June 16, 2011

"We know where you’re going to use it, and it’s great for that area."

What's the best way to encourage men to powder their balls?
... Dry Down Friction Free Powder by Jack Black ($18 for 6 ounces), with cornstarch, lavender and green tea, “works great south-of-border,” according to its packaging.

“Guys have a great sense of humor about this stuff, and they appreciate us saying, ‘We know where you’re going to use it, and it’s great for that area,’ ” said Patricia Finn, vice president for marketing at Jack Black, which has no affiliation with the comedian of the same name.
Great. I'm sure the famous Jack Black appreciates your associating his name with cornball jokes. Literally cornball. It's corn(starch) for your balls!
Man Powder, by Matte for Men ($26 for 10.5 ounces)...  its directions recommend using it on “underarms, feet or ‘down below!’ ”...

Introduced last year, Dry Goods ($12.50 to $14 for 5.4 ounces)... features a unique valve that permits spraying it “upside down for those hard to reach places”....
A unique valve for your unique valve.
Tim Joyce, the president of Joyce Labs, which makes Dry Goods, ... said the name Dry Goods “is totally euphemistic to make you think of your business.”
His business is your business. (Requisite song link: here.)
Even Gold Bond ($8 for 10 ounces), the 103-year-old brand of general-use medicated powder, is deploying double entendres... “I never suit up without Gold Bond Medicated Powder — it keeps my equipment dry.”
Looks like the advertising industry is desperately in need of a man who knows how to write snappy quips about balls. And I know just the man, and they say he may soon be looking for work....

ADDED: If Anthony's unavailable, there's always Louie.

62 comments:

Rich B said...

Well I will see your ball powder and raise you for the hair down there.

You can't beat the free market.

MarkG said...

You'll also want to apply some Chamois BUTT'r before heading out on that big bike ride

gerry said...

And there's this, my favorite.

Michael Haz said...

And there's Anti-Monkey Butt Powder, a favorite of long distance motorcycle riders.

I used it once and wound up with a sticky whit paste on my stuff. A better ventilation strategery is better.

Maynard said...

Gold Bond Extra strength medicated for me. Wonderful on those hot and humid days. Hoping they come up with a powder that tastes as good as it works!

Fred4Pres said...

Lavender is an herb that can effect hormone levels, promoting estrogen. So rubbing your balls with it might be a good thing if you suddenly want to gain a strong facination to Laura Asheley home funishings.

Pogo said...

Where's AlphaLiberal when we actually need him?

Isn't this the perfect time to have Lush Limpballs as their spokesman?

C'mon Alpha. Man up.
I can't do all your work for you, you lazy mofo.

Fred4Pres said...

If you want a set of moobs, rub your balls with lavender.

rhhardin said...

"Down below" is a female-to-female euphemism for female parts, not a male one for anybody's parts.

Owing to there being nothing visible and no very great interest to attract other words.

It's quite different on the male side.

Titus said...

I enjoy the smell of sweaty balls.

Titus said...

not too sweaty though.

Sweaty after a workout.

Not dirty smelly balls. That is just gross.

rhhardin said...

The WSJ decades ago had an article on light days panti-liners for all month use.

The quoted reasoning was that if we could only get women to use this stuff all month long, profits would skyrocket.

The real opportunity was as bike helmet forehead sweat pads (avoid the winged version).

deborah said...

Quit making stuff up, rh.

Marshal said...

If it's not edible I'd say the drawbacks are greater than the advantages.

Akiva said...

Is it product day at Althouse?

ndspinelli said...

It works. But, being a former pitcher I like the fact I can grab my balls and it feels like a resin bag. I'm back on the mound, found my rhythm, and painting the black w/ fastballs. Smell is the strongest sense for nostalgia, but touch is up there.

Salamandyr said...

Or they could stop shaving that area.

deborah said...

(I was replying to your what 'down below' meant.)

Now, when we were seven, my best friend, a boy, asked to see my chest in exchange for him showing his penis. I really thought I was the one getting the bargain, as I was as flat-chested as he.

ricpic said...

What happened to good ol' talcum powder?

Fred4Pres said...

If you have a ball odor problem, rub them with bourbon. That will fix it and it is the manly thing to do.

deborah said...

@ricpic: It wasn't good for babies to breathe in, so they switched to cornstarch. At least in baby powder formulations.

As my whimsy leads me.. said...

These products are awfully expensive for variations on talc and cornstarch. Green tea oil may help suppress fungal growth, though. Also helpful would be for men to switch to kilts, with the traditional Scottish underwear (nothing). Good air circulation helps keep the area dry.

Toy

WV: wingie-- I blush to think of the associations.

Lincolntf said...

Woo hoo! Weiner to resign, breaking everywhere. Couldn't happen to a more deserving shitbag.

Shouting Thomas said...

Man, I've got to get some of that Anti-Monkey Butt Powder.

Capitalism is great!

Fred4Pres said...

BREAKING: Weiner just resigned. He said he is doing lavender ball powder therapy to control his raging hard ons and immaturity.

t-man said...

If it's just about using a fine, absorbent powder, why not just use a powdered cake mix: angel food before church, devil's food if feeling naughty.

Paul Zrimsek said...

"Alright, my package and I are not going to itch."

Shouting Thomas said...

Oh shit!

No more Weiner!

This is terrible.

Robert said...

I remember when 'moisture, darkness, and warmth' used to be a good thing.

How times have changed.

Shouting Thomas said...

WEINER PETERS OUT!

BT said...

Could Jack Black the comedian use this product mockingly in his ads? After all it is his name. Just wondering.

EDH said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Pogo said...

Where's the WEINER PULLS OUT headline?

Lem said...

Years ago I used to use Odor Eaters.. but I seem to have outgrown the need.. maybe outgrown is not the right word.

Is it product day at Althouse?

A subtle Fathers Day reminder ;)

Shouting Thomas said...

Where's the WEINER PULLS OUT headline?

I'm not sure even the NY Post has the balls for that one.

If they do have the balls, I hope they're powdering the damned things.

David said...

How to encourage?

Get a woman to do it for them.

That's always what men want.

Lem said...

You mean 'We are not going to have Weiner to kick around anymore'..

Sad news.. It feels like loosing.. an arm.

bagoh20 said...

My junk does not need makeup - it needs respect.

EDH said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EDH said...

How much of this is an outgrowth of a fashionable trend toward men removing hair from their ball sacks?

Come to think of it, Weiner looks pretty shorn.

"It's breathtaking, I suggest you try it."

EDH said...

Lem said...
You mean 'We are not going to have Weiner to kick around anymore'..

Sad news.. It feels like loosing.. an arm.


Or, more to the point, "a baby's arm holding an apple."

E.M. Davis said...

Beware the perils of overpowdering.

virgil xenophon said...

In Louisiana there is always "Boudreaux's Butt Paste" GREAT stuff! LOL! "Tiz true, 'tiz true!

BJK said...

Honestly never imagined I would have a discussion about someone squatting on the Jack Black name without that being a commentary on his filmography.

David Smith said...

Ref: the classic Bob Hope bit with the punchline "If I could walk that way I wouldn't need the talcum powder."

deborah said...

The Fire Down Below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UXArkVFMaj0

Penny said...

No surprise that sweaty balls are out of fashion.

Hell, the bigger worry is that dirty, calloused, workman hands are out of fashion.

edutcher said...

Using those products is only right, since it shows veneration for the people that built this country.

They all understood you must always keep your powder and ball dry.

deborah said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RcDCvQbOdig&feature=related

deborah said...

lol ed

AllenS said...

Back when I had cattle and had to put up hay on a regular basis, I used to powder my bottom with Johnson's Baby Powder before I hayed. It really helped eleviate the chaffing.

Penny said...

And what Robert said.

Guess you like Bonnie Raitt too.

Seeing Red said...

No more yanking weiner?

too bad.

deborah said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GTgLQgpwRvQ&feature=related

deborah said...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RXJc199zFk

Roman said...

A great chance for the proper marketing. How about calling it "Umpire", and market it for foul balls?

Rich B said...

"If you have a ball odor problem, rub them with bourbon. That will fix it and it is the manly thing to do." Gives a man that ineffable fragrance that a woman just can't put her finger on.

So that's why they call you Ol' Bourbon Balls.

andinista said...

Lavender? For men? That stuff is man poison, turns men into sissies.

A perfect concoction for the 21st century metrosissy. No true Scotsman uses that stuff. Real men just work hard and endure without complaint the resulting bodily insults. Then put on just the minimum amount of salve, so that the callouses will form.

Phil 3:14 said...

Hopefully they don't end up using Jack Black's famous drug-desperate proposal from "Tropic Thunder"

Jean said...

and, dont't forget monkey butt powder (it is sold at Tractor Supply), yellow cannister for men, pink cannister for women

el polacko said...

i've used just plain old cornstarch for decades. much less expensive than these new-fangled creations and a whole lot less expensive.

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