September 3, 2011

"If Biker Guy shares your orientation, there are two things that you can most impress him with..."

"... your glutes and your quads."

Meade gives advice to Banana Seat Betty.

64 comments:

edutcher said...

I didn't know bikers were tushie men.

But, it wouldn't to start there.

PS That's why we never see Althouse in anything revealing as far as her lower body is concerned.

It's only for her inamorato.

Carol_Herman said...

Nobody forces you to wear a helmet. But what if a tree fell on your head?

What if a car from behind drove into you? And, the driver is wearing a seatbelt?

You don't have to get polio to think vaccinations are a good thing.

And, all you can prove about not wearing a helmet while you're bicycling ... is that you haven't fallen down. Then, if you're not in jeans, but you're in shorts ... you scrape the skin off your legs and elbows.

Not that that's what clothes are for.

So far, helmets are an option.

Alas for seatbelts, they are required by law. And, cops, all in a days work ... collecting money for the local government ... just has something else he (or she) can ticket. Plus, not having your license could put you in jail. Not having insurance, ditto.

And, in the wrong neighborhoods you can have someone jump over your front fender and tell you to get off your bike. So, you can watch them drive away.

When you're in public ... your safety concerns should increase.

Trooper York said...

Maybe she should just comment on his biker blog.

ricpic said...

Isn't it romantic?

Well, yeah. It actually is.

AJ Lynch said...

Excellent Meade!

edutcher said...

Should be, it wouldn't hurt to start there.

edutcher said...

Carol_Herman said...

Nobody forces you to wear a helmet. But what if a tree fell on your head?

What if a car from behind drove into you? And, the driver is wearing a seatbelt?

You don't have to get polio to think vaccinations are a good thing.

And, all you can prove about not wearing a helmet while you're bicycling ... is that you haven't fallen down. Then, if you're not in jeans, but you're in shorts ... you scrape the skin off your legs and elbows.

Not that that's what clothes are for.


Not in San Fiasco.

chickenlittle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mary Beth said...

If a tree falls on your head a bike helmet isn't going to help.

EDH said...

Then, the next time Biker Guy zooms by, catch his draft and hang on his rear wheel until he finally notices, turns around, and asks you to have his babies.

But first, you should ride past him and say, "Get an 'ergonomic' saddle".

Serious Riders, Your Bicycle Seat May Affect Your Love Life

AJ Lynch said...

Mary Beth:
Agreed but when the media reports you died when you fell from your bike, at least they can't say you failed to wear a helmet.

Fred4Pres said...

Funny but true.

When I was in Sturgis a few weeks ago, very few helmets were seen in South Dakota (or for that matter Wyoming, Montana, or Minnesota).

I did not wear a helmet horseback riding in Glacier (but my 8 year old did). We saw a big black bear and just missed a grizzly by about five minutes.

pbAndjFellowRepublican said...

Advice from one commoner to another.

ndspinelli said...

Carol "Ditzy" Herman, if a tree falls on your head, and nobody hears it, did it make a sound? Would it lower your "over 70" IQ?

Michael said...

I personally encourage pompous rusty bike riding fools to eschew helmets. I tell them they are hot and that a low speed crash with the head hitting the concret curb is unlikely to hurt them. I explain taht they intefere with both hearing and periferal vision. Then i tell them how cool their rusty bike is and how neat that they go slow and wear regular clothes.

ndspinelli said...

Fred, Do the grizzlies have scheduled shows? Couldn't you make a later grizzly performance? I'm really just curious how you know you missed it by 5 minutes.

pbAndjFellowRepublican said...

I'd read about the issue EDH linked to long before that article was written.

As a result I immediately gave up biking. And, I had been quite serious; road, mountain, and velodrome. Not to mention I didn't have, and have never had, a problem w/ such. Mine was a prophylactic decision.

There are plenty of other ways to be active.

HT said...

chickenlittle said...

I've decided to resume bicycle commuting (beginning next Tuesday). I've biked in the streets for over 45 years without a helmet and am hesitant to begin now. Besides, they wrinkle my dress.

_____

I would like to know how many lives the lap-only seatbelts saved? They seem so measly in retrospect. What would those same people have said about our seatbelts now!?

In Italy, a big fashion item for men is a white shirt with a black diagonal stripe, meant to resemble a seatbelt so that they don't get stopped.

Triangle Man said...

Fred, Do the grizzlies have scheduled shows? Couldn't you make a later grizzly performance? I'm really just curious how you know you missed it by 5 minutes.

Other people love to tell you what you just missed. Recal from the surfing epic film The Endless Summer, "you should have been here yesterday".

ndspinelli said...

If Betty has a banana seat, why does she need a man?

Skippy said...

Bicycle men are usually too damned skinny to be an object of sexual desire. Toothpick arms, chicken-bone chests. That said, it is a lot of fun to try to catch a man's draft and let him pull one along at 20-25 mph without any strain.

AllenS said...

The thing is, I have no idea if Biker Guy likes me back, or if he's just being friendly. How can I move this bike-path relationship to the next level? -- Betty

Dear Betty,

Show him your tits.

Your friend,
AllenS

Lincolntf said...

Dear Tell All,

I've got a problem with my daily commute. Every day I wake up, shower, eat a sensible breakfast, stretch my limbs (to cool jazz on my Nano) and then hop on my Cannondale for the 6 minute run into the office park. This is a routine I've had for years, and I do it as part of my quest for a simple, healthy, balanced life. Well, there's a crazy woman who patrols a stretch of the bicycle route, preying on the unwary. She rides back and forth across the pavement, both tires flat, no chain, morning after morning after morning.
I know I should ignore her, but it's impossible. I've tried getting the fastest bike and all the latest equipment, but it's no use. She throws her self (and often her handlebars) right in front of my wheels! I've lost my patience more than once, even stopping and trying to strap a hockey mask onto her one day so I didn't have to deal with the ugly as well as the annoyance, but to no avail. Please, Tell All, tell me what to do before I strangle a bitch!

Desperately, Biker Guy

Fred4Pres said...

Fred, Do the grizzlies have scheduled shows? Couldn't you make a later grizzly performance? I'm really just curious how you know you missed it by 5 minutes.

We were riding and some breathless hiker said there was a grizzly on the trail just ahead. When we rounded the curve the berry bushes were all crushed down and you could see the path the bear took into the brush. I thought it prudent not to follow.

The wrangler (I scored a 2 hour ride with just me and my daughter) said she sees grizzlies and black bear almost every ride and that the horses and bears just ignore each other.

I have been to a lot of wonders around the world and most of the major national parks...but Glacier is just amazing. If you have not done it, it should be on your bucket list.

Later I did see a black bear about 100 yards from Many Glacier Hotel. He was very big and fat (probably on berries not hikers) and must have been over 500 lbs.

But on the road back to Whitefish there was a roadside attraction of bears you could pay to see: "Where your car is your cage." I did not stop for it, but FYI.

Peter Hoh said...

"shares your orientation"

You mean if both of them like guys?

Lincolntf said...

Petr Hoh, I assumed he meant that they were both headed N-NW...

SteveR said...

I find these intense bike-subculture people ridiculous,

So do I, especially when they get all holier than though about safety, wearing the right helmet, etc., yet often ride in dangerous situations while expecting car drivers to protect them. On the highway, in the dark, not stopping at intersections because it interferes with the aerobics. Maybe it doesn't happen in some places but it happens a lot in my area, as do deaths due to a car going the speed limit on a highway, at dawn or dusk, running into a biker, going up a hill, at a low rate of speed, in a regular lane of traffic.

David said...

If she wants to get a biker guy, Meade, first she should lunge, and then squat.

Michael said...

SteveR. I will bet you also note the number of runners who die of heart attacks and how a relative of yours lived into his nineties smoking,drinking and eating donuts.

garage mahal said...

Meade sure gets aroused for the Isthmus comments section.

HT said...

Steve R. the biker hate happened here a few days ago.

Trooper York said...

Dear Tell All,
I need you help with a problem on my daily commute. After I get up and pinch a loaf and take my rare clumbers out for a walk I like to bike to work. I dress in my fabulous Italian Racing gear which outlines my glutes and you should know I have the prostate of a 13 year old. Every day I put on my racing helmet and look fabulous as I speed to work in my upper management position in a medical related field. But everyday a crazy women accosts me. She wanders in front of me on her rusty old bike and mutters nonsensical sentences in an unending flurry of idiocy. At first I tried to be polite and told her to wear a helmet but I think if she falls off and hits her head it can only be an improvement. I don't know what to do get her to go away and leave me alone. I might have to ask my fabulous Indian husband to speak to her. Then she might get the hint.

But if you could give me a better idea I would be open to it.
Clouds.

Spandex Biker Boy.

A. Shmendrik said...

I was cured of bicycling in Madison without a helmet in 1981.

There was a great Bell motorcycle helmet ad which tried to break down resistance to their (then) premium price level. It was headlined “Got a $2.00 head? Get a $2.00 helmet!” That states the issue succinctly.

SteveR said...

@Michael Fail

I don't have a problem with someone killing themselves or dying at their own hands, but when a driver kills or injures a bicycle rider, that's a problem. Especially on a highway with a 65 mph speed limit. They don't want to ride in the city, where they have to stop at lights and stop signs. They want to ride in the early morning or evening since they work during the day. In December, that means in the (near) dark. Dinky little lights. Its not safe. Maybe in your enlightened little community, bikes and cars live in perfect harmony, I'm glad for you. I bet your public employees have great benefits and everyone recycles and shops at Whole Foods.

Carol_Herman said...

Today's NY Post reports a story that a guy on a bicycle shot through a red light. Got hit. And, carried. Is dead. Dunno if he had on a crash helmet or not.

Meade said...

Peter Hoh said...
"shares your orientation"

You mean if both of them like guys?


Ha ha. Peter, that would be preference. Orientation refers to bi-, hetero-, homo-, or a-.

Need anymore advice? Or can I trust that you'll be able to take it from here on your own?

themightypuck said...

Glutes are for sprinters, bikers care more about what is on the inside (your VO2max).

The Crack Emcee said...

"... your glutes and your quads."

Never your smarts or dazzling conversation. Do like most idiots and stick with shit your parents had more responsibility for.

That's the ticket.

Fred4Pres said...

Trooper, nice channelling!

SteveR said...

@HT, not biker hate. Reading comprehension is your friend.

Henry said...

The thing is, I have no idea if Biker Guy likes me back, or if he's just being friendly. How can I move this bike-path relationship to the next level?

Steal his rearview mirror.

Henry said...

@HT (& @SteveR) -- I related in the last biker thread knowing a guy who was broadsided by a car and, though hospitalized, lived (unlike the poor, clumsy biker in the Post story). When I talked it over with a co-worker who was, for a many years, a serious racing cyclist, his reaction was priceless: "I know that guy. That guy's an idiot."

HT said...

Right. Cyclist deaths are not always the fault of the driver.

Steve R I admit to reading quickly at times, but what did I miss?

SteveR said...

HT I never used the word hate. I merely pointed out that some bikers, while admonishing people for not wearing helmets, the right kind of helmet, not having the right gear, motorists for not respecting them, are very prone to engaging in very dangerous riding behaviour. In the vast majority of places, roads were built for cars and possibly also for trucks. Even under laws which protect bicyclists operating on streets and highway, and ideal conditions its not always safe. Under less than ideal conditions (e.g. bad lighting, large speed differentials, lack of a specific bike lane, etc.) and/or ignoring traffic laws which apply to them (not stopping at a stop sign), its putting others at risk.

Trooper York said...

Dear Tell All,

I would like to explain to you my problem. I like to ride my bike to work every day and I take precautions because I am a middle aged white man and we always do everything correctly. So I dress in my form fitting spandex and I wear a helmet that was a gift from my wife's family for when I used to ride on their pineapple plantation in the Philippines.

Now I try to ride and mind my business but everyday this crazy feminist American white woman always blocks my path for advancement. She is not as good a bike rider as me. In fact she insists she has the right of way as do all of these gay bicyclists and various riders of color. They insist that they just want to get their fair share of the road buy you know it just a scam for them to get ahead of me. Every time I bike to Woodstock they try to get ahead of me even though they keep sliding off of their bikes because they are coated in patchouli oil.

This one woman is a constant annoyance. She keeps trying to talk to me but I don't want to deal with her. Should I tell her I only want to ride with Filipina bike riders who know their place. Three feet behind me with their heads down.

Shouting Biker Boy

Dad Bones said...

She should keep her eye out for a walker. He won't be wearing a helmet and she can ride circles around him, taunt him, and dare him to keep up with her.

Trooper York said...

Dear Tell All,

I would like to explain to you my problem. I like to ride my bike to work every day and I take precautions because you never know when a progressive Jew will walk in front of you and fall down and sue you for everything you have.

At one time bicycle riding was the provence of White Anglo Saxon Protestants. They would enjoy riding their bike in bucolic settings as they lived a lifestyle of honest productive happiness untainted by the specter of the progressive jewish conspiracy.

However during the depression, FDR used his emergency powers to turn over the manufacture of all non-military two wheeled transportation to a company owned by Louis D. Brandeis , Felix Frankfurter, Herbert H. Lehman, and Samuel Rosenman. These progressive jews used their control of the media to force every young American to buy helmets, rear view mirrors and other accessories that were never mentioned in the constitution. Thus we have the current situation where no one can ride their bike like they were in a Norman Rockwell painting.

My current problem is that a slatternly vaguely Semitic woman keeps trying to contact me as I am whizzing by her on my hand tooled Mercedes bike. You would think the death's head insignia I have on my helmet would warn her off. She keeps trying to entice me with her frizzy hair, big nose and pendulous lips but I cannot be distracted as I hurry to my job posting on the internets exposing the progressive jewish conspiracy. How can I get her to leave me alone without using the tactics that got my grandfather in trouble at Nuremberg?

All American Aryan Biker Boy

Darcy said...

Hey, Biker Guy was kind to her, and, I dunno, but to me it sounds like it changed her. I liked that.

Kind people rock.

chickenlittle said...

Trooper's on a roll!

chickenlittle said...

Hey, Darcy's back!

Michael said...

StevenR: Actually I am a right winger who rides road bikes in lycra and a helmet. I do not shop at Whole Foods and I do not suffer red neck assholes who believe the rules of the road apply to them. The rules of the road are that cyclists have a right to them . And so, should you brush me off in passing and should I catch you at the next light you might find yourself surprised. So, redneck, do not attempt to judge a book by its cover.

JAL said...

So is that what worked with Meade, Professor?

Didn't think so.

blake said...

Golf clap for Troop.

Seriously, though, what's wrong with a smile and chatting the guy up? Isn't that sufficient in most cases?

When did an appreciation of kindness become the equivalent of sexual attraction?

Trooper York said...

Dear Tell All,

I would like to explain to you my problem. I like to ride my bike to work every day and try to pay attention to all the rules of the road. I am very careful to wear the proper equipment and my tight spandex bodysuit with the "Recall Scott Walker" Poster taped to my back. As I am riding along and musing about the Green Bay Packers and taxing the rich and looking out for fresh road kill for my lunch box I can't spend my time conversing with every Tom, Dick and Harriet who wants to get my attention.

But there is this woman who is so persistent in trying to get my attention. And not in a good way. I mean it is not like she is chanting and singing and caterwauling and taping papers to national monuments and letting loose balloons like a normal person. No instead she is veering in front of me and forcing me to serve. But you see the problem is that I can only verve to the left. I can't ever go to the right. No sir. No Miss. No Ms. Never. So how can I explain to this person that she can't block me as I swerve to the left on my way to my six figure job where I don't pay enough taxes.

What should I do?

Garage Biker Boy

SteveR said...

Hi Darcy!

Michael, I understand its not a political orientation. The law gives you the right to be in certain places at 3 in the morning, expecting that to protect you is naive. You are sounding defensive, which is not a good way to climb to the moral high ground.

HT said...

Yes, Steven R, all cyclists really are the worst cyclists of your imagination.

Feel the negativity here:
http://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=6329595&postID=4388087157486953367

(There are some pro cycling comments so you'll just have to ignore those.)

Michael said...

SteveR. Not trying to gain the high ground inasmuch as the law permits me to use most roads , both high and low,with my bicycle. I know it is a colossal pain in the ass to have to tap the brakes or slow for a moment or two until it is safe to pass.

SteveR said...

Michael and HT, you've got no problem with me. Enjoy riding. I'm certainly way off base.

Darcy said...

Hi, SteveR! And chickelit. :)

Robert said...

Speaking of glutes and orientation, wasn't it Andrew Sullivan who fancied himself "RawMuscleGlutes"? I think it was!

Meade said...

@Robert,

Interesting. And, as you may already know, it was Andrew Sullivan, via an article he wrote for NYT shortly after 9/11, whose blog then led me to Glenn Reynolds. And it was Instapundit that led me to Althouse.

jeff said...

Trooper, nothing from Mick biker boy. Or Jeremy biker boy? Duh.

Robert said...

@Meade

The 2001 RawMuscleGlutes episode precipitated a major debate in gay political circles over whether public figures should be entitled to private lives. Notwithstanding Sullivan's subsequent fixation on Sarah Palin's loins, his anguished 2001 plea on behalf of privacy was quite eloquent as I recall. Were he not the consummate hypocrite, Sullivan 2011 might benefit from googling Sullivan 2001 for some advice.

I think it was Kaus who led me first to Sullivan and then to Instapundit, who linked to Althouse. That seems a lifetime ago in blog years.

Shawn L. said...

The commenter before Meade had a good suggestion as well. At least it's better than asking an advice columnist.

wv: emiasher … someone without the good sense to gear down and pedal faster on hills.