking he took from Miss Sarah.

Michael Haz said...

Dear Joe Biden: There will be math.

Paul Ryan and Joe Biden both have good hair. Joe Biden has the receipt for his.

bagoh20 said...

Do you think a person can catch cooties through Blogger?

Original Mike said...

How will Ryan prepare for the debate? I mean, where are they going to find somebody who can play Biden?

bagoh20 said...

Suicide watch.

Getting Darth Vader to play Ryan in the practice debates is not helping.

Alex said...

The entire Obama campaign boils down to scaring seniors and pitting the middle class vs the wealthy.

Bill said...

We've had so much fun imaging just about anyone mopping up the floor with Biden, I'm afraid that expectations will be too high. Between that and a compliant press, Biden may wind up exceeding expectations just by not soiling himself.

One of the reasons Ryan's so effective is that he can be disarmingly polite while he's eviscerating your argument with facts and figures. That works well against someone who's hostile and sputtering their talking points.

But Biden's disarmingly polite as well (just in a crazy-Uncle kind of way). If Biden keeps his cool and has a "there you go again" type moment somewhere in there, they'll say he won.

Alex said...

Ryan vs Biden will be like when Neo saw the codes.

Bob Ellison said...

Original Mike, it's an interesting question. How does one prepare for a contest in which one is considered the overwhelming favorite?

The USA men's basketball team is an interesting study. They should beat everyone like a drum, but they have to Greece and Argentina.

What can Ryan do? Chew the gum Biden chews? Maybe practice up on plagiarism?

traditionalguy said...

Their tattoos and piercings are the best way to rate VP candidates.

All the rest are mindless blather.

Who was Harry Truman anyway? The day FDR died at Warm Springs no one remembered who the VP was.

Scott said...

I think Biden probably has better foreign policy chops than Ryan. When the debate veers into that arena, Ryan may be in trouble.

Chip Ahoy said...

How will he prepare?

Continue with the plugs treatment to further fill in the back area.

When that unforgiving camera in the back gets a full shot of the shine it puts emphasis on the disingenuous alteration made to the front.

It's not the alteration that is damaging, it's the vanity highlighted and only half satisfied that compares unfavorably to a fully haired, jet black with no dye topping a logistician.

Were he to really prepare he'd shave his head.

Old and busted: desperately clinging to disappearing follicles.

New hotness: embracing the bald.

Pastafarian said...

I would imagine that to prepare Biden for the debate, the Obama campaign will hire a professional soccer player to kick Joe in the nuts as hard as he can, repeatedly.

Then just before the debate, Biden's last-minute prep work will consist mostly of curling up in the fetal position and quietly sobbing.

Rusty said...

shiloh said...
"Ha ha ha. Shiloh said Edwards."

Meade swoops in w/an inane fly-by. hmm, must have struck a nerve!

Thanx for sharing ...


Said the ditzy twit who's famous for his-wait for it-fly by comments.


irony.
the def. of.

john said...

Some of the commenters here are sounding like this guy.

cassandra lite said...

"I was a poor working-class boy from Austria who fell in love with the American dream when I began pumping iron and came to Ameri--wait, what? Section one, article two? Huh. Oh, right. Yes. Okay, I was a poor working-class boy from Kentucky when I began lifting the family tractor and fell in love with..."

furious_a said...

"G-d love ya!"

Rob Portman will likely reprise his prior roles as the "aggressor squadron" for the debate prep.

Probably throw in a few jokes about South Asians and 7-Eleven and call for a man in a wheelchair to stand and take a bow, just for versimilitude.

Original Mike said...

"I think Biden probably has better foreign policy chops than Ryan."

Problem is, Biden has been consistently wrong on foreign policy issues. Like his plan to partition Iraq.

Lem said...

"How will Biden prepare for the VP debate with Ryan?"

Get a Shunamitism prescription to be 'administered' by a White House intern.

dbp said...

Original Mike said...
"How will Ryan prepare for the debate? I mean, where are they going to find somebody who can play Biden?"

Steve Carell could do it. His character from The Office is not unlike Biden's actual personality.

Icepick said...

Like his plan to partition Iraq.

Yes, there aren't many mainstream American politicians who have called for ethnic cleansing. The fact that he has a (D) appended to his name means that he gets lauded for it, despite the nastiness involved.

Jay Vogt said...

Ritalin is the only thing that I can think of that might help.

Amartel said...

"If Biden keeps his cool and has a "there you go again" type moment somewhere in there, they'll say he won."

They will say that if Biden gets wheeled out in a coma.

"Biden has survived and thrived .."

He has done this the same way all Dems, including his boss do: Failing Upwards, promoted based on prior dismal miserable unsuccess.

Aridog said...

... Joe Biden is announced. Out he comes. It's unbelievable. He's done it. He's huge.

Thanks, Ann ... now a perfectly good sandwich is spewed in pieces over the table here. Really. Joe Biden pumped up and shirtless? Puleeeze. Have some pity on those of us still sighted.

Lem said...

I'm with Chip..

If Romney went Bold..

Biden should go Bald... that would be boulder while reminding voters who killed JonBenét Ramsey... from Boulder Colorado.

A win win.

Aridog said...

Alex said...

The entire Obama campaign boils down to scaring seniors and pitting the middle class vs the wealthy...

I am a senior, 69 now, 70 in a couple months. N-o-t-h-i-n-g scares me more than an Obama reelection and full implementation of Obamacare as written today. I really cannot afford the 40% penalty (tax) on my health care coverage that is coming post 2014...and I do not have an exemption dispensed by the Jug Eared Messiah.

In passing: I'd like to school Justice Roberts with an ax handle until he understands basic semantics vis a vis "penalty" versus "tax." The sissy came down as he did because he was afraid of the consequences if he did not (the court being ignored)regarding a law with no sever-ability ...and in so doing he emasculated the court for the foreseeable future. Snot nosed punk. Period.

cold pizza said...

Pushing anagrams off the cliff: Bold vs Bald. Bod vs Bad. Old vs Lad. -CP

BarryD said...

He can prep for it in exactly the same way that Hemingway prepared to put the finishing touches on the 'Africa book' manuscript, for all I care.

He exemplifies some of the most embarrassing aspects of American politics and politicians.

Seeing Red said...

They're going to go after the geriatric vote because the young whipper-snapper will be disrespectful to the old coot by pointing out he's a leech and should be dead.

Michael K said...

"I think Biden probably has better foreign policy chops than Ryan. When the debate veers into that arena, Ryan may be in trouble."

Thanks.

I needed a laugh.

tim in vermont said...

"Meade swoops in w/an inane fly-by. hmm, must have struck a nerve!"


HA HA HA HA HA HA!

Whatever gets you through the night drummer boy.

AllenS said...

Jim Lehrer: Good evening, Mr. Vice President. You're looking quite buff. Have you been working out?

Mr. Ryan, what is the square root of 17889430178?

Candy Crowley: Mr. Vice President, how would you rate the First Family, great, bestest ever, or simply awesome?

Ryan, how many seniors are you two going to kill?

Bob Schieffer: Mr. Vice President, how long have in been in the service of this country?

Hey, Ryan, have you ever seen Romney's special underwear?

Martha Raddatz: Thank you, Mr. Vice President, and good night to all of our listening audience.

bgates said...

where are they going to find somebody who can play Biden?

Take any great political speech in the English language, rearrange the words in random order, replace every place name with "Scranton", and give the text to a junior staffer who's been kept up for five days on a diet of Red Bull, malt liquor, and Thorazine. There's your Biden stand-in.

cold pizza said...

Biden stand-in? Finally a role worthy of Jon Lovitz. -CP

The Godfather said...

Don't underrate Biden. He may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he's been in the drawer a long time. People like him, in part because he's so goofy, and it doesn't hurt him to make mistakes. In the last VP debate, his error ratio vis-a-vis Sarah Palin must have been at least 10-to-1, but NOBODY talked about Biden's mistakes. Ryan needs to play the nice guy and not the smart-ass -- I think he knows that, and I think he can do it well. But that results in a draw, not a wipe out. Don't expect more.

but I am a robot said...

Biden just might go into hiding when the day arrives.

Freeman Hunt said...

"How will Biden prepare for the VP debate with Ryan?"

By scheduling some massive emergency dental work for the mornings of the scheduled debates.

"Awm sowah. Ah caugh tauk. Naugh ebot ooay."

Methadras said...

"How will Biden prepare for the VP debate with Ryan?"

Lots of lube.

MarkD said...

No love for the pride of Syracuse Law?

Me either. The average IQ of the Senate rose ten points when he left.

Hagar said...

I think Biden's foreign policy knowledge is pretty much B.S. He does not get called on it because he is a Democrat in good standing, and usually the network celebrity commenting has no idea what anyone is talking about outside the network office politics.

I wouls kind of like to see Biden run into somebody like old Admiral Rickover in a debate, so that they had to keep the show going for all to see.

PETER V. BELLA said...

Biden will not be debating Paul Ryan. Obama is looking for a substitute debater.

Michelle Dulak Thomson said...

Scott,

I think Biden probably has better foreign policy chops than Ryan. When the debate veers into that arena, Ryan may be in trouble.

We are talking about Joe "Hey! Let's partition Iraq into three new countries!" Biden, right? That Biden?

wv: fimprog 323

Kathy said...

Believe this - Biden will have Stephen Spielberg writing his commentary (or even more porescient Hollywood folks - I may be out of touch)....

And Paul Ryan will be his awesome, Wisconsin self.

And America will know that \you cannot buy or pose or prop up or teleprompt anything better than a Wisconsin, homegrown guy from Janesvile, WI.

It will be as simple to see as night and day....the sun and the moon.

And Ryan will rock it out....and own it.

Elmer Stoup said...

I don't think it's a good idea to underestimate your opponent. Just finished a book on the Battle of Midway in June 1942. The Japanese sorely underestimated the Americans going into the battle. Four sunk aircraft carriers later they wised up.