July 16, 2011

Married in 2004, they renewed their vows in 2008 and in 2010, and now they're getting divorced.

What's really going on behind the scenes with couples who renew their vows?

The couple described in the post title consists of the most beautiful woman in the world (according to People magazine) and a man who isn't even average-looking but was previously married to a Miss Universe. That man had a whole big number on the finale of "American Idol" this year which he only had because he is married to the woman he is now divorcing.

69 comments:

David said...

OK, first of all, Aishwarya Rai is the most beautiful woman in the world.

rhhardin said...

They charge your card if you don't positively nonrenew, in most marriages.

Curious George said...

Is there really a point to asking "What's really going on behind the scenes with couples who renew their vows?" by highlighting some oft divorced Hollywood couple? Lopez/Anthony somehow lead us to insight on all couples who renew vows?

Just dumb.

Palladian said...

I'm Hennifer Lopeth!

AllenS said...

This is just a guess on my part, but when Hollywood characters renew their vows, it seems to be nothing but a PR stunt. I know common people, who have renewed their vows, and they are still married.

kimsch said...

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey married in 2008. They renew their vows every year. This year they renewed their vows in the hospital because Mariah had given birth to their twins earlier that day (April 30).

Carol_Herman said...

For what it's worth. Advice I got from my mother:

Just because a man is very handsome doesn't mean he doesn't have sexual hangups. And, is terrified of sex. (The man she was referring to was Catholic.)

My mom pointed out that his wife had acne. And, probably never got sexually satisfied. (Yes. There were two sons.) But a man has to take his time to pleasure a woman. It's not a religious experience.

Then my mom added that I would never be able to tell by "looks" ... if a man satisfied his wife. Or not. But she spoke of a rather ugly man who must have been well endowed. Because his wife was constantly smiling. Woman woke up happy. And, my mom said it takes the interactions between a man and his wife, to make that happen.

So, I was told not to use looks as any indicator.

Shared love, on the other hand, is a grand experience! Won't work if the female's a complaining bitch. Or overly religious and into lighting candles to making wishes come true.

And, some men are raised in such a terrifying manner, they never overcome the hostilities they have to mom. (As Philip Wylie said: "MOM-ISM") ... No matter how handsome the face. And, how square the jaw. It's a miserable experience to be married to one of them.

Talk of not knowing what you'll get, until you unwrap the package.

Will Cate said...

re: "isn't even average-looking" ... "previously married to a Miss Universe"

Well the boy must have something going for him...

FedkaTheConvict said...

Heidi Klum and Seal renew their vows every year. Just Google them and you'll see the various "themes" each year like "white trash wedding."

fafhrd said...

J-Lo can take a hike.

Anne Hathaway is way hotter, and Christopher Nolan agrees with me.

I and 95% of all heterosexual men thank you for casting her as Catwoman, Mr. Nolan.

Bob said...

I think that renewed vows between a couple that have been married for, say, ten year mean something; when a celebrity couple does it as an annual event, it's nothing but ego-stroking for the two narcissists involved.

Bob said...

I see AllenS had the same thought about it that I did.

Deborah said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
madAsHell said...

I forget. Why are they famous?

Ann Althouse said...

Sorry but I think vow renewal is ridiculous. Whether you're trying to make a big public acknowledgment that you *broke* the previous vow or not, re-vowing only undermines the significance of a vow.

If it's an excuse for throwing another "wedding" and getting a lot of people to come to a party celebrating your couplehood, I call bullshit. Have parties that celebrate the wonderfulness of everyone at the party.

Michael said...

A vow renewal is an indication of something very wrong. It is a re-promise, an undermining of the concept of promise, or a marker that the first promise has been broken. Why would the second promise be any more valid than the first which proved worthless? How about keeping the original promise of getting out of Dodge?

Michael said...

or, not of.

edutcher said...

What Bob said - all of it. A couple that wants to renew their vows after twenty or more years as a reaffirmation of all that brought them together and all they shared is one thing, but doing it every couple of years screams that there trying to convince themselves of something.

Carol_Herman said...

For what it's worth. Advice I got from my mother:

Just because a man is very handsome doesn't mean he doesn't have sexual hangups. And, is terrified of sex. (The man she was referring to was Catholic.)


Given the number of large Catholic families, that doesn't seem to be the issue. If anything, the opposite would appear to be true.

My mom pointed out that his wife had acne. And, probably never got sexually satisfied. (Yes. There were two sons.) But a man has to take his time to pleasure a woman. It's not a religious experience.

To paraphrase Woody Allen, if you do it right, it is.

Then my mom added that I would never be able to tell by "looks" ... if a man satisfied his wife. Or not. But she spoke of a rather ugly man who must have been well endowed.

Endowed has nothing to do with it. A guy has to know how to tickle a woman's fancy. And she's right, it takes some time.

Fred4Pres said...

J-Lo has a reputation of being high maintenance sort of gal...that might be a factor.

Darleen said...

Sorry but I think vow renewal is ridiculous.

I think it depends ... granted, they are older, but I've attended vow renewals of couples that, for whatever reason, couldn't have a wedding the first time around - e.g. got married at the courthouse. Either couldn't afford it or guy was going into the military or whatever. So they use the occasion of a 20th or 25th or even 50th wedding anniversary to have that celebration. I think it is very sweet.

Fred4Pres said...

Re-newing vows could be a sign of problems, or a sign of greater intimacy and commitment, or just an excuse to throw a party.

SteveR said...

I (we) did a vow renewal at a church after a two day long "workshop" on marriage, etc. So it eas a bit more than just a ceremony by itself. I thought it was meaningful in that setting but, in general these publicity stunts are just that.

edutcher said...

Darleen has an excellent point. Sometimes, it's a celebration of the couple making it against the odds.

There are days The Blonde and I feel like that.

Fred4Pres said...

Of course the best way to get married is to drive off to Colorado and blog it!

Ann Althouse said...

Maybe it's a way of trying to make an anniversary party seem more exciting... as if somber rituals were exciting. The thing about a wedding is that something happens at exactly the point when the vows are made. There's a magic moment for the congregation. Vow renewal... you're just repeating yourself. Why does the audience have to pretend it's watching an event? Totally bogus!

Paddy O said...

Vow renewal very year is like renewing a magazine subscription.

"Yeah, I'll take another year's worth of issues."

Ann Althouse said...

"Of course the best way to get married is to drive off to Colorado and blog it!"

It was as blogged as many a cup of coffee has been here. We didn't even want an officiant, which is why we went to Colorado.

We were completely audience free. We didn't video it. We bypassed all the Wisconsin judges we could have asked to officiate and were completely alone.

We turned down an offer from Bob Wright to get married on Bloggingheads.

People may have paid a lot of attention to me and Meade getting married, but we completely excluded everyone from the vow exchange event.

traditionalguy said...

We have a winner, and low and behold it is Professor Althouse. She was sandbagging us.

The marriage is a covenant in which both parties totally commit that in all they are or will ever become they will put the other first.

Now that should discourage folks who want to half marry and half fool around and keep secrets from each other.

I have had several rich clients who told me that money came first for them and that their wife came second, if there was any need to use her to raise the children.

But they ended going through divorces after their wife had gone alcoholic or otherwise Rx drug addicted. They had put up with each other for 15 years until the kids were out of college.

The divorces ended up settling where the first offers were made, but only after the wife had caused both parties to spend $500,000 in attorney's fees. It seems that she did not trust him.

In my experience the sharing of the man's true feelings and true thoughts usually cures a woman's frustrations from "being trapped in a marriage to a successful man."
And it is so much cheaper in the long run.

A safe church family also adds a much needed social outlet for both husband and wife once they figure out that neither one can fulfill all of the other's needs. Any jealousy becomes poison at that point.

But actors in films and plays should get a dispensation. They must train themselves to become schizophrenic by becoming a different person once or twice a year.

Julie C said...

My brother and his wife eloped 28 years ago. About 8 years ago they decided to renew their vows, complete with a wedding dress, bridesmaids, and a big sit down dinner for several hundred people.

They are now getting a divorce.

They should have spent the vow renewal money on a good marriage counselor.

MayBee said...

Sorry but I think vow renewal is ridiculous.

Oh, I so agree. Ridiculous and embarrassing. You're married, your wedding is behind you. Get over it. Concentrate on having a relationship that is enjoyable to the two of you, but don't expect everyone else to continue to get all involved in your love for each other.

galdosiana said...

I think vow renewals might also, at times, come from insecurity about the marriage's potential to last. Another famous couple that renewed their vows, only to divorce several months later, was Kate and Jon Gosselin. I think in that case, it was part publicity and a whole lot of wishful thinking...kind of a "last-ditch effort", so to speak.

WV: "marry" I kid not.

Fred4Pres said...

"We bypassed all the Wisconsin judges we could have asked to officiate and were completely alone."

A wise decision, especially given your judges!

MayBee said...

Another famous couple that renewed their vows, only to divorce several months later, was Kate and Jon Gosselin.

The reality tv shows are big on vow renewal. A few of the Real Housewives have also indulged. I suspect that has to do with sponsors looking for product placement than anything else.

I blame Nicholas Sparks.

traditionalguy said...

The vow renewal as a clue to a marriage in trouble may be correct.

When ever we needed to fire an employee, I remember calling them in and telling them how valuable they were to see if they would get bthe hint and become valuable.

We were weird in those days. It was a patriarchal mind set.

Now we don't need to fire them since they are so glad to have one of the few remaining jobs in captivity.

Marriages are getting that way too...the man and the woman sense that they need to stay together to survive the Obama Depression.

Cut It said...

You think vow renewals are bogus? I feel ya. But Ann, please don't criticize others in their desperate need for attention. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. You could've easily kept your wedding (indeed your relationship) private. You didn't and don't.

The Crack Emcee said...

What's really going on behind the scenes with couples who renew their vows?

What's really going on behind the scenes with people who "remarry"? Didn't they get the memo?

The couple described in the post title consists of the most beautiful woman in the world (according to People magazine),...

That's also a stupid Scientologist (click the link in the post) and who, when not reading scripted lines, talks like (and has the voice of) a fucking truck driver.

Mark Anthony? Another mangina. What everrrrrr.

A pox on both their houses,...

The Crack Emcee said...

Carol_Herman,

Shared love, on the other hand, is a grand experience! Won't work if the female's a complaining bitch. Or overly religious and into lighting candles to making wishes come true.

Oh Lordy, Sister, did you show up around here too late,...

Signed, a guy who loved his foster mother more than himself.

The Crack Emcee said...

Ann Althouse,

It was as blogged as many a cup of coffee has been here. We didn't even want an officiant, which is why we went to Colorado.

We were completely audience free. We didn't video it. We bypassed all the Wisconsin judges we could have asked to officiate and were completely alone.

We turned down an offer from Bob Wright to get married on Bloggingheads.

People may have paid a lot of attention to me and Meade getting married, but we completely excluded everyone from the vow exchange event.


Why don't you just say it was completely *rational* and get it over with,...

edutcher said...

Ann Althouse said...

"Of course the best way to get married is to drive off to Colorado and blog it!"

It was as blogged as many a cup of coffee has been here. We didn't even want an officiant, which is why we went to Colorado.

We were completely audience free. We didn't video it. We bypassed all the Wisconsin judges we could have asked to officiate and were completely alone.

We turned down an offer from Bob Wright to get married on Bloggingheads.

People may have paid a lot of attention to me and Meade getting married, but we completely excluded everyone from the vow exchange event.


Oh, come on.

You were happy as a clam and you know it and you wanted to share your joy. We saw courtship, wedding trip, reception (such as it was), and honeymoon (well, the trip back) - albeit with an 8 - 12 hour delay.

Just because you didn't set up a video camera doesn't change that.

After all, we do have the pictures.

Trooper York said...

J-Lo is notorious for better dealing her way up the food chain. So it should be no surprise. Right now she is at the height of her popularity but stuff like this will knock her right back down.

SunnyJ said...

The older I get the happier I am at funerals (happy trails to you) and the sadder at weddings (cheater, cheater where'd you meet her down at Ernie's bar)...go figure.

My very favorite is affirmation at Irish wake, best funeral ever: viewing held at American Legion Post bar!

Robert Cook said...

I agree with those who regard marriage vow renewals negatively: it seems grandiose to me, as well as a case of "protesting too much."

If a couple's relationship is solid and loving, what purpose is served to renew vows?

On the other hand, for narcissistic couples it allows them to display themselves to their friends and associates, to show off their "special" love--so great, so deep, so uniquely in need of expression it must be formalized anew in public.

For couples in trouble, it's a way to deny to themselves or to others what they really know to be true: the relationship is terminal.

By the way, if looks could kill, the expressions on the faces of Lopez and whatzisname in that Daily News photo could accomplish the mass murder of everyone within 20 city blocks of them!

Fred4Pres said...

Vow renewals are fine if you have a compelling need to have a party where the guests do the chicken dance, YMCA, and the macarena.

Then again, I suppose you and Meade could get Bat and Bar Mitvahed too and accomplish the same thing.

Trooper York said...

I was shocked how good an actor Mark Anthony can be. He is playing a detective on "Hawthorne" and he is really really good.

He will have no problem getting a hotter chick with less milage than J-Lo.

Titus said...

My Indian UK husband also says Aishwarya Rai is the most beautiful woman in the world.

She is on millions of ads in INdia and she really is fucking beautiful.

Who thought some curry could be hot?

I never did until I met my husband.

jamboree said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Crack Emcee said...

SunnyJ,

The older I get the happier I am at funerals (happy trails to you) and the sadder at weddings (cheater, cheater where'd you meet her down at Ernie's bar)...go figure.

My very favorite is affirmation at Irish wake, best funeral ever: viewing held at American Legion Post bar!


I'm with you, SunnyJ, no doubt.

DADvocate said...

I agree with those who regard marriage vow renewals negatively: it seems grandiose to me, as well as a case of "protesting too much."

Same here. Mostly a "look at me" ploy.

Years ago on the Newlywed Game, they had older couples who had been married many years. One of the questions was, "When was the last time your husband told you he loved you?"

One woman said on their wedding day. After a moment she clarified, "He told me he loved me and if he ever changed his mind, he'd let me know."

Seeing Red said...

Since hubby & I will b hitting the quarter century mark in a little over a year,

I think it's very sweet to renew our vows.


A lot of couples will never reach that point in today's society. It means something.

& as a tie-in 2 the STD posts - we thank God we're not out there.


No way, no how.

If he dies 1st - I think I'll stay single & no sampling.


Don't want to deal w/the baggage or the possibility of pestilence.

Canuck said...

Weddings are about family. They integrate and welcome the new spouse and couple into an extended kin network.

Elopements are about the couple themselves.

Vow renewals (not just the couple, but with other people) are about drama, performance, and an excuse for a party.

AllenS said...

This will never happen to any man who has four wives.

Seeing Red said...

With the way the country is going, hitting 20-25 years or more married to the same person will be a quaint tradition.

Especially if it's the only person U married, or the 1st.

Most of our friends R on spouse #1, but we've always joked that our offspring will b the weird 1, parents r still married. We won't b the norm.

galdosiana said...

Weddings are about family. They integrate and welcome the new spouse and couple into an extended kin network.

I'd change the "ARE" about to a "SHOULD BE" about. Traditionally, yes, weddings are and should be about family. However, today's over-the-top materialistic wedding trends completely trump that. Now it is about putting on a show and going into debt so you can impress people.

I ought to know--I'm getting married in two weeks! But, I'm focusing on my future marriage, and not on half a day's worth of entertainment.

Pete said...

I arranged for a surprise, simple ceremony in her parents home (where we were originally married) attended by about 10 people, on our 25th Anniversary.

She passed away one month shy of our 55th Anniversary.

MayBee said...

Since hubby & I will b hitting the quarter century mark in a little over a year,

I think it's very sweet to renew our vows.


A lot of couples will never reach that point in today's society. It means something.


I don't get what "renewing" the vows is supposed to mean in a happy marriage in which your vows are still perfectly valid.

Celebrate, sure. But renewing the vows to me has the connotation that they need refreshing.

The Crack Emcee said...

AllenS,

This will never happen to any man who has four wives.

A man who has four "wives" was never married once.

MayBee said...

galdosiana- yay you!

Old Dad said...

Vow renewal at the 25th anniversary is an old tradition in the midwest, especially with Catholics. There's a mass, the renewal, and then a blowout party. It's a pretty good racket for priests and caterers. The ones I've been to were nice, and a lot of fun.

Irene said...

Congratulations, galdosiana!

walter said...

Aww...go figure. I mean, the luv must have been soooo strong in the beginning. So strong that he left his preggo wife for her. That speaks volumes. (Maybe Jello's preggo now?) Butt please..give me a break on the most beautiful woman in the world bit. Dozens are ahead of her in my view...which would be blocked if Jello's in the same room.

MarkG said...

I'd been taught that life, for a lot of women, boils down to a series of events: marriage, births, anniversaries, reunions, celebrations, deaths, etc. Why else are scrap books so popular among women.

Vow renewal is another event, although the idea that it's often done because a past vow had been broken is interesting. Never thought of that.

Anyway, men should take lots of photos.

Sixty Grit said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ndspinelli said...

We had friends renew their vows in Vegas w/ an Elvis preacher who sang and shook his hips. It was just a good way to get a bunch of folks to meet in Vegas..some great photos.

clint said...

When a couple renews their vows on their 50th anniversary, so that their children and grandchildren can join them in celebrating their long life together... it means one thing.

When a celebrity couple throws a big party to renew their vows when they've only been married for four years... odds are it means something different.

walter said...

I want to hear Richard Kessler's take on what marriage is about. I bet he loves the idea of vow renewal. Does it typically involve new jewelry? As Dick says in the world's most annoying radio ad, "Scinnntilllating"

Roux said...

We renewed our vows on our 25th anniversary but it was originally a joke.

It started when my wife and her girlfriends went on a girl trip to the beach. While at a restaurant they asked if there were any brides-to-be in the crowd. My silly wife raised her hand and they played some silly song while while she danced on the table and her friends danced around her.

From there they had a bridesmaids luncheon, tea and lingerie party. Finally a friend asked if we could have a wedding. I said OK and all of her friends wore their worst bridesmaids dresses. At the last minute my wife invited a minister friend to renew our vows.

For a few minutes it became serious but it was still fun. We will celebrate our 29th in August. She sure makes my life interesting.

AllenS said...

The Crack Emcee said...
A man who has four "wives" was never married once.


True that.

Trooper York said...

"Sixty Grit said...
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral?"

There is more of a chance of the corpse moving if you fuck it than the bride?

dbp said...

I told my wife about this story today and her immediate response: If they renewed their vows twice then they should have to go through three divorces before they split.