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As the old saying goes, fool me once...
Someone said it here recently--it may have been Althouse herself--that the NYT is written by and for women.
OK, she got involved with a guy who based on his past history was obviously going to be bad news.Could have been worse.She could have picked the guy from the POW camp....
How you be, indeed.
Unfilled blanks in history are big signals.
The author answered here:When you want to believe that something is true, it’s hard to stay clear-eyed. As I've said here in another context, the smarter the person, the greater the capacity for self-deception. A bright enough person can rationalize just about anything.
I hate to get all reductive, but it seems that the guy may have known how to push her button.
There are plenty of people who will vote for Obama again. Next question, please.
That liberated modern woman was a door mat.Wonder what she's doing in the eight years he's gone. Have a feeling the story is a "true" made up story to fill her column. Else she must be really ugly and has no self esteem. It's not eight short months, but eight long years, for goodness sake.
How you be this bad a judge of character?How can this woman still be single eight years later?Maybe there's a clue here.
...but they liked the romance of this story and eventually saw us as star-crossed lovers, serendipitously reunited.Do people not realize that "star-crossed" means "ill-fated"?
"...written by and for women." If this article is any evidence, it's written by and for adolescent girls.
So many like this are media types.
Rarely has the rationale for voting Democrat been so precisely articulated.PS Unless her Pottawatomie roots are showing, Ann needs to rewrite the post subtitle, "How you be this bad a judge of character?", more like the Lone Ranger than Tonto.
What a ditz. This is what passes for intelligence and writing among the NYT set? And these are supposed to be the betters of those of us in fly-over country.
Did these women ever make a call themselves to ask what happened? The passivity of "And then he was gone" is striking. If he just stopped calling and never came by again, and you never asked why, it's because you don't need to ask why: You know the answer is that he just couldn't stand another minute in your presence, and you don't want to hear that. Or ... there's another side to the story (you know, the man's side, the one no one ever cares about) that isn't being heard. I'm guessing both of those tales are breathtakingly slanted.
How can you be this bad a judge of character?I thought "character" was one of those code words only used by rabid right-wing theocrats.To put it another way, our society reinforces in many ways the view that character is not as important as intelligence, credentials, income or attractiveness.People who don't learn about character and its importance are ill-equipped to evaluate it in others.
Remind me never to date anyone who is, or might be, a writer for the New York Times.
I am surprising myself here by forgiving her a little bit. The guy did a LOT to win back her trust. In my experience dating (When I was single) guys who were asses didn't really try too hard. Put up much resistance and they move on, unless they're the "stalker" type.If someone sent me a letter asking convincingly, sincerely for a second chance, I'd probably give it to him. As for not ever meeting his son, I admit that should have triggred some skepticism.
Oops, wrong thread.
How can you be this bad a judge of character?Oh, it's sort of like voting for Obama. There are various terms for it ... denial, self-deception, blondeness ...
Reminds me of two movies, "Nine 1/2 Weeks" and "Looking for Mr. Goodbar." Considering her epic lack of good judgement, she's lucky the guy wasn't Mr. Goodbar.
At least she didn't give him her money. She wasn't that stupid. I have a feeling the sex must have made up for what he lacked in character. chuckle.
Have a feeling the story is a "true" made up story to fill her column. Else she must be really ugly and has no self esteem.She's not ugly. She also looks younger than her age (62).Peter
Another victim of style over substance. If we simply judge people by what they do rather than what they say, or what others say about them - which is still just talk - then we will never be fooled.Every time in my life that I've been taken advantage or used, it was because I failed to stick to that standard. Sometimes I expected they would rise above their history and sometime I just failed to check them out at all. Either way the answer was there if I wanted to see it. People rarely change in character after reaching adulthood. If you have to trust their words alone, find someone else. There is always someone else.
She's not ugly. She also looks younger than her age (62).She looks like a crazy cat lady. Ditzy, self absorbed, sort of sweet but....totally out of touch with reality.
I've been following the comments thread, and I want to make sure that I have it right.So the dick isn't the one with the problem?
Some people like to be lied to.Beats reality.
Not meeting the son makes some sense if the son was a minor living with his mother. That story would convince me.Not meeting his *friends* is something else all together. His friends, his family, his people.
So the dick isn't the one with the problem?It's understood from the single sentence of the post that the man is a person of low character and ill repute. The question is why did the woman not see this.
Successful relationships are difficult and rare. The best thing is to establish a relationship whose failure will be clearly and totally the other person's fault. She should try corresponding with prison inmates.
What did she leave out of the story? Like his version of the history.
" If this article is any evidence, it's written by and for adolescent girls."So, what does one call an adolescent girl who happens to be 33 years old?
I second the comment by ic - what's with the eight-year gap? Did she have other relationships, go into a desert monastery, or what?
Third time is charm!And then there is this:Wedding
So the dick isn't the one with the problem?LOL. I had several friends who insisted that Woody + Soon Yi = Mia Farrow's Fault. Endless pop psych evaluations of her "Madonna Complex" and Woody was just glossed over.
Okay, here's where she should have gotten off the train (FTA):***I was initially put off by what seemed like his attempt to embody Ulysses S. Grant, eventually revealed to be his passion for Civil War re-enactment. The re-enacting set calls its hobby “living history,” which puts a nice patina on spending lots of money to suit up in scratchy wool uniforms (don’t ever make the mistake of calling them costumes), pretending to relive the 19th century.***Yeah. Bye, bye now.I had a relationship disappear at 19 - one minute planning a trip to Costa Rica, next one all gone. The lack of closure did mess me up badly and I ended up dropping out that semester.I reenrolled, but in hindsight the college experience could never be the same after a break in continuity like that. Can't really blame him for that part; there were too many factors contributing to the severity of my reaction. Still. It's there. If there's life after death, he better watch out when during his Life Review. ;-)Can't IMAGINE putting up with that for five minutes at 62. Geez, just track him down at his house and confront him about his cruelty with his son and/or wife right there. End it.
How can you be this bad a judge of character?She's not a bad judge of character. She has a romantic urge for self-destruction and pain. There are all kinds of men who are safe. She doesn't want that.
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